And up and down and up and

Down - what a roller coaster it is at the moment.  I'm certainly not finding it easy at this stage in the company's life to take the view that we will not get finance.  Especially if you don't actually ask someone and especially if you answer the exam question yourself without having asked the person with the money the question.  


That level of assumption, based on information gleaned from a web site alone hardly seems right given that we have also found that some people don't actually mean what they say and miss out huge bits and that limits are guidelines and finite.  That's the trouble I suppose and I'm getting pretty tired of having my work tossed back into my face and not going out and doing something but this level of defeatism.  Anyway, I'm sure that this will come out later on as I fundamentally disagree with the way that we've capitulated at the first and second hurdles.  Let's hope that the meeting on Monday will solve all of this and that the true nature of the beast is realised.  It's a numbers game but reducing the numbers yourself may not be shrewd.  It's like needing 6 balls to win the lottery and only choosing 4 of them as the other 2 never get pulled?  


So one day it feels good and then next day it feels bad dependent on what bit of news you get and as it is out of my hands a lot of the time, it feels to me that I may as well start to give up now.  I actually thought we would be at this for 6 months or more but it is less than 6 weeks in serious mode and already the white flag is being ready to be run out.


I suppose that I can just make my position clear on it and move on and see where that leaves us or stick to my guns.  In real terms, it leaves us painted into a corner that in reality we shouldn't be in yet.  But that limits the actions we can take and so in that way I think that will bring it to a head quicker and we will see what actions come out of that.  


I can probably start to consider my future beyond this now should we not get anywhere and decide what I'd like to do.  As days go by and we limit ourselves and our potential actions then the opportunity to build the business recedes.  As that happens then the odds get shorter and I need to start to review my options.  It would appear that the business we have that could change millions of lives isn't as important as games that require people to pay real $s for stuff that doesn't exist in real life and call that progress.  Anyway, I digress, it seems such a shame that we may have spent all that time building to this point only to spend a small amount of effort attempting to gain funding.  

Anyway, my mood swings are completely down to that at the moment and of course trying at the same time to resolve my health issues with my BP.  I will get onto that this coming week.   If we aren't doing anything then that means I don't need to do anything either.  I think the rest of the team can take over as I've worked myself to a standstill this week and feel knackered.