Further exploration of the dark side

The Black Dog - as my friend explained is now called Toby. The Black Dog visits every now and then and I suppose is his version of the black or dark cloud or the grim reaper or some such thing.

When the Black Dog turns up you can:

• Burst into tears for no reason at all
• Get all choked up watching emotional stuff on TV or Cinema
• Get all choked up when you see someone achieve something (like an athlete winning) you know what they went through in a way
• Go very quiet and hide away from people
• Have to get out of rooms quickly when you get all emotional
• Act less than rationally when confronted with something slightly out of the norm
• Get horrible dreams about things that happened, haven't happened, aren't likely to happen
• Wake up in the middle of the night and cannot get to sleep - then wonder why you feel so tired when you are at work the next day but you still can't sleep when you get home
• Start to worry about what may happen when it hasn't happened and may not be likely to
• Worry that any ailment whatsoever is cancer of whatever area of your body is suffering at the time (this can get tiresome). Have a cough or a sore throat or your arm hurts or you get an ache and immediately it is cancer (I kid you not when you are in this sort of mood everything is like this)
• General malaise

I'm sure there are lots more and the level of these emotions goes from mild to extreme. They can come and go with alarming speed. The Black Dog can get you when you least expect it to.

It happens less these days of course but you get occasional visits which can take you unaware and shake you to your core.

My recent nightmare? I'm being led out to the scaffold to be hung. Preacher and guards and all. My crime? Apparently I survived - that is it. That's a pretty shaky one to wake up to and I've had this one at least 4 or 5 times this past month.

You don't really need that sort of thing but your brain decides that you probably do and torments you with it anyway.

I'm certain that it is quite normal for survivors to go through this sort of stuff and so I'm not worried about it but it is worth saying it happens and it is something additional to watch out for.