All ordered

Glucose monitor, strips, lancets and sharps box, software downloaded and I will hopefully get all the stuff next week and can do some checking on blood glucose levels and see where it is all heading.  The software looks cool and you can do all sorts of averages and trend monitoring.  

It will give me some ammunition and give me enough data to discuss what needs to be done, if anything.  I'd be very surprised if I have any problems but there you go forearmed is forewarned etc.  It will also be interesting to see how the diet I am on is affecting my blood.

On the FOCC experiment - today I tried 3 cottage cheese to one Flax Seed Oil and then added some tomato puree to make it into a marie rose type sauce and whilst the tomato made a bit of difference it didn't make it much nicer.  I shall try various options until I get something that is palatable.  My pH remains at 7.5 and above although early this morning it was as acid as I've ever seen it but then again I had been out eating and drinking the day before.  Although I tried to keep to diet it was almost impossible.  I enjoyed the food and the company and the drink too and this Thursday is also another difficult day too.   Anyway the main thing is that I know enough to keep to diet or as near as possible the major thing is to have or continue to have low insulin and low glycemic index foods.  Well now I can check myself and that's the main thing - at least I will be able to determine what is going on with this body of mine. 

Thanks GP

Interesting pre-assessment - now done at the Out Patients area and by one of the senior staff on the Urology Ward who I've seen before.  It was very quick and of course my Blood Pressure was through the roof.  Sky High - it came down of course and once we'd had "the chat" well things got on fine until she queried my questionnaire form.  

She said I read that you were a diabetic and I said no I definitely wasn't a diabetic but that years ago I got a bollocking from my doctor for eating too much fruit and since then I'd changed my diet.  She then dug out a letter from my GP saying that I was a Type 2 Diabetic controlled by diet.  Well - hold on a minute, when were they going to tell me this news - rather important I'd have said?  Anyway, I shall bring this up the next time I have a review which must be due soon.  Maybe I'll do a few tests and get a handle on whether I do have a problem.  Certainly the urine tests aren't throwing up anything noticeable and I suppose I ought to get some glucose tests done but I hate blood work but perhaps in this instance it will be worth doing.

Anyway the upshot is she has me down as a diabetic type 2 controlled by diet.  Of course I'm on a low glycemic index diet anyway so I'm doing the right thing but  frankly, it would have been nice of them to tell me FFS.

I didn't need the ECG this time - I'm not that old and everything else was tickety boo so that's great.  In on Monday and let's see what they come up with.

Pre-Assessment Day

Indeed - pre-assessment day is here.  My second letter arrived and as I noted the words "tiny recurrence" are in it so that's OK.  Of course my original G3pTa and CIS aren't going to help matters in the longer run and so - well - you never know - they may need to do something a bit more radical dependent on how things move on from here.

For now - I'm doing all I can to make sure that I give myself the best chances and I'm certainly keeping to my diet and continuing to take my flax seed oil and keeping my alkali levels above 7.5 - let's see if that does anything.  

If I continue to have recurrences it will lead inevitably to something more radical and whilst that isn't particularly pleasant - I still need to be aware of it.  I suppose I just need to see what grad this recurrence (tiny as it is) may be and we go from there.

It's Late - It's Deep and Meaningful :-) To Me!

And so it is.  It IS late and I've had a drink.,  my words are a sober man's thoughts I suppose?  I had a few chats tonight about what I'd like to do now.  Of course, present surgical procedures and prognosis will determine some of this but it is nice to note that I have a tiny recurrence.  That is something for me to grasp onto.

I do, however, still have a problem.  That is what am I to do with myself from here on in?  I feel great, I've now dipped below 16 stone and I'm getting back to my stable pre cancerous weight :-) So many people are on my side and are helping me - it really is so nice.  I really have to wait until next Monday to sort out what will happen to but I am assured that I will have people in place should I need to.  That really is reassuring to me but I hope that I will be able to do all of this myself. I suppose next Monday's outcome will tell.

It is so nice that people have stepped up to the plate though.

