I think that only I feel that I am at the crossroads at the moment. Perhaps only I can see the permutations that may lie ahead and the extent or limits of each of those roads. Getting anyone else to see that time and opportunity are precious is difficult without coming straight out and saying it and frankly that is not a particularly subtle way to deal with the problem. Of course neither is trying to dress it up and see if they can get there themselves.
I think now that only those with the disease can see things this clearly and whether it frightens you or not, a glimpse at your own mortality, and an appreciation of how thin the line you are treading is an insight and a warning. I want to live life now, I want to do things I haven't or may not get the chance to do. I want to live a little on the edge and I want to do a lot of things that if it doesn't work out, I'll have at least given it a go.
Having said all that, you still have to go on working and bringing in the money, providing the steady home and all that and everyone else wants to carry on as normal. The trouble is normal isn't normal anymore, its a waste of time and that is running out (or could be).
This is not meant to be depressing, it is the new reality.
