Monza sorted

The final piece is in place and so we will be flying out on Thursday and I am really looking forward to it now.  Today was another mini milestone on the way and a barrier to get past.  Tomorrow is to get the bathroom finally all connected and tested.  That leaves me some small work to complete but that's OK.  

Monza is a bit of a reward and also it puts down a marker for me.  I'm still trying to work out what I want to be doing in the future and I'm hopeful that these diversions may help me work out a strategy for the future.  There are so many things going around my head and trying to analyse and work on them really is "doing my head in" and that's the trouble as I need to "Elephant Eat" the problem and I need to set myself some parameters to work within.   For example:

1. I don't want to work in the city any more
2. I don't want to travel long distances on a daily basis but might be happy to work away
3. I don't want a 9 - 5 job with no flexibility
4. I must not undersell my skills and experience

These are just some basic rules that set out employment but these aren't all.  There are rules of where to live, how to live, what I want to do and so on.  

Monza will remind me what it is like to do something that I want to do.  I'm going with my Nephew and his friend, no immediate family and it will be a break that will set a marker as it will be one of the first times I've done something like this for myself.  I had planned it when I got past 5 years but never really did anything about it.  I've then looked to take a holiday and take my mum away for a week just to give her the opportunity to do the same and take a break.  I've been a bit naughty in that I've made it occur when it would be my dad's birthday.  Specifically this means that she can't go to the Crematorium (which she assures me she wouldn't want to) and also it means that my brother wont make her go with him.  I see no reason that you would want to do this.  But the other thing is to give mum a break as she's had a number of years of looking after dad and not really getting a break.  A and I took her and dad out one day a few years back but that all revolved around him as he couldn't walk far and it was pretty obvious in hindsight that he was ill way back then.

Anyway - it was a hugely important day today.  It means that they can't see any cancer in my Torso which re-assures me that I can remove that concern from my mind.  It's time to move on, it's time to make some decisions and I feel that now might be the time to start turning things around.

Well that's OK then

Yes indeed, the CT scan was clear, the Cytology was clear and the Scope was clear, come back in 6 months.  It was very quick and easy as usual.   They used a new local which actually seems to be fine - they said it stung less which I suppose it did.  It certainly is better now it is wearing off.

The only downside on the whole thing was that there was a mix up with my paperwork which had arrived at another location in the Hospital.  So I was seen, eventually, about an hour late.  However, that's not a problem as it is good news.

In fact it may have helped as I took my Ibuprofen and Paracetamol up to 30 minutes before I actually got seen which probably helped the after affects of which I have a small stinging sensation but have been able to go to the toilet without any discomfort and that's great.

I am just going to take it easy now and sit down for the remainder of the day.  I've bought some beers in celebration which I will have later.

Lovely to get good wishes from all over the world and positive thoughts and prayers.  They were much appreciated and of course seem to be working nicely.

It is funny, it is a relief because I never let myself now think about the negative.  I used to go with a view that the result would be negative so that I could bolster myself up and make it a positive thing.  It's nice to turn up in a positive frame of mind for once.  I managed my breathing very well and I wore my "I'm Not Dead Yet!" Tee Shirt - made one of the old ladies in the waiting room chuckle so that was OK.  I was also stuck into my MP3 player (thank goodness for those) and was zoned out nicely today.

Not long to go now

Cysto in the morning - all cleaned up nicely with a shower at the mother-in-law's house.  Just hydrating so ensuring that I can give a pee sample in the morning and that I can keep going to the loo.  It sort of helps if you pass water a lot after the procedure.  I have everything lined up to go and so just need to go get some sleep.

More tomorrow no doubt.

Interesting call with mum

Had a long chat today about dad and it was quite enlightening "talking about dad" you see I found a photo which is here by my desk and whilst I occasionally get brought up short by it, the majority of times I look at it and smile.  You see he was a a nice guy and he and mum were very close and that's great.  It may not be my ideal of a relationship, I didn't know him at all well after they moved away and so that also meant that the time I had with him was very good.

