It sort of crept up on me in a way although I've been grappling with this for some while and it probably contributes towards my current state of mind too.
The thing that gave me meaning and purpose is no longer there. The hours spent trying to get something to work and then sell are no longer there so the routine of getting up and coming into the office and generally working (or sometimes just screen staring) are no more. That's quite a shock to find that it is no longer there. Finding something else to do is not without its problem I find and then there's this getting old stuff to deal with.
I suppose I can always find something to do but I'm not always in the right frame of mind for it and then there's the additional motivational things to get over. Trying to motivate myself to go out and do some gardening or perhaps to do some maintenance on the house knowing that I'll get it in the ear if I go up a ladder or steps on my own and so on. I do notice that I do not have the physical strength I used to and yet my brain tells me I can do such things, my body quickly dispels that!
Coming to terms with it all is now needed and trying to work out what replaces those things that had meaning, purpose and that defined me. I need new goals but I'm not worked out what they should be yet.
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