I'll have a walk to the nearer Hospital tomorrow - at least it has an open out patients area not like the other place which triggers my claustrophobia off nicely as it is hot and over crowded and pokey.
Let's hope for some good news this time and that the lab reports follow the visual one and there is nothing there. It really needs to be given the experience I had this time. I nearly got back onto the exercise machine today but decided to wait until tomorrow and get the SP from the consultant and then I can make up my mind what to do next.
I'm quite pleased with myself as I made my first batch of Cottage (or Curd) Cheese last night and had some for lunch today. It is pretty good and quite different to the pots of stuff you get at the supermarket. It is much finer grained and a little drier (maybe I overdid the draining). You get a fair amount out of a few pints of milk and you get sour milk / butter milk so Mrs. F. made blueberry muffins with that too.
I am toying with the idea of following Steve K's inclusion of the Budwig Protocol in my diet and so will source some Flaxseed Oil (or Linseed as we call it over here) and some Flax Seeds themselves to add to the Cottage Cheese and try out the mixture. If you follow the link above you will see Steve's take on it and I feel I ought to give this a try to add in to my diet. I've been pretty good about what I eat but once again, this week finds me out three times - tomorrow with my school chums, Wednesday at the Trad Jazz night and Friday Flocky Bicep has organised a Curry Club - there should be about 15 to 17 of us out for the night. Each requires me to drink beer (of course) and Friday to have a Curry. However I do tend to go for fish or vegetarian these days so hopefully that will stop me piling on the pounds.
Exercise - I must get back to it and so far it has been two days since the last appearance of scabs and bits falling out of me. I am guessing that I could easily do light exercise without turning on the resistance magnets just to give myself a light jog rather than a workout. As for the weights - perhaps early next week.
I'm trying to get some sleep but for some reason my mind is skipping ahead to tomorrow - even though there is nothing I can actually do about the outcome!
Monday, August 02, 2010
A Grand Place
It most certainly is a Grand Place. I don't remember it being as crowded as this but then I wasn't always there during the tourist season as most of Europe closes down around about now and everyone goes on holiday.
It was a good break and perhaps the only one I'll get away with this year whilst I am working on getting some funding for our new venture. That is proving hard work at the moment as we grind through the tedious stuff of naming the project (we already have a working name). We need to choose something appropriate and that sticks in the mind. It may well be changed later but we need to rally around a flag and start talking a common language. There will be more later but what we are doing is radically different but we are reluctant to use existing language to express what sets it apart as it associates it with existing technologies. We are nearing the holy grail of having new language and new definitions, a sales drill and other things. We are also close to getting the team built now as we have found our "missing link". I'm pretty good at financial stuff and have produced all the finances to date but really needed as specialist. It looks as if we have found that person which is great.
I am feeling a lot better today and I'm getting back to work albeit a bit slowly as I need to catch up on the work my colleague has done whilst I have been off work. Tomorrow I find out what the results of the biopsies are and where my future lies. I was impressed today as I needed a belt to stop my jeans falling down!! I seem to have shrunk around the waist and chest all of a sudden even though I've only lost a few pounds this week. Strange :-)
It was a good break and perhaps the only one I'll get away with this year whilst I am working on getting some funding for our new venture. That is proving hard work at the moment as we grind through the tedious stuff of naming the project (we already have a working name). We need to choose something appropriate and that sticks in the mind. It may well be changed later but we need to rally around a flag and start talking a common language. There will be more later but what we are doing is radically different but we are reluctant to use existing language to express what sets it apart as it associates it with existing technologies. We are nearing the holy grail of having new language and new definitions, a sales drill and other things. We are also close to getting the team built now as we have found our "missing link". I'm pretty good at financial stuff and have produced all the finances to date but really needed as specialist. It looks as if we have found that person which is great.
