I suppose you begin to forget things like what it used to be like and what it was to have cancer and live with it for a while. Today I live with the "threat" of it all the time not having it because, as far as I can recollect, I only had it for a short time about four times. The first time they cut it out, then they found some more at the next TURBT (a re-seed as they called it), then CIS and then the minute tumour they found a little while back.
The fear will always be that it can return and unfortunately the rate of recurrence is very high for this particular type of cancer. So you never get to be fully in remission or feel free. You initially hate it and that's pretty much what you would expect. You respect it, let's face it, it's an amazing thing that you can get cancer and they can cure you.
What of the scars? Well the physical ones I can't see but apparently they do exist and I suppose, as the bladder repairs itself they eventually go away. I'm guessing that Kidneys and tubes are somehow damaged too but let's hope that it is minor. I'm still struggling with fitness and that is something I hope to really tackle this year. It's the mental scars that take some fixing.
I've often blogged about these scars and the most obvious one is the inability to see others suffer and I can't really watch films, tv or even real life where there is something sad. I just watched Finding Neverland and was really uncomfortable with it especially the ending. I cannot tell you what this is all about except that it is and isn't a great thing. Sure I may be "more in touch" now with my emotions. But the other sets of emotions are to do with right and wrong, social justice, that sort of stuff.
I suppose it isn't too bad to come out of the jaws of cancer and just have a handful of emotional scars and worries? Of course you could do without them but perhaps it isn't too bad a price to pay?
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