Because of that, it's OK to be happy that he is no longer so ill as he was, that he is at peace and that he is troubled no more.  We spoke about how "bad" things were over the 11 months he was ill.  Whilst this is true, it isn't anything we could have changed, it wasn't in our power.  Mum thought dad didn't know how ill he was.  That's interesting as I reckon if you'd have been told it was terminal you'd have a bit of a clue.  I did however concur that I never really took it quite as seriously as perhaps I might.  By that I mean I had a life threatening, seriously nasty disease that did affect me a lot more than I thought but I never really realised that.

Anyway, it was nice to have a long chat and also discuss the possibility of going away for a week taking mum with us.  Hope that I can arrange that a little later this coming month.

Now to get ready for my cysto tomorrow morning.  I am going to just sit on my backside when I get back from that.

Oh well up and down day

Bad news is that brother in law's day got worse with fixing some of the stuff in the bathroom he arrived very late and was just having an "off day" - we all have those I assured him - somehow he feels he has let us down and I wasn't expecting him to help at all - the amazing thing is that without him I'd have struggled with the washbasin and the bath.  I think tomorrow (well later today) will see it finished from his side.  I will do the finishing off bits.

The good news is that Monza is now all planned and booked so I'm pleased with that.  We have flights, hotels, cars, tickets, ear-plugs and everything else sorted (I think).

Also have followed up on my suggestion to get mum away for a week or so.  We have ascertained that she doesn't want to go abroad so that's settled so we will try and work out a trip to Northumberland and that area and perhaps Edinburgh whilst we are there.  That would be nice as none of us have been there (apart from me on business which doesn't count).

I need to ready myself for Friday morning and so may have to get over to the in-laws for a shower tomorrow evening - I'd have preferred first thing Friday but I'm due to the Hospital at 9 so would be knocking on their door at 7.  I'll just have to make the best of it.  I also need to make sure I'm nicely hydrated tomorrow too that will help with the recovery on Friday.  I've got my pills ready and need to sort a few bits out so that I take the minimum I need in with me.  I always tend to take a bit too much but there you go.  Maybe take a folded plastic bag this time for my clothes!  It's a bit strange I'm not looking forward to that but it is normally all done and dusted pretty quickly and I tend to get seen on time and so I'll make sure I'm there on the dot and I'll recover by doing nothing when I get home.

Not a great day

A bit of a flat one as the brother-in-law got most of the way here only to realise that he had left most of his equipment back home and had to turn around and go back and get it.  So it's now getting towards 3 pm and the only work done is the work I've done on the tiling and getting the cistern ready to be installed!  I've left it ready to be completed but of course, without him here, I haven't actually done the last little bits of work.  Hopefully when (if) he gets here we can give it a stab and get the work done but I'm not sure it will be worth his while coming over here this late - unless he works late I suppose!

I'm certainly in two minds about whether to proceed or not but will await his arrival - that way I wont do anything wrong (I hope).

I'm beginning to get around to thinking about Friday and getting my Cystoscopy sorted out.  It will be good to get this done and to hear about the CT Scan results too.  I'm sure that they would have called me in if there was anything concerning or major.  Let's also hope there's nothing minor there either :-)

This time next week I'll be preparing to go to Monza - looking forward to a good few days entertainment.

Only been a week

Since the plasterer arrived and only 4 days since he left so I'm perhaps getting a little too impatient about things :-)  Mind you, the bathroom is almost there now, another day or two and it will be serviceable at least.  It may not be completely finished but it will be usable with care.

As soon as I can tile the walls and get those sorted out the better it will be as once that is done I can install the shower kit and the screen and we can really get the bathroom fully functional.

You forget how much you rely on areas like this.  It still doesn't help that I'm not in the best of places in terms of what I want to do with myself in the future.  In fact, that thought process needs to be re-started after the bulk of this bathroom is done.  I have to say that I don't think I'll be going back into the construction business any time soon though - this has been hard work - not that I mind that - it just reminds me why I got out of the business in the first place.  Mind you I've probably lost a stone in the last one and a half weeks through all the exercise and not eating much either!

Getting in the way

That's me that is.  Brother in Law is doing fine, he is pretty much ready to final fit most of the stuff tomorrow.  Me, well I'm going to retrofit a tile and see if I can finish off my WC cistern installation.  As he was doing to wash basin I was getting in the way and so I ended up doing odds and ends of preparatory work and assisting where needed.  The area to work in is quite tight and so two of us together is a bit of a problem!

