It's a funny old world

You often look at what goes on and wonder to yourself about it.  Today A was applying for jobs and she's rather well organised now and sees graduation some months away still but is beginning to apply for jobs now and the process these days is crazy.  Gone are the days of old when a CV would get you in the door.  There's loads of crap to get through, questions meaning the same thing asked in different ways and all sorts of nonsense.  


It takes ages to apply for a job and surely time is best served in the numbers game it used to be.  Of course it is all on-line now - which I suppose has been around for a good 10 or more years but it is just a bizarre way of going about applying for roles that are pretty junior.  


As for me, well I think this week will be seminal for me now.  I've had the weekend to plumb the blackness of my mind and I've sort of come out of that OK.  I'm pretty much hacked off at the way things are going and the course we are taking which is far from satisfactory.  It may be thorough but I leave my colleagues to attend a function tomorrow night and either come down on my side of the argument or have their own side ratified.  Either way I'm going to have my say and then see what they actually want to do about it.  There are other avenues to pursue but I'm going away on holiday in a few weeks time and frankly they can get along without me for that time and when I get back we can see what has happened.  


I've been considering what my options may be and as such have realised that I can't make up my mind about that now or come to a decision about it either.  A lot depends on my state of health and on my state of mind.  I'm angry and calm all at the same time.  I'm angry at a system that throws money at non events and won't invest in things that will make a difference.  I'm calm that if it goes nowhere, then I will have to go and do something else.  In my mind, that will involve some sort of career choice that will see me through to my retirement and I feel I want to turn my back on the rat race I've been in most of my life.  Of course, I'm not absolutely certain that I know what that will be but something flexible and that I want to do.  I've got lots of skills from doing what we've just done and from my past life but whether I want to go back and work in the high pressure environments again is the question I need to ask of myself.


The business isn't over and done by any means, it is just that I've decided to take the mental hit of defeat a little earlier in case it does happen and spread that over a few months rather than to fall at the last point possible and take the drop at that time.  It isn't defeatist and it isn't presuming that will happen but I should be prepared to find that things have failed no matter how well we think we have done.


Quite how things will pan out in the next few weeks or so will determine this and I'm just glad that I will have some time away from it to consider my options.