Phew - meeting went well - fantastic buzz afterwards as my head went off in to full explode mode. The more we get into the depths of our business the greater the challenge. I thought that our scale and ambition has always been set high and today we started to realise just how high. What came across and perhaps surprised us is the availability of finance options.
I don't appear to have any more bit dropping out of my body today. I think if nothing has happened by Sunday I will get back into light training on my cross trainer. It will three weeks tomorrow and I should be somewhere near the zone.
I certainly don't want to lost the habit or lose the benefits that it appears to have brought so far.
It's a curry night tomorrow which with 17 of us going along should be a great evening.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Blog before Breakfast
Then off to London to meet the new potential financial guy. Jazz was good except when I went to the toilet and passed another huge scab. Obviously not ready to get back onto the exercise bike today. I managed to get soaked as a rogue shower emptied its contents on me. Even with a huge golfing umbrella I was soaked up beyond my knees and my shoes were just about to give up when I got into the hall.
It looks a great day - it will be interesting to see quite what it brings :-)
It looks a great day - it will be interesting to see quite what it brings :-)
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Jazz
I cannot fault going out the the Jazz evening as I really enjoy a bit of live music a a few pints of Old Speckled Hen to wash it all down with.
I need to wind down a bit as today was full on with the new business and tomorrow we actually get to start meeting and greeting people and perhaps welcome another member to our team.
Today it dawned on us just how big our task actually is and in many respects how far we had already come along the way. It is pretty impressive to see the quantity and the quality of the work done so far.
I need to wind down a bit as today was full on with the new business and tomorrow we actually get to start meeting and greeting people and perhaps welcome another member to our team.
Today it dawned on us just how big our task actually is and in many respects how far we had already come along the way. It is pretty impressive to see the quantity and the quality of the work done so far.
Get off Monkey
What a huge difference I notice in myself today - the Monkey on my Shoulder's gone and I feel light (the weight has gone) I feel bright and cheerful and ecstatic and all because I don't have to have an operation in 6 months.
That and to again have found no cancer inside of me too. If I could exhale for a minute or longer I would do PPPPPPPPppppppphhhhhhhhheeeeeewwwwww :-)
I can't tell you how huge a difference it has made to me - I'm somehow really upbeat, optimistic and cheerful all at the same time. My business partner is here today and I'm looking forward to getting stuck in to an uninterrupted 6 months of work. Tomorrow we go and meet the guy who is - potentially - going to be our Financial man. Tonight I'm off for a nigh at the Trad Jazz evening.
That and to again have found no cancer inside of me too. If I could exhale for a minute or longer I would do PPPPPPPPppppppphhhhhhhhheeeeeewwwwww :-)
I can't tell you how huge a difference it has made to me - I'm somehow really upbeat, optimistic and cheerful all at the same time. My business partner is here today and I'm looking forward to getting stuck in to an uninterrupted 6 months of work. Tomorrow we go and meet the guy who is - potentially - going to be our Financial man. Tonight I'm off for a nigh at the Trad Jazz evening.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
The guy that encouraged me to write this blog
Was the chap I met tonight whose dad died last night. They had just moved back in to the village here and just a few weeks later it was all over and his dad died. The new next door neighbours came over to complain that the lights were left on last night.
"That would be on account of the nurse coming over due to "a serious and sudden deterioration of his condition" my friend suggested. Well - "my wife found it hard to sleep and I hope it doesn't happen again?" "I doubt it" my friend said "he died 10 minutes ago, you should get some sleep tonight!"
He and I like my "I'm Not Dead Yet" Tee-Shirt I wear occasionally. Everyone - listen to me - stop being such annal retentive dick-heads and "GET A LIFE"
How dare they come over and complain that a light was left on when at that actual time a human life was going out??? Sometimes, when I see the world's sufferings and man's inhumanity to man graphically displayed on the news and then you get some self centred NMBY (Not In My Back Yard) on - don't you just want to go and drill them? I know I do - but then I'm getting old and far more right wing than I ever was.
I had a little cuddle with my mate as he arrived at the pub. We don't do that sort of thing normally, we are British and that's not the way we greet each other - you should shake hands and all that but my friend just lost his Dad and after all, an arm round your shoulder says a thousand words because - not only don't we like touching each other, we are also very bad at saying the right thing either!!! It's tough being British as our stiff upper lips get in the way of our feelings and we aren't very good at expressing ourselves. I don't think I've ever given him a "cuddle" but I just felt it was necessary and saved me the embarrassment of having to express my sentiments at his father's demise.
I have to say though that KP - he knows who he is - is massively responsible for this blog and so I do hope that he reads it and realises the major part he has played in getting this diatribe out into to the wide world and the benefit for me - if for no one else?