I am feeling a lot better today and I'm getting back to work albeit a bit slowly as I need to catch up on the work my colleague has done whilst I have been off work. Tomorrow I find out what the results of the biopsies are and where my future lies. I was impressed today as I needed a belt to stop my jeans falling down!! I seem to have shrunk around the waist and chest all of a sudden even though I've only lost a few pounds this week. Strange :-)
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Denial?
Not a river in Egypt - a thought going through my head.
It could even be not taking it seriously or taking it too lightly. It just appears to me that so many people talk to me and it's the way that they look at you and the tone of their voices that trigger this reflection on whether or not I understand the gravity of the situation that I am in. Sounds funny? Well to me it does as I don't look at it that way.
I think that there is some measure of truth about being in denial or not taking it seriously as I am certain that it doesn't actually accomplish anything for me to be thinking like that so it is a bit of kid-ology attached to it. I think that bladder cancer is also "a little different" to other cancers in as much as it is very treatable in the way that I've had it. In other words, whilst it is nasty and we all know it is a killer, in bladder cancer terms, caught early, non-invasive and low/medium grade as mine was - is controllable. After they've gotten rid of the offending tumour, treated the bladder with BCG, they keep their eye on you at a minimum yearly.
Bladder Cancer is slow growing and so they can quickly whip any new tumours out or identify any areas of concern. That's happened to me already with a minute recurrence but this time all looks clear. The downside is that I'll be being checked regularly for the rest of my life by the looks of it and possibly that will be yearly (I don't know what the future is on that) I assume. It may be different with advances in treatment over what's left of my life.
Because I am comfortable (might be the wrong word) that they can catch any recurrence in a timely manner and that they should get this before it has an opportunity to harm me, then I feel a certain level of confidence about the disease I've had and feel I should convey that by being positive and optimistic to people I meet. I guess we are all, deep down, frightened of Cancer and perhaps that is what people don't quite get when they meet me. I have a pretty healthy respect for it but I also think that you must also communicate the good stuff too. I survived, modern medicine boosted my immune system to fight the cancer and these days you are more likely to survive. All of these things are worth communicating and I like to consider that I am being a mini ambassador for the disease and for the advances in treatment that mean I survived.
I don't think I'm in denial and I'd like to consider that I know pretty much what has happened to me, why it happened and what I can do to improve my survival chances. All these things are actually good news and deserve to be communicated. I imagine that generally things are negative and such things as hair loss and the loss of loved ones to Cancer sets people's behaviour so that they see my attitude as unusual and the opposite of what they expected.
Denial? Maybe but only for self protection - I never ever want to go look down the abyss again and I surely don't want my old friend the Black Dog to come visit again.
It could even be not taking it seriously or taking it too lightly. It just appears to me that so many people talk to me and it's the way that they look at you and the tone of their voices that trigger this reflection on whether or not I understand the gravity of the situation that I am in. Sounds funny? Well to me it does as I don't look at it that way.
I think that there is some measure of truth about being in denial or not taking it seriously as I am certain that it doesn't actually accomplish anything for me to be thinking like that so it is a bit of kid-ology attached to it. I think that bladder cancer is also "a little different" to other cancers in as much as it is very treatable in the way that I've had it. In other words, whilst it is nasty and we all know it is a killer, in bladder cancer terms, caught early, non-invasive and low/medium grade as mine was - is controllable. After they've gotten rid of the offending tumour, treated the bladder with BCG, they keep their eye on you at a minimum yearly.
Bladder Cancer is slow growing and so they can quickly whip any new tumours out or identify any areas of concern. That's happened to me already with a minute recurrence but this time all looks clear. The downside is that I'll be being checked regularly for the rest of my life by the looks of it and possibly that will be yearly (I don't know what the future is on that) I assume. It may be different with advances in treatment over what's left of my life.
