It's Just A Phase I'm Going Through

 I'm always going through a 'funny phase' if I am honest.  My mind moves too fast for me I'm always doing 60 in a 40 mph zone and coming to terms with not using it to solve complex problems is proving interesting times as what to do with the over capacity.  I am doing a large family history project at the moment using AI to allow me to drill and search through thousands of 17th Century documents (Bank Accounts and other Legal and historical documents) so I can turn to that and indeed I have a one year subscription on my family tree software and DNA searches so I can do stuff with that little and often.

But the busy me the work I did for the business has stopped. I knew it probably would as I set my self an exit strategy which was that if I hadn't sold any product then it wasn't going to be viable.  It's like throwing good money after bad as the saying goes and there are a set of parameters you need to document and measure against.  It is perhaps the only way to make you see with great clarity if you are going to achieve what you set out to do.  Once you've done this you then have no regrets and you minimize failure (a word that shouldn't have the sort of impact it does).  You know when to stop, when to give up or continue based on actual data and the real world.

Many people try and continue on and then failure really does come as a shock and the impact on you is worse.  With measurable goals to check against, dates and what success or failure look like you can decide based on real world information.  You also get to understand why you have done something.

So having said all that, the end of the business actually takes away a large piece of your day-to-day life and you miss it.  I miss the intellectual challenge of learning new things.  The App market isn't like selling widgets down the hardware store nor like the large scale businesses I was involved in.  Indeed the problems were compounded with lockdowns and other roadblocks and in a way I'm glad it didn't become a success as at least I don't have to give anything to this destructive government so they can waste it.  I am however, missing the challenges and the work along with most other aspects of the business.  I am very unlikely to get involved in any further work along these lines and so I've arrived at that fork in the road everyone talks about.

Athletes at retirement have to train down I remember meeting Sir Steve Redgrave and Matthew Pinsent at a big event.  I cannot even begin to tell you how physically big these guys are they are enormous but one of them, during their talk was explaining how they need to spend years (yes years) training down because if they just stopped it would have massive health problems for them and so they gradually come down from this peak performance to protect their bodies and their heart health.  Whilst I have done less full-time work, I have been running the businesses for a number of years - I shut one after Covid and the other one now.  So it's all ended and you forget that you actually always seem to be on the job, your mind is working and processing things, working out strategies and doing what if analysis.  Then there's documenting it all, working on plans, risk management and mitigation, financial control. legal and other things and with the click of your fingers - that's all stopped.

So life is interesting as it now changes and I do feel it.  The pressure is off, the tasks are all stopped.  Just a few letters to write and a few forms to fill in and that's it.  At least summer is on its way (hard to believe with the current cold weather) and so that should permit me to get outside and do a lot of the things I want to.  The change is going to do me good as the song goes.  It's just strange being in this situation.  I know that I am feeling better already and I just hope that I can convert that into enjoying my life rather than riding into battles every few weeks and stressing over legal and financial stuff.  Here's hoping!

Twenty Years Ago Already

My friend and I met up for our occasional Breakfast get together and the local market was on which meant we could have a quick glance around and I bought a Simnel Cake (Simnel cake is a fruitcake associated with Lent and Easter and widely eaten in the United Kingdom, Ireland and countries with patterns of migration from them. It is distinguished by layers of almond paste or marzipan, typically one in the middle and one on top, and a set of eleven balls made of the same paste.)

I haven't had one of these for more than 15 years I guess.  The 11 marzipan balls are arranged in a circle on top, representing the loyal apostles of Jesus. These balls symbolize the disciples minus Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Jesus. 

So we both bought one from the market and then had breakfast when my friend said that it was 20 years ago that he was made redundant and of course it was 20 years ago that I started my wonderful job of a life time and of course, both of us, in the July were undergoing Cancer treatment. 

It is a distant memory and we don't really talk much about it but as July comes into view we both get the odd flashback or just feel strange around that time of year.  I tried to summarize this blog at one time and worked on it but actually I made myself very uneasy and had to stop.  There's only so many reenactments of treatments that you can endure and the human brain is great at forgetting things that should be forgotten.  

But twenty years hardly seems possible.  

All Fools' Day

 The Prime Minister (checks notes) will address the nation but if like me, you think he's a complete idiot, you don't watch it and find out later what he's said.  Whatever drugs he and his cohorts are on, I'd like some because they have no idea what is happening.  