Respect KP - you've played such a major part in my recovery - I just can't express how important it has been to have this outlet available and your support during that time.
"That would be on account of the nurse coming over due to "a serious and sudden deterioration of his condition" my friend suggested. Well - "my wife found it hard to sleep and I hope it doesn't happen again?" "I doubt it" my friend said "he died 10 minutes ago, you should get some sleep tonight!"
He and I like my "I'm Not Dead Yet" Tee-Shirt I wear occasionally. Everyone - listen to me - stop being such annal retentive dick-heads and "GET A LIFE"
How dare they come over and complain that a light was left on when at that actual time a human life was going out??? Sometimes, when I see the world's sufferings and man's inhumanity to man graphically displayed on the news and then you get some self centred NMBY (Not In My Back Yard) on - don't you just want to go and drill them? I know I do - but then I'm getting old and far more right wing than I ever was.
I had a little cuddle with my mate as he arrived at the pub. We don't do that sort of thing normally, we are British and that's not the way we greet each other - you should shake hands and all that but my friend just lost his Dad and after all, an arm round your shoulder says a thousand words because - not only don't we like touching each other, we are also very bad at saying the right thing either!!! It's tough being British as our stiff upper lips get in the way of our feelings and we aren't very good at expressing ourselves. I don't think I've ever given him a "cuddle" but I just felt it was necessary and saved me the embarrassment of having to express my sentiments at his father's demise.
I have to say though that KP - he knows who he is - is massively responsible for this blog and so I do hope that he reads it and realises the major part he has played in getting this diatribe out into to the wide world and the benefit for me - if for no one else?
Respect KP - you've played such a major part in my recovery - I just can't express how important it has been to have this outlet available and your support during that time.
Oh Happy Day!!!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
OK - I waited 30 minutes to see the Consultant (Doctor), Jo, my Urology Nurse, picked me up from reception and we walked through. "Have you got your stress balls?" she asked. "I hope I don't need them!" I said as we walked into the office. It was smiles all round and my consultant, obvioulsy not in on the joke looked at me. I explained that I was surprised Jo "recognised me with my clothes on" and that when I have the BCG treatment, I carry in a pair or Stress balls. Having sorted that out - we exchanged pleasantries (as you do) and she just said that the results were clear.
"Great" I said. Then the even better news - "we can now go to a check by flexible cystoscopy"
I have to tell you that this is such good news for me, 4 years, 9 operations and an explanation that the reason they had gone for lots more biopsies, especially around the neck of the bladder (where the original tumour was close to) was to allow them to be able to take this decision.
Relief? You're not kidding. I am so pleased that I'm smiling writing this yet I have a tiny tear of emotion in my eyes too. I was hoping so much to move on and this really has let me do that. I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is. I had a small whinge about the treatment I had received and also asked for the fainting fit to be stuck on the notes so that people knew not to back pressure my bladder next time (if there is one). I'd certainly say something but thought the notes should too!
As I say that, I find that one of my friends from school I am meeting tonight (we meet every month) just dropped me a note with 2 messages. His brother - who I haven't seen for 35 years will be coming over tonight but that their father died last night, of cancer. The other friend who will be there is the one whose dad died just as I was diagnosed causing all sorts of anguish I can tell you. The one who cannot make it tonight, his father-in-law - who I knew quite well died of Bladder Cancer just last year after many years fighting it. I intend that we will celebrate life and to help the cause Ii have already had three pints of Spitfire on my way home. Mrs. F. and L accompanied me at the pub to celebrate :-)
What a strange and fateful day for me. I like the fact that we will celebrate my friend's dad's life - I have no doubt that is what he would want us to do. I only met him a few times but he was a lovely man.
I am so pleased with the outcome - it was the best news I could have had especially after all that trauma of the past few weeks.
OK - I waited 30 minutes to see the Consultant (Doctor), Jo, my Urology Nurse, picked me up from reception and we walked through. "Have you got your stress balls?" she asked. "I hope I don't need them!" I said as we walked into the office. It was smiles all round and my consultant, obvioulsy not in on the joke looked at me. I explained that I was surprised Jo "recognised me with my clothes on" and that when I have the BCG treatment, I carry in a pair or Stress balls. Having sorted that out - we exchanged pleasantries (as you do) and she just said that the results were clear.
"Great" I said. Then the even better news - "we can now go to a check by flexible cystoscopy"
I have to tell you that this is such good news for me, 4 years, 9 operations and an explanation that the reason they had gone for lots more biopsies, especially around the neck of the bladder (where the original tumour was close to) was to allow them to be able to take this decision.
Relief? You're not kidding. I am so pleased that I'm smiling writing this yet I have a tiny tear of emotion in my eyes too. I was hoping so much to move on and this really has let me do that. I can't even begin to tell you what a relief it is. I had a small whinge about the treatment I had received and also asked for the fainting fit to be stuck on the notes so that people knew not to back pressure my bladder next time (if there is one). I'd certainly say something but thought the notes should too!
