Hasn't been around for a while. The last couple of months haven't been crushingly depressing or emotional to the point of breaking down. It has been very different in terms of how I was affected and what it did to me.
This past few months has been annoying and time wasting where the black dog's visits are disturbing and troubling thoughts and visions and much deeper inside your head than the troubles of the world or actions of a few idiots.
The black dog will make you cry when you weren't expecting it and deliver an unexpected and sad thought into your mind. It will whisper about your disease and make things up; it will torment you and back you into a corner and it gets right at your most intimate fears and twists the knife and doesn't let you go until it wants to. Then it is gone; gone completely until the next time it appears to do its damage to your self confidence and to your dreams.
Until today - I hadn't considered quite how different these were, I thought that the emotions were very similar and yet they aren't at all. I'm sure that the recent ones will go away and I'll be able to laugh about them quite soon. My mate the black dog isn't something you can laugh about or brush off so easily. The black dog is your most pessimistic self somehow magnified several hundred times to bring every fear to its worst possible conclusion. Anyway, he hasn't been around for a while so lets hope he stays away somewhere - or has got hit by a car! :-)
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Impacts to health and well-being caused through work
Reflecting on the past 2 months - for it has been that long since the problem came to light, I can see that the impacts on me have been profound. I had been happily working away and doing what I needed to and all was fine until the business (not me) had problems. Since that point in time, I've been angry, very angry, furious, upset and generally pretty damned annoyed with the way that I have been treated.
So what has this done?
Stress - I can actually feel the stress level coming down and my chest isn't as tight as it was
Anger - back under control - I've not been bashing around the house letting off steam or anything - just angry with the situation and thank goodness for this and the other blog as I have been able to rant and let off steam there
Head-games - Loss of sleep, brain whirring and planning and working out all the moves and all the options - it has been a nightmare and how much sleep have I lost as a result?
Physically - I don't think that I have suffered that much apart from the lack of sleep and how slow that makes you. I think that I could now do with getting sorted a bit better physically. I plan to get myself sorted out following the BCGs starting next week.
Overall - tired, irritable and not great fun to be with these past two months and a general depression and malaise were part of the problem too.
Not like I used to be - I'm definitely not like I used to be - in the old days I would have gotten this sorted out quicker and I'd have been far more aggressive. These people had been dealing with me for 6 months or so - all sweetness and light up until the point that things went bad and I was a bit slow in dealing a blow to them immediately. By holding back (as they requested) I've lost about a month in getting things resolved. That for sure is down to me not wanting a harder life and losing a bit of my edge.
The thing is that today I have come out of the shadow I was in a bit and I'm now at the point where I've done everything that I need to sort things out at a business level and I only need to make a few more decisions on that. Everything is in place now. I can go for the throat and bring it all to a head or I can throw it all in the bin and walk away.
Having got to that position - I feel better about myself and in control of the situation again. Whilst I am still thinking about it and contemplating my options - I get the feeling that this now isn't the only thing on my agenda anymore - I have other things to do and I can now get on with those without brooding over this day after day and (frankly) getting nowhere with it.
Impacts? - yes, affecting my health? - yes certain that it has - if not my health then my recovery. at least I am getting out of the rut and getting on and doing other things. Affecting my brain? of course it has, deeply I think, I now no longer care for the industry I have been in for some years, it used to be populated by honourable and decent people - I'm sure there are some still out there but this experience has poisoned that. I thought I wanted to do something should I recover that was different and enjoyable and above all, something I wanted to do on my terms. I have a number of years to go on treatment still and I need a flexible job, I don't really want any stress or having to keep chasing up my money and I don't need (if not me then my family) the instability of these ventures that you work for months at a time only to find they wont pay you.
I finally get to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't the light of an oncoming train! So begins the repair and rebuild phase and I must ensure that I put myself and my health and stability first and build on that.
So what has this done?
Stress - I can actually feel the stress level coming down and my chest isn't as tight as it was
Anger - back under control - I've not been bashing around the house letting off steam or anything - just angry with the situation and thank goodness for this and the other blog as I have been able to rant and let off steam there
Head-games - Loss of sleep, brain whirring and planning and working out all the moves and all the options - it has been a nightmare and how much sleep have I lost as a result?
Physically - I don't think that I have suffered that much apart from the lack of sleep and how slow that makes you. I think that I could now do with getting sorted a bit better physically. I plan to get myself sorted out following the BCGs starting next week.
Overall - tired, irritable and not great fun to be with these past two months and a general depression and malaise were part of the problem too.
Not like I used to be - I'm definitely not like I used to be - in the old days I would have gotten this sorted out quicker and I'd have been far more aggressive. These people had been dealing with me for 6 months or so - all sweetness and light up until the point that things went bad and I was a bit slow in dealing a blow to them immediately. By holding back (as they requested) I've lost about a month in getting things resolved. That for sure is down to me not wanting a harder life and losing a bit of my edge.