My/our heating oil has more than doubled in just a few weeks, I bought a bar of chocolate for my partner and it was £4.15 - which considering it was only £2 or so the last time I bought some - and it wasn't that long ago brought home to roost the cost of living crisis (as they call it).  100% increases in things is just one of the problems we have.  Today all things go up, Broadband, Council Tax and so on.They say we are reducing your energy bills.  But of course all they are doing is offsetting the tax to main stream taxation.  Petrol and Diesel have increased a fair amount too but that's OK because the tax and Tax on tax (VAT) will rake in huge sums for the Exchequer.  

It wasn't so long ago that we had a similar problem with shortages and high prices but that was the usual foot shooting, getting panic buying going which was a nuisance and no one learns anything - again and again and again.  So the Muppets will come up with some sort of stupid plan and it will benefit those already on benefits and those that work will no doubt be penalized even more. That's socialism for you - eventually they run out of other people's money!  Here we are yet again and no one did anything to future proof things.  We have our own Oil and Gas but we prefer to import it.  Our energy is the most expensive in the world and industries are relocating or shutting down.  They proclaim and order things about Electric Cars not fully understanding that you need the infrastructure to support them and more importantly cheap, plentiful electricity.

Some point to China saying they have the largest electric vehicle take up in the world.  They probably do but why?  Once again, they invested in a huge electricity grid improvement, they have cheap, plentiful and reliable electricity.  The laugh in the UK is the proclamation that we will be the top AI Data-centre in the world.  No chance at all..  Not unless you stick a modular reactor next to each one.  They require massive amounts of electricity and water in some cases.  The country needs to double its generating capacity.  Not going to happen.  But, renewables they say.  Well it is April Fools' Day after all and they do not realise that you still need gas generation backup for all so called renewables.  On the days when it isn't windy or it isn't sunny then you soon run out of Unicorn farts. 

Utter blind philistine pig ignorance - career politicians with no world experience and who do not see that they are the very people killing the industries we rely on, making us poorer and weaker.  Pathetic slime balls the lot of them.

I should be worried about the train crash incoming but it is probably more masochistically enjoyable to see it all collapse in on itself in slow motion whilst they blink not understanding what has happened. 

Lightened Mood

 I caught myself, whistling and generally being cheerful this morning and then realised that my mood must have lifted if I am being up beat like that.  I haven't been like that for quite a long time and it proved to me that I was getting back to my old self.  I had a period of this after I left my Ex when I'd got over the upheaval of that I became light hearted and realised then that my modd was changing and I cannot tell you when things got bad here but bad they have been with me not wanting to go out and not wanting to do anything, I'd say that was probably brought about at Covid time - can you believe that's 6 years ago now that they locked us away like criminals? I hope the people haven't forgotten - I certainly haven't forgotten or forgiven what they did to us all.

But today my mood is lighter, I feel better and empty not filled up with heaviness and weighed down by it.  It is strange and quite nice at the same time.  It's great and whilst I still have a way to go, it does clear the way now to properly spend my time sorting out so many things that I have left undone or just not got around to doing. 

I Suppose That's It - It's All Over

 That middle bit of your life, from leaving school to retiring, that phase is well and truly over now.  The hard work and greasy pole are behind me and there's a bit or regret to deal with.  There was little glamour to be had when I was an Apprentice learning my trade but I was a specialist and so I went on to do some amazing things and surfed the big waves riding on the inexorable rise of the microprocessor and programmable logic controllers up through PCs and software development and then on to global change programmes.  Right at the cutting edge of IT.  It's been a ride and in a way, in my own way, there was the glitz and glamour of all the travel and the high powered work I did.

This final whimper of a project where once again the self fulfilling prophecy brought about by big Egos and a complete disregard for process, ROI and risk management indicates that things don't appear to have changed mush.  All my life I've been the Code Red guy, parachuted in to work out what went wrong and then attempt to fix it.  

I've worked with all sorts from the unbelievably brilliant to the complete numpty promoted to high office was ahead of their ability who preside over massive failures and then act as if they knew the remedy all along.  Quite how they get to the high positions and remain there is again way beyond my pay grade.  I know that soon they will "ran out of skill and road" as the Police say.  How often that happens.  

I really enjoyed those hard problems, dealing with people from all round the world and I enjoyed what I term to be the glamour of specialized speaking events, high level business consultancy and getting things done, novel thinking and the travel (although that's not always great) in business class or above the 4 start hotels and visiting almost exclusively in Europe some great places.  A good salary, nice car, expenses and training.