As I say that, I find that one of my friends from school I am meeting tonight (we meet every month) just dropped me a note with 2 messages. His brother - who I haven't seen for 35 years will be coming over tonight but that their father died last night, of cancer. The other friend who will be there is the one whose dad died just as I was diagnosed causing all sorts of anguish I can tell you. The one who cannot make it tonight, his father-in-law - who I knew quite well died of Bladder Cancer just last year after many years fighting it. I intend that we will celebrate life and to help the cause Ii have already had three pints of Spitfire on my way home. Mrs. F. and L accompanied me at the pub to celebrate :-)
What a strange and fateful day for me. I like the fact that we will celebrate my friend's dad's life - I have no doubt that is what he would want us to do. I only met him a few times but he was a lovely man.
I am so pleased with the outcome - it was the best news I could have had especially after all that trauma of the past few weeks.
Monday, August 02, 2010
WAMU: The Diane Rehm Show Podcast : NPR Podcasts
WAMU: The Diane Rehm Show Podcast : NPR Podcasts
Also HERE
2nd August 2010 - Bladder Cancer. This is a podcast and is about an hour long. It is very interesting stuff and highlights one of the key things about bladder cancer - that is the sheer cost of treatment and its recurrence rates. Some very interesting points here for the US audience and here in Europe too.
I have been trying to explain how different bladder cancer is to people for a long time, about the long term follow up work and the high levels of recurrence but with the frequency of follow up and the slow growing nature - they are able to give us BC survivors a good prognosis. There are still further treatments and things they can do in the future should I get another recurrence. More treatment, surgery and even more radical things can be done to prolong my life.
It was also interesting to hear that as this is the 5th most prevalent cancer in the US and the 4th here in the UK how little attention or funding it gets. Is this because it is a "below the belt" cancer?? Given how much it costs the NHS here in the UK (paid for by our national insurance scheme) and individual's insurance in the US you would have thought there were some long term financial gains to be made by advancing the research into Bladder Cancer.
One of the panellists has been checked for 30 years (she is only 50) and it could be much much longer of course. Imagine if you will what sort of costs that is for a theatre, all the laundry, personnel, doctor, heating, lighting etc and all the drugs and stuff - then multiply that by 30 and you can see quite how expensive it is.
Interesting stuff I think you'll find.
Also HERE
2nd August 2010 - Bladder Cancer. This is a podcast and is about an hour long. It is very interesting stuff and highlights one of the key things about bladder cancer - that is the sheer cost of treatment and its recurrence rates. Some very interesting points here for the US audience and here in Europe too.
I have been trying to explain how different bladder cancer is to people for a long time, about the long term follow up work and the high levels of recurrence but with the frequency of follow up and the slow growing nature - they are able to give us BC survivors a good prognosis. There are still further treatments and things they can do in the future should I get another recurrence. More treatment, surgery and even more radical things can be done to prolong my life.
It was also interesting to hear that as this is the 5th most prevalent cancer in the US and the 4th here in the UK how little attention or funding it gets. Is this because it is a "below the belt" cancer?? Given how much it costs the NHS here in the UK (paid for by our national insurance scheme) and individual's insurance in the US you would have thought there were some long term financial gains to be made by advancing the research into Bladder Cancer.
One of the panellists has been checked for 30 years (she is only 50) and it could be much much longer of course. Imagine if you will what sort of costs that is for a theatre, all the laundry, personnel, doctor, heating, lighting etc and all the drugs and stuff - then multiply that by 30 and you can see quite how expensive it is.
Interesting stuff I think you'll find.
Verdict Day approaches
I'll have a walk to the nearer Hospital tomorrow - at least it has an open out patients area not like the other place which triggers my claustrophobia off nicely as it is hot and over crowded and pokey.
Let's hope for some good news this time and that the lab reports follow the visual one and there is nothing there. It really needs to be given the experience I had this time. I nearly got back onto the exercise machine today but decided to wait until tomorrow and get the SP from the consultant and then I can make up my mind what to do next.
I'm quite pleased with myself as I made my first batch of Cottage (or Curd) Cheese last night and had some for lunch today. It is pretty good and quite different to the pots of stuff you get at the supermarket. It is much finer grained and a little drier (maybe I overdid the draining). You get a fair amount out of a few pints of milk and you get sour milk / butter milk so Mrs. F. made blueberry muffins with that too.
