You know who your friends are

That's what it is in the back of my head bang, bang, banging away. What is it?

It is that you are on your own no matter what people actually say. Here's my nagging niggling thought. I've not been great in the head for a good few weeks and of course, it has to be a couple of things doing that:

1. Cancer undermines most of your self confidence and self esteem
2. I am finishing my old job at the Charity - I have to say good bye to it
3. The new job is in reality not a whole group of us but just the two of us

Let me explain:

1. The thing that cancer does to you is to make you worry about it coming back or coming back as something else - I mean if you've got it once - perhaps your body will do it to you again and let you down. So underlying absolutely everything must be that in the back of your mind and most of the time you get a quiet moment you think like that - it isn't negativity - although maybe it is in reality.
2. I've just wrapped up my identity access badge and sent it back, will do my last invoice and will alter my email etc. I've hung on long enough and you soon get forgotten no matter how popular you thought you were. No one is as interested in you as you'd like to think they made out they were. They've all gone back to business as usual and that's fine. I now need to break the bonds and ties.
3. Here's the real scoop. I asked one guy to do one thing last year - he has taken 6 months and delivered nothing in the whole of that time. Sad but true. There are two of us thrashing out the detail and the nicest bit about that is that there will be only two of us able to face the investors (plus our financial man) but the others are lost in the wake of the ship we've built and sailed - they haven't read the stuff we've produced. That's the way it is and so I just need to accept that as I thought it was a team effort but I see that just the two of us are going to complete this. No wonder it felt lonely.

Anyway - I have a new vigour to get on and get something happening. I really shouldn't have started a finance document tonight as my head will be full of numbers. So I've stopped now and will complete this post and then hit the sack.

The shock of that reality is the sheer amount of work I've got to do in the next 6 to 8 weeks - oh well we have a meeting this Wednesday to resolve some of that and let's see what happens there.