A Great Day Out

I was very pleased with today - Breakfast at Simpsons and then to get promoted to a Past Provincial Grand Junior Warden and then a nice meal with great friends and a taxi ride to another friend and a late train journey home and it is gone 1 in the morning now!  What  great day I've had.  I was one of the first called up to the top step as a Past Provincial Officer - third in line and it sort of shows how long I've been around - just a few months over 30 years!

When I got home I had a letter from the Hospital.  The gist is "This has shown a tiny recurrence on the left wall of the bladder beyond the ureteric orifice"  The plan is to have a biopsy and diathermy - basically a TURBT as far as I can tell.  Anyway - I'll find out a little later today at my pre-assessment.

I take heed in the fact that it is a tiny recurrence and let's hope it is just that and it can be contained through management.

I've had a great day and that's the important thing - the last time I had a day like this would be 6 years ago when I had the active office as Sword Bearer.  Here is my picture in the Lodge carrying the sword - one of the most memorable days of my life!  That's me in the middle of Grand Lodge holding the sword.  I suppose - unless you are in Masonry - you won't understand what this means but there I am, in front of the Provincial Grand Master, in front of 1,200 or more people.  One of the proudest days of my Masonic Career.  There aren't many who can say they've done this for sure.

Looking Forward To Tomorrow

Whilst I have to be up and moving early - it will be fun as we are off to meet for breakfast at Simpsons in the Strand - a bit extravagant but hey this may be my last time to be promoted, I'm about as far up the tree as I can be (only one possible promotion without becoming a member of the Executive).  So breakfast will really push the boat out to start our day, then I can grab a drink or two before I need to be on duty at around 1 pm.  Then the meeting starts at 2:30 (for me) and then we will dine in the Grand Connaught Rooms in the evening before going on for a few evening drinks and heading our way homeward.

I've been going to this for around 23 years (I think) and only ever missed a few although I've often been to the meeting and not dined.  I like the idea of getting a coach up there from the local centre but as I'm inevitably working on the day as a Steward (a type of usher) I don't get the chance to do that - it is meant to be good fun.

Anyway - I'm looking forward to this as I have the pre-assessment on Wednesday and it just takes my mind off of that.

It is meant to be warm and sunny today and as is to be expected, the clouds rolled over mid morning and have stayed rolled over - so much for the "heat wave" promised.  Mind you they say heat wave and it was going to be 19 degrees - they also say we have an epidemic when only 1000 people are infected - what school of journalism did these people go to?  Makes you wonder.  I particularly like the fact that they can't get the weather right a day in advance but can predict the climate way into the future using the same modelling computer.  Yea - right!  

A glimmer of hope - a gap in the cloud and the sun has just peaked out.  Like all good Englishmen, with a possibility of sun it's on with the barbecue - three pullovers and just go and enjoy ourselves :-)

FOCC Experimentation

I used to have my FOCC (Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese) with breakfast cereal or with probiotic yoghurt which made it quite palatable and I also used to make my own sort of muesli type arrangement with dried fruit, berries and grains.  However, all of these food stuffs are off the menu as they contain in varying quantities of carbohydrates and or other sugars that I just don't eat day to day.  So I've been trying to use the FOCC more like a mayonnaise that I can have with salads etc.  The trouble is, it is very salty and it just doesn't appear to work well with prawns, tuna, egg etc.  

I've realised that I've been making up a reasonably large batch of it anyway - 4 Tbsp Cottage Cheese to 2 of Flax Seed Oil blended.  So today I made 2 Tbsp to 1 which meant that I didn't have to work through as much as I normally have.  I then added tomato puree - be careful some have strange ingredients but the one I got just has Citric Acid in it so that's fine.  I had a mixture of Avocado and some left over prawns and tuna and some crab sticks which seemed to go down OK with the FOCC and Tomato Puree making a sort of sour marie rose sauce.  I'm still experimenting to get this right - I might try some mustard powder and lemon juice to try and mask the Flax Seed taste.

I'm continuing the Bicarbonate of Soda twice or three times a day and let's see what happens after my operation and the results of that.  I'm pretty keen to make sure that I give myself every chance of beating this recurrence and I'm doing whatever it takes to do so.

