Friday's anxiety was, as always, soon put to the back of my mind, once I got to the meeting, met with some old and new friends, settled in and relaxed the anxiety evaporated and I was able to put it all behind me and I was among friends and the stress fell away.
I am certain that this is a process you have to go through when you retire from the world of work and in my case this awful experience of being blamed for someone else's bad decision making. I don't think I have gotten over that properly yet and it will soon be over as the business will shortly be dissolved. Perhaps that can then be "put to bed" and I can move on?
It's fair to say that there are many things that I could be getting on with and slowly I am making a start. I've gotten rid of all my business books and a load of spare gadgets that I frankly never used or haven't used in the 7 or 8 years I have been here. The contents of the books are pretty much available online and I wont need them anymore so someone else can benefit from them now.
Likewise, gradually going through things that I will never use again and disposing of those will give me room to breathe too. My film scanners, projectors and the like haven't been used properly for years either and I think that I can probably sell those off along with other bits of equipment used when I ran the film and scanning business.
So that is a plan to do a gradual disposal of things that currently just gather dust. It's going to be harder for me to work on other areas of being retired. I just need to work on them and realise that things will improve but not at the speed I want them to. The disturbed sleep and the crazy sudden emptiness of no longer being "busy" all need to be tackled but I imagine it is the same for everyone. It's the potential to waste what I have now that also plays on the back of my mind.
It will change albeit not as fast as, or as complete as, I want it to. Patience and slowing down are required.
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