Reflections

Tonight I chatted with the chap I had quite an altercation with last year and it's interesting that now his wife has died that he comes along on Monday nights and joins in with us. Bless him he is a bit dotty and a little bit slow on the pick up of the "in jokes" but I never have been an in your face comedian operating as I do on the borders of the pythonesque and have a barbed, surreal and pretty nasty sense of humour.

What's nice is that we have buried the hatchet and there is no animosity about the wee altercation we had. He was at his most engaging this evening and that pleased me as I don't like to have some sort of ongoing feud with the man.

He hadn't realised that I'd had cancer and so we chatted about that and he spoke at length about his wife and the pent up problems he had and so I suggested that he might like to consider writing a journal to get it out of his system. I explained about this blog and how useful it had been to me. Now I feel a little guilty as perhaps I should have been writing it, as an author would do, for their audience but the truth be told, it is for my own use and my own purposes. It's pretty much as I see things day to day. I certainly hope everyone who reads this are better balanced than I am, in better health and have slightly more sanity than I do :-) No really I do. I've been on one hell of a ride this past 5 years - I've had stuff happen to me that just defies logic and has taken me to the highest and lowest ebbs of my life. I'm glad you may be reading this but I do find it terribly self indulgent and perhaps that's why it works for me but may never work as a true cancer blog. I'm off loading on you not actually giving you anything in return.

I found that the most amazing thing these days is the swing between good and bad days, mediocre days and those when you are flying. I'm in a "good place" at the moment. Spring is here, new life and flowers and buds and blossoms everywhere - it's really nice. In July we - or I - or my business partner and I are going to celebrate our 5 year survival - we aren't sure what we are going to do but it will be something....

When I was 50 I survived that by living 1 year beyond diagnosis. I've had an amazing 4 years since. Time to celebrate.

Business is getting closer and closer. We either will or will not progress further with it by July. I feel as close as we have ever been to delivering the plans and so I/We continue to push forward. It's getting really hard now as we do tha last mile but it certainly feels like the right thing to do still and after the best part of 3 hours conference calling today - I sure hope that it is worth it. It's feeling more corporate too. Planned conference calls between us and Europe, meetings and individual calls, trips to hotels and meeting rooms. Perhaps we can just make this happen - I do hope so.

Well it's time for bed and I need to be up and running first thing tomorrow - lots to do and lots of things to discuss and agree, document and improve on.