Yes, again, up early, feeling good about the world and myself - despite the post below.
I wonder what it is making me feel this good? If I find out I'll bottle it and sell it on.
Friday, November 24, 2006
At a crossroads
I think that only I feel that I am at the crossroads at the moment. Perhaps only I can see the permutations that may lie ahead and the extent or limits of each of those roads. Getting anyone else to see that time and opportunity are precious is difficult without coming straight out and saying it and frankly that is not a particularly subtle way to deal with the problem. Of course neither is trying to dress it up and see if they can get there themselves.
I think now that only those with the disease can see things this clearly and whether it frightens you or not, a glimpse at your own mortality, and an appreciation of how thin the line you are treading is an insight and a warning. I want to live life now, I want to do things I haven't or may not get the chance to do. I want to live a little on the edge and I want to do a lot of things that if it doesn't work out, I'll have at least given it a go.
Having said all that, you still have to go on working and bringing in the money, providing the steady home and all that and everyone else wants to carry on as normal. The trouble is normal isn't normal anymore, its a waste of time and that is running out (or could be).
This is not meant to be depressing, it is the new reality.
I think now that only those with the disease can see things this clearly and whether it frightens you or not, a glimpse at your own mortality, and an appreciation of how thin the line you are treading is an insight and a warning. I want to live life now, I want to do things I haven't or may not get the chance to do. I want to live a little on the edge and I want to do a lot of things that if it doesn't work out, I'll have at least given it a go.
Having said all that, you still have to go on working and bringing in the money, providing the steady home and all that and everyone else wants to carry on as normal. The trouble is normal isn't normal anymore, its a waste of time and that is running out (or could be).
This is not meant to be depressing, it is the new reality.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Word is getting around
I am getting a lot more messages on e-mail and a few phone calls now that the word is out. All have been supportive and offers of help but of course, generally, you don't need help as such. I suppose I ought to ask them to send emergency rations of beer around, its a win/win situation then :-)
Almost Unheard of
I was awake at 6:30, all bright eyed and bushy tailed. ready to go. Got downstairs, felt great, had a decent breakfast and I'm here at my home office desk at 7:55 after having done 30 minutes on e-mails already.
When I said I felt well, I do mean it. For a number of years, now thinking about it, I have been quite low and depressed almost, difficult to get up, procrastinating not any real energy etc. Perhaps this is a temporary glitch - I hope not. I wonder how long I have been ill?
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it.
When I said I felt well, I do mean it. For a number of years, now thinking about it, I have been quite low and depressed almost, difficult to get up, procrastinating not any real energy etc. Perhaps this is a temporary glitch - I hope not. I wonder how long I have been ill?
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Another good day
I am amazed how much I have got completed today and how well and cheerful I have been all day. Perhaps last night and meeting everyone has bolstered me, or perhaps I just am beginning to climb out of the pit of depression and not being well (albeit I never felt unwell - just beaten up).
I will have to see how I am tomorrow.
I will have to see how I am tomorrow.
Friend from long ago called
Word gets around and I got a call out of the blue from an old friend. He phoned to see how I was and he was delighted to hear me in such good spirits and being so positive.
I have to say that I still feel very positive about the whole thing. Another friend of mine (don't count them I must have at least 3 friends!) told me after some horrible experiences at hospital that he was so pleased that he had been diagnosed with MS! What? Yes he went on, I really thought I had Leukemia!
I think that you need to look at things that positively. You've got whatever you've got and that is it, it is a fact. You can't blame anyone, you can't get rid of it, you have to live with it. Looking around you will soon find that there are lots and lots of people far worse off than yourself. Some countries you'd be left to die with what I have so count yourself lucky that you live where you do, have access to specialists, have the best treatment you can possibly get and you have the best possible chance of recovery, treatment, cure etc.
Reasons to be Cheerful - Good old Ian Dury - great record :-)
I have to say that I still feel very positive about the whole thing. Another friend of mine (don't count them I must have at least 3 friends!) told me after some horrible experiences at hospital that he was so pleased that he had been diagnosed with MS! What? Yes he went on, I really thought I had Leukemia!
I think that you need to look at things that positively. You've got whatever you've got and that is it, it is a fact. You can't blame anyone, you can't get rid of it, you have to live with it. Looking around you will soon find that there are lots and lots of people far worse off than yourself. Some countries you'd be left to die with what I have so count yourself lucky that you live where you do, have access to specialists, have the best treatment you can possibly get and you have the best possible chance of recovery, treatment, cure etc.