But now that's gone of course. That period of my life is behind me and only now am I letting go of it.  My business interests will soon be next to nothing and that will be a good thing but whoa, this adjustment to life without those challenges and pressures is in itself, it's own endeavour. 

I said in an earlier post that I feel a weight has lifted from me and indeed that is so.  The unease remains a little but I am dealing with that as the stress levels dissolve.  Soon, even though I expect the last push back, it will be over and the strain and the pressure I feel both physically and mentally will continue to fade into a past memory.

I have lots of things to do to keep me busy but they are not glamorous or fun but I will tackle each with a new perspective and trust that I will enjoy them once I get started.  

Here We Are, It's Spring

 I can not be alone in welcoming the light?  The longer days, the warmth of the Sun, the blooming of the Hedgerows and budding of the trees and our spring forward as the time changes from GMT to BST (British Summer Time).

I find Autumn and Winter quite depressing and it is fair to say that it hasn't been helped by this project and business journey and the levels of abuse I have been subjected to.  I find it, soon to be behind me, to have been the very worst kind of human behaviour, disgusting and narcissistic, unjustified, selfish and downright nasty.  I, like most people have a certain pride in what I do and in my professionalism.  Having that questioned, threatened with legal action by someone who's business knowledge could be writ on the back of a small postage stamp!

My INTJ brain does not process stupidity, selfishness, ignorance and ad hominem attacks because what's the point of these when you are running a business that is thoroughly documented and has only been affected by the constant unnecessary changes to the development (despite having those consequences explained).  A delay of around 8 years through these actions and then the ceremonial "Throwing the Toys out of the Pram" event followed by the ugliest attacks on me.  Why?  Apparently because after all these years, he "thought" I'd made fun of him?  Honestly, that was what it appeared to have boiled down to.

So all of that has drained me and I am almost free of that so I feel that it is a fresh start at the moment.  There's not much more he can do - although I wouldn't put it past him to try something stupid - he's already done that of course.  But I need to remind myself that I have all the paperwork and he still hasn't worked out the difference between me and the business.

Anyway, I no longer have that gloom hanging over me and I am getting used to working on my own things now.  I have had no contact since I sent off the Accounts and as they are matter of fact  - there shouldn't be any issues.  I imagine there might be some noise when the close down of the business is announced but by then it will have been closed for sometime and be matter of fact.

So as this fades away - I need to get on with my life and Spring is the perfect time to do that n'est pas? 

Parkinson's Law

 "Work expands to fill the time available for its completion". Coined by Cyril Northcote Parkinson in 1955, this principle explains why tasks often take longer than necessary: if you allocate two weeks for a two-hour task, the task will likely consume the full two weeks.

My time as a Programme / Project Manager was filled with explaining this and things like the Mythical Man-Month.  The Mythical Man-Month was a series of Essays on Software Engineering and project management by Fred Brooks first published in 1975, with subsequent editions in 1982 and 1995. Its central theme is that adding manpower to a software project that is behind schedule delays it even longer.

And at the moment - I am falling into the trap that I used to lecture on and practised when I was doing Code Red recoveries of failed projects.  It's funny because I know that I am doing it and like many others, I am happily letting work slide knowing full well that I will pay for it in stress and looming milestones!

Time slips one day at a time and it is so easy to let it slide and ride and then all of a sudden, you've got to do something about it.  

I am conscious that I've had 9 years of abuse in reality from people who have no idea what it takes to get things done and who appear to have forgotten everything I taught them about business, finance, risk and marketing, sales and modern internet based business.  Now that is ending I've made myself unwind and try and forget about it.  The result is that other things that I should be doing are in the backseat with the other, "I can do that later" stuff.  

I need the break and I need the space to get over the trauma (and I think that is the right word) especially in the last year and a half that I've been subjected to.  It doesn't go away either, it should but in face it fades and like the tides comes lapping back in to remind you even though there's not much left to say or do about it now.  Taking time off is therapeutic and necessary so maybe I will have to live with the short term stress of hitting deadlines on my own tasks as I slowly recover from all the other nonsense?  

I just need to remind myself to "eat my own dog food!" as the phrase goes and practice what I preach. 

