I should be there by now. I spent years with Bladder Cancer and treatment and follow ups and thank goodness here I am. The messing with your head part is possibly the worst part of it all. The destruction of my relationship with me ex is another and the choice in front of me right now is that I need to get back to living my life and not to let my thoughts stop me. No one is actually preventing me from living my life other than myself.
I do find that I "ask for permission" to do things that I want to do and perhaps I can stop that now. I am not just doing things that I want to do either. The lack of a plan or structure is causing some disturbance (in the Force) in my mind - it is retirement I suppose so acceptance is required.
Thinking about getting old is not good either - that too needs to stop. I kind of know what I must do but get in my own way doing them. This month will be a proving ground as there are things to be done which I am not looking forward to. I get in my own way that's the problem!
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