Because I am comfortable (might be the wrong word) that they can catch any recurrence in a timely manner and that they should get this before it has an opportunity to harm me, then I feel a certain level of confidence about the disease I've had and feel I should convey that by being positive and optimistic to people I meet. I guess we are all, deep down, frightened of Cancer and perhaps that is what people don't quite get when they meet me. I have a pretty healthy respect for it but I also think that you must also communicate the good stuff too. I survived, modern medicine boosted my immune system to fight the cancer and these days you are more likely to survive. All of these things are worth communicating and I like to consider that I am being a mini ambassador for the disease and for the advances in treatment that mean I survived.
I don't think I'm in denial and I'd like to consider that I know pretty much what has happened to me, why it happened and what I can do to improve my survival chances. All these things are actually good news and deserve to be communicated. I imagine that generally things are negative and such things as hair loss and the loss of loved ones to Cancer sets people's behaviour so that they see my attitude as unusual and the opposite of what they expected.
Denial? Maybe but only for self protection - I never ever want to go look down the abyss again and I surely don't want my old friend the Black Dog to come visit again.
Weight this week - a pleasant and unexpected surprise
224 Pounds or 16 stone. Good grief - I thought I would have put on a lot although I have eaten sensibly and done plenty of walking. That's about 1 stone since I've started my "health kick". Still more to go and it is a good feeling to start noticing my clothes being loose on me.
Perhaps I should complain to the Belgian Beer Companies that their beer isn't full of enough carbohydrates :-)
Talking of Belgian beer - I did enjoy a few (as you do) and still like Duvel (Devil) as it is quite strong but not like the Trappist beers. There are some bars in Brussels that sell around 200 beers and there is a different glass (shape, logo etc) for every beer. One of the more amazing ones is Kwak which comes in a wooden handled mini "yard of ale" type glass. I recommend a visit to Belgium just for the beer alone.
As for my ongoing recovery - overnight I've been visiting the toilet every hour or so - which is to be expected as I have been drinking a lot to ease the pains I was getting. This morning, after several more bits have fallen out or been passed out I am a lot better and peeing is less painful. I'm still quite tender around my bladder / stomach area but that is only to be expected I guess. I'm going to take it easy again today - plenty more water to drink and hopefully I'll be fit enough to return to exercising later this week.
Perhaps I should complain to the Belgian Beer Companies that their beer isn't full of enough carbohydrates :-)
Talking of Belgian beer - I did enjoy a few (as you do) and still like Duvel (Devil) as it is quite strong but not like the Trappist beers. There are some bars in Brussels that sell around 200 beers and there is a different glass (shape, logo etc) for every beer. One of the more amazing ones is Kwak which comes in a wooden handled mini "yard of ale" type glass. I recommend a visit to Belgium just for the beer alone.
As for my ongoing recovery - overnight I've been visiting the toilet every hour or so - which is to be expected as I have been drinking a lot to ease the pains I was getting. This morning, after several more bits have fallen out or been passed out I am a lot better and peeing is less painful. I'm still quite tender around my bladder / stomach area but that is only to be expected I guess. I'm going to take it easy again today - plenty more water to drink and hopefully I'll be fit enough to return to exercising later this week.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
And some more
Yep - the yuk bit has just gotten under way - it happens every time but at the moment - I can now see why I'm as badly beaten up the large scabs/clots dropping out of me are anything to go by.
It is amazing that this much drops out of you - who would have thought your bladder was that big in the first place?
I've only to now wait until Tuesday to find out what the results are and what they are planning to do with me next! Gee - I hope that it has been worth all this messing around and that they don't want to do this all over again in 3 months. I guess I could live with a 6 month Cystoscope but I ought not to second guess their verdict.
It is amazing that this much drops out of you - who would have thought your bladder was that big in the first place?
I've only to now wait until Tuesday to find out what the results are and what they are planning to do with me next! Gee - I hope that it has been worth all this messing around and that they don't want to do this all over again in 3 months. I guess I could live with a 6 month Cystoscope but I ought not to second guess their verdict.
That could be why
I just went to the toilet and a huge scab/clot was passed and I'm just wondering whether this is part of what I was told would be "a little more painful than usual" as my consultant warned me?
