Well that was strange as I woke early (twice) and got back to sleep albeit it didn't feel like I did the second time. My OH was awake and so I sat up and the dark thoughts came and the tearful feeling and sadness too. So I got up and I am here at 6 am, I suppose that's not so bad.
The heat is subsiding now which is OK I suppose and means that sleep isn't as fitful as it has been. I could certainly do without the nagging head stuff for sure.
A combination of many things and based around retirement and loss of purpose, seeing my mum ageing and all that combined. I'd like to move on from it all but that is proving a little difficult.
It's really too hot to do much outside - I managed to shore up the gates and sort out the braces and uprights where they'd started to come apart. It feels good to accomplish things but in this weather it really is difficult to do anything too exerting. Hopefully the weather will break and we can get rid of the high temperatures, humidity and Saharan sand!
What's to be done? I don't know really. I am a lot better than I was last week and these thought bombs only come in short waves but they are powerful and upsetting. When you consider that it is you own brain doing this to you - you'd have thought it was an easy fix but it isn't. Trying to counter argue yourself is also a bit strange. After a while you can just disappear the thoughts and I just need to work hard on doing that.
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