A Better Day After Cheat Day

Must have been tired out as I slept in and dozed until around midday (yes I know but I must have been really tired).  This got over the having to force breakfast down and I felt fine when I got up.  I had some scrambled eggs and mushrooms and my pint of cold water, half teaspoon of Bicarb and a coffee and feel fine no queasy feelings at all.  

There's plenty of activity going on in the house as it is a Bank Holiday tomorrow A and her friends are around making stuff for a picnic tomorrow which is meant to be a nice day.  We are awaiting L's boyfriend to arrive through the holiday traffic and other than that - it is a quiet Sunday.

I'm looking forward to an interesting week - I'm out twice on Masonic business this week - I get a promotion Tuesday and so I'm spending a day out with friends doing that. On Wednesday it is pre-assessment day so I just need to get that out of the way and then on Thursday back up to London for another Masonic meeting where I'm a guest of honour.  It should be interesting as that's the one I went to last year when the heavens opened and everyone got soaked.  It should be a fun day out.

I'm not sure now if I want to go to my mate's 60th on the Friday and also a further meeting on the Saturday.  I think I might just duck those as I'll be getting cranky and when I get cranky I tend to overdo things.

Cheat Day

Yay - cheat day has arrived and I'm looking forward to a day of not being too tied to my diet.  I have continued with the bicarbonate of soda (in water) three times a day just after meals - this I hope will continue to keep my body Alkali and I'll do a few more tests later - I tend to do mid morning and mid afternoon.  I find that I'm keeping to a pH of 7.5 or a little above.  I can see the test result for a little trace blood in my urine but that's to be expected with a small tumour in the bladder.  At least I see no haematuria (blood in the urine) which is pretty awful and spooks you out.  I haven't seen any tissue being passed either since some weeks before the procedure.

I'm reminded that on Monday it is the 35th running of the 1066 motorbike jamboree - some information here. A lot (thousands I reckon) assemble up the road from us and all you can hear are bikes going up and down the main road for a hours until about 9:30 when all you can hear are the roar of motorbikes and they seem to keep coming past the end of the road for well over an hour.  More information here.  It cause quite a bit of congestion for perhaps 3 or 4 hours in the morning but after that it all quietens down.  It's certainly not a day to go down to Hastings unless you have a bike I guess.

It should be a nice day for it - I can't imagine we will want to venture out although I may go and have a look at the bikes this year.  I used to take the girls along to watch the bikes.  Some pop wheelies and do short burn outs to entertain the "crowds" which turn out to watch.

Working on whether to go to the pub at lunchtime or not - I suppose it depends if Mrs. F. brings back beer from the supermarket! :-)

Feeling sort of OK today as I intend to try and make the best of cheat day and the long weekend.  

Nice morning out

It's a lovely day out there, blue sky, not too hot and good old Flocky suggested a meet for a coffee - which was just what the doctor ordered - or he would have done if I'd spoken to him I guess! :-)  A quick trip to the supermarket and got my lunch and dinner - some prawns to go with my FOCC and some Mussels for tonight - I also bought some celery and mushrooms to go with the Mussels - nice!  I made a sort of prawn cocktail with lettuce, tomato, cucumber and the FOCC mixture.  There's still something missing - I think it tastes far too savoury and salty and I thought about making a marie rose sauce until I looked at the contents of the Tomato sauce (Ketchup)  loaded with Fructose - how awful that everything appears to have corn syrup, fructose, sugar etc in it.  I'm going to see if I can try something else like perhaps Red Pesto to change the taste.  I never used to notice it before but of course I had it with cereals and yoghurt both notorious for bucket loads of "sugar" however disguised in it.

Cheat day tomorrow and if it is really nice - I might suggest a lunchtime trip up to my local - I haven't been there for ages and I feel like having a few beers and lighten up a bit.  I need to regain my sense of humour and do some pragmatic working out of my situation.  I think the recurrence is a body blow although it's not the end of the world by any means it adds to a complicated mish mash of things going on which are all about life, the universe and all that good stuff.  I don't trust myself to make any long term decisions at the moment - I feel that I'm thinking straight and yet somehow don't feel comfortable with what I'm coming up with - being an intuitive sort - this mistrust defies the logic that I put into reviewing the situation and coming up with a plan of action.  