Certainly it appears to be larger than usual and I'm glad that I am taking my own advice and taking it easy today. I imagine there'll be a bit more of this to contend with over the next day or so and that should be it. It is, after all, 2 weeks since the Operation.
Certainly it appears to be larger than usual and I'm glad that I am taking my own advice and taking it easy today. I imagine there'll be a bit more of this to contend with over the next day or so and that should be it. It is, after all, 2 weeks since the Operation.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tourists
Are funny aren't they? Waiting for the train (or even at an airport) why does everyone queue up when the train or plane isn't even called yet but an official walks towards the doors?
Me? I travelled for a living at one time and so am used to hanging around waiting and knowing a few golden rules about such things. You have a seat number for a reason and if you aren't there, they'll soon call for you. And why queue to get onto a train that still has 30 minutes before departure?
So it was amusing that the lady who stepped up to examine the door suddenly found about 400 people queued up behind her. We let the queue go down for 10 minutes and ambled to the train and got on our seats without hassle. They don't knowingly leave anyone behind...
I suppose it must be me but it is so simple to travel hassle free and well planned. I must say, I find A is great at planning and knowing where she is - probably because she is quite a traveller herself. She is back off to Edinburgh on Monday for a couple of weeks. For her sister's birthday she has given her a return ticket to Edinburgh and some tickets for the Comedy Festival - which I am sure she will love. She will be travelling on her own and I'm sure that she will be fine if she observed A's map reading and organising abilities.
I'm feeling a little better at the moment but urinating is a bit painful. It is strange, it is more of an ache than a stabbing pain. It is similar to many of the early issues you get after a rigid cystoscopy without the violent stinging that sometimes accompanies that. I just need to make sure there is no retention. So far there hasn't been any but I need to be aware that it can happen.
Me? I travelled for a living at one time and so am used to hanging around waiting and knowing a few golden rules about such things. You have a seat number for a reason and if you aren't there, they'll soon call for you. And why queue to get onto a train that still has 30 minutes before departure?
So it was amusing that the lady who stepped up to examine the door suddenly found about 400 people queued up behind her. We let the queue go down for 10 minutes and ambled to the train and got on our seats without hassle. They don't knowingly leave anyone behind...
I suppose it must be me but it is so simple to travel hassle free and well planned. I must say, I find A is great at planning and knowing where she is - probably because she is quite a traveller herself. She is back off to Edinburgh on Monday for a couple of weeks. For her sister's birthday she has given her a return ticket to Edinburgh and some tickets for the Comedy Festival - which I am sure she will love. She will be travelling on her own and I'm sure that she will be fine if she observed A's map reading and organising abilities.
I'm feeling a little better at the moment but urinating is a bit painful. It is strange, it is more of an ache than a stabbing pain. It is similar to many of the early issues you get after a rigid cystoscopy without the violent stinging that sometimes accompanies that. I just need to make sure there is no retention. So far there hasn't been any but I need to be aware that it can happen.
I'm no Jean Claude Van Damm
Obviously! The first day in Brussels and I was keen to show the family around. The wonders of high speed train travel - especially as we had to wait years to get the high speed line itself built. We left at 5 in the morning and by 09:30 CET (08:30 BST) we were arriving in Brussels. A brisk walk to the Hotel and depositing our luggage I took the family on a guided tour of Brussels. Not bad as I hadn't been there for 12 years.
We walked for miles and miles doubling across the capital and seeing all the major sites before arriving back at the Hotel to check in and then we went and did a large circuit around the canal area. By the time we got back we must have covered 6 to 8 miles I reckon.
Out in the evening for a meal and then it began to dawn on me that I wasn't quite my usual self and I could feel that I'd pulled myself about a bit. I think I've just managed to pull around my bladder / groin area and urinating was becoming a bit difficult - and a tiny bit painful. The next day we went to Heysel and the Atomium in the morning - that was all by Metro so not too much walking involved and then we stopped off at Louise for some brief shopping and then got back to the Hotel. As it was mid afternoon - I volunteered to stay propped at the bar whilst Mrs. F. A&L went out chocolate shopping, visited the Cathedral which we had only spent a brief time at before and had a wander around.