Reasons to be Cheerful - Good old Ian Dury - great record :-)
Concentration Levels begining to come back
I have been finding it quite difficult to concentrate since the Operations either because of the General Anaesthetic or because of thinking about the disease whether consciously or subconsciously which meant that I was having real difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. today I feel that I have finally come out of that, albeit in a small way. I have actually spent most of the day in a productive manner and produced tangible things. Wow!
Catch up with the Nurse
It is quite a reassuring thing to do - call in a few days after the treatment and make sure that you are OK. The main thing here is that if by now I was suffering chills or flu like symptoms or anything worse then they can do something about it.
I went through the symptoms I had on Monday/Tuesday and all is OK. I am going to slightly change the plan next week to take the tablets just prior to the onset of the side effects (say an hour or so before) and see if I can get these under more control.
I hope it is not one of those "negative" signs - like on the films or where you hear someone is doing really well before the relapse but I am feeling really well and perhaps for the first time in many months and I couldn't tell you why that is. Perhaps the therapy is working in a way to clear out everything else in my body - I just don't know. Stay tuned folks!
I went through the symptoms I had on Monday/Tuesday and all is OK. I am going to slightly change the plan next week to take the tablets just prior to the onset of the side effects (say an hour or so before) and see if I can get these under more control.
I hope it is not one of those "negative" signs - like on the films or where you hear someone is doing really well before the relapse but I am feeling really well and perhaps for the first time in many months and I couldn't tell you why that is. Perhaps the therapy is working in a way to clear out everything else in my body - I just don't know. Stay tuned folks!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Be Thankful for people who listen to you
Tonight I was really pleased to meet up with some friends and colleagues. It was nice to get out of the house, even if only to my local pub. It was good to chat and catch up, better still they were good listeners.
With Cancer you do get very much "Me, Me, Me" syndrome because, well it is happening to you, you don't get out much and you don't have adult company all that often nor do you get a sympathetic ear.
So it was very kind of every one to listen to me and ooh and arr in all the right places. Also not a "sorry for you" in the whole thing so also much appreciated.
As a complete aside, my jacket absolutely stinks of smoke. Until recently, even not smoking, I wasn't quite so sensitive about it, but now, knowing that it may well have been a contributory factor in my illness, I appear to be almost hyper sensitive to the smell of smoke. However, I notice it more on my clothes than in the pub itself. We were in a non smoking area but were only in the main bar for a final drink. In the 20 minutes or so that was happening my jacket and clothes really stink.
Next year all things will have to change and I can see that it may well improve sales in places like pubs if the air is clean. I really hadn't noticed it was bad until now and funnily enough I am quite OK with people smoking around me. I used to years ago and I don't want to appear a holier than though reformed smoker even though I could yell from the rafters that bladder cancer is a smoker's disease!
It would make no difference as no one there knows me. I try not to have a dig at my friends about their smoking but I do offer them the ability to read this blog and see whether it strikes any chords with them.
With Cancer you do get very much "Me, Me, Me" syndrome because, well it is happening to you, you don't get out much and you don't have adult company all that often nor do you get a sympathetic ear.
So it was very kind of every one to listen to me and ooh and arr in all the right places. Also not a "sorry for you" in the whole thing so also much appreciated.
As a complete aside, my jacket absolutely stinks of smoke. Until recently, even not smoking, I wasn't quite so sensitive about it, but now, knowing that it may well have been a contributory factor in my illness, I appear to be almost hyper sensitive to the smell of smoke. However, I notice it more on my clothes than in the pub itself. We were in a non smoking area but were only in the main bar for a final drink. In the 20 minutes or so that was happening my jacket and clothes really stink.
Next year all things will have to change and I can see that it may well improve sales in places like pubs if the air is clean. I really hadn't noticed it was bad until now and funnily enough I am quite OK with people smoking around me. I used to years ago and I don't want to appear a holier than though reformed smoker even though I could yell from the rafters that bladder cancer is a smoker's disease!
It would make no difference as no one there knows me. I try not to have a dig at my friends about their smoking but I do offer them the ability to read this blog and see whether it strikes any chords with them.
Interesting Lunchtime
My friend who is a hypnotist met up with me at lunchtime. I told him that I haven't felt this well in years. No really, I know that the treatment yesterday knocked me sideways and all that but actually, I feel very well in myself, I look well, my skin and general complexion is good, I eat the right things and I have completely changed what I eat etc.
I also have a much more positive outlook in recent weeks so perhaps it all adds up to the feeling and looking well bit!
