Impacts to health and well-being caused through work

Reflecting on the past 2 months - for it has been that long since the problem came to light, I can see that the impacts on me have been profound. I had been happily working away and doing what I needed to and all was fine until the business (not me) had problems. Since that point in time, I've been angry, very angry, furious, upset and generally pretty damned annoyed with the way that I have been treated.

So what has this done?

Stress - I can actually feel the stress level coming down and my chest isn't as tight as it was
Anger - back under control - I've not been bashing around the house letting off steam or anything - just angry with the situation and thank goodness for this and the other blog as I have been able to rant and let off steam there
Head-games - Loss of sleep, brain whirring and planning and working out all the moves and all the options - it has been a nightmare and how much sleep have I lost as a result?
Physically - I don't think that I have suffered that much apart from the lack of sleep and how slow that makes you. I think that I could now do with getting sorted a bit better physically. I plan to get myself sorted out following the BCGs starting next week.
Overall - tired, irritable and not great fun to be with these past two months and a general depression and malaise were part of the problem too.
Not like I used to be - I'm definitely not like I used to be - in the old days I would have gotten this sorted out quicker and I'd have been far more aggressive. These people had been dealing with me for 6 months or so - all sweetness and light up until the point that things went bad and I was a bit slow in dealing a blow to them immediately. By holding back (as they requested) I've lost about a month in getting things resolved. That for sure is down to me not wanting a harder life and losing a bit of my edge.

The thing is that today I have come out of the shadow I was in a bit and I'm now at the point where I've done everything that I need to sort things out at a business level and I only need to make a few more decisions on that. Everything is in place now. I can go for the throat and bring it all to a head or I can throw it all in the bin and walk away.

Having got to that position - I feel better about myself and in control of the situation again. Whilst I am still thinking about it and contemplating my options - I get the feeling that this now isn't the only thing on my agenda anymore - I have other things to do and I can now get on with those without brooding over this day after day and (frankly) getting nowhere with it.

Impacts? - yes, affecting my health? - yes certain that it has - if not my health then my recovery. at least I am getting out of the rut and getting on and doing other things. Affecting my brain? of course it has, deeply I think, I now no longer care for the industry I have been in for some years, it used to be populated by honourable and decent people - I'm sure there are some still out there but this experience has poisoned that. I thought I wanted to do something should I recover that was different and enjoyable and above all, something I wanted to do on my terms. I have a number of years to go on treatment still and I need a flexible job, I don't really want any stress or having to keep chasing up my money and I don't need (if not me then my family) the instability of these ventures that you work for months at a time only to find they wont pay you.

I finally get to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't the light of an oncoming train! So begins the repair and rebuild phase and I must ensure that I put myself and my health and stability first and build on that.