The strangest feelings overnight and this morning. I'm not downright sad and I'm not unhappy either. I just feel slightly sad, as if I am leaving somewhere and knowing that perhaps I won't be back there again. It really is quite peculiar.
Perhaps it is apprehension for the job and what I'll have to do? Maybe it is because I've now drawn a line under all that has gone before? Perhaps revealing who I am on the blog? It is bound to be something deep in my subconscious and it was as if a switch had been clicked it was that sudden. Maybe the next step in medication and realising that I'm on these pills for life. Perhaps it is the utter relief that all of the worries are now in the past, the cancer's gone, the insurance is settled and I'm employed again?
I've heard of the "wave of relief" perhaps this is what it is. The bad times are gone and in a strange way you kind of miss them being there. The realisation that the things that were constantly on your mind no longer need to be there. The acceptance that these things played on your mind far more than you thought they did. The pressure and stress you heap on yourself are also there and the person you portray to the outside world is no longer false - you can stop being the actor and be really cheerful now.
Well that is deep and meaningful enough for a Friday I think.
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