Anyway - nice to get out and lighten things up this morning and the walk was very pleasant indeed as well as good company and a couple of decent black Americano coffees went down just fine.  Here's to a good weekend and fingers crossed the sun will continue to shine.

It's Not Surprising I'm A Bit Down

Mrs. F. - bless her!  Gets back from work and she doesn't really want to go out for our anniversary even though I'd asked a number of times during the week etc.  So that's fine by me, I thought it might cheer me up and perhaps be different from a night in.  I was ready to go out but there you go it got into a circular death spiral of british understatement and pleasantries and niceties dancing around the fact and being overly polite and so we ended up doing nothing.

I made myself some food and then Mrs. F. sort of realised half way through the evening that I was a bit quieter than normal.  I guess I was looking forward to even an hour out of the house but there you go it wasn't to be.  I think that the disappointment is all the more as I'd been doing some planning and ideas stuff during the day and need to spend some time discussing this with Mrs. F. before I go any further - it's no use me going off and doing my thing if it's the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and doesn't add up to where I or we need to go.

We have the long weekend coming up and next week I've got a pretty full time being out Tuesday and Thursday in London and Pre-Assessment on Wednesday.  

A Long Hot Summer Would Be Nice

The sun is out today and indeed yesterday I enjoyed a walk to the centre in glorious warm sunshine.  We certainly could do with a good summer especially after last year's wash out.  I saw something amusing this morning from one of our national newspapers - they suggest that May will be so dry that we will have water shortages.  Where do they get these people from - it hasn't stopped raining here for about a year when they last predicted a drought.  

In fact I recall a huge storm over London around this time last year as I went to a meeting and many people came in soaked from head to foot.  I was lucky I got in the door as the first lightning flashed and the thunder rattled the windows - it was amazing hail turned the roads white in seconds.  

The sun is shining brightly and things are OK - I've just called on my neighbour to tell him a number of things but mainly about a mutual acquaintance - the chap I met in the pub last year who was showing signs of dementia.  He's now in a home and they are looking to put him in another home but unfortunately he's turned a little violent which is so sad.  I've also just told him about my little tumour.  He had a lung removed suffering from Lung Cancer and so between the two of us we've been in the wars a bit :-)

I really do fancy just going away after my commitments are over this year and just having a lingering month or more in a Villa in France or perhaps Portugal or Spain and just chilling out.  we used to stay at a nice place in the Tarn area of France and enjoyed that.  It had a series of terraces at each wing of the old farmhouse, a lovely swimming pool and various garden areas.  There was enough space for 11 of us and yet we never tripped over each other and you could always find somewhere to be alone if you wanted.  That would do nicely right now just a place to chill out and recharge the batteries so that I could come back gird my loins and make a decision about what I want to do with the 10 or more years of working life I have and also more importantly to have a series of plan B scenarios in place should I need them.

Mrs. F. and I have been married for 32 years today - it doesn't feel that long ago which I suppose is a bonus.

Run Away And Hide

Tempting isn't it?  Just run away and leave it all behind and get a new life and just go and disappear off the face of the earth.  Well that's much what I'd like to do right now.  I've a mind to just melt away into the background.  I've got another opportunity to go for a job but you know what?  I'm not sure I want the stress or grief of it at all.  I just want to go and become a recluse somewhere and just drop off the radar for a year or so.  That would suit me.

I have so many things I could do, so many avenues I could pursue but I just don't know what I want to actually do at the moment.  In some ways - I suppose - the upcoming operation and the outcome of the tests will determine where next I could go.  In my mind I'd like to just disappear off abroad to some idyllic spot and just chill with some local wine and food and of course sun and perhaps sea or similar surroundings.

I'm not thinking straight  and I don't know what my prognosis actually is so in some ways the dreaming is for nothing at the moment.

Expected

As I suspected, they aren't going to take my job application any further and I managed to give them some serious feedback about the lack of process, attention to detail and time it took to go through the process.  In many ways it has given me the time to think through things and to consider my next move(s).  In other ways it has also thrown up more questions than answers too.