Trust Me, A Trip To The Dentist And Hairdresser

Chipped my tooth or lost a filling on Tuesday, rang up and they could see me this morning which was a result.  Mind you the car park was pretty full which surprised me, it is not normally and you can always get a space.  The car park bays were freshly pained and I managed to squeeze my SUV into a small space, pay and go on my ways.

 I now find out that the new Sainsburys was opening so the great and the good, our MP and Council leaders were there and I can see why there were son many Sainsburys Hessian bags in the High street!

The Dentist and I came to an arrangement about the tooth.  Ideally she wanted a 45 minute reconstruction and that proved quite expensive and as I said to her, I have heating oil and council tax bills hitting at the same time so we compromised on a bit of patchwork and I need to go discuss what to do going forward.

I then went and got my hair cut and the nice lad that did it was about to ring up and asked me, if I didn't mind, how old I was and so I got an OAP cut for £13 rather than £20.  As I said to him giving him the change from £15 as a tip "Well, there are advantages to getting old".  

I have to not eat on the side with the filling for 24 hours and so I've bought some crumpets and hot X buns for today only!

The sun is out, it is cold though but other than that - all is well.

Settle Down Now, Settle Down

 If you recall, and probably only if you are from the UK, was the catch phrase of the late Ken Goodwin - the nervous comedian.  Where he used to urge the audience to... Settle down.  

I use it on myself all the time now as I slowly come to grips with losing the load off my shoulders and my head and work out what on earth I am going to do with myself now that the business has ceased?  I get quite, upset isn't the right word, maybe disturbed by the utter cr@p I have been through to all intents and purposes, doing the right thing. Old fashioned I know but I was brought up to do do these things.  Even if the other bloke was giving me a hard time, I was still the Director of the business and I had an obligation to the business and the other shareholders not just to him.  No one seemed to appreciate that at all.  The work I did, complying with the business's obligations was what I was expected to do.

I like that they felt there was no obligation to pay me off - I guess not one of them know about employment law and all this nonsense was going on just because I was doing my job!

So I don't know why I feel anxious about that when I should know better.  By that I mean, if it ever was presented before a tribunal it would be thrown out at the first stage.  but I guess constant attacks and mud throwing take their toll.  Back in my youth I imagine I would have landed the stupid arse a punch and had done with it.  You can't do that now and you really couldn't do it back then but life was a lot different 50 years ago for sure.

The worst of all behaviours and the throes of a stupid old man who threw his toys out of the pram and then set about painting himself into a corner that eventually he could not get out of.  The last throw of the dice was just that and in his rush to discredit me he failed to consider what moves I had already undertaken to protect the business.  Of course he called me a load of names about it but the fact of the matter was he was blinded by rage and had no idea what he was going to do had he succeeded in getting rid of me.  The business would have been destroyed overnight and he would have overseen the company being insolvent by the end of the day.  But that didn't happen, he sulked off which is great.

I should take no pleasure in telling him that we completed his project, put it to market and no one bought it at all.  Despite targeted advertising there was zero interest.  That surprised me a bit I have to say but there you have it.  So close it down having tried everything in my power to get it to market, defend his constant attacks, beat off his takeover of the company which for his own benefit would have landed him in such deep water personally and I suppose I would have been able to take him and his shareholder conspirators to tribunal for just about every set of reasons available, wrongful dismissal, non payment of money due to me, no notice period and on and on we go....

But here we are, in my own heart of hearts I know I have done all the right things, I have all of the company meeting notes, plans and so on, showing the moves that have been made and the work that has been done, what has been achieved and of course got it to market and so on. Whilst I know I have done everything and more that could have been asked of me this evil vindictive old man has made my life hell and I am still affected by it for no reason.  It's the sort of coercive control type thing but he has ended up with nothing and it must have cost him a fortune to pay for solicitor's letters and the like.  

I'm trying to think how I an explain him to you.  When I first met him he was an eccentric Englishman with an interesting proposition but no ideas how to get it across the line or even start.  He reminds me of Gollum or perhaps Bilbo in the Lord of the Rings where suddenly, they turn from being pleasant into demons.  That's how I think of him.  Twenty or thirty years ago I could hold my own against bullies and yet now, not so much - it really has got to me and dealing with an unpleasant, ignorant, intransigent thug stresses me more than I can say and this level of stupidity appears to know no bounds.

It is of course his problem but I think that my own issue is that I take exception to be called unprofessional,  accused of doing things illegally and just reading his pages of lies.  He's a sick minded guy and has caused me enough grief which I don't need.  I hope that I am climbing out of the rut I have built for myself and in all seriousness I hope he rots in hell! 