I also have a much more positive outlook in recent weeks so perhaps it all adds up to the feeling and looking well bit!
This morning
I forgot to say that drinking all this water is not only good for you but your skin feels good too. Also I drank about 4 pints of water from after the treatment to getting up this morning and a half pint of Cranberry Juice (the jury are still out on whether it is any good for urinary tract problems or not). Anyway, whether it is good or not for you, it tastes better than water alone.
This morning I still have a light stinging or aching but I feel a lot better than I did last week when I suggested that I felt I had been hit be a truck. This week I feel as if I have been hit by a wet fish.
This morning I still have a light stinging or aching but I feel a lot better than I did last week when I suggested that I felt I had been hit be a truck. This week I feel as if I have been hit by a wet fish.
So how was it for you?
Well Treatment 3. I was a little bit more worried about going to get the treatment this time which surprised me. The stress ball was great and it does help. If anything the catheter this time was less noticeable than last time but you still get a little gasp but it isn't painful.
So I did the turning for 15 minutes a side - this to ensure that the vaccine gets to every part of the bladder. My friend's son, who is a Doctor, stated that the reasons are quite easy to explain. Most patients prefer to do the turning regime rather than to Bungee Jump which also has the same effect :-) Well it made me smile!
So I kicked in the "Cunning and Devious" plan and after the turning and a piece of toast (you shouldn't have Ibuprofen on an empty stomach), I had 2 Paracetamol and 2 Ibuprofen. This left me 30 minutes after which I voided the BCG stuff and took the usual precautions with bleach etc. I started drinking water just before this and had a pint by the time I needed to go again. I also laid down in bed this time and slept until I woke needing to go. I had been asleep for about 2 hours.
The side effects kicked in again after about 4 1/4 hours but this time without the ferocity of the week before. As you can imagine it is pretty upsetting to see blood and clots in your urine but the treatment is meant to do that. The stinging started up again but without the intensity of the week before. At only one point did it really hurt and that was passing a rather large clot - I found a good swear was useful at this point. I was able to take some more pills four hours later and that really helped again. I didn't need to go with the frequency or the urgency of last time and so that also helped.
I set up the bathroom with a few books and magazines and a CD player as last time I seemed to be holding out squatters rights. Again this time I was able to visit and not spend a long time in there. So all in all the "Cunning and Devious" plan worked. If anything I may hold back the first lot of tablets until later so that I can get it nearer to the time when the side effects kick in.
So - perhaps a plan of action and also knowing this is about to happen can help you to work on this. It was nowhere near as bad as last weeks which came on so fast and with such ferocity I didn't know what had hit me. This morning, there is some slight stinging and a little soreness around my middle but other than that it is fine.
Finally still be prepared for a little leakage even after all of this but it was minute compared to last week and simple precautions of some cloths on your bed and some old underclothes sort it out.
So, half way in my treatment, 3 down and 3 to go. I feel so much better this morning, I am up early, have had breakfast and my first coffee since Sunday :-)
So I did the turning for 15 minutes a side - this to ensure that the vaccine gets to every part of the bladder. My friend's son, who is a Doctor, stated that the reasons are quite easy to explain. Most patients prefer to do the turning regime rather than to Bungee Jump which also has the same effect :-) Well it made me smile!
So I kicked in the "Cunning and Devious" plan and after the turning and a piece of toast (you shouldn't have Ibuprofen on an empty stomach), I had 2 Paracetamol and 2 Ibuprofen. This left me 30 minutes after which I voided the BCG stuff and took the usual precautions with bleach etc. I started drinking water just before this and had a pint by the time I needed to go again. I also laid down in bed this time and slept until I woke needing to go. I had been asleep for about 2 hours.
The side effects kicked in again after about 4 1/4 hours but this time without the ferocity of the week before. As you can imagine it is pretty upsetting to see blood and clots in your urine but the treatment is meant to do that. The stinging started up again but without the intensity of the week before. At only one point did it really hurt and that was passing a rather large clot - I found a good swear was useful at this point. I was able to take some more pills four hours later and that really helped again. I didn't need to go with the frequency or the urgency of last time and so that also helped.
I set up the bathroom with a few books and magazines and a CD player as last time I seemed to be holding out squatters rights. Again this time I was able to visit and not spend a long time in there. So all in all the "Cunning and Devious" plan worked. If anything I may hold back the first lot of tablets until later so that I can get it nearer to the time when the side effects kick in.
