Curry with friend

And we got around to talking about his Dad's death a few months ago and mortality and how it was about 5 years ago that I got the news etc. It wasn't a maudlin type of conversation, more a review of how life is and how easily it can be taken away. His Dad being a case in point. He died very suddenly and he wasn't ever ill or showed any signs. OK - now - it was a godsend that he died quickly, knowing that his widow was taken care of - he was worried about that as they took him away in the Ambulance. He thought about others before himself even at that trying moment.

He died from a stroke that affected his Brain Stem - that was it - we discussed the whole thing and the view that when he saw his father moments after he had died how it wasn't him, there was no life there. It's a sobering thought that all my close friends have lost their fathers and yet my dad is still alive. I am going to my Uncle and Aunt's 60th Wedding Party this weekend and like I've stated before - I go to these but my Mum and Dad and my Brother don't. It's a shame really. Whilst I can't say that I'm bosom buddies with my kid brother, I think I'd get my arse together and go see him for an anniversary or key moment. As you may recall, neither my brother or my parents turned up for my 50th birthday. I suppose I should be a bit more "hurt" than I am about that but, like the conversation I had tonight, I really can't be arsed to get upset about it anymore.

I feel good and bad about that all at the same time. My Mum would come at the drop of a hat and maybe I ought to offer to sort that out but Dad would just whinge and she wouldn't want to leave him on his own.

I HATE the idea of getting old and I hate the feeling that I am turning into my father too.

We, Mrs. F., A and L will go to the party this weekend - we will face the usual questions about how come my parents aren't there or my brother but we will be and that's important. They think I'm seriously ill. My cousin, their daughter, has had Breast Cancer and she and I are kindred spirits - we have the "life mantra" let's do it now before it's too late and all that :-) I keep trying to tell them I'm fine but I think - given the family history - and the experiences most have with the "Big C" that they look on the two of us as little miracles! :-)

Anyway - I am annoyed but understand why my parents and brother don't go to these things but you'd have thought, as it's family and very rare that they'd come along. After all, being very blunt about it, it may be the last chance my father and his brother actually get the chance to meet each other. I think it's sad but then again, I don't really see eye-to-eye with my brother and I suppose you could look at it in the same way. My only redeeming feature is that at least I go up and see my parents and make myself available to meet him - even if he doesn't want to meet me.

Families are shit sometimes aren't they?