Learned Behaviour - Pavlov's Dogs - Me?

 This getting used to being on the way to unburdened and dare I say free (as much as you can be in our current socialist utopia) is actually difficult.  Whilst it hasn't been continuous, the way that this bloke with a grudge has fired off at me for accepting his resignation and withdrawal from the project has left a back of my mind concern every time I do something I expect the hurl of abuse like before but now I think it is going to have to be, if anything, the last word letter.  It was last time and so I expect it now but there is, in reality nothing he can do.  What he may feel he can do is now seriously limited and it would be like arguing with rock.

If he does complain to the authorities then he will have to 1). Have something to complain about and 2). Have something concrete to show them.  Neither of which he has of course.  He has no documentation to speak of and that he has is my response to his accusations which destroy his assertions and of course, I still have the very original letter where he distances himself entirely from the project.  And who is going to arbitrate this considering I offered arbitration and he refused?  The other thing is that unless he has sound paperwork to go to the authorities with - he will be treated to a polite direction towards the door. 

If the company has had its Accounts duly prepared by Chartered Accountants and accepted by Companies House and HMRC then there's not much ground to his hearsay and invisible evidence.

I convince myself that if he did any of this, he'd find his way blocked and whilst it may be reviewed initially it will be found to run out of steam at the first hurdle.

So I am pretty confident about all of this logically and yet he is not logical and that's my worry.  Having seen his previous meandering, accusatory and circular ramblings what could he do next?  The answer I know is that it is not a lot.  There is nothing he can do and that should be that.  The business is no more and I just need to follow the process and have done with it.  

I can feel and taste freedom.  Yesterday on a whim we went out to lunch and I do feel much better but I suppose these fears and dreads I have are that he cuts up rough but once again to do and achieve what?  There is nothing more he can do.  There's no money left, the business is dead and that's that.  RIP the business.  

So I realise this is some sort of problem I have, I expect this bloke to be an arse, to send me his solicitor's letters and that's annoying but what can he do now, why would he even want to?  Why am I dreading the post, why is it disturbing me so much?  It's a tiny company, not some multi million dollar corporation.  Shutting it down SHOULD be an end to it all.  It is what it is, there is no logical reason to counter it or try and do anything about it.  Yet still my mind is whirling with all those possibilities and it's not fair or reasonable, it belittles all the work I have done to actually get the idea to market.  That it failed the final test and nobody actually bought it, tells the ultimate truth.  Customers voted with their wallets and not one sale happened.  That's absolute proof that whilst they downloaded it - they did not want to part with cash to purchase it.  

That absolute is the bottom line and still I worry that he will complain but you know that's me.  It will be over soon and there will be no need to worry about it at all.  He can do what he wants I guess.

I have to get over this which is taking a little time.  18 months of the abuse from this guy has taken its toll on me but let's get past this and have done with it and I need no longer worry about him and his cronies ever again.  I get short bursts of freedom and I am going to expand on these in the coming months as I regain my freedom and start living a retired life.  That's the plan but I am sure I will keep circling back here but hopefully with less frequency and less stress in my head.  He isn't worth it. 

It's All Gone Quiet - What's Wrong?

 The lull before the storm, perhaps?  Run out of breath, maybe? I hope that it is they've run out of ideas and as they don't know what is coming next, they're waiting to see.

Accounts for last year are now sent and these, being about 9 months on from the accounting date are probably meaningless to my detractors.  I enjoyed posting them off and producing the shortest covering letter to go with them.  

The next accounts they will see are the ones that show the demise of the business and close down which has in effect already happened.  I have to work out whether to say anything about them in a detrimental way - I could get a point across if I really wanted to.  But the real talking point will be to show that the business made no money at all, not a cent :-)  I have all the defending paperwork on what we did to market and sell the product and an astute reader would probably work it out from those.  At the back of my mind I'd like to explain what happened and show the figures to prove that I spent time and money to achieve a phenomenal number of views, visits and downloads and yet despite that, not one person looked to buy it.

I think that is perhaps worth me keeping to one side and bringing out should anyone try and dish the dirt on me.  They probably can say something but they haven't got anything to go at me for considering the way they treated me last year.  Siding with your friend to mount a hostile takeover and not reading the company specifics and ignoring the facts right in your face and then losing your motion should have alerted them to something you would have thought.  After shooting down each of the assertions with logical and business argument you'd have thought one of them would have at least asked why they were doing this? The reality was that I had a logical and data backed answer for each of the points which were adhominem and not business, contractual or legal arguments but hurtey feeley nonsense.