I am toying with the idea of following Steve K's inclusion of the Budwig Protocol in my diet and so will source some Flaxseed Oil (or Linseed as we call it over here) and some Flax Seeds themselves to add to the Cottage Cheese and try out the mixture. If you follow the link above you will see Steve's take on it and I feel I ought to give this a try to add in to my diet. I've been pretty good about what I eat but once again, this week finds me out three times - tomorrow with my school chums, Wednesday at the Trad Jazz night and Friday Flocky Bicep has organised a Curry Club - there should be about 15 to 17 of us out for the night. Each requires me to drink beer (of course) and Friday to have a Curry. However I do tend to go for fish or vegetarian these days so hopefully that will stop me piling on the pounds.
Exercise - I must get back to it and so far it has been two days since the last appearance of scabs and bits falling out of me. I am guessing that I could easily do light exercise without turning on the resistance magnets just to give myself a light jog rather than a workout. As for the weights - perhaps early next week.
I'm trying to get some sleep but for some reason my mind is skipping ahead to tomorrow - even though there is nothing I can actually do about the outcome!
Let's hope for some good news this time and that the lab reports follow the visual one and there is nothing there. It really needs to be given the experience I had this time. I nearly got back onto the exercise machine today but decided to wait until tomorrow and get the SP from the consultant and then I can make up my mind what to do next.
I'm quite pleased with myself as I made my first batch of Cottage (or Curd) Cheese last night and had some for lunch today. It is pretty good and quite different to the pots of stuff you get at the supermarket. It is much finer grained and a little drier (maybe I overdid the draining). You get a fair amount out of a few pints of milk and you get sour milk / butter milk so Mrs. F. made blueberry muffins with that too.
I am toying with the idea of following Steve K's inclusion of the Budwig Protocol in my diet and so will source some Flaxseed Oil (or Linseed as we call it over here) and some Flax Seeds themselves to add to the Cottage Cheese and try out the mixture. If you follow the link above you will see Steve's take on it and I feel I ought to give this a try to add in to my diet. I've been pretty good about what I eat but once again, this week finds me out three times - tomorrow with my school chums, Wednesday at the Trad Jazz night and Friday Flocky Bicep has organised a Curry Club - there should be about 15 to 17 of us out for the night. Each requires me to drink beer (of course) and Friday to have a Curry. However I do tend to go for fish or vegetarian these days so hopefully that will stop me piling on the pounds.
Exercise - I must get back to it and so far it has been two days since the last appearance of scabs and bits falling out of me. I am guessing that I could easily do light exercise without turning on the resistance magnets just to give myself a light jog rather than a workout. As for the weights - perhaps early next week.
I'm trying to get some sleep but for some reason my mind is skipping ahead to tomorrow - even though there is nothing I can actually do about the outcome!
A Grand Place
It most certainly is a Grand Place. I don't remember it being as crowded as this but then I wasn't always there during the tourist season as most of Europe closes down around about now and everyone goes on holiday.
It was a good break and perhaps the only one I'll get away with this year whilst I am working on getting some funding for our new venture. That is proving hard work at the moment as we grind through the tedious stuff of naming the project (we already have a working name). We need to choose something appropriate and that sticks in the mind. It may well be changed later but we need to rally around a flag and start talking a common language. There will be more later but what we are doing is radically different but we are reluctant to use existing language to express what sets it apart as it associates it with existing technologies. We are nearing the holy grail of having new language and new definitions, a sales drill and other things. We are also close to getting the team built now as we have found our "missing link". I'm pretty good at financial stuff and have produced all the finances to date but really needed as specialist. It looks as if we have found that person which is great.
I am feeling a lot better today and I'm getting back to work albeit a bit slowly as I need to catch up on the work my colleague has done whilst I have been off work. Tomorrow I find out what the results of the biopsies are and where my future lies. I was impressed today as I needed a belt to stop my jeans falling down!! I seem to have shrunk around the waist and chest all of a sudden even though I've only lost a few pounds this week. Strange :-)
It was a good break and perhaps the only one I'll get away with this year whilst I am working on getting some funding for our new venture. That is proving hard work at the moment as we grind through the tedious stuff of naming the project (we already have a working name). We need to choose something appropriate and that sticks in the mind. It may well be changed later but we need to rally around a flag and start talking a common language. There will be more later but what we are doing is radically different but we are reluctant to use existing language to express what sets it apart as it associates it with existing technologies. We are nearing the holy grail of having new language and new definitions, a sales drill and other things. We are also close to getting the team built now as we have found our "missing link". I'm pretty good at financial stuff and have produced all the finances to date but really needed as specialist. It looks as if we have found that person which is great.
I am feeling a lot better today and I'm getting back to work albeit a bit slowly as I need to catch up on the work my colleague has done whilst I have been off work. Tomorrow I find out what the results of the biopsies are and where my future lies. I was impressed today as I needed a belt to stop my jeans falling down!! I seem to have shrunk around the waist and chest all of a sudden even though I've only lost a few pounds this week. Strange :-)
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Denial?