So - perhaps a plan of action and also knowing this is about to happen can help you to work on this. It was nowhere near as bad as last weeks which came on so fast and with such ferocity I didn't know what had hit me. This morning, there is some slight stinging and a little soreness around my middle but other than that it is fine.
Finally still be prepared for a little leakage even after all of this but it was minute compared to last week and simple precautions of some cloths on your bed and some old underclothes sort it out.
So, half way in my treatment, 3 down and 3 to go. I feel so much better this morning, I am up early, have had breakfast and my first coffee since Sunday :-)
Monday, November 20, 2006
Just Quickly Then
I'll add some more tomorrow.
I was curiously a little more reticent about going to get the treatment today but there was another nurse there, I met her last week and she explained that she was a little slower than the previous nurse. So she was and no problems.
I'm able to write at this time of night as the "cunning and devious plan" has sort of worked. However, I'm off to bed now and I'll write more tomorrow about it.
The side effects were the same as last week but I was able to control it this time knowing what I went through before.
Night all!
I was curiously a little more reticent about going to get the treatment today but there was another nurse there, I met her last week and she explained that she was a little slower than the previous nurse. So she was and no problems.
I'm able to write at this time of night as the "cunning and devious plan" has sort of worked. However, I'm off to bed now and I'll write more tomorrow about it.
The side effects were the same as last week but I was able to control it this time knowing what I went through before.
Night all!
Treatment 3
Well it wasn't so bad but I was still awake for an hour or more before finally falling asleep.
I am feeling neutral about today, I'm neither worried nor am I looking forward to it either. A certain amount of resignation about today. I have decided not to have coffee today (will I manage????). So a glass of water and an Actimel to start.
It depends on what you read about coffee. Some say nothing about it others recommend you drop it - so we will give it a try today and see if it helps. As for the Actimel - again I read that it can help you when undergoing this sort of therapy so why not give that a go too.
Isn't it strange somebody dropped me a line and asked when I'd be fully recovered? Of course, I'm not sure you ever are fully recovered from this. I might be wrong there. Since I've had this it is a term that I'd probably only use when speaking to a re-upholsterer :-)
No doubt there will be more of this stuff later.
I am feeling neutral about today, I'm neither worried nor am I looking forward to it either. A certain amount of resignation about today. I have decided not to have coffee today (will I manage????). So a glass of water and an Actimel to start.
It depends on what you read about coffee. Some say nothing about it others recommend you drop it - so we will give it a try today and see if it helps. As for the Actimel - again I read that it can help you when undergoing this sort of therapy so why not give that a go too.
Isn't it strange somebody dropped me a line and asked when I'd be fully recovered? Of course, I'm not sure you ever are fully recovered from this. I might be wrong there. Since I've had this it is a term that I'd probably only use when speaking to a re-upholsterer :-)
No doubt there will be more of this stuff later.
And so to bed
It is just gone midnight and today I'll be having treatment No.3. All is lined up ready for that now and I just need to get to bed and get some sleep. Considering I didn't get to sleep until 3.30 yesterday morning I don't know quite how I'll do now. Hopefully I am not writing to this blog at some unearthly time.
Whilst I have often had the strangest sleeping patterns - it is far more pronounced these days as the body may be tired but the brain wants to carry on computing the odds and checking out all the various scenarios. The trouble is that actually what will be will be and so all this planning and thinking may be a bit premature.
Good night!
Whilst I have often had the strangest sleeping patterns - it is far more pronounced these days as the body may be tired but the brain wants to carry on computing the odds and checking out all the various scenarios. The trouble is that actually what will be will be and so all this planning and thinking may be a bit premature.
Good night!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
FAQs Part 2
Q: What is the difference between Immunotherapy and Chemotherapy?
A: There is no real difference to how these are administered for Bladder Cancer. The main difference is that Immunotherapy gets the body's own defence mechanisms to fight the cancer where chemotherapy actually uses the drugs to do that.
Q: Will you lose your hair during treatment?
A: No - both treatments are given directly into the bladder and so are directly in contact with the Cancer. This way it is contained wholly where it is needed. Unlike other treatments this is locally confined and you don't lose your hair.
Q: So how does it get into your bladder?
A: OK - this is a Yuk bit - The vaccine is a liquid that is given directly into the bladder through a tube (catheter). That is passed up your Urethra. I refer to this as a "Character Building" treatment.
Q: Does it hurt?
A: In my case, no it doesn't hurt. Getting the vaccine in is uncomfortable but it is quick and whilst it can be a little sore, it really isn't that bad.
Q: Are there any side effects?
