I have some wonderful friends. They really care about me and they don't know what to do about my illness. I don't know what to tell them either.
I love my friends, they are great company and funny and good buddies and all those things. One friend treats me no differently than before - or perhaps he does he is very direct and very much matter of fact about the whole thing? Now I reckon that it is now "our" way of dealing with this. Does that make sense? Each one of my Friends will deal with this in their own way and - curiously enough, I will adapt my response to their lead as it makes them happy with their approach to the problem. Mmm - going too deep again here. Maybe we can look at that later. Back to the thread then:
Each friend has a different approach to me. They aren't frightened of me, I don't think they are frightened of the disease itself particularly apart from the havoc it can wreak. I feel for them because they are straining to know what to do. I mean we have known each other for years and there they are confronted with me. I don't look ill, they know that I am seriously ill and frankly, I don't know that I am seriously ill. I don't act that way and apart from the occasional twinge or ouch - you really wouldn't know. I reckon if you just met me in a bar you wouldn't know I was ill at all.
The illness to me is secondary to a lot of the things that are going on. The sheer strain of the Critical Illness claim which really brought it home (I didn't even realise I could claim) and the way that people react to me is incredible. I mean apparently I am being "brave" but actually I am getting on with it and dealing pragmatically with the hand I am getting dealt here.
For me to cope I have to convince myself that I got the better to the Cancers you can contract - I mean how outrageous is that as a statement.
Given a choice of Cancers to contract - which one would you choose? OK Bladder Cancer has certain issues associated with it but it isn't colon cancer or pancreatic cancer. You know that this one has some issues (accurate diagnosis being one of them) but you know, caught at this early age and despite what I have been through (and I know there is a lot more to come) the long term is actually pretty good.
OK - I have written enough for today. Remember, I live in the UK, we have the NHS who, whatever you say about them, have never let me down. This Cancer is treatable, controllable and now I am in the system, it can be monitored and effectively controlled. What more can I want. Two generations ago you could die from far less serious things. It is all a matter of perspective. I firmly now believe that I am extremely lucky to have a health service looking after me, to live in a country where my treatment is part of my "citizen's package". Some of the most wonderful Friends you can imagine that care really deeply but because they are British are very bad at showing it. Look elsewhere - some people die thorough things that we take for granted so despite all this whining about having Cancer - how can I moan about my lot? I can't, that is how I rationalise it and that is how I intend to get on with it.
I think it is very personal getting Cancer but it is also something that should change you life in other ways. You should live by a totally different set of codes to those you did before you got it.