Shortly they will receive a letter stating that the business has breathed it last dying breath and has already ceased trading.  They have 2 months to argue that case with Companies House.  I have already told them and the individual on many occassions that if they have a case, then they should have the relevant paperwork or agreements or something else to back up their assertions and that they should provide copies of such.  Of course they don't have these things, not at all and so, if they should go to Companies House, the strike off may be delayed but as they do not have any evidence for their assertions, there might be a slight delay whilst they ask for the necessary paperwork, as it doesn't exist and there is no money in the bank from zero sales it won't go far.

I am dreading what these people may do but there actions are limited or doomed to failure.  I look forward to seeing it all disappear and that they never darken my door again.

Here We Are, Sunday, A Day Of Rest - Supposedly

 Yesterday it started to feel a little more real as I was able to spend a little time out on the balcony just sitting, with a cold beer (I know I shouldn't) and enjoying the sun, a very little breeze and listen to the birds and other sounds around me.

It's good for you and as long as the phone isn't buzzing and bonging then everything is OK.  The birds were getting excited and there's nest building going on.  The Pheasants are making their (almost) Turkey like cries and I have no idea what the Jackdaws were up to, a huge flock were noisily making their way between the fields at the back here.

Living in the country is what we aspired to and I got to appreciate it more yesterday. Which brings us to today, Sunday and it's not quite so sunny and it sure is cold but everyday the morning and evening times are getting lighter, it seems to happen so quick that I was moaning about how dark it was in the mornings and how quickly it all closed in in the afternoon and here we are, in a week we will be turning the clocks forward!

I've been working on a new project to do with my family history which involves going through thousands of banking ledgers from around the time of the Great Fire of London.  They are an amazing record of the trade happening around the time of the Restoration.  My merchant ancestors appear fleetingly in these records as do their neighbours and wider family.  It is interesting but it is heavy work going through the many thousands of accounts and trying to work out who is who and how the wheels of the Merchant classes worked.  Gold and Silver bullion, metals, produce and the inter connections are all intertwined in a surprising dance together with the trivial there are glimpses of the rebuilding of London, the various Guilds, the Lord mayor, Aldermen and then there are Naval records and so on.  It's quite an undertaking but also quite enjoyable too.

I do feel like an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I don't have this tension and stress induced tightness around my chest anymore.  If I need to take a break, I can grab a coffee and just wander out into the garden or up to the balcony and let the world drift on around me.  The difficulty is that I have always been running at 90 miles an hour and this sudden deceleration and a need to be "Doing things" is challenging as we probably aren't meant to live that way.  

Making room to do other things is perhaps my next mission.  I have my Drones, cameras, family history to name but a few things to occupy my time and mind.  The struggle is changing 50 (or more) years of doing stuff or other people.  I need to be doing things for myself including taking it easy and leaving a gap for nature, peace and quiet, some real R&R. 

The Journey, The Drift, Missing Links

Browsing through Facebook and LinkedIn I can see people from my past and I suppose I could drop them a message and see how they are but I don't and neither do they drop me a line.  I have very few close friends and that's probably to do with whether these people are 'true' friends or acquaintances, work colleagues or some other connection.  I've been disappointed it would be fair to say and people are net users of my time and my generosity of character and of my money too.  Sure I'd help out someone in time of need but the problem is that they are very forgetful, perhaps they have some sort of dementia and any obligation once they've gotten back onto their feet again soon evaporates and disappears.

So it was this morning that I remembered someone who I was close to - we hung around together and we used to spend time with each other, I'd help out and we'd often meet in London, Glasgow and so on and then he moved away and whilst I stayed in contact for a while, it faded into the distance.  Last Christmas I send a card and this time didn't receive one back.  That seems to be the way it goes and having said that I will be seeing an old colleague next month which will be great, he lives way down towards the coast and lives in a lovely village where he is now integrated into the community and I have to say his location is idyllic and he has all those sorts of things you'd want a lovely old house, a lot of land, the village pub and church are withing a minutes walk.  It will be nice to meet up again, we worked together in Wiltshire, Bedfordshire and quite a bit in London too.  