A: Yes and these do hurt a bit - I have bleeding and what can only be called massive cystitis symptoms for about 4 to 6 hours, 4 hours after the treatment. This stings and hurts but it isn't enough to double you up in pain, it is uncomfortable and there is a lot of stinging etc. Some people get no symptoms at all and others get far worse with flu like symptoms on top of these ones.
Q: Is this a one off treatment?
A: I doubt it. It tends to be one off for now, followed by tests and then a series of maintenance repeats are undertaken. These happen less frequently over time as long as things are improving. At the moment the first course is 6 times (once a week for 6 weeks). I believe follow ups are 3 treatments (once a week for 3 weeks) at 6 monthly intervals for a number of years and then it goes out to 9 monthly and possibly yearly. Unfortunately we are talking many years for the maintenance to continue.
Q: Are you able to work?
A: I am but not full time at the moment and neither can I travel too far. My job involves a lot of travel which has had to be curtailed. I am able to work at home on PC and Telephone so I am lucky. The biggest problem I have with work is my concentration is not what it was either. Generally, once things have settled down you should be able to work as well. I don't know how some of the people I have read about can have this treatment and go to work the next day though.
Q: Are there any upsides?
A: Loads of upsides to being diagnosed with Cancer. Suddenly the rest of your life is important. Time means a different thing, TV gets switched off, life becomes "Too short" when you have to listen to the day to day trivia some people think is important. You can say what you like and it doesn't matter (kind of). You see things a lot clearer, you hate shallowness and you also become an expert in your own disease and don't understand why no one else is. You also understand that Cancer is treatable, recoverable and you find it difficult to keep patience with others who don't know that. You try your hardest to be nice to people who are "sorry" for you. You realise that before you were diagnosed you were as ignorant about your disease as everyone else around you is. You can bore anyone rigid who wants to hear all about what you have :-) There are lots more upsides - I'll try and think about it and post more later.
A: There is no real difference to how these are administered for Bladder Cancer. The main difference is that Immunotherapy gets the body's own defence mechanisms to fight the cancer where chemotherapy actually uses the drugs to do that.
Q: Will you lose your hair during treatment?
A: No - both treatments are given directly into the bladder and so are directly in contact with the Cancer. This way it is contained wholly where it is needed. Unlike other treatments this is locally confined and you don't lose your hair.
Q: So how does it get into your bladder?
A: OK - this is a Yuk bit - The vaccine is a liquid that is given directly into the bladder through a tube (catheter). That is passed up your Urethra. I refer to this as a "Character Building" treatment.
Q: Does it hurt?
A: In my case, no it doesn't hurt. Getting the vaccine in is uncomfortable but it is quick and whilst it can be a little sore, it really isn't that bad.
Q: Are there any side effects?
A: Yes and these do hurt a bit - I have bleeding and what can only be called massive cystitis symptoms for about 4 to 6 hours, 4 hours after the treatment. This stings and hurts but it isn't enough to double you up in pain, it is uncomfortable and there is a lot of stinging etc. Some people get no symptoms at all and others get far worse with flu like symptoms on top of these ones.
Q: Is this a one off treatment?
A: I doubt it. It tends to be one off for now, followed by tests and then a series of maintenance repeats are undertaken. These happen less frequently over time as long as things are improving. At the moment the first course is 6 times (once a week for 6 weeks). I believe follow ups are 3 treatments (once a week for 3 weeks) at 6 monthly intervals for a number of years and then it goes out to 9 monthly and possibly yearly. Unfortunately we are talking many years for the maintenance to continue.
Q: Are you able to work?
A: I am but not full time at the moment and neither can I travel too far. My job involves a lot of travel which has had to be curtailed. I am able to work at home on PC and Telephone so I am lucky. The biggest problem I have with work is my concentration is not what it was either. Generally, once things have settled down you should be able to work as well. I don't know how some of the people I have read about can have this treatment and go to work the next day though.
Q: Are there any upsides?
A: Loads of upsides to being diagnosed with Cancer. Suddenly the rest of your life is important. Time means a different thing, TV gets switched off, life becomes "Too short" when you have to listen to the day to day trivia some people think is important. You can say what you like and it doesn't matter (kind of). You see things a lot clearer, you hate shallowness and you also become an expert in your own disease and don't understand why no one else is. You also understand that Cancer is treatable, recoverable and you find it difficult to keep patience with others who don't know that. You try your hardest to be nice to people who are "sorry" for you. You realise that before you were diagnosed you were as ignorant about your disease as everyone else around you is. You can bore anyone rigid who wants to hear all about what you have :-) There are lots more upsides - I'll try and think about it and post more later.
