The trouble with getting depressed

Is that it debilitates you in strange ways - OK - I can't sleep so I stay in bed longer and then I don't get breakfast and that screws my energy levels and then things get on my nerves that normally don't.  Shoes left in the middle of the hall - I mean I've had 21 years to get used to that but today I tripped up over them, then there is all the clatter when I am trying to listen to the 2 or 3 minutes of news and weather at lunchtime - that's switch on washing machine, dishwasher, kettle and do the vacuuming.  When all that noise is going on someone will try and speak to me from the top of the stairs so that I can barely hear them.


Of course, it's MY problem and my fault so I just go lock myself away and we just go round in circles until I begin to feel better myself and then I can face up to this stuff with my normal resolute humour and good nature.  I don't tend to get angry with the family any more, I just grumble and move on.   


So - my mood is no lighter although I am gradually attempting to get out of work mode and into holiday mode - it will be good for me - I need to do this.  Hopefully the house will also have worked out what the hell they are doing so that I can work out how to visit my folks in the next week and a half - not the two weeks I was originally led to believe were available to me!!!  The Hotel that I like is also closed for a period - I gave them a call and they were very nice and confirmed what I thought.  Not to worry, it just narrows the days down a bit more to add to the stress of sorting it out.  It's a bit naughty of me - I worry about seeing my dad and getting time up there and getting the girls there to see him before he calls time on that.


I guess that it is also nagging away in my mind about "how long" dad has and that I need to get up and see him as often as I can.  2012 is also giving me a problem - now you shouldn't worry about tomorrow or yesterday only today (Dale Carnegie I believe) and yet - there's a certain trepidation about what is coming down the tracks at me in 2012.  I do however feel that I am going to make some major changes in my life in January once things settle down a bit and I get my head back into gear.  This Thursday sees the formal end to this year's efforts with a meeting with our Lawyers that we hope will give us some useful guidance to start 2012 off with.  It is going to be a longer road than we envisaged and that's what is giving me the issues because now, after all the work is done, a lot of things are out of my hand and I cannot influence (directly) how people will perceive us and whether they will be as excited about our project as we are.


So a mixture of things, work, time of year, dad, me, family, and loads of other things playing on my mind are keeping me in a not too good place.  It isn't Black Dog stuff it isn't bottomless and it should be relatively easy to get over once I have to "perform" which I'll need to do by the end of the week - I need to get back onto top form and be life and soul of the party and get things moving - everyone needs to enjoy themselves and I need to be part of that.  It would be rude not to :-) as the saying goes.