I was up again last night at about 2. It had taken me hours to get to sleep as well.
I think I said it earlier, the brain goes off on a journey about something every night. Yesterday I had been out with a few friends and one was telling the other that it was serious and not everyone we knew appreciated that I (he was referring to me) could die from this.
He is right I suppose and whilst it is an aggressive disease, it is in its early treatable stages and it is still treatable should this fail and more radical surgery is needed. However, 4000 people a year in the UK will die of this so I suppose I was a bit more sensitive to that last night.
It can be other reasons that keep you awake too. Will my employer still continue their excellent attitude to my problem? Why can't I do what I used to do? Will I be able to get back to some level of normality next year?
I can still hardly believe that it is less than 4 months ago that I was diagnosed. So much has happened to me in that short space of time. Also everything revolves around this at the moment so it is not surprising that my business, family and social lives all revolve around whether I have appointments, how I'll feel etc. It is a big problem as you cannot make long term plans. I know that I will be in Hospital in January 2007 and probably the end of the month. Given what happened last time, do I cancel the appointments that I have for 2 or perhaps 3 weeks either side of that? Again, all reasons to lie down and then to start to think of the consequences, the future, the past (perhaps I'll look at that later) and to churn over the day's goings on.
Enough, I'll not be able to sleep if I think of this lot :-)
