Build up begins

No matter how many times you go through the treatments and how routine they become there is still the matter that you know they are coming and you know how you are going to feel (or think you do).

Tomorrow I have the first of 3 BCGs and, to tell the truth, I'm not looking forward to it but I know that it is because of that and the early surgeries that I am here to be in a position to not like them. This is the last three of six and I've had my nine week break in between.

I met a few people who were having their BCGs and they were a last resort and that if this treatment failed they were going to "lose their bladders". These days you don't have to have a bag (I learnt all this early on in my diagnosis and first recovery period). They can build a bladder from bits of intestines but for a man the operation is as serious as having a prostate removed as the results can be a loss of function. It was a big worry to them and I can understand that so I temper my feelings about the treatment with the knowledge that I am here and well because of the treatment. For some that isn't such a bad option - the reason? If you don't have a bladder, it is unlikely that you'l get bladder cancer again (if you think about it).

No doubt I'll get back to some of my habits and routines tomorrow. For today - I have a stack of work to do and not much time to do it. I will be distracting myself a bit as well as it doesn't help me to dwell on thinking about this stuff too much.