It's both disappointing in some ways and not so in others - I'm not absolutely sure I would have enjoyed it and things work out for the best in the end anyway.  It would certainly have not been easy to have started when I might be needing treatment on a regular basis anyway.

Now I have to consider whether to go for the other job - it involves a lot of hours, travel and grief.  Can't see why I should do that either - it might be good to find something with minimal stress I think.

Ups and Downs

To be expected especially as I just heard of a couple of people I knew have died recently from cancer.  I begin to wonder how much of this is 'modern' living and down to our food and lifestyle.  I understand that it is pretty recent but of course it could also be down to our living longer in general.  

I'm not in a dark place by any means and I just have my moments every now and then, reflection stuff not particularly anything other than that.  Of course these procedures aren't great things but I'll just go through with them and let things play out - what else can you do?

Today is a strange day though as it has started off quite cold and I feel as if I could easily go back to bed and sleep for the rest of it :-)  Not sure why I'm feeling this tired but I'm up now and had my breakfast and bicarb afterwards later on today I'm off to a meeting and who knows I might finally hear from this company that I've been interviewing with for 7 or 8 months now.  We played telephone tag yesterday so I hope that perhaps today we might get somewhere one way or the other.

Not much else to report really other than the slight pit of the stomach nerves stuff and I'm used to that - once I get myself into the zone I'll be fine.  Luckily there are a number of distractions coming up that should take my attention until then.

That's it - sorted out at last - music sound problems

Transferring my music  to hard drive and then indexing it and then getting the right graphics with the tags and the right genre and information has been quite a long and drawn out process especially with some 30,000 tracks.  The problem I then encountered was that when I shuffled the tracks to play randomly - the volumes were all different.  After some weeks of going through them and equalising them they are now all set at an appropriate level so that they sound like they should and will allow me to listen without having to keep reaching for the volume control each time.

I'm now synchronising these with my backup drives and enjoying listening to some of the fruits of my labours.  I like all sorts of music but this afternoon I'm giving my classical music a run out :-)  Very nice too.

I now know to check all new music for correct tags and graphics and volume levels before adding and indexing my collection.  

I can now get on with some other projects I have in mind including cataloguing all my Vinyl LPs, EPs and Singles and then seeing if I can move them to a collector or a shop or someone who might appreciate them.  As always I reckon 90% are the same as everyone else has - it's the 10% of records I have that are Promos and specials or rare that will be wanted.

I can also get my desk clear of all these small bits of paper with notes on dB readings and the like!

My Goodness - it will be Scar Wars XI in 2 weeks time

Yep - my 11th operation!  That's enough surely :-)  However, sure it won't be the last one I'll have although I'd very much like it to be I foresee they may have to do some biopsies again if this one proves to be a "bit naughty".

Anyway, I'm doing as much as I can at the moment to try and sort my body - the pH count is interesting it was around 7.5 which is OK I guess but I still took a little more bicarb to up that - I think I might do this after each meal more so lunch where I have the Flax Seed Oil (which is Alkali) and Cottage Cheese which is slightly acidic.  I'm going to try and make a sort of Tuna Mayonnaise with the FOCC mix today and add some vinegar and onion to boost the taste a bit.  I'm hoping that my mixing it together it will be easier to eat than as a cream on its own.

I gave a shove to the company that I am in the interview process with yesterday and they've rung back (missed the call) this morning so at least I should hear where we are in the process.  Not sure they've appreciated me giving them a cage rattle but they did say 1 week and it will soon be 8.

Not Sure

I had an invite from a friend of mine to go to a meeting on the Saturday before I go into hospital- I turned it down as I tend to get a bit "Cranky" in the days prior to going in.  Additionally in that week I will have already have been out twice up to London and have had my Pre-Assessment.  I wonder though whether I ought to take up the offer and go out and just enjoy myself?  It will be the first time with my new rank and also I'll be amongst good friends too so perhaps I might just do that.  I'll ask Mrs. F if she'd be happy for me to go - I imagine that if I am out from under her feet it may be a GOOD THING :-)

I had a strange evening this evening - it is funny when people suddenly notice how much weight you've lost - then they get interested - then they want to know the secret.....  Interesting :-)

Also some people weren't aware of my latest news and were pretty horrified and nicely upset for me.  I know that there's a bit more "risk" than I let on but generally, bladder cancer is slow growing and with any luck this will be a case of superficial bladder cancer, will be low grade and perhaps I'll get away with it remaining in the bladder - I certainly hope that it is the case.  Given the mess I was in when I caught it, I'm nowhere near the state I was in some 8 years ago now, I really had a bladder full of the stuff and constant bleeding.  