The thing is that today I have come out of the shadow I was in a bit and I'm now at the point where I've done everything that I need to sort things out at a business level and I only need to make a few more decisions on that. Everything is in place now. I can go for the throat and bring it all to a head or I can throw it all in the bin and walk away.
Having got to that position - I feel better about myself and in control of the situation again. Whilst I am still thinking about it and contemplating my options - I get the feeling that this now isn't the only thing on my agenda anymore - I have other things to do and I can now get on with those without brooding over this day after day and (frankly) getting nowhere with it.
Impacts? - yes, affecting my health? - yes certain that it has - if not my health then my recovery. at least I am getting out of the rut and getting on and doing other things. Affecting my brain? of course it has, deeply I think, I now no longer care for the industry I have been in for some years, it used to be populated by honourable and decent people - I'm sure there are some still out there but this experience has poisoned that. I thought I wanted to do something should I recover that was different and enjoyable and above all, something I wanted to do on my terms. I have a number of years to go on treatment still and I need a flexible job, I don't really want any stress or having to keep chasing up my money and I don't need (if not me then my family) the instability of these ventures that you work for months at a time only to find they wont pay you.
I finally get to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't the light of an oncoming train! So begins the repair and rebuild phase and I must ensure that I put myself and my health and stability first and build on that.
Solicitors' papers and forms arrive
That is quick. I now have the pack for the next lot of actions. I am waiting to hear what, if any, actions the business are taking now - they have gone very quiet and as I'm almost certain that they have removed me from the mailing lists although not terminated my contract it is all a bit strange at the moment.
I'm going to review the procedures and decide whether to go and pursue them for the money owing. The trouble is, of course, you can spend more time and money than you are actually owed and if they decide to liquidate the business then only a small percentage of the money will be available.
I see that one of the major causes of disease is stress from business HERE. It is surprising - quite why there are so many dishonest and untrustworthy people around. Perhaps it is because they are all selfish b*stards? It is also highly probable that they are allowed to work like this and it is tolerated. I imagine that they would be up in arms about it if it were them.
I'm not feeling as bad about this as I was earlier - now the paper work is here, it is just a matter of deciding whether or not to go down this route. That is strange, I was quite choked about it earlier and now, I feel that it no longer holds the "fear" it did before. I don't feel at all emotionally filled up about it which is good I think. I'm also pretty certain that if these guys defended anything that they would actually just dig themselves a bigger hole. They have a few more weeks to defend the first action I have taken. Perhaps by then their true colours will be found.
So I wondered what impact this has had on my health and I think it has had a significant impact on my well being. I'll explore that in the next blog.
I'm going to review the procedures and decide whether to go and pursue them for the money owing. The trouble is, of course, you can spend more time and money than you are actually owed and if they decide to liquidate the business then only a small percentage of the money will be available.
I see that one of the major causes of disease is stress from business HERE. It is surprising - quite why there are so many dishonest and untrustworthy people around. Perhaps it is because they are all selfish b*stards? It is also highly probable that they are allowed to work like this and it is tolerated. I imagine that they would be up in arms about it if it were them.
I'm not feeling as bad about this as I was earlier - now the paper work is here, it is just a matter of deciding whether or not to go down this route. That is strange, I was quite choked about it earlier and now, I feel that it no longer holds the "fear" it did before. I don't feel at all emotionally filled up about it which is good I think. I'm also pretty certain that if these guys defended anything that they would actually just dig themselves a bigger hole. They have a few more weeks to defend the first action I have taken. Perhaps by then their true colours will be found.
So I wondered what impact this has had on my health and I think it has had a significant impact on my well being. I'll explore that in the next blog.
A good evening out again
It is amazing just how an evening out that you enjoyed buoys you up for the next day. I'm up early and I'm feeling good. I was in great company and we had a thoroughly enjoyable time and got back home at a decent hour too.
So I reckon based on that I need to not watch TV or work late at night on the computer and perhaps I can get to sleep quicker and be more ready for the day afterwards.
Now to see how that translates for the rest of the day.
So I reckon based on that I need to not watch TV or work late at night on the computer and perhaps I can get to sleep quicker and be more ready for the day afterwards.
Now to see how that translates for the rest of the day.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
It is beginning to come back
I can feel that I am slowly turning the corner now. I'm still mightily angry about the treatment I received at the hands of the imbeciles last year and I am still not sure that everyone quite gets how badly treated I was and some people close to me are also annoying the hell out of me with their rather monotonous replaying of their point of view of the situation.
Of course they haven't got the disappointment of being shot as the messenger and a loss of most of last year's time and money to contend with I suppose. They are stretching the limits of my patience and I allow them the latitude of a rather spoilt child at the moment because they are friends. I hope the novelty of pointing out my "short comings" wears off soon or there will be more collateral damage to deal with.
The irritant factor then is still there and the anger is more controlled now and more focused. The want to get it out of the way is huge. I know it is holding me back and that is so annoying as well If only I could get it behind me. When I do manage to do this - I get things done, I move on and I feel better.
