I consider myself to be a bit aloof and slightly outside of the normal. I've always been like that so it doesn't particularly bug me and yet, I do consider that since Bladder Cancer I have moved further outside of the normal.
It's just a feeling these days that I revolve around in my own circle which exists outside of everyone else's circle. My relationships are more remote. Gentler but more remote and that's just one of those things I guess. Life changed immeasurably of course, as it would and so this just to be expected I guess.
No one here's got post traumatic stress or other complaint - things have just - well - just changed and whilst there's lots of positives, there are also the downright obvious outcomes and many of these include this being outside of the group, not one of the team, not one of the family and yet at the same time it's not being brushed off or ignored it's being just outside the circle.
It's an observation and it isn't deeply troubling or worrying and yet I realise it is there. I'm not sure I want to go back to the way it was before - I doubt it would work and it's important to move forward. The issue really is that my life has changed massively, no one has changed with me, I've just got to get on and make the most of it. I have work to keep me occupied - I just hope that something comes of it - it's been almost a year now of quite hard slog - but we are getting nearer the end game - so I hope that it will perhaps give me some other diversion.
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