Not a river in Egypt - a thought going through my head.
It could even be not taking it seriously or taking it too lightly. It just appears to me that so many people talk to me and it's the way that they look at you and the tone of their voices that trigger this reflection on whether or not I understand the gravity of the situation that I am in. Sounds funny? Well to me it does as I don't look at it that way.
I think that there is some measure of truth about being in denial or not taking it seriously as I am certain that it doesn't actually accomplish anything for me to be thinking like that so it is a bit of kid-ology attached to it. I think that bladder cancer is also "a little different" to other cancers in as much as it is very treatable in the way that I've had it. In other words, whilst it is nasty and we all know it is a killer, in bladder cancer terms, caught early, non-invasive and low/medium grade as mine was - is controllable. After they've gotten rid of the offending tumour, treated the bladder with BCG, they keep their eye on you at a minimum yearly.
Bladder Cancer is slow growing and so they can quickly whip any new tumours out or identify any areas of concern. That's happened to me already with a minute recurrence but this time all looks clear. The downside is that I'll be being checked regularly for the rest of my life by the looks of it and possibly that will be yearly (I don't know what the future is on that) I assume. It may be different with advances in treatment over what's left of my life.
Because I am comfortable (might be the wrong word) that they can catch any recurrence in a timely manner and that they should get this before it has an opportunity to harm me, then I feel a certain level of confidence about the disease I've had and feel I should convey that by being positive and optimistic to people I meet. I guess we are all, deep down, frightened of Cancer and perhaps that is what people don't quite get when they meet me. I have a pretty healthy respect for it but I also think that you must also communicate the good stuff too. I survived, modern medicine boosted my immune system to fight the cancer and these days you are more likely to survive. All of these things are worth communicating and I like to consider that I am being a mini ambassador for the disease and for the advances in treatment that mean I survived.
I don't think I'm in denial and I'd like to consider that I know pretty much what has happened to me, why it happened and what I can do to improve my survival chances. All these things are actually good news and deserve to be communicated. I imagine that generally things are negative and such things as hair loss and the loss of loved ones to Cancer sets people's behaviour so that they see my attitude as unusual and the opposite of what they expected.
Denial? Maybe but only for self protection - I never ever want to go look down the abyss again and I surely don't want my old friend the Black Dog to come visit again.
It could even be not taking it seriously or taking it too lightly. It just appears to me that so many people talk to me and it's the way that they look at you and the tone of their voices that trigger this reflection on whether or not I understand the gravity of the situation that I am in. Sounds funny? Well to me it does as I don't look at it that way.
I think that there is some measure of truth about being in denial or not taking it seriously as I am certain that it doesn't actually accomplish anything for me to be thinking like that so it is a bit of kid-ology attached to it. I think that bladder cancer is also "a little different" to other cancers in as much as it is very treatable in the way that I've had it. In other words, whilst it is nasty and we all know it is a killer, in bladder cancer terms, caught early, non-invasive and low/medium grade as mine was - is controllable. After they've gotten rid of the offending tumour, treated the bladder with BCG, they keep their eye on you at a minimum yearly.
Bladder Cancer is slow growing and so they can quickly whip any new tumours out or identify any areas of concern. That's happened to me already with a minute recurrence but this time all looks clear. The downside is that I'll be being checked regularly for the rest of my life by the looks of it and possibly that will be yearly (I don't know what the future is on that) I assume. It may be different with advances in treatment over what's left of my life.
Because I am comfortable (might be the wrong word) that they can catch any recurrence in a timely manner and that they should get this before it has an opportunity to harm me, then I feel a certain level of confidence about the disease I've had and feel I should convey that by being positive and optimistic to people I meet. I guess we are all, deep down, frightened of Cancer and perhaps that is what people don't quite get when they meet me. I have a pretty healthy respect for it but I also think that you must also communicate the good stuff too. I survived, modern medicine boosted my immune system to fight the cancer and these days you are more likely to survive. All of these things are worth communicating and I like to consider that I am being a mini ambassador for the disease and for the advances in treatment that mean I survived.
I don't think I'm in denial and I'd like to consider that I know pretty much what has happened to me, why it happened and what I can do to improve my survival chances. All these things are actually good news and deserve to be communicated. I imagine that generally things are negative and such things as hair loss and the loss of loved ones to Cancer sets people's behaviour so that they see my attitude as unusual and the opposite of what they expected.
Denial? Maybe but only for self protection - I never ever want to go look down the abyss again and I surely don't want my old friend the Black Dog to come visit again.