Easy Mistake to Make ------->>>>>
If you look at the Ads on the right hand side of the blog, occasionally you will see an advert for Prostrate Cancer. I think that I managed to check all my spellings because my spell checker suggest prostrate when of course the Cancer is actually Prostate without the second "r".
It amuses me that someone has paid to have their advert come up and being such specialists in their chosen field cannot spell the name of the disease properly. Well I thought it was amusing!
Like the difference between stationary and stationery - or may be not.
It amuses me that someone has paid to have their advert come up and being such specialists in their chosen field cannot spell the name of the disease properly. Well I thought it was amusing!
Like the difference between stationary and stationery - or may be not.
FAQs Part 1
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
Q: When do the stitches come out?
A: There are no stitches, not even internal ones
Q: Does it hurt?
A: Surprisingly for me it only hurt for a day or so after each operation. What pain there is can be controlled using off the shelf pain killers and anti inflammatory drugs. Day to day it does not hurt. I have some aches and pains around the area which are possibly muscle pains but I have often said it is uncomfortable rather than painful and generally that is all I feel.
Q: Where is the scar?
A: There isn't one. All the work on your bladder is undertaken using tools passed into there through your Urethra.
Q: Why are you so positive about it?
A: How else could I be? The only way to combat this and to get through it is by having a positive mental attitude, humour, trust in your consultant and their team and a determination to help yourself and support any treatment by doing what you are told and ensuring you eat and drink the right things.
Note Added April 2007 - Where I say scar I mean external scar. There is of course scars and wounded areas inside the bladder itself. You just can't see those - unless you are a urologist or you get a peek down a cystoscope one day.
Q: When do the stitches come out?
A: There are no stitches, not even internal ones
Q: Does it hurt?
A: Surprisingly for me it only hurt for a day or so after each operation. What pain there is can be controlled using off the shelf pain killers and anti inflammatory drugs. Day to day it does not hurt. I have some aches and pains around the area which are possibly muscle pains but I have often said it is uncomfortable rather than painful and generally that is all I feel.
Q: Where is the scar?
A: There isn't one. All the work on your bladder is undertaken using tools passed into there through your Urethra.
Q: Why are you so positive about it?
A: How else could I be? The only way to combat this and to get through it is by having a positive mental attitude, humour, trust in your consultant and their team and a determination to help yourself and support any treatment by doing what you are told and ensuring you eat and drink the right things.
Note Added April 2007 - Where I say scar I mean external scar. There is of course scars and wounded areas inside the bladder itself. You just can't see those - unless you are a urologist or you get a peek down a cystoscope one day.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Squeamish - I know I am
A Ha!
I just had a one of those moments where it all became clear to me. I hate anything squeamish or unpleasant, I can't even watch an injection on TV. I was wondering why a number of people didn't like me talking about my treatment when I re-read some of the stuff I had written. OOOooppps! I don't suppose I'd like to hear some of this stuff.
It is strange though how it is all a matter of fact to me now. If it is being done to me then it is alright. When it is someone else I'd hate it.
Another note to self to be a bit more careful on the descriptive front.
I just had a one of those moments where it all became clear to me. I hate anything squeamish or unpleasant, I can't even watch an injection on TV. I was wondering why a number of people didn't like me talking about my treatment when I re-read some of the stuff I had written. OOOooppps! I don't suppose I'd like to hear some of this stuff.
It is strange though how it is all a matter of fact to me now. If it is being done to me then it is alright. When it is someone else I'd hate it.
Another note to self to be a bit more careful on the descriptive front.
The Weekend to think about it
I am trying to keep really busy this weekend. I am also going to try and remember to cut out coffee prior to my Monday treatment to see if that helps a little.
I've worked out a "cunning and devious plan" to see if I can prepare myself for the side effects by taking the pills and so on before the onset of the side effects.
Other than that, trying to occupy my time is a priority this weekend as I really don't want to think about it. Of course, every phone call asks how am I? How is the treatment going? I can't win.
I do like the phrase "Character building" when applied to my treatment. :-)
I've worked out a "cunning and devious plan" to see if I can prepare myself for the side effects by taking the pills and so on before the onset of the side effects.
Other than that, trying to occupy my time is a priority this weekend as I really don't want to think about it. Of course, every phone call asks how am I? How is the treatment going? I can't win.
I do like the phrase "Character building" when applied to my treatment. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)