Ever get one of "those" moments

Tonight I thought "let's just kick it all in to touch."

Walk away from all my commitments and just drop everything.  Suddenly it felt like all the things I do for fun were actually holding me back somehow, were making demands on my time, weren't important and strangely I just thought what if they weren't there?  What if I didn't have to go out every Monday between now and next May and go to all these meetings.  Strange but the moment passed almost as quickly as it had arrived and went back into the subconscious.

Being (generally) a measured sort of person who very occasionally goes off the rails, of course I wouldn't do rash things but I've been thinking that maybe I ought to.  Maybe I ought to just cut loose on what I'm thinking at a particular moment or do something that for me might appear irrational.  

I doubt I would, it really isn't in my nature to do that.  It felt for a short time to be liberating and yet the danger being that it would be a moment of non logical, ill thought through action and that's not me either, well not most of the time.

The spark was seeing a Lock Keeper on a TV programme and I thought that looks nice, I'd like that, in the open air, in the country lots to do and see.  Yet, the Lock Keeper's wife didn't like it, had spent 30 years not really liking it.  It was "boring" and she "sat around doing jigsaw puzzles" and yet there was so much that you could do, the local fruit and harvest from all around, the beautiful countryside, you could learn to paint or take up photography or something.  I remember this sort of thing when I went to the Highlands of Scotland and mentioned to a local the wonderful vista looking out of the Loch and the Mountains and they said that they didn't really notice them.  There, out of our rented cottage window was the most wonderful landscape and only we appreciated it.

I feel that my mind is a bit fanciful at the moment.  I think I know what I'd like to do but it seems self indulgent and I cannot tell whether it will make me sufficient money to actually do it.  I need to work on it but my attention is peculiarly drawn to getting the hell out of where I am right now.  I yearn for the country (yes I know I live pretty close to it) and a simpler way of life, less demanding, more rewarding, more friendly, more fulfilling and I don't think I can get all of that here.  I think I can carve out a life for myself and perhaps make my way but I'm really not that certain about that and I'd need to be pretty certain that what I decide now will take me in the direction I want to go in - I just don't know what that direction is yet.

As I wrote earlier, you can't change your life in one big bang way, it isn't going to happen, or it isn't going to happen easily.