Weight this week - a pleasant and unexpected surprise
224 Pounds or 16 stone. Good grief - I thought I would have put on a lot although I have eaten sensibly and done plenty of walking. That's about 1 stone since I've started my "health kick". Still more to go and it is a good feeling to start noticing my clothes being loose on me.
Perhaps I should complain to the Belgian Beer Companies that their beer isn't full of enough carbohydrates :-)
Talking of Belgian beer - I did enjoy a few (as you do) and still like Duvel (Devil) as it is quite strong but not like the Trappist beers. There are some bars in Brussels that sell around 200 beers and there is a different glass (shape, logo etc) for every beer. One of the more amazing ones is Kwak which comes in a wooden handled mini "yard of ale" type glass. I recommend a visit to Belgium just for the beer alone.
As for my ongoing recovery - overnight I've been visiting the toilet every hour or so - which is to be expected as I have been drinking a lot to ease the pains I was getting. This morning, after several more bits have fallen out or been passed out I am a lot better and peeing is less painful. I'm still quite tender around my bladder / stomach area but that is only to be expected I guess. I'm going to take it easy again today - plenty more water to drink and hopefully I'll be fit enough to return to exercising later this week.
Perhaps I should complain to the Belgian Beer Companies that their beer isn't full of enough carbohydrates :-)
Talking of Belgian beer - I did enjoy a few (as you do) and still like Duvel (Devil) as it is quite strong but not like the Trappist beers. There are some bars in Brussels that sell around 200 beers and there is a different glass (shape, logo etc) for every beer. One of the more amazing ones is Kwak which comes in a wooden handled mini "yard of ale" type glass. I recommend a visit to Belgium just for the beer alone.
As for my ongoing recovery - overnight I've been visiting the toilet every hour or so - which is to be expected as I have been drinking a lot to ease the pains I was getting. This morning, after several more bits have fallen out or been passed out I am a lot better and peeing is less painful. I'm still quite tender around my bladder / stomach area but that is only to be expected I guess. I'm going to take it easy again today - plenty more water to drink and hopefully I'll be fit enough to return to exercising later this week.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
And some more
Yep - the yuk bit has just gotten under way - it happens every time but at the moment - I can now see why I'm as badly beaten up the large scabs/clots dropping out of me are anything to go by.
It is amazing that this much drops out of you - who would have thought your bladder was that big in the first place?
I've only to now wait until Tuesday to find out what the results are and what they are planning to do with me next! Gee - I hope that it has been worth all this messing around and that they don't want to do this all over again in 3 months. I guess I could live with a 6 month Cystoscope but I ought not to second guess their verdict.
It is amazing that this much drops out of you - who would have thought your bladder was that big in the first place?
I've only to now wait until Tuesday to find out what the results are and what they are planning to do with me next! Gee - I hope that it has been worth all this messing around and that they don't want to do this all over again in 3 months. I guess I could live with a 6 month Cystoscope but I ought not to second guess their verdict.
That could be why
I just went to the toilet and a huge scab/clot was passed and I'm just wondering whether this is part of what I was told would be "a little more painful than usual" as my consultant warned me?
Certainly it appears to be larger than usual and I'm glad that I am taking my own advice and taking it easy today. I imagine there'll be a bit more of this to contend with over the next day or so and that should be it. It is, after all, 2 weeks since the Operation.
Certainly it appears to be larger than usual and I'm glad that I am taking my own advice and taking it easy today. I imagine there'll be a bit more of this to contend with over the next day or so and that should be it. It is, after all, 2 weeks since the Operation.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tourists
Are funny aren't they? Waiting for the train (or even at an airport) why does everyone queue up when the train or plane isn't even called yet but an official walks towards the doors?
Me? I travelled for a living at one time and so am used to hanging around waiting and knowing a few golden rules about such things. You have a seat number for a reason and if you aren't there, they'll soon call for you. And why queue to get onto a train that still has 30 minutes before departure?
So it was amusing that the lady who stepped up to examine the door suddenly found about 400 people queued up behind her. We let the queue go down for 10 minutes and ambled to the train and got on our seats without hassle. They don't knowingly leave anyone behind...
I suppose it must be me but it is so simple to travel hassle free and well planned. I must say, I find A is great at planning and knowing where she is - probably because she is quite a traveller herself. She is back off to Edinburgh on Monday for a couple of weeks. For her sister's birthday she has given her a return ticket to Edinburgh and some tickets for the Comedy Festival - which I am sure she will love. She will be travelling on her own and I'm sure that she will be fine if she observed A's map reading and organising abilities.
I'm feeling a little better at the moment but urinating is a bit painful. It is strange, it is more of an ache than a stabbing pain. It is similar to many of the early issues you get after a rigid cystoscopy without the violent stinging that sometimes accompanies that. I just need to make sure there is no retention. So far there hasn't been any but I need to be aware that it can happen.