Having said that, I am feeling a little lighter and getting a few more things done and beginning to be less lethargic. Today I can feel that things are just beginning to move quicker, that I am getting on with my work and beginning to tackle the list of things that I have set myself to do.
I want things to be like a light switch - on or off and I should have learnt by now that it just doesn't happen like that. Last year I tried too hard to change things and get a quick payback. Of course change tends to happen gradually and I can't expect to be depressed one day and next day Mr. Successful and Mr. Cheerful and Happy! It would be nice for that to have happened of course but it isn't and it is still going to be the same tomorrow and perhaps it may just fade away over a period of time?
Someone said that hard work and taking your mind of it works - well actually it doesn't seem to. I can imagine that the distraction does a certain amount to take your mind off it but you do have to get past the initial hurdle in the first place. Just how do you get started or psyche yourself up for another go. There are only so many times you can dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get going again. I'm no quitter but it does seem to be that there is a build up of past disappointments and events that sit you at the bottom of your rut and each time you get up knock you straight back down there again. I feel like I am in a Hamster Wheel - I'm running like fury and not really getting anywhere fast at the moment. I don't feel like sticking a stick into the wheel either quite yet :-)
Anyway, getting there slowly and far too slowly for my liking. I suppose it is an inertia thing, once you get going you can build up some speed and then it gets easier. The difficult bit is getting going and not having traction control to assist me!
Of course they haven't got the disappointment of being shot as the messenger and a loss of most of last year's time and money to contend with I suppose. They are stretching the limits of my patience and I allow them the latitude of a rather spoilt child at the moment because they are friends. I hope the novelty of pointing out my "short comings" wears off soon or there will be more collateral damage to deal with.
The irritant factor then is still there and the anger is more controlled now and more focused. The want to get it out of the way is huge. I know it is holding me back and that is so annoying as well If only I could get it behind me. When I do manage to do this - I get things done, I move on and I feel better.
Having said that, I am feeling a little lighter and getting a few more things done and beginning to be less lethargic. Today I can feel that things are just beginning to move quicker, that I am getting on with my work and beginning to tackle the list of things that I have set myself to do.
I want things to be like a light switch - on or off and I should have learnt by now that it just doesn't happen like that. Last year I tried too hard to change things and get a quick payback. Of course change tends to happen gradually and I can't expect to be depressed one day and next day Mr. Successful and Mr. Cheerful and Happy! It would be nice for that to have happened of course but it isn't and it is still going to be the same tomorrow and perhaps it may just fade away over a period of time?
Someone said that hard work and taking your mind of it works - well actually it doesn't seem to. I can imagine that the distraction does a certain amount to take your mind off it but you do have to get past the initial hurdle in the first place. Just how do you get started or psyche yourself up for another go. There are only so many times you can dust yourself off, pick yourself up and get going again. I'm no quitter but it does seem to be that there is a build up of past disappointments and events that sit you at the bottom of your rut and each time you get up knock you straight back down there again. I feel like I am in a Hamster Wheel - I'm running like fury and not really getting anywhere fast at the moment. I don't feel like sticking a stick into the wheel either quite yet :-)
Anyway, getting there slowly and far too slowly for my liking. I suppose it is an inertia thing, once you get going you can build up some speed and then it gets easier. The difficult bit is getting going and not having traction control to assist me!
Monday, January 21, 2008
How to change without upsetting the troops
It is a strange thing to say I complain in one way that I want to change but really lack the enthusiasm currently to do so. It may be a lack of will power but then it is also a pretty selfish thing to do as well as it means that either you go off and do your own thing or you make everyone else come along and share your dream or goal with you.
I am perhaps now wrestling with this balance thing. Much as I did last year flitting in a binary fashion between one fad and another and recognizing too late the damage (potentially) I was doing to myself in an effort to get back to full heath (I know - the Irony of it all!!).
I realise now that you make great plans because you have something to aim at and it keeps you going or it is something to strive towards. Suddenly, reality bites. I can't just go off and do some of these things without destroying who I am, what I stand for and my friendships and my family and so on. To go off and blow the cash or tour the canals in a narrow boat or sail the oceans isn't actually what I truly want to do (apart from the canal boat that is). :-)
I have duties and responsibilities to my family and to my children and that is an anchor pulling me back to the truth. Sure - if I had come off second best to this, they would have had to get on without me - I'm sure the insurance money from that event would have made it quite a comfortable experience :-) the fact is I am here, not a lot different to the way I was before and whilst there is a certain "difference" in me it isn't anywhere near as pronounced or as acute as I think it probably is. There are a few exceptions to this rule of course but generally I am the same with perhaps a bit more "insight" or maybe being a bit more "philosophical" than I used to be.
I think today I begin to really understand that whilst I now expect so much more out of life, it isn't going to be something overnight, it isn't going to be something drastic, t isn't going to involve some major act of human endeavour - no - it is going to be a slow and thought through series of acts and measures that will change things but gradually and without upheaval or upsetting anyone else in the process. Frankly we have all been upset enough these past few years!