The next day we went to Ghent which I had last been to 18 years ago. I had to admit - I barely recognised any of it apart from the centre. It was very quiet when I was there last and they have had a huge building project since - I didn't recognise the 2.5kM walk into town and we had a canal tour and pottered around in some pretty impressive churches they have there. We had the most wonderful lunch and by then I was beginning to get a bit tired again so we headed off and got a tram back to the station and headed back into Brussels. I still managed to slightly overdo it but I suppose you do a bit. I feel a lot better than I really am.
The train home was fantastic and we were home in a little under 2 hours from Brussels which is great if you think about it - I guess we were travelling for 3 hours in total from the Hotel. The tickets are valid for travel anywhere in Belgium so we reckon we could be in most of the good places in 4 hours! Incredible.
So at the moment I am sitting down, taking it easy and wondering when I can get back to some level of exercise that doesn't damage me. Tuesday is results day and with any luck I might get a 6 month reprieve from the Cystoscope machine :-)
We walked for miles and miles doubling across the capital and seeing all the major sites before arriving back at the Hotel to check in and then we went and did a large circuit around the canal area. By the time we got back we must have covered 6 to 8 miles I reckon.
Out in the evening for a meal and then it began to dawn on me that I wasn't quite my usual self and I could feel that I'd pulled myself about a bit. I think I've just managed to pull around my bladder / groin area and urinating was becoming a bit difficult - and a tiny bit painful. The next day we went to Heysel and the Atomium in the morning - that was all by Metro so not too much walking involved and then we stopped off at Louise for some brief shopping and then got back to the Hotel. As it was mid afternoon - I volunteered to stay propped at the bar whilst Mrs. F. A&L went out chocolate shopping, visited the Cathedral which we had only spent a brief time at before and had a wander around.
The next day we went to Ghent which I had last been to 18 years ago. I had to admit - I barely recognised any of it apart from the centre. It was very quiet when I was there last and they have had a huge building project since - I didn't recognise the 2.5kM walk into town and we had a canal tour and pottered around in some pretty impressive churches they have there. We had the most wonderful lunch and by then I was beginning to get a bit tired again so we headed off and got a tram back to the station and headed back into Brussels. I still managed to slightly overdo it but I suppose you do a bit. I feel a lot better than I really am.
The train home was fantastic and we were home in a little under 2 hours from Brussels which is great if you think about it - I guess we were travelling for 3 hours in total from the Hotel. The tickets are valid for travel anywhere in Belgium so we reckon we could be in most of the good places in 4 hours! Incredible.
So at the moment I am sitting down, taking it easy and wondering when I can get back to some level of exercise that doesn't damage me. Tuesday is results day and with any luck I might get a 6 month reprieve from the Cystoscope machine :-)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Ran out of words
On that last blog. The flash backs were pretty painful and I'm pretty amazed I'm still here after all of that.
At the time, you really haven't had time to research properly and to sift out all the dross and nonsense and snake oil from the facts. We didn't know how bad things were at the time but they got me into Hospital in record time. As I recall I was diagnosed on the 21st (Friday) and was having the operation around 3 pm on the 25th (Tuesday). It was really hot, I remember that. I remember being absolutely terrified of what they would find in the results. Things were OK later when they let me know that they had got the tumours out etc. My journey had begun. It is a long way on since then - a return to health in many ways after a seriously low point in those early months and now I'm very much under observation and control but there has been a huge piece of the old me ripped out and lost. To balance that there is a slightly better me in certain areas and a slightly more cut throat renegade me as well.
