Time - where are you going

Yesterday was a nice day really but I was anxious not to lose time because I had to go up to London and so I was feeling like someone had "robbed me" of my time. I have no idea why - I was after all going out to enjoy myself, something I ought to do a bit more really. I'm chairman and so needed to be there but I didn't stay for too long as I wanted to get back but by the time I eventually arrived home, I could only realistically do a few hours work.

Today my mind and general demeanour are much better - so perhaps getting out was good for me. Today I've been catching up with loads of bits and pieces in preparation for a full on onslaught to get all my tasks done. I think both my business partner and I are coming to the full realisation that WE need to get this done and not rely on others. We have tried to get others to "step up to the plate" and actually they all have other commitments to fulfil and so they wont be able to. So we are hopelessly outnumbered and in it on our own in many ways. This is OK, we always - in the back of our minds - knew this was the case. It just feels like we've reached base camp and have just seen the peak of the mountain so high it hurts your neck to look up to the summit.

Accepting that is probably the difficult thing and now it's time to eat the frog and just get on and do it (JFDI) as we used to quip.

Also I arrived back to see that the charity and I will part ways at the end of this month - mutually of course - but that was both a sadness and a release - if that makes any sense? A sadness as my working there was a real lifeline for me in terms of paying back (in some strange way) my survival. It allowed me to recover not only from all the bladder cancer stuff - it allowed me to recover from the wreckage of the previous business and all the horrors that had happened there. A release too as I no longer need to check everyday for emails and actions which have tailed off now anyway. All my emails can be redirected and I can just do the odd small piece of project work as and when required.

I was a little upset about that last night but after some head sorting this morning I see it for what it is and I enjoyed my 2 years there and rebuilt much of my life and much of my self esteem and self confidence which cancer and the previous business stripped from me. Looking back I certainly came from a low low place and whilst I'm still not out of the woods, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to set it all up. Mind you, as I constantly tell people, I am a builder - I create things, make sure they work properly and then, when it gets to actually running the business, department or whatever it is, I have to go on to the next building or creative project - I don't do business as usual (BAU) - what would you rather do design and build or maintain it?

So changes but for the better I think. I have asked to be considered for a role as one of the Charity's Trustees - it may take some time to come up but that way at least I'd be able to put something back in the future.