Any way, at least he does this everyday and so some of it is quite natural to him and the fine job he has done on the sink is especially pleasing as he made a few minor tweaks which have made it look just great.

My only concern this week, apart from I'm now paying to have stuff installed (well I'm not going to let him do it and not get paid) is that I would have liked to have the bath available for Friday morning as I have my cystoscope.  It might be ready by then it just depends but that aside, I just want to make sure I turn up "clean" as can be for the scope and then I intend to have a very restful afternoon on Friday doing absolutely nothing.  I've learnt from bitter experience that after any of these procedures, you may think you are fine but the best thing to do is just relax and take the day off, stuff will still be there the day after.  In fact the family are off at the Paralympics on Saturday so I'll have a day to potter around in the bathroom and perhaps, who knows, will be able to do some finishing touches.  I've now got the instructions how to fit the bath side panel and so I can do that and perhaps some other areas too.

Our tickets have arrived and I printed them out - what did we used to do before the Internet?  It's great, you order on-line and then 18 hours later you get an email and your tickets that you print out and bring with you on the day!  How cool is that?

Oh well, a few more days of smells and dust and water and putty and we can begin to get back to normality.  I'm pretty impressed with my skills in the trimming the door department I have to say it fits perfectly...  I now just need to be as good in laying the wall tiles as laying the floor ones.  At least this time they shouldn't take 2 days to set!  

WC - not quite - bath - installed - washbasin - maybe

It's the sort of nightmare you think of after you've installed the bath and there's the masking tape to come off and suddenly there are small bits of fibre glass stuck to the bath.  Some come off with a pull and some with soap and water but my oh my this is taking a while until - "Hold on, this area has just rippled and started to move!"  Then we discovered that the whole bath has been covered in a very thin film of plastic as well as the masking tape layer.  Does it say this in the instructions?  Does it like hell!

The bath is installed, holds water and looks great but cannot be stuck to the wall yet as the plaster is drying but not fully ready for some silicon or glue yet.  The cabinets are in for the WC and the Washbasin but I've got a hold up on the WC as the waste doesn't fit tightly enough or deep enough for my brother in law's liking.  He has some at home so perhaps we can reconvene in the morning.  He is just fitting the sink now for us which is great.  It's sort of happened that he is available and has been here for 1 and a half days.  In that time he has managed to really help me out and the bath has a frame built for it now which is great.  I'm now hovering around doing small bits of work whilst he is cracking on with the larger stuff.  I was at least able to re hang the door, sort out the lock and put up the first unit and the cistern is in place.  I think I may get on and cut the tile that I need to complete the floor as that will give me something useful to do for a short while!

Just having a 10 minute "breather" whilst B-I-L gets on and does his thing next door.  Amazed by how practical he is - much like I used to be 35 years ago!

Funny sort of day that turned out to be

The tiles hadn't set completely but I didn't notice until quite late on.  We got the bath in and found the wall to be a little out (nothing unusual there then).  Carved a bit out of the wall, set the bath up and then realised that we couldn't finish installing it as the plaster was still damp - damnation.  So my brother in law is back tomorrow and we will install the bath then and hopefully he will help me with the sink and WC too.  Bargain.  That meant we could get over to sister in laws and that meant free beer for me which was nice :-)

Have just been on-line and in my halting Italian and using Google translate, have managed to book tickets for the Monza Grand Prix.  For a few extra Euros (15 in fact) we have passes for all three days - how cool is that - it means we could go for first and second practice on the Friday if we wanted to.

I'm really quite charged about it now and I'm just looking forward to getting going and spending some time away and perhaps beginning to consider that I ought to be doing some more "me time" stuff.

Cysto coming up on Friday - sort of hoping that it is good news once again - whatever it is, Monza will be only a few days away after that - how exciting.

Calm before the storm

So to speak, today sees the bathroom start to take shape.  It will be interesting to see if the preparation work I did will bear fruit as all I really need to do is to bring in the new equipment, make some woodwork and plumbing adjustments and the bathroom should take shape.  Famous last words I know but that's what I'm hoping for.  Not sure when I can do the tiling though for the shower.  I want to do that quickly but the plaster isn't fully dried yet.  Timing is everything on that.