Me? I travelled for a living at one time and so am used to hanging around waiting and knowing a few golden rules about such things. You have a seat number for a reason and if you aren't there, they'll soon call for you. And why queue to get onto a train that still has 30 minutes before departure?
So it was amusing that the lady who stepped up to examine the door suddenly found about 400 people queued up behind her. We let the queue go down for 10 minutes and ambled to the train and got on our seats without hassle. They don't knowingly leave anyone behind...
I suppose it must be me but it is so simple to travel hassle free and well planned. I must say, I find A is great at planning and knowing where she is - probably because she is quite a traveller herself. She is back off to Edinburgh on Monday for a couple of weeks. For her sister's birthday she has given her a return ticket to Edinburgh and some tickets for the Comedy Festival - which I am sure she will love. She will be travelling on her own and I'm sure that she will be fine if she observed A's map reading and organising abilities.
I'm feeling a little better at the moment but urinating is a bit painful. It is strange, it is more of an ache than a stabbing pain. It is similar to many of the early issues you get after a rigid cystoscopy without the violent stinging that sometimes accompanies that. I just need to make sure there is no retention. So far there hasn't been any but I need to be aware that it can happen.
I'm no Jean Claude Van Damm
Obviously! The first day in Brussels and I was keen to show the family around. The wonders of high speed train travel - especially as we had to wait years to get the high speed line itself built. We left at 5 in the morning and by 09:30 CET (08:30 BST) we were arriving in Brussels. A brisk walk to the Hotel and depositing our luggage I took the family on a guided tour of Brussels. Not bad as I hadn't been there for 12 years.
We walked for miles and miles doubling across the capital and seeing all the major sites before arriving back at the Hotel to check in and then we went and did a large circuit around the canal area. By the time we got back we must have covered 6 to 8 miles I reckon.
Out in the evening for a meal and then it began to dawn on me that I wasn't quite my usual self and I could feel that I'd pulled myself about a bit. I think I've just managed to pull around my bladder / groin area and urinating was becoming a bit difficult - and a tiny bit painful. The next day we went to Heysel and the Atomium in the morning - that was all by Metro so not too much walking involved and then we stopped off at Louise for some brief shopping and then got back to the Hotel. As it was mid afternoon - I volunteered to stay propped at the bar whilst Mrs. F. A&L went out chocolate shopping, visited the Cathedral which we had only spent a brief time at before and had a wander around.
The next day we went to Ghent which I had last been to 18 years ago. I had to admit - I barely recognised any of it apart from the centre. It was very quiet when I was there last and they have had a huge building project since - I didn't recognise the 2.5kM walk into town and we had a canal tour and pottered around in some pretty impressive churches they have there. We had the most wonderful lunch and by then I was beginning to get a bit tired again so we headed off and got a tram back to the station and headed back into Brussels. I still managed to slightly overdo it but I suppose you do a bit. I feel a lot better than I really am.
The train home was fantastic and we were home in a little under 2 hours from Brussels which is great if you think about it - I guess we were travelling for 3 hours in total from the Hotel. The tickets are valid for travel anywhere in Belgium so we reckon we could be in most of the good places in 4 hours! Incredible.
So at the moment I am sitting down, taking it easy and wondering when I can get back to some level of exercise that doesn't damage me. Tuesday is results day and with any luck I might get a 6 month reprieve from the Cystoscope machine :-)
We walked for miles and miles doubling across the capital and seeing all the major sites before arriving back at the Hotel to check in and then we went and did a large circuit around the canal area. By the time we got back we must have covered 6 to 8 miles I reckon.
Out in the evening for a meal and then it began to dawn on me that I wasn't quite my usual self and I could feel that I'd pulled myself about a bit. I think I've just managed to pull around my bladder / groin area and urinating was becoming a bit difficult - and a tiny bit painful. The next day we went to Heysel and the Atomium in the morning - that was all by Metro so not too much walking involved and then we stopped off at Louise for some brief shopping and then got back to the Hotel. As it was mid afternoon - I volunteered to stay propped at the bar whilst Mrs. F. A&L went out chocolate shopping, visited the Cathedral which we had only spent a brief time at before and had a wander around.
The next day we went to Ghent which I had last been to 18 years ago. I had to admit - I barely recognised any of it apart from the centre. It was very quiet when I was there last and they have had a huge building project since - I didn't recognise the 2.5kM walk into town and we had a canal tour and pottered around in some pretty impressive churches they have there. We had the most wonderful lunch and by then I was beginning to get a bit tired again so we headed off and got a tram back to the station and headed back into Brussels. I still managed to slightly overdo it but I suppose you do a bit. I feel a lot better than I really am.
