Mum said there'd be days like this

It was all quite good to start with, my business partner mailed - fancy lunch?  Yes I did, I was beginning to feel a bit down in the dumps and felt that getting out might lighten my mood a little.


This new blogging software takes some getting used to and so I was a bit annoyed with the last few posts and how it crammed everything together - think it was because it wanted me to write in HTML - stupid default setting for that - why force a change and then don't bring over the standard settings too.


What else - oh yes I was up late, didn't sleep well and just was getting angry and annoyed at nothing really.  So lunch would help that a lot.


As it happens it was a very nice lunch and most enjoyable but that's where it ended really.  I got home and had a bit of a sleep - well alcohol and a nice lunch would do that.


Yet, I'm actually in a foul mood tonight and I'm depressed and annoyed and frustrated and all sorts of angry thoughts going through my head.  I do tend to get this a bit and I know what it is but I'm just not tackling it well.  It is work (lack of progress and the little voice), It is the lack of a check up for my bladder cancer (gnawing away - I expected it to be around about now and it isn't), it is the frustration and anger of not being up to see my Dad before Christmas and now, when I planned to go based on what I thought was some solid information, I find that the dates aren't OK and that Mrs. F. doesn't have the time off that I thought (I was told) that she did.


I'm not concentrating, not sleeping properly, not looking after myself and generally in a place that I don't want to be.  Thursday hopefully will be an interesting meeting with out Lawyers and a closure of the business for this year.  I need to make it a closure as I am still operating as if I should be working when there clearly isn't any work to do, it is a frustrating time and happens at the end of prolonged and intense work when suddenly, the work is complete and there really isn't anything you can do but you feel guilty not working and just can't switch off and wind down.  I recognise all these things and to that extent know what is happening - I just can't work out how to tackle it and get out of it.


Let's hope that I work it out this week though as I don't want to be like this for too many days and I don't want it to be any deeper or darker than it is at the moment.  As I said earlier I know most of the signs and I understand what is causing them and know how to deal with them but of course, getting out of the rut you are in is possibly the most difficult thing to do.  I'll be trying and I just hope it doesn't go on too long - I really am a miserable sod when I am like this although you'll be pleased to hear, it is mainly when I am alone and it is mainly inside - I try not to affect others when I am like this - I know they understand it but I don't do anything to make their lives hell but I may not always be "with it" or want to do anything as a group at times like this.