I can't say that I am happy with those changes - they've made me a different person and not being in the greatest of health I've come to realise that I'll never be the full on person I once was. Not a bad thing either - I probably worked myself into ill heath if the truth be known and burning the candle at both ends may be exciting and rewarding but to affect my health like this was not what I had gotten in mind. Better to find out 4 years ago than later I reckon.
Brussels tomorrow - I am really looking forward to that - although it looks as if the weather has turned so no al fresco eating which would be a shame. Fingers crossed it doesn't rain too bad.
At the time, you really haven't had time to research properly and to sift out all the dross and nonsense and snake oil from the facts. We didn't know how bad things were at the time but they got me into Hospital in record time. As I recall I was diagnosed on the 21st (Friday) and was having the operation around 3 pm on the 25th (Tuesday). It was really hot, I remember that. I remember being absolutely terrified of what they would find in the results. Things were OK later when they let me know that they had got the tumours out etc. My journey had begun. It is a long way on since then - a return to health in many ways after a seriously low point in those early months and now I'm very much under observation and control but there has been a huge piece of the old me ripped out and lost. To balance that there is a slightly better me in certain areas and a slightly more cut throat renegade me as well.
I can't say that I am happy with those changes - they've made me a different person and not being in the greatest of health I've come to realise that I'll never be the full on person I once was. Not a bad thing either - I probably worked myself into ill heath if the truth be known and burning the candle at both ends may be exciting and rewarding but to affect my health like this was not what I had gotten in mind. Better to find out 4 years ago than later I reckon.
Brussels tomorrow - I am really looking forward to that - although it looks as if the weather has turned so no al fresco eating which would be a shame. Fingers crossed it doesn't rain too bad.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
4 years ago
It was this very day 4 years ago that they chopped out the tumour(s) and I started recording what things were like. First in emails and later on in this blog. A lot has happened and I'm pretty sure that it has been a healing process.
Weight
Not unexpectedly I've gone back a pound so I'm now 226 pounds. I'm still pretty tender and took a look at the exercise cross trainer and decided against it. I will have plenty of chance to exercise in Brussels - the only real way to see that wonderful city is by foot. Every turn leaves you with just another glance of this enigmatic city and you can't see that from the metro - although the tram is a bit of a gas.
I'm not too concerned with a small weight gain - in the old days it could have been worse as I hardly ever graze and snack - apart from on fruit or vegetables these days.
I still have a long way to go in the weight loss project. Considering I was at least another stone (14Lbs) lighter 4 years ago and possibly last year I was a lot nearer that mark - I still have a long way to go.
I'm not too concerned with a small weight gain - in the old days it could have been worse as I hardly ever graze and snack - apart from on fruit or vegetables these days.
I still have a long way to go in the weight loss project. Considering I was at least another stone (14Lbs) lighter 4 years ago and possibly last year I was a lot nearer that mark - I still have a long way to go.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
A Year
Since we were on our Cruise - a year!!! It doesn't seem possible that at this time last year we were in St. Petersburg.
I am looking forward to being in Brussels later this week as a tourist this time though. Even though I spent weekends there, I was still with colleagues some of that time and it isn't the same. It will be good not to have to rush to see everything and who knows I may actually get to the Atomium this time having only ever driven past it before.
I am looking forward to being in Brussels later this week as a tourist this time though. Even though I spent weekends there, I was still with colleagues some of that time and it isn't the same. It will be good not to have to rush to see everything and who knows I may actually get to the Atomium this time having only ever driven past it before.
Stop Draining MY Energy
The one thing that you really notice about surviving cancer is the lack of energy it leaves you with. I suppose Stamina is the missing bit. I can attest to this as I can suddenly just lose my energy very quickly these days and can just feel myself switch down and slow up. This is par for the course and exercise and eating properly begin to recharge your batteries.
What the title is about is this - people can rob you of your energy and it is like someone just turns you to drain. Where before I could listen to people's troubles and woes - now - I find it just drains me and I can't do more than a short time now as I just wilt and can hardly manage more than a few tens of minutes.