I am perhaps now wrestling with this balance thing. Much as I did last year flitting in a binary fashion between one fad and another and recognizing too late the damage (potentially) I was doing to myself in an effort to get back to full heath (I know - the Irony of it all!!).
I realise now that you make great plans because you have something to aim at and it keeps you going or it is something to strive towards. Suddenly, reality bites. I can't just go off and do some of these things without destroying who I am, what I stand for and my friendships and my family and so on. To go off and blow the cash or tour the canals in a narrow boat or sail the oceans isn't actually what I truly want to do (apart from the canal boat that is). :-)
I have duties and responsibilities to my family and to my children and that is an anchor pulling me back to the truth. Sure - if I had come off second best to this, they would have had to get on without me - I'm sure the insurance money from that event would have made it quite a comfortable experience :-) the fact is I am here, not a lot different to the way I was before and whilst there is a certain "difference" in me it isn't anywhere near as pronounced or as acute as I think it probably is. There are a few exceptions to this rule of course but generally I am the same with perhaps a bit more "insight" or maybe being a bit more "philosophical" than I used to be.
I think today I begin to really understand that whilst I now expect so much more out of life, it isn't going to be something overnight, it isn't going to be something drastic, t isn't going to involve some major act of human endeavour - no - it is going to be a slow and thought through series of acts and measures that will change things but gradually and without upheaval or upsetting anyone else in the process. Frankly we have all been upset enough these past few years!
Getting out of the doldrums
It is exactly how it feels at the moment. I've not been making much headway at all. I just seem to be stuck with the wreckage of the old strewn around me and the embryo of the new growing a little too slowly for my liking and feeling positively far off in the distance.
The need to get closure and to finally walk away is as strong as ever and yet, it still haunts me. It clouds the decisions I need to make and it claws at my back as I try to move forwards.
This week should be a good one for me as I am going out a fair bit and perhaps I can have a bit of a purge the devil with some old friends of mine on Thursday evening. We are staying at a Hotel in town so may perhaps do some serious drinking and talking - although whether the talking will improve with the drinking may be a moot point!
It is a strange time for me at the moment as I can quite clearly see what I want to do and where I want to go. What I cannot seem to do is break free and get out of the sloth like rut I am in.
I'm not quite sure whether it is some sort of side effect as I really haven't been like this before I got BC and so I am quite annoyed with myself that I am not making good use of my time or gaining full benefit from being without cancer. I thought that I would be up for anything, adventurous, find the inner me and all that stuff so stereotypical of soaps and slush films. Nope! I cannot get the enthusiasm for it at all.
It may seem silly, it may even seem a strange thing to say but I cannot seem to make the effort to get up and enjoy myself and I know I should be leaping about and all excited and doing things I promised myself I'd do if I recovered and what is annoying is this malaise - almost an anticlimactic response to the whole thing.
I intend to do something about it and it isn't just one thing, I believe it is a combination of expectations not met, people who have let me down or perhaps not met my high expectations of them, work, how I feel about myself and others and a whole batch of other stuff too.
I also need to make sure that I haven't become someone I hate. I'm not certain I like my new been there done that me much either.
Well - that was an interesting blog - that took me along way further than I thought it would :-) Gosh - what a lot of trouble and all post traumatic stuff I have no doubt.
I tend to consider that perhaps people aren't making it up when they get PTS.
The need to get closure and to finally walk away is as strong as ever and yet, it still haunts me. It clouds the decisions I need to make and it claws at my back as I try to move forwards.
This week should be a good one for me as I am going out a fair bit and perhaps I can have a bit of a purge the devil with some old friends of mine on Thursday evening. We are staying at a Hotel in town so may perhaps do some serious drinking and talking - although whether the talking will improve with the drinking may be a moot point!
It is a strange time for me at the moment as I can quite clearly see what I want to do and where I want to go. What I cannot seem to do is break free and get out of the sloth like rut I am in.
I'm not quite sure whether it is some sort of side effect as I really haven't been like this before I got BC and so I am quite annoyed with myself that I am not making good use of my time or gaining full benefit from being without cancer. I thought that I would be up for anything, adventurous, find the inner me and all that stuff so stereotypical of soaps and slush films. Nope! I cannot get the enthusiasm for it at all.
It may seem silly, it may even seem a strange thing to say but I cannot seem to make the effort to get up and enjoy myself and I know I should be leaping about and all excited and doing things I promised myself I'd do if I recovered and what is annoying is this malaise - almost an anticlimactic response to the whole thing.
I intend to do something about it and it isn't just one thing, I believe it is a combination of expectations not met, people who have let me down or perhaps not met my high expectations of them, work, how I feel about myself and others and a whole batch of other stuff too.
I also need to make sure that I haven't become someone I hate. I'm not certain I like my new been there done that me much either.
