I was wide awake last night and couldn't get to sleep and knew that I'd be in no fit state to go to work so I e-mailed at about 1 in the morning telling them that. It is a real nuisance but part of the territory. I have to admit to myself now that I really cannot expect to be fit and healthy and manage to work as hard as I did yesterday and not suffer the consequences of that afterwards.
I'm OK but I do know that I've overdone it. The trouble is my ability to go out for an evening or even have a few beers is limited and I find myself tired or wide awake or like now, having the hot and cold sweats for no apparent reason.
Frustration at the way this hits me is another thing. It annoys me when I can't go to work but then again, I need to realise that this is all part of the fallout of having cancer. It is a long fight and when you get to the end of the treatment, like now, you let you guard down and forget just how poorly you were and just how much it has taken out of you.
Slowly it dawns on me how tired travelling to London and back every day makes me, let alone the work I do. Treatment starts next week and I know what that will be like for a while. It is a long road back to being fit and healthy again - I have to realise that being free of cancer doesn't mean I am cured, or recovered from all the mental and physical stresses and strains of the fight.
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