At some point in time maybe your energy levels returns after cancer but I haven't seen it, in fact it just seems to get worse. I think I might just tell these people to leave me alone as talking to them (no listening to them) just drains the energy out of me.
What the title is about is this - people can rob you of your energy and it is like someone just turns you to drain. Where before I could listen to people's troubles and woes - now - I find it just drains me and I can't do more than a short time now as I just wilt and can hardly manage more than a few tens of minutes.
At some point in time maybe your energy levels returns after cancer but I haven't seen it, in fact it just seems to get worse. I think I might just tell these people to leave me alone as talking to them (no listening to them) just drains the energy out of me.
Friday, July 23, 2010
I Glance at my watch
Exactly 7 days ago at this very time I was waiting to go into the Operating Theatre and everything was OK with the world. I would have gone home on the Saturday morning or perhaps the same day.
After Flocky turned up this morning I have to say I am feeling a lot better than I have done this past week and I hope that I can quickly recover my brain power which still feels affected by the Anaesthetic.
I did however have a "moment" thinking about my situation and invariably, the one thing that balances all of this is that, I'd rather be alive and have gone through all of that nonsense last week than the alterantive. I'm a lucky guy - I'm alive 4 years after being diagnosed with cancer. I'm still here and I still have my bladder etc. I can only speculate that the mauling I got this time was for a specific reason and my Consultant decided, on the spot (we hadn't discussed this before the Operation), to go for a full set of biopsies for some reason.
Knowing that invariably I am going to have some more of these operations does give me some concern but I am planning on discussing this fully and quite frankly and explaining my concern that the explanation of the procedure and the documentation they give you is nothing like what actually happens to you and that I am quite prepeared to have gone through all that nonsense if I knew it was coming. If I knew that I'd end up like that with extra tests and the other stuff - nasty though they may be - I could prepare for them and cope with them.
After Flocky turned up this morning I have to say I am feeling a lot better than I have done this past week and I hope that I can quickly recover my brain power which still feels affected by the Anaesthetic.
I did however have a "moment" thinking about my situation and invariably, the one thing that balances all of this is that, I'd rather be alive and have gone through all of that nonsense last week than the alterantive. I'm a lucky guy - I'm alive 4 years after being diagnosed with cancer. I'm still here and I still have my bladder etc. I can only speculate that the mauling I got this time was for a specific reason and my Consultant decided, on the spot (we hadn't discussed this before the Operation), to go for a full set of biopsies for some reason.
Knowing that invariably I am going to have some more of these operations does give me some concern but I am planning on discussing this fully and quite frankly and explaining my concern that the explanation of the procedure and the documentation they give you is nothing like what actually happens to you and that I am quite prepeared to have gone through all that nonsense if I knew it was coming. If I knew that I'd end up like that with extra tests and the other stuff - nasty though they may be - I could prepare for them and cope with them.
Best Medicine
I feel SO much better this morning. Amazing what a couple of beers and a nice Curry with good company can do. It was ever so reasonable too as they have a special banquet offer. Very nice food it was too.
Flocky Bicep is on his way this morning to buy me a coffee which will be good.
What is still a bit of a worry is the side effects of the General Anaesthetic this time - I am still having memory problems and cannot find the right words to complete my sentences. It is OK writing like this as I can take my time but the lads were laughing as I would be half way through explaining something and then lose a word - they were probably laughing at my getting angry with myself.
Flocky Bicep is on his way this morning to buy me a coffee which will be good.
What is still a bit of a worry is the side effects of the General Anaesthetic this time - I am still having memory problems and cannot find the right words to complete my sentences. It is OK writing like this as I can take my time but the lads were laughing as I would be half way through explaining something and then lose a word - they were probably laughing at my getting angry with myself.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Looking forward to
A pint and a curry tonight. It will be good to get out of the house and meet up with a few friends. I am looking forward to getting a bit of work in tomorrow and going away for a few days next week.