Well - that was an interesting blog - that took me along way further than I thought it would :-) Gosh - what a lot of trouble and all post traumatic stuff I have no doubt.
I tend to consider that perhaps people aren't making it up when they get PTS.
Phase 2 kicks in
I signed up today with a solicitor who specialises in debt recovery and so phase 2 should be ready for me in a few days time. ACAS (arbitration) were also on to me today - I was happy to go down that route. I explained the details that I had to hand and for them to let me know what they wanted in this respect.
I feel things are moving and I'm feeling OK about this now. I have convinced myself that it isn't "me" and that the stuff I have is correct and that it will stand up in court, in tribunal or in arbitration.
Now to see which way the business will jump. As with all these things, I know that this may not be successful but it may close it down for me sooner rather than later. If it forces them to close down so be it. If it means that I get paid and that I get some compensation for working for them last year for nothing! Then again it is worth it.
I'm gradually getting this Monkey off of my back. The trouble is it is going to do some serious damage to a lot of people whatever happens - there is no way that can stop.
I feel things are moving and I'm feeling OK about this now. I have convinced myself that it isn't "me" and that the stuff I have is correct and that it will stand up in court, in tribunal or in arbitration.
Now to see which way the business will jump. As with all these things, I know that this may not be successful but it may close it down for me sooner rather than later. If it forces them to close down so be it. If it means that I get paid and that I get some compensation for working for them last year for nothing! Then again it is worth it.
I'm gradually getting this Monkey off of my back. The trouble is it is going to do some serious damage to a lot of people whatever happens - there is no way that can stop.
The year of getting better
A week today I go back for treatment and whilst I can't say I am looking forward to it greatly, I understand why I am having it. The way that it worked last year meant that I didn't really get to rest on the second day like I really should have done and this time, I am going to try and make an effort to take my time to recover properly.
There are some obvious issues with having the treatment again. These are that you do feel rough for a day and a bit but also you tend to bleed a bit too and that really is quite disconcerting as it rewinds you right back to those early days and the early signs of the disease. It brings back those memories and the (dare I say) uncomfort/pain of that time far off in 2006.
I'm quite busy over the next few weeks and that in itself will keep my mind off the treatment a bit but will also focus my mind on the task in hand - that of setting up my new business - or rather - deciding whether I should set it up and run with it. Typically I went to look up for a University Course that I learnt about on Saturday and the closing date for applications was - you guessed it - Saturday :-) Such is my luck - I will have to wait until later this year to see if I can get a place or perhaps see if there are other courses worth doing.
There are some obvious issues with having the treatment again. These are that you do feel rough for a day and a bit but also you tend to bleed a bit too and that really is quite disconcerting as it rewinds you right back to those early days and the early signs of the disease. It brings back those memories and the (dare I say) uncomfort/pain of that time far off in 2006.
I'm quite busy over the next few weeks and that in itself will keep my mind off the treatment a bit but will also focus my mind on the task in hand - that of setting up my new business - or rather - deciding whether I should set it up and run with it. Typically I went to look up for a University Course that I learnt about on Saturday and the closing date for applications was - you guessed it - Saturday :-) Such is my luck - I will have to wait until later this year to see if I can get a place or perhaps see if there are other courses worth doing.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Uplifting
Well it was a good day out yesterday. I am the same with most things these days - once I actually get going I am OK - it is getting the enthusiasm to get going that is difficult.
The evening before with a very nice few beers and a curry and 8 of us out for the evening was great and I was up nice and early to get over to Essex for the event.
I arrived in plenty of time and took myself off to Barking High Street. The Cafe I popped into had a "Hale & Hearty" breakfast on the menu which looked just the ticket. So I had a mug of tea and a breakfast that, when it arrived, could have fed a small family for a week! I struggled to finish it off but I eventually managed it. I thought that it was a good thing I hadn't asked for toast or bread with it :-) Phew.
It was a nice walk and I needed the walk back to the school where the AGM and Fair was taking place. I met up with 5 other members of the family which was great and we had a good day out enjoying the talks and the stands. I picked up lots of stuff that I can use to research becoming a researcher!
So I had a great day out and enjoyed myself a lot and now all I have to do is look through the mile of stuff I brought back with me and evaluate it all.
The evening before with a very nice few beers and a curry and 8 of us out for the evening was great and I was up nice and early to get over to Essex for the event.
I arrived in plenty of time and took myself off to Barking High Street. The Cafe I popped into had a "Hale & Hearty" breakfast on the menu which looked just the ticket. So I had a mug of tea and a breakfast that, when it arrived, could have fed a small family for a week! I struggled to finish it off but I eventually managed it. I thought that it was a good thing I hadn't asked for toast or bread with it :-) Phew.
It was a nice walk and I needed the walk back to the school where the AGM and Fair was taking place. I met up with 5 other members of the family which was great and we had a good day out enjoying the talks and the stands. I picked up lots of stuff that I can use to research becoming a researcher!