But as I look back I see this drift in and out, this coming and going of these relationships and it is strange how that happens.  One day you are hardly out of each other's pockets and then, for whatever reason, you never see them again.  I recall starting a new job some distance away and being right in the thick of it trying to establish myself and sort out the various offices I was in charge of and my life was erased, I only met one or two of those old colleagues from my previous life (for I had changed career from Electrical Engineering to full on IT and Software development, global change and so on).  It took me around Europe and the UK.

There are a couple of people that I'd like to have kept in touch with but it was too late to track them down.  For two or three years I'd worked with this great lady and we'd travelled around together and regularly travelled home together and so that was a bit of a regret I suppose.

Anyway, it was just this life journey and these short or long interactions and unbeknown to you, one day you are great friends or work colleagues and then you never see or hear from them again, the drift sets in and you each continue on your own journey.  

Apprehension & Stress Levels Slowly Fading Away

 It really did upset me, these past 18 months or so with all the stress caused by someone who made a rash and hasty decision and then started to go to war with me because things didn't turn out the way he wanted them to.

I am and I am not glad that I took his idea through to its conclusion and I could well have at the time he walked away shut it all down.  That would probably have been a good thing I suppose but no, I was left as the Director in charge of a business that's mission was to get this thing over the line and for good or bad see if the public warmed to it.  Well we know that they didn't and for whatever reason, no one bought it.  Plenty downloaded and tried it but no one bought it.  The only course of action was to close it down and that's where we are now.

I felt quite stressful about doing that but actually, that's what has to happen - there's no money, the thing isn't selling and the only course of action is to shut it down.  Which I have now commenced.

Still I feel that this bloke would be demanding something - I have no idea what that might be but he can now go and fight with Companies House when that comes to it or to The Chartered Accountants organization and see how far he gets with that. Not far I'd hazard a guess and if anyone wants to see the Company records then they'll actually see the nonsense that has happened but of course, there is nothing on the business side.  There's no money left and creditors are well, me!

Anyway, as the days tick by I am feeling less anxious and a lot calmer than I have been.  Just winding things up and archiving it all is therapeutic and soon it will all be a done deal.  Let's hope so!  

Anyway, things are gradually improving and with it my mood, this and with Spring and lighter days and evenings lifts my mood a day at a time.  I actually notice the lightness of my mood and that encourages me for better times ahead. 

Levels Of Incompetence Off The Scale

 For someone who worked in a risk managed way for my whole career I observe with jaw dropping incredulity the pathetic thrashing about of our governing classes.  There's no plan, not even now, to protect the citizens of this country from the ongoing impacts of the crisis in the Middle East and prices have rocketed and yet we are told just 25% of the world's oil and gas products come from this area!  So that means that 75% comes from elsewhere I suppose?  

In an effort to cool the planet by 0.0001 Degrees C our successive Governments have blown up power stations, stopped exploration, stopped fracking, poured concrete down wells and we have the highest energy prices in the world, yes in the world and all so we can worship at the alter of Net Zero and change the climate by making ourselves poorer and bankrupting the country!  

Under our feet are huge gas deposits and out in the North Sea are fields of Oil and Gas and we make it almost impossible to drill or explore for new stuff,  huge taxes on producers have put many thousands out of work and affected industry so that we don't really have anything left.

We rely on others for our fuel and also interconnects to keep the lights on and no one sees the bleeding obvious where one Minister talks about getting 40+ AI Server centres and the other increases the scarcity and price of the fuel needed to run them.  Forty Five of these would require a doubling of capacity of what we have now!   There are no plans just talk, no idea of the level of investment required and no relaxing of taxes on those who want to build them.  How can they be so thick?  Why are they so stupid?  They just cannot connect one thing with the other.  They tackle one thing and make the rest worse, then they tackle that and it still gets worse and they have absolutely no idea why.

The level of ignorance and incompetence really is off the scale. We can see it logically and clearly but somehow they don't see it at all, they have no idea, no planning, no direction.  The trouble is, like every socialist government before them, they run out of other people's money, they destroy whole industries and the country is left in ruins to be picked up by people who need to do difficult things to fix it.

I can't see there's much left and it's coming up to two years of this utter shambles and people can hardly afford to live.  The hierarchy of needs is skewed and the gulf between the haves and have nots grows, patience wears thin and trust even thinner.  

The cost to heat my house has more than doubled and food and other bills have also exploded after 2020.  Meanwhile the government pisses on us tell us it's raining.