Bringing It All Back

How strange it is that I decided to get rid of all my old paperwork and notes about my illness.  Well, I say get rid of, what I mean is that I archived most of the correspondence by scanning/digitising them, then shredding and destroying everything.

Of course, the only issue I had then was bringing it all back to mind again and I actually felt nauseous as I did it.  Every now and then a tear filled my eye as I remembered the particular read and pain I felt, the anxiety and distress and the great debt I owe to my ex and my children and to the professionals and my Consultant without whose skill, I would not be here.

The mind is great because it blots out those black dreadful days and I'm glad it does.  Reliving the horrors of those days didn't make me feel great - I doubt it ever would.  It does, however, remind me that those dark days are behind me and that the days I have now and before me are much much better.

Of course, I still have regular inspections and when they come about there is a little niggling doubt that it may come back but live your life and forget about the past is the way forward without a doubt.  It happened and that's all that can be said.  Now, some 12 almost 13 years on, it is but a dim memory and I hope to keep it that way by removing all trace of it from my Office - another file is gone and another less thing to get dusty or to worry about.