I was watching the Snooker and had a few beers and as I am want to do, I nearly always have a notepad and pen with me. I was going through a slightly different exercise to the Wheel of Life and just wrote down a couple of lines.
This was along the lines of "What do you want to do?" then the "Do you have to do it?" "What if you didn't do it?" and then the Eureka line which was "So what? Does ANY of it actually matter?" And, of course, it doesn't matter at all, none of it does.
I had been playing with the Eisenhower Matrix where tasks are prioritised between Low and High, What is Urgent or Significant and what is Not Urgent and Insignificant. I had also been working on my requests for my Lasting Power of Attorney so this was if I get ill or cannot do things for myself and I wonder too if that added to the overall thought process I was going through?
Whatever it was, the outcome was a smile and a rest back in my chair and it became clear that it doesn't actually matter one way or the other. There's no pressure to make the business succeed, there's no reason to get all stressed when things don't happen or go wrong particularly.
The LPA stuff is interesting as there is a Finance and Property one and a Health one. I guess it was the health one that was particularly useful as I actually put down this year's unpleasantness along with my other "problems" and so it admitted that it had taken it out of me, had added to my lack of "well-being-ness" if there is such a thing. When you write down your wishes, about the future and list out what's happened to you in the past it starts to align your thoughts and also provides some focus on what might be before us (Care Home, Hospice etc) and whilst I was listing all these things out I reckon the old grey matter was sorting things out for me!
So things changed at that moment and a lot of the body stress fell away (I don't think the beer had anything to do with that) and I felt a lot lighter than I have in a while that's for sure. It also means that if something doesn't get done on one day, so what, it can happen the next day and I don't need to be turning the screws on myself. I am and always have been very hard on myself and it doesn't help that I'm the sort of person I'd hate to work for either :-) So, this period of reflection has been really useful and I can actually approach the next few weeks where I am working out what to do with a quite different light.
It doesn't matter and that's the point now. In addition there are lots of things that I really don't need to do and lots of tasks that aren't important either. Neither do I need to spend hours and hours doing something where I can do one task, get it done and that's it. No more overload and pressure that, after all, I put on myself it's not anyone else that's doing it. Let's give it a go and see how this works out.
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