So I had a great day out and enjoyed myself a lot and now all I have to do is look through the mile of stuff I brought back with me and evaluate it all.
Off out for a ruby
Ruby Murray (Curry). well I've got to get into the Cockney Rhyming slang for tomorrow as it is the East Of London Family History Society AGM :-)
It was an absolute nightmare growing up with my dad who was always coming out with rhyming names for things. Duke of York - Fork, Apples and Pears - Stairs and so on.
Anyway - off for a curry with 7 more mates and I am really looking forward to it. I have finally stated to feel a lot better in myself and tonight and tomorrow are things that I have been looking forward to.
So I'm off to the rub-a-dub for a few pints of beer and a ruby! I'm not sure if it will cost e a Monkey or a Pony (I can't remember what they are in monetary terms)- nuff said!
It was an absolute nightmare growing up with my dad who was always coming out with rhyming names for things. Duke of York - Fork, Apples and Pears - Stairs and so on.
Anyway - off for a curry with 7 more mates and I am really looking forward to it. I have finally stated to feel a lot better in myself and tonight and tomorrow are things that I have been looking forward to.
So I'm off to the rub-a-dub for a few pints of beer and a ruby! I'm not sure if it will cost e a Monkey or a Pony (I can't remember what they are in monetary terms)- nuff said!
That's better
I fixed up a load of shelves and bits for my friend's mum and dad. Had a good walk there and back and was able to put up the shelves and sort it out in about 30 minutes.
So I feel good about myself now. I think I have been pretty hard on myself these past few months - not sure why I should think that way. At the end of the day it isn't me who has been a parasite after all. I'm not even sure why I carried around the baggage of blaming myself either. Perhaps that is the way these things work they prey on your good nature and gamble that you wont do anything about it or they are just plain ignorant.
So - now I am in a good frame of mind I shall be getting myself ready for tomorrow's AGM of the Family History Society and beginning to get feedback about whether or not a Family History Researcher can pay the bills :-) Moreover there is a fair on during the day and I want to pick up ideas and meet people in the know and see what they think. I also hope to get back some of my collection of maps, fiches and other things I sold a few years ago as I need them now! Doh!
Also out with the lads tonight for a few beers and a curry which is going to be great - I am looking forward to that - a crowd of 8 or so of us.
So I feel good about myself now. I think I have been pretty hard on myself these past few months - not sure why I should think that way. At the end of the day it isn't me who has been a parasite after all. I'm not even sure why I carried around the baggage of blaming myself either. Perhaps that is the way these things work they prey on your good nature and gamble that you wont do anything about it or they are just plain ignorant.
So - now I am in a good frame of mind I shall be getting myself ready for tomorrow's AGM of the Family History Society and beginning to get feedback about whether or not a Family History Researcher can pay the bills :-) Moreover there is a fair on during the day and I want to pick up ideas and meet people in the know and see what they think. I also hope to get back some of my collection of maps, fiches and other things I sold a few years ago as I need them now! Doh!
Also out with the lads tonight for a few beers and a curry which is going to be great - I am looking forward to that - a crowd of 8 or so of us.
Off to do my bit now
As I am at home a lot more I can go and help people out. Just off to fix some shelves for my friend's mum and dad.
That will make me feel all warm and good inside and take away the evil nasty feelings I have towards my ex-employers. well I hope it does.
That will make me feel all warm and good inside and take away the evil nasty feelings I have towards my ex-employers. well I hope it does.
Oh to see
The look on their faces tomorrow - especially when they read paragraph 14 of their notice.
I wonder what amazing statute or Law they can magic up to defend this?
I must stop gloating as it was only a few days ago I felt differently about this. Later today I will be lending assistance to those in need. I hope that those who have tormented me get to have a very bad day and weekend indeed. I shall not.
On a more upbeat note - I was delighted to be taken out for a few beers this evening which may perchance explain my rather belligerent mood at the moment.
There are not many people in the world that I hold a grudge against but I am sure the tables will be turned tomorrow and that finally, with an official Government document delivered in their hands they will realise that they are finally being reeled in. I am sure my claim is just the tip of the iceberg.
I wonder what amazing statute or Law they can magic up to defend this?
I must stop gloating as it was only a few days ago I felt differently about this. Later today I will be lending assistance to those in need. I hope that those who have tormented me get to have a very bad day and weekend indeed. I shall not.
On a more upbeat note - I was delighted to be taken out for a few beers this evening which may perchance explain my rather belligerent mood at the moment.
There are not many people in the world that I hold a grudge against but I am sure the tables will be turned tomorrow and that finally, with an official Government document delivered in their hands they will realise that they are finally being reeled in. I am sure my claim is just the tip of the iceberg.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The papers have arrived
My case has been accepted and the papers are about to be served. Author lets out a big sigh of relief :-)
What I like about it is the closing paragraph which states categorically that complete non-payment of wages is unlawful. Argue that one guys.
What I like about it is the closing paragraph which states categorically that complete non-payment of wages is unlawful. Argue that one guys.