I do know that there is blood in my urine though as I can feel it - there is a very small "background sting" that you can feel not when you are urinating but leading up to wanting to go. It is discernible and noticeable if you know what you are looking out for.  It feels like you've been on a slightly acidic diet of rhubarb or something similar.

The upside is that they've seen this tumour, I'm going to get the offending thing cut out and it is early in the growth cycle.  That is good news for me even though finding it was bad.  Sometimes it is difficult to tell people that OK, it's bad news but the upside is that we know what it is, where it is and what to do about it.  It would be totally different and far more upsetting if they'd missed it!!!!

Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese - Hard to Swallow

I used to make up the FOCC mixture and then blend in some probiotic yoghurt or pouring yoghurt or perhaps some semi skimmed milk and then pour that lot over some breakfast cereal or muesli or some concoction made by myself involving fruits, berries, dried fruit, nuts etc.

With the diet cereals and muesli and fruit are off the menu as is yoghurt and any dairy leaving me just nuts and only a few of those at a time in reality certainly not enough to use in conjunction with the FOCC.  

The trouble with it on its own is that it is very rich and creamy and I suppose the nearest way to describe it is like thick mayonnaise and if you've ever tried to eat more than a spoon full of that you may begin to understand why it is difficult and slightly gag inducing.  

For the second day I've had it with hard boiled eggs to make a sort of egg mayonnaise salad thing but I didn't grind any flax seeds for it today but it still wasn't a nice meal.  I actually like egg salad and this didn't do it for me - I think because there is a lot of FOCC.  I actually use less than the standard recipes.  I used 4 Tablespoons of Cottage Cheese to 2 Tablespoons of Flax Seed Oil blended (they suggest 6 and 3).  If I have the flax seeds I tend to do 1 Tablespoon ground in a coffee grinder.

I think I will try a slightly different tack tomorrow using the FOCC where I'd usually use mayo.  Perhaps I might try and mix it with Crab or Tuna or make a sort of coleslaw with it or maybe a mixed bean salad.  I need it to be the background ingredient not prominent in the dish.

Steve K advised me that FOCC sets his body to be more acid and after receiving his note I duly went and did a quick test and found that my pH had moved from 8.5 to 7.5 following eating that.  So I'm going to take a little more Bicarbonate of Soda and bring that back down.  I can see that I'll need to do a bit more monitoring than I thought I would need - I was planning once a day but perhaps a couple of times will be more appropriate given this interesting swing in readings.  

I have a very mild trace of blood in my urine which is only to be expected with a tumour in there. Everything else looks to be in tolerance and so that's good news :-)

Talking of things that are hard to swallow - the Bicarbonate is a strange thing to drink mixed with water.  I tend to drink a small glass with it in and then follow up with a large glass of water to take away some of the taste.  If nothing else my dentist should be pleased as Bicarbonate will help keeping my mouth nicely alkali or neutral.

Start of the testing

I started doing the testing of my urine.  The early results look interesting with a high alkali response and some trace blood which is what I was expecting.  Everything else looks to be negative or intolerance so that's OK too.

It will be two weeks today when I'm in hospital and so let's see where things go.  I've been remiss in not having carried out my blood pressure tests for quite a while.  They are around 130 over 90 which is OK but I'd have liked to see them lower than that.  I feel that I may need to review my sedentary lifestyle again.  I did a lot of walking in Italy and I enjoy that so I need to incorporate some sort of exercise into my daily routine - or lack of it at the moment.

It's a nuisance not knowing about this job.  They said one week when I went for the interview and that was close to 8 weeks ago now!  One way or the other I need to know.  As soon as I do know I can plan for things - at the moment everything is a bit rudderless and I guess until I know what the latest episode of my cancer is it will remain so.