Who knows what will happen?
It is late Wednesday Night and the day of Judgement arrives very soon. In about 11 hours I'll know what is going to happen to me. I am primed to take a full re run of the BCG treatments, Operations and all that stuff and yet I'll be disappointed if that does happen. I know I will be just devastated and yet - I know what the probable outcome is - we are strange creatures sometimes.
At the Lodge meeting the wave of goodwill washed over me and that was nice. Is it only me who doesn't think it is that serious? I have a healthy regard but I don't fear things as I used to. I suppose we just heard that one of our members died from cancer in February - not the first in our Lodge by any means but I know that the worst scenario would be loss of bladder and possibly Prostate in the overall scheme of things and either a bag or a bladder made from other body parts - not bladder (where the problems are) bits at all. That would actually mean no cancer at all but a different sort of life.
the "matter of fact" part is that - I am living with this, I can accept that it is my last option and I hope they don't say that tomorrow (or ever).
I will have my future read tomorrow - not by some mystic or medium but by my Consultant. She will give me the usual logical view of the world. How I choose to deal with the truth will be be as much about my character as what will happen to my dreams and plans with my new business venture which will be an exciting journey whatever happens. I hope that I live long enough to see some if not all of it fulfilled.
Finally, it is election day tomorrow in the UK. I cast my votes last week as I am a Postal Voter. Have been ever since I was called away on business and was unable to vote one year. I believe that it is your civic duty to do that. You cannot complain if you didn't vote - you only have yourself to blame and all the other people too lazy to exercise their democratic freedoms this way!!!!! However, there is a fundamental thing here too. People died to give me the vote and how dare I disgrace them and their memory by wasting my vote, built on the blood and sacrifice of the generations who have gone before. I doubt many fought so that you could ignore it but maybe that is what freedom is about after all?
Me? Well - I just want to get tomorrow out of the way so I can plan my future a bit better. I do feel more trepidation than normal as I am uncertain what the results will bring. I steel myself for bad news knowing that good news would really cheer me up.
As Steve Kelley in the US often reminds us - Judgement Day can be filled with great news, not so great news, bad news and worse than bad... I hope for somewhere in the middle and wish for something a little higher. Tomorrow is another day.
4 comments:
Hi David,
I stumbled upon your blog accidentally while doing some last minute research. Tomorrow is my 1st visit to the urologist after an episode of gross hematuria, but no infection. My CT scan is all set on a disc for me to hand over and then.... hold my breath I suppose.
Earlier this year I had started a blog, but I've been getting my butt kicked by some autoimmune disorders that have decided to wreak havoc on my body. Needless to say it's been hard to be positive and write while I'm undergoing testing, etc.
Anyway, good luck tomorrow. I'll say a prayer for you and hope that you get good news.
Take care,
Sheila
ps - my husband's mom is from England, his dad is from Ireland and my parents are both from Ireland as well. One of my cousins lives in London. Small world.
Thanks for popping by and thanks for commenting. Thanks also for your prayers - answered by the looks of things as my next post reveals.
We must all try and be positive and to do everything in our power to combat this and I hope that our scan shows good things for you. Medical science is great these days and we can all look forward knowing that there is something they can do for us.
I'm quite relieved I have to say after today's verdict.
It is a small world - but I wouldn't like to paint it :-)
With all my best wishes
David
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us :}. My dad is going through the same type of issues and I hope you will get well soon! Right now he's reading a great book called, "To Pee or Not to Pee," by James Norris. You might enjoy this one since it's humorous yet full of great information.
Hi Audrey, thanks for your comments and I hope things improve. Thanks also for the link to the book. I like a bit of a laugh so my friend bought me a book called "Taking the Piss" by Adam Hart-Davis and Emily Troscianko. It is a history of pee and all of its uses and history throughout the ages. I suppose you have to have a dark sense of humour but I remember reading this after my second operation and in some cases trying not to laugh too loud for fear of hurting myself.
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