I feel a bit better today
It is strange how you get that feeling of a "weight lifted off" - it does actually feel like that and today, I feel much better all around as I have made my decision and done something about it.
Perhaps I should have learnt that from having had BC. The problem was waiting to hear what you had and imagining what things would be like. The actual part of being told what you had was if anything a relief because - at least you knew - that was another weight lifted as was being told things were clear.
So the deed is done and is being investigated first to check that there is a case and then these so called "business men" can expect a rather interesting letter to answer. They then have a choice to pay me and stop the proceedings or to contest the case in which event they might find out a very interesting aspect of the Law which is that you cannot use someones services and not pay for them. As a minimum they should have paid the national minimum wage. What I always enjoyed about dealing with these guys was their ability to come up with some Law (that doesn't exist) to justify a position that they were taking.
As we say in Blighty "Pick the bones out of that!"
Yes - feeling better and glad I finally made this decision.
Perhaps I should have learnt that from having had BC. The problem was waiting to hear what you had and imagining what things would be like. The actual part of being told what you had was if anything a relief because - at least you knew - that was another weight lifted as was being told things were clear.
So the deed is done and is being investigated first to check that there is a case and then these so called "business men" can expect a rather interesting letter to answer. They then have a choice to pay me and stop the proceedings or to contest the case in which event they might find out a very interesting aspect of the Law which is that you cannot use someones services and not pay for them. As a minimum they should have paid the national minimum wage. What I always enjoyed about dealing with these guys was their ability to come up with some Law (that doesn't exist) to justify a position that they were taking.
As we say in Blighty "Pick the bones out of that!"
Yes - feeling better and glad I finally made this decision.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A Good Day and interesting evening too
Well that was an enjoyable and interesting day and evening. I rushed off as a friend was going up early to London and forgot part of my regalia - my collar- which was a nightmare as I was probably the only one of a couple of hundred not wearing a collar. DOH (Thanks Homer).
Anyway - it was nice not to have to do anything and to enjoy a day out with good company. The last couple of speeches were well written but poorly delivered!! I need to remind people that comedians are funny because they have timing and delivery skills. No matter how good a Vicar and a Lawyer may have thought they were - they were not amusing and wasted 30 minutes of valuable drinking time IMHO.
Right - off to bed with a Statin now!
Anyway - it was nice not to have to do anything and to enjoy a day out with good company. The last couple of speeches were well written but poorly delivered!! I need to remind people that comedians are funny because they have timing and delivery skills. No matter how good a Vicar and a Lawyer may have thought they were - they were not amusing and wasted 30 minutes of valuable drinking time IMHO.
Right - off to bed with a Statin now!
Great - well that cheered me up
My daughter "A" has had two Universities say yes and give her the opportunity (subject to Exam results) to go to them. She has another two, further away, one of which requires a project and portfolio to support her application, the other is by interview in a few weeks. She is a very good Photographer, better than I could ever be. What I liked was that she wasn't certain she had done well at the interview and it is amazing how sometimes you can walk out of somewhere and think you did really badly and yet you get the job or whatever. They were pretty tough on a 17 year old - but then again I was actually working when I was 17!
I always wanted to be a photographer when I was young and, of course, that really wasn't the done thing so I went into engineering with a solid Apprenticeship - not that it did me any harm and it has set me up for the last 30 odd years and I have all the stuff you need etc.
But of course, you always wonder what would have happened if we hadn't moved from London to the sticks where the curriculum was different. If I'd have stayed in London I'd have been in the right sets for top school placements as a new kid in the country I was put in the bottom class and didn't go. That was out of my control and frankly, if the family hadn't have moved we would never have had the lifestyle our parents gave us so I'm not saying that it was wrong either - that's just the way it is. I just wonder whether I'd have been living a different life altogether?
For those reasons, we have stayed in this house for 20 years to provide a stable environment and whilst I think that Photography is highly competitive and perhaps not so well paid, I see no reason to force a change in emphasis on "A" at all. If she can do this, she should. Good luck to her.
I'm really pleased for her, delighted. One of my ambitions or regrets I suppose in reality, was to not to have gone to University. perhaps I will get the opportunity later this year to do so with my new venture? I'd like to think that I can rise above all the present wreckage and do that. Something up my street like History will do me fine.
I always wanted to be a photographer when I was young and, of course, that really wasn't the done thing so I went into engineering with a solid Apprenticeship - not that it did me any harm and it has set me up for the last 30 odd years and I have all the stuff you need etc.
But of course, you always wonder what would have happened if we hadn't moved from London to the sticks where the curriculum was different. If I'd have stayed in London I'd have been in the right sets for top school placements as a new kid in the country I was put in the bottom class and didn't go. That was out of my control and frankly, if the family hadn't have moved we would never have had the lifestyle our parents gave us so I'm not saying that it was wrong either - that's just the way it is. I just wonder whether I'd have been living a different life altogether?