Thursday
And I am still sore - my middle, and bladder area are decidedly weak and twinge giving and it still stings a little to pee. My hand is bruised as are my legs just below the calf muscles and I'm still a little "slow" in conversation - I just cannot choose the right word in a flowing conversation which amuses others but frustrates me :-)
Another quiet day today - a little walk around the block again and I am out with a few friends tonight for a curry. I'm getting driven there and back which is a godsend - I could have got there and back by bus easily enough though - I would normally walk it but it feels out of range.
This is definitely the worst I have felt after an operation for biopsies. It isn't as bad as Scar Wars I and II but it isn't far short of them either. They did predicate a need to be inactive for some weeks due to the serious nature of the TURBT work they did. Here though, there was plenty of evidence of lots of activity. The debris and blood have stopped some days ago and now it is a matter of about another week before the scabs come off and I can feel confident of doing some serious exercise once again. Sitting around doesn't really help me feel any better but anything too energetic can set you off bleeding again so it is a balance.
Another quiet day today - a little walk around the block again and I am out with a few friends tonight for a curry. I'm getting driven there and back which is a godsend - I could have got there and back by bus easily enough though - I would normally walk it but it feels out of range.
This is definitely the worst I have felt after an operation for biopsies. It isn't as bad as Scar Wars I and II but it isn't far short of them either. They did predicate a need to be inactive for some weeks due to the serious nature of the TURBT work they did. Here though, there was plenty of evidence of lots of activity. The debris and blood have stopped some days ago and now it is a matter of about another week before the scabs come off and I can feel confident of doing some serious exercise once again. Sitting around doesn't really help me feel any better but anything too energetic can set you off bleeding again so it is a balance.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
4 years to the day
That I was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. I remember that day. Gee the after sting of the flexible cystoscope and the matter of fact way my consultant told me I have cancer stick with me long after the event.
Appointment Through
Already - that is pretty fast - 3rd August I get to hear what the results are and what the next steps might be.
It occurs to me that this sudden need to take lots of biopsies in lots of places including the neck of the bladder (slightly below where the tumours were) might be some precursor to something. Otherwise - why do it? No good second guessing but I sure hope there was some sort of point in going through all of that nonsense last weekend.
I'm looking forward to a few days off with the family and to practice my French again. Belgian beer is pretty good too and their seafood (Moules et Frites or Fruites de Mer) well - what can I say - I'm really looking forward to that.
It occurs to me that this sudden need to take lots of biopsies in lots of places including the neck of the bladder (slightly below where the tumours were) might be some precursor to something. Otherwise - why do it? No good second guessing but I sure hope there was some sort of point in going through all of that nonsense last weekend.
I'm looking forward to a few days off with the family and to practice my French again. Belgian beer is pretty good too and their seafood (Moules et Frites or Fruites de Mer) well - what can I say - I'm really looking forward to that.
The dreams are back
Last night was like being stuck in a cinema such were the nature of the dreams I had. Amazing train sequence and one set in a warehouse and school (I know they don't make sense) but these were just amazingly clear with relatively crisp narrative and even a moral story in one of them.
Each was a waking event dream which pre-empted a visit to pass urine - all that liquid I've been drinking to irrigate my bladder has to go somewhere of course. I've missed these dreams for a while, perhaps all those films yesterday and the train could be to do with the Eurostar to Brussels - who knows?
It is another hot day today. I ought to take some fleeting steps out into the real world. Maybe I will wander around the village and see how I get on. As long as I take it easy it should be OK.
Each was a waking event dream which pre-empted a visit to pass urine - all that liquid I've been drinking to irrigate my bladder has to go somewhere of course. I've missed these dreams for a while, perhaps all those films yesterday and the train could be to do with the Eurostar to Brussels - who knows?
It is another hot day today. I ought to take some fleeting steps out into the real world. Maybe I will wander around the village and see how I get on. As long as I take it easy it should be OK.
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