The train home was fantastic and we were home in a little under 2 hours from Brussels which is great if you think about it - I guess we were travelling for 3 hours in total from the Hotel. The tickets are valid for travel anywhere in Belgium so we reckon we could be in most of the good places in 4 hours! Incredible.
So at the moment I am sitting down, taking it easy and wondering when I can get back to some level of exercise that doesn't damage me. Tuesday is results day and with any luck I might get a 6 month reprieve from the Cystoscope machine :-)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Ran out of words
On that last blog. The flash backs were pretty painful and I'm pretty amazed I'm still here after all of that.
At the time, you really haven't had time to research properly and to sift out all the dross and nonsense and snake oil from the facts. We didn't know how bad things were at the time but they got me into Hospital in record time. As I recall I was diagnosed on the 21st (Friday) and was having the operation around 3 pm on the 25th (Tuesday). It was really hot, I remember that. I remember being absolutely terrified of what they would find in the results. Things were OK later when they let me know that they had got the tumours out etc. My journey had begun. It is a long way on since then - a return to health in many ways after a seriously low point in those early months and now I'm very much under observation and control but there has been a huge piece of the old me ripped out and lost. To balance that there is a slightly better me in certain areas and a slightly more cut throat renegade me as well.
I can't say that I am happy with those changes - they've made me a different person and not being in the greatest of health I've come to realise that I'll never be the full on person I once was. Not a bad thing either - I probably worked myself into ill heath if the truth be known and burning the candle at both ends may be exciting and rewarding but to affect my health like this was not what I had gotten in mind. Better to find out 4 years ago than later I reckon.
Brussels tomorrow - I am really looking forward to that - although it looks as if the weather has turned so no al fresco eating which would be a shame. Fingers crossed it doesn't rain too bad.
At the time, you really haven't had time to research properly and to sift out all the dross and nonsense and snake oil from the facts. We didn't know how bad things were at the time but they got me into Hospital in record time. As I recall I was diagnosed on the 21st (Friday) and was having the operation around 3 pm on the 25th (Tuesday). It was really hot, I remember that. I remember being absolutely terrified of what they would find in the results. Things were OK later when they let me know that they had got the tumours out etc. My journey had begun. It is a long way on since then - a return to health in many ways after a seriously low point in those early months and now I'm very much under observation and control but there has been a huge piece of the old me ripped out and lost. To balance that there is a slightly better me in certain areas and a slightly more cut throat renegade me as well.
I can't say that I am happy with those changes - they've made me a different person and not being in the greatest of health I've come to realise that I'll never be the full on person I once was. Not a bad thing either - I probably worked myself into ill heath if the truth be known and burning the candle at both ends may be exciting and rewarding but to affect my health like this was not what I had gotten in mind. Better to find out 4 years ago than later I reckon.
Brussels tomorrow - I am really looking forward to that - although it looks as if the weather has turned so no al fresco eating which would be a shame. Fingers crossed it doesn't rain too bad.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
4 years ago
It was this very day 4 years ago that they chopped out the tumour(s) and I started recording what things were like. First in emails and later on in this blog. A lot has happened and I'm pretty sure that it has been a healing process.
Weight
Not unexpectedly I've gone back a pound so I'm now 226 pounds. I'm still pretty tender and took a look at the exercise cross trainer and decided against it. I will have plenty of chance to exercise in Brussels - the only real way to see that wonderful city is by foot. Every turn leaves you with just another glance of this enigmatic city and you can't see that from the metro - although the tram is a bit of a gas.
I'm not too concerned with a small weight gain - in the old days it could have been worse as I hardly ever graze and snack - apart from on fruit or vegetables these days.
I still have a long way to go in the weight loss project. Considering I was at least another stone (14Lbs) lighter 4 years ago and possibly last year I was a lot nearer that mark - I still have a long way to go.
I'm not too concerned with a small weight gain - in the old days it could have been worse as I hardly ever graze and snack - apart from on fruit or vegetables these days.
I still have a long way to go in the weight loss project. Considering I was at least another stone (14Lbs) lighter 4 years ago and possibly last year I was a lot nearer that mark - I still have a long way to go.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
A Year
Since we were on our Cruise - a year!!! It doesn't seem possible that at this time last year we were in St. Petersburg.
I am looking forward to being in Brussels later this week as a tourist this time though. Even though I spent weekends there, I was still with colleagues some of that time and it isn't the same. It will be good not to have to rush to see everything and who knows I may actually get to the Atomium this time having only ever driven past it before.
I am looking forward to being in Brussels later this week as a tourist this time though. Even though I spent weekends there, I was still with colleagues some of that time and it isn't the same. It will be good not to have to rush to see everything and who knows I may actually get to the Atomium this time having only ever driven past it before.
Stop Draining MY Energy
The one thing that you really notice about surviving cancer is the lack of energy it leaves you with. I suppose