For those reasons, we have stayed in this house for 20 years to provide a stable environment and whilst I think that Photography is highly competitive and perhaps not so well paid, I see no reason to force a change in emphasis on "A" at all. If she can do this, she should. Good luck to her.
I'm really pleased for her, delighted. One of my ambitions or regrets I suppose in reality, was to not to have gone to University. perhaps I will get the opportunity later this year to do so with my new venture? I'd like to think that I can rise above all the present wreckage and do that. Something up my street like History will do me fine.
It is Done
I don't feel particularly good or bad about it but the form has been electronically filed this morning and I hope that it will set in motion recovery of some of my money. This is the one that can easily be addressed as there is a Government Agency set up to do just this.
The business to business claim will be a bit more difficult but I will probably do a little work on that and then push out an official document to get their attention. The trouble with this is that it will cost money and as they haven't paid me much at all - I may as well use my money to better effect.
I can't say that it is a weight off my mind or that I am happy about going down this route but it is one of those things I suppose. I actually feel a slightly sick feeling in my stomach about it. Anyway, I can hardly see why that should be I am after all the victim here.
It will be interesting to see if the claim is accepted in the first place and how they will respond in the second. The key thing here is that I get my claim in now and join the queue of creditors!
So having said all of that - I'm sure that in a day or two I will see that this is the right thing to do. Goodness knows I gave them enough time and attention explaining how these things worked.
I'm off out later today to a very special meeting in London which I am looking forward to immensely. I went about three years ago and had the most fantastic time. I need to enjoy this one as I may never get another chance to go again. An invite is as rare as Hen's teeth.
The business to business claim will be a bit more difficult but I will probably do a little work on that and then push out an official document to get their attention. The trouble with this is that it will cost money and as they haven't paid me much at all - I may as well use my money to better effect.
I can't say that it is a weight off my mind or that I am happy about going down this route but it is one of those things I suppose. I actually feel a slightly sick feeling in my stomach about it. Anyway, I can hardly see why that should be I am after all the victim here.
It will be interesting to see if the claim is accepted in the first place and how they will respond in the second. The key thing here is that I get my claim in now and join the queue of creditors!
So having said all of that - I'm sure that in a day or two I will see that this is the right thing to do. Goodness knows I gave them enough time and attention explaining how these things worked.
I'm off out later today to a very special meeting in London which I am looking forward to immensely. I went about three years ago and had the most fantastic time. I need to enjoy this one as I may never get another chance to go again. An invite is as rare as Hen's teeth.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
What on earth is holding me back
From pushing the button and going for the people who obviously didn't give two stuffs about me? I still think about all the other people who are affected and yet I know I should take this action and it is going to lead to other consequences. Push the button, submit the form, await the due process of the law. Come on - do it and have done with it.
Should I give them one more chance or did they squander that when they libeled me? Do I give them an opportunity to get off the hook? Has it all gone too far for that now and what really needs to happen is that reality needs to kick in.
I know that some people are going to get hurt (not me) when I do this and to be honest with you, I don't think that I can find any redeeming feature in any of their behaviours or characters that should be making me stop, think and double check what I am doing I mean, for goodness sake, I just went through 18 months of health hell and a few legal letters and an appearance in court or similar shouldn't be daunting for me. Inconvenient perhaps but it has to be done. If not for my sake - then to stop them doing this to anyone else and thinking that it is perfectly acceptable to employ someone and then not pay them. Who do they think they are? It is after all against the law to take someone's efforts and not reward them.
It's amazing that I am even thinking like this when I should just be getting on and sorting it out.
I am afraid that it is another one of my recent traits - I never used to be this indecisive (but now I'm not so sure)! I had to put that in there before the readershp did :-)
I have printed out the legals and will read it all again in the morning. If it makes sense and I still haven't had any response back from my other communications then I shall do it. If nothing else at least it will force some sort of end game and some form of closure.
Should I give them one more chance or did they squander that when they libeled me? Do I give them an opportunity to get off the hook? Has it all gone too far for that now and what really needs to happen is that reality needs to kick in.
I know that some people are going to get hurt (not me) when I do this and to be honest with you, I don't think that I can find any redeeming feature in any of their behaviours or characters that should be making me stop, think and double check what I am doing I mean, for goodness sake, I just went through 18 months of health hell and a few legal letters and an appearance in court or similar shouldn't be daunting for me. Inconvenient perhaps but it has to be done. If not for my sake - then to stop them doing this to anyone else and thinking that it is perfectly acceptable to employ someone and then not pay them. Who do they think they are? It is after all against the law to take someone's efforts and not reward them.
It's amazing that I am even thinking like this when I should just be getting on and sorting it out.
I am afraid that it is another one of my recent traits - I never used to be this indecisive (but now I'm not so sure)! I had to put that in there before the readershp did :-)
I have printed out the legals and will read it all again in the morning. If it makes sense and I still haven't had any response back from my other communications then I shall do it. If nothing else at least it will force some sort of end game and some form of closure.
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