My Cystoscope on Friday this week so hope that goes well.  It came sneaking up on me but that's good.  At 9 am it is also good as it gets it out of the way fast for me, just what I need.

Wow - Diamond Tile Cutter - what a beauty

I don't normally get enthusiastic about tools - I mean they do the job they are meant to.  But I'm really pleased with two things I bought - a circular saw which has enabled me to do the flooring (wood) and a diamond tile cutter which I used today to put down these huge tiles Mrs. F. has chosen.  What a great tool and amazing how quickly it cuts the tiles.  I was so pleased with myself as I didn't have any broken tiles at all and all my cuts were bang on the measurements I wanted.  How cool is that.

I want the floor adhesive to set now so I can get in to the room and look.  I have to say that it looks great already.  tomorrow I have one more tile to install and then can install the bath.  the one tile is an afterthought as I was wondering how to finish off an area and had a eureka moment on that!

I really hope I can get the bath in, levelled and fixed solid so that we can at least have a bath.  Of course there is the small matter of putting the door back on but I have a cunning and devious plan for that and my Brother-in-law is around tomorrow who is a carpenter so I hope I can use his assistance to install the bath and fit the door.  That will be cool :-)

Feel like an old man  - not in the biblical sense :-) with all these aches and pains!

Roll on tomorrow when it will start to begin to look like a bathroom again.  

Oh my what a day

We started decking out the floor but managed to have all sorts of problems with that, especially as I hadn't remembered the Soil Pipe was sticking out of the wall which made getting the first complicated piece difficult to fit.  Then my electric screwdriver decided that it didn't like screwing in around 200 screws into the floor, so I had to revert to my pump driver.  So things didn't go quite as planned but the new light is installed, the floor is in and primed ready for tiling tomorrow.  The walls are drying out nicely and I'll give the floor tiles a go tomorrow.  Luckily they are quite large so I don't suppose it will take a long time but drying out may take a while.

I'm a day behind which is annoying but can't be helped I suppose.  I really could do with sorting this out this week so that at least we can have a bath even if I can't sort out the shower by the end of the week.

My new memoflex glasses have arrived which replaced my nice pair of reading glasses I broke when letting the plasterer in last week!  These look to be pretty good as they are flexible and shouldn't break easily (famous last words).

Need to watch out tonight for cramps - got two nasty seizures last night along with a series of small twinges and also this evening got a few too.  

Nice place to be

My Dad's ashes were scattered in the garden of the Crematorium today.  He absolutely loved gardening and this quite new garden is a suitable resting place for him.  It was funny as he always said we should stick him on the Roses in the garden :-)

Well, he's actually under the Roses, bless him.  He would have thought that was funny :-)

Eat my dust

Dust absolutely everywhere and of course, it just goes with the territory when the whole room needs plastering and re-doing.

My mum and brother are spreading dad's ashes this morning.  I suggested that they might like to do this without me as it is a long way to go to empty the urn onto the roses.  Additionally, it is a bank holiday weekend and traffic will be pretty heavy with people taking the opportunity to head off for a long weekend, to the various festivals etc.   I'm sure that mum and T will find a suitable place for dad to be.  He loved gardening and I'm sure that the lovely gardens at the crematorium will be just fine.  I wore dad's watch last night, I tend to "wear it out" on special occasions.  I have a picture of him by my desk now just to remember him today.

I actually feel a little cut up about it writing this but in many ways it is a bit of closure.  More so I think for my mum and brother than for me.  I said my goodbye at the service and I'm building away from there.  It is strange but I'm more affected by it now than I was then but I should of course realise this would be so if I just look at my Kubler Ross diagram and remember what is like to come to terms with losing someone.  

I was somewhat annoyed to read in today's papers about Lance Armstrong, someone who's web site I have visited frequently.  He has decided not to contest yet even more allegations brought by some US doping (and I use that word advisedly) agency.  This despite the man never having tested positive for much more than the occasional pain killer.  Seven times Tour de France champion and they are tested every day and he'd probably be the most tested athlete of them all.  Despite that, they will attempt to strip him of his titles.  We used to have problems like that in Europe.  Luckily they no longer exist, they were Hitler, Mussolini and The Spanish Inquisition.  It's like us going back and stripping Muhammed Ali of his World Boxing titles.  You'd have thought that the US would have learnt through things like Joseph McCarthy but obviously not.  I have no idea why we do this in the West.  You get great people, role models, build them up, the press heap praise on them, we give them plaudits and honours and then someone comes along and pulls the whole things down.  Surely there are other things to worry about rather than pursuing someone again and again.  It's like me stating black is white all the time until eventually someone actually agrees with me.

Plaster Dust

Nothing quite like it for getting absolutely everywhere.  Even with the doors locked it leaves a thin film of dust everywhere, computers, TVs, your body (not so funny when you haven't got a bath or a shower!  Boy am I looking forward to getting that fixed into the house :-)

I am off out tonight for a curry.  For the princely sum of £10 our local centre is doing a curry night and there are around 10 of us joining 20 or so others for an evening of beer, curry and humour :-)  I shall have to rise to the occasion and be on my best form to entertain the troops tonight.

Plans continue for the Italian Grand Prix and the first venue Hotel is booked.  that's good, we just need to sort out Milan now!  Apparently the transport to and from the circuit is pretty good as they run trains between Milan and the circuit so that sounds cool.  We aren't in a rush so that too is good and can perhaps take in the atmosphere and some beers at the same time.  I am really beginning to look forward to it now, it has been so long since I've been to F1.

The room is looking a lot better now - the walls are covered in plaster and the ceiling is nicely done.  The wall I can see clearest is nearing completion and that's great.  It will need to dry out a bit of course and then be treated but that's fine as I'll be starting on the floor first and only go up to the walls a little later over the weekend.  I hope the walls will be strong enough to take these enormous tiles that Mrs. F. has purchased :-) it is amazing the weight you put on the structure of your house, especially things like tiles and of course the water in a bath - incredible weight.

Right to die?

This case has once more raised the debate about assisted dying (suicide if you like) for terminally ill patients and I don't intend to take up the argument or set out the rights and wrongs. I remember looking at my dad and saying goodnight to him as he lay pretty much helpless in his bed in hospital certain in the knowledge that he hated that.  He couldn't get up, he couldn't do anything much for himself.  He had some movement in his arms and could do small things like turn a newspaper and drink and eat but he could not move himself.  As I drove home I remember my mum and I saying that it would be better for him that he didn't wake up and that everything would be over and done with as much for him as for us too.  No one wants to see this happen to their loved one.

But I also thought that neither could I be the one that would help him shuffle of this mortal coil.  I'm afraid this bit gets a bit dark and a bit deep.  I knew that I couldn't put a pillow over him or "hurt" him that way even though it would end what must have been to him a sort of realisation that things weren't going to get any better and everything was sliding away.  I think, if it was an animal, perhaps I would have been able to do something - perhaps with a gun or something which detached me from the deed.  There's something deep inside that pulls you up a long way short of this sort of behaviour and I would have been unable to pull the trigger, administer the poison, cut off their air.  I'm not sure I want to go much further as I feel quite bad writing this but there is a trigger point that you just don't go beyond, there's a line of "acceptable behaviour" whether that's learnt or inherent I don't know but there you go.  I couldn't do it or have it on my conscience.  In the case above, you can see why the  test case was brought and you can see why it was refused. It is a difficult area of the law and of our inherent morality.

I'm not sure if I could deliver the coup de grace but perhaps assist someone to take them to the Dignity Clinic or perhaps some other action like that shows humanity but to actually assist or to take the life of someone surely isn't right?

Anyway - it isn't a debate to be had but it is a thing to think about.  How we deal with these things makes me think hard about those days where I wished something could be done but would never have been "Brave" enough to have done it.  Maybe I would be happier having someone else do it?  Messes with your head doesn't it?

Just added this which follows on a bit from the above.  

Which got me to thinking

There was a documentary tonight about Melody Gardot and I have to confess that whilst I have heard one or two of her songs I never knew who they were by.  Neither did I know about her accident and her recovery but it was an interesting 15 minutes where I pieced together some of what was said.

What was interesting was that her accident was a turning point but one that she had moved away from.  It was a reference point and whilst it may have affected her direction etc. she didn't live in the past but had that moment in time there.

So what?  Well it just got me thinking about that point in time, that reference point in myself.  Things sure changed whenever it was now - 6 years ago or was it 7 (this is good I should be letting go of the numbers after 5!).  But did they really start changing before then, is there a point in time when it all changed was there just that terrible day when the symptoms presented themselves?  Could it have been the diagnosis or the operation or the subsequent operation that really eradicated it?  Is it important?  Did things change for the better or for the worse?  Does survival mean a complete change in direction?   I'm blowed if I've got any of the answers for you but it starts a conversation in my mind about where you go from here.  I'm getting to a different place recently, one that kind of takes me away from lots of comfortable stuff, challenges what I do now and what I want to do in the future.

Melody appeared to be a real artist more painter or poet than musician, she painted words and I will have to explore her music some more as it sounded just wonderful.  I have to admit that whilst I love music, I haven't spent a lot of time pursuing that these past years and yet it meant a lot to me.  I have feelings that I gave many things up in the name of being ill.  I'd rather not do something than do it and whilst I don't like crowds and that sort of thing, I really haven't gotten to many concerts or been to the theatre or other things.  I've shunned the Olympics and the Paralympics (although the family are going) because of the crowds but I've made my mind up to go to Monza and see the F1 there and I know there are going to be lots of people there.  I'm sort of OK with that as I will have someone there that I know and that will be OK.

So thinking time once again as I continue with this long process of reassessment, testing and measuring the water since being ill and finding that there is little that I enjoy doing and yet would re-engaging with the things I used to enjoy be a bad thing?  Perhaps not, maybe I should re-discover them, I never know, I might actually enjoy them. 

A little more work than envisaged

The plasterer stuck his head around the door and said I ought to come and look at the ceiling as there was a problem. Indeed there was a deflection of about 2 inches at the centre and about an inch all around showed that the ceiling had indeed, after 70 or more years service, finally had its day.  This was unexpected and he had to take the old ceiling down and replace it. I assisted getting the sheets up and doing the electrics.  It  was some job but the new ceiling isn't going anywhere fast that's for sure!

I need to cut in the new lighting point and re cable the pull cord but other than that it does look to be taking shape but the problem is that this has added a whole day to the schedule and it couldn't have been foreseen.  

So extra expense but also the ceiling and the other areas he has done look great.  He is a superb craftsman and does a lovely job of plastering.  It means that I can't start the flooring until Saturday and so probably the earliest I can get the bath in is Sunday if I manage to get the rest of the stuff sorted.  As it is a bank holiday weekend I will have plenty of time and Mrs. F. who is a dab hand at DIY too will be able to assist me.  

Let's hope that we can get this thing sorted soon as even I've begun to notice how awkward it is having lots of people around with just a downstairs cloakroom and the utility sink to work with! 

Curry night Thursday night so I am looking forward to a night out with Flocky Bicep and the lads.       I fancy a few beers and a bit of fun and laughter.  Mind you, not too much as I will need to be here to let the plasterer in again on Friday morning at the crack of sparrows.

Early Start

The plasterer duly arrived early at 7:45 which was great as the work has started and we can get cracking once he is done.  I don't ache quite as bad as I did last night but still find bending down a bit difficult.  Note to self:  more exercise is required as well as diet and getting back into trim.  Silly really I have all the opportunity but have just been full of inaction really since dad got taken ill.  I need to re-focus my efforts and that's the next thing after the bathroom and after my scope next week.

I have to say that the good thing about the bathroom is that it is holding my attention and keeping me busy.  I've decided though not to go back into the Electrical or Plumbing business as I really can't hack it any more :-)  Decorating, well there's a thought.  Perhaps Odd Jobbing but would there be any jobs that were odd enough for me?

Anyway, plastering under way which is the main thing.  as usual, I got downstairs to find total carnage where various girls and their boyfriends have left shoes, handbags and clutter right in the way of the plasterer.  Luckily I managed (even with my back) to just dump it all out of the way so the plasterer could get up and down the stairs and get the water up from downstairs too.

So an early start to the day - I'm sort of searching around for something useful to do but can't really get going until after he has finished!