I have to say that hydrating for a few days beforehand and using arnica seems to work in lessening the after effects of the flexible cystoscopyy. I also use yoga breathing and just before i have the procedure, 2 paracetamol and 2 ibuprofen which kick in about 10 minutes afterwards.
The procedure took longer and I did sneak a look at the monitor because my consultant saw what she felt was most probably an old biopsy scar. It didn't "look like a tumour" and so we agreed that rather than an operation to investigate, we would reconvene in 3 months to check it out.
I'm ok with that. It's been almost 12 years since original diagnosis. I'm still happy to be here and although those these scopes are challenging, they keep a good eye on me.
Thursday, June 07, 2018
Tuesday, June 05, 2018
Creeping Up On You
It does that, every now and then you get a blast of depression, not the huge overwhelming stuff you had years ago but a sort of deep-seated fear in the pit of your stomach.
Now I'm guessing that a series of events came up together to do this. I always get a "bit cranky" at this time - my 6 monthly (more like 8 monthly this time) scope is tomorrow at 10 am. SO I know I'm not looking forward to that in terms of the procedure and also there is always a nagging doubt when you go in case it isn't the news you actually want to hear. On top of that, last night on BBC1's Panorama was a piece about the late Tessa Jowell who died earlier this year of a Brain Tumour. She used he position in the House of Lords and as an ex-MP to build awareness for the disease and to champion the benefits of the various trials that were going on so that sufferers had access to them.
It was during that programme where a young chap was talking to his daughter who was upset about his tumour and that it had changed a bit as his left side was now paralysed and it was that part of the programme that did for me really. I recall my daughters and how brave they were and once having a conversation with them some years later where, bless them, they thought I was going to say that the cancer had come back - I wasn't going to say that at all but you can see what they were thinking... I'm pretty choked up writing this now because often it is the effect on your family that you also have to deal with. Obviously, you are dealing with your own problems but having children and loved ones also dealing with it is traumatic too.
It's unlike me to get quite as emotionally strange as I am today because normally I go into myself and become quiet and try and remain peaceful and yet today I do feel quite disturbed.
I should be happy really that I am being checked and looked after and that I feel as well as I do. It's funny what the mind will do to itself. I feel that I will need to go do some yoga breathing and just empty my mind for a while to get me past this.
Now I'm guessing that a series of events came up together to do this. I always get a "bit cranky" at this time - my 6 monthly (more like 8 monthly this time) scope is tomorrow at 10 am. SO I know I'm not looking forward to that in terms of the procedure and also there is always a nagging doubt when you go in case it isn't the news you actually want to hear. On top of that, last night on BBC1's Panorama was a piece about the late Tessa Jowell who died earlier this year of a Brain Tumour. She used he position in the House of Lords and as an ex-MP to build awareness for the disease and to champion the benefits of the various trials that were going on so that sufferers had access to them.
It was during that programme where a young chap was talking to his daughter who was upset about his tumour and that it had changed a bit as his left side was now paralysed and it was that part of the programme that did for me really. I recall my daughters and how brave they were and once having a conversation with them some years later where, bless them, they thought I was going to say that the cancer had come back - I wasn't going to say that at all but you can see what they were thinking... I'm pretty choked up writing this now because often it is the effect on your family that you also have to deal with. Obviously, you are dealing with your own problems but having children and loved ones also dealing with it is traumatic too.
It's unlike me to get quite as emotionally strange as I am today because normally I go into myself and become quiet and try and remain peaceful and yet today I do feel quite disturbed.
I should be happy really that I am being checked and looked after and that I feel as well as I do. It's funny what the mind will do to itself. I feel that I will need to go do some yoga breathing and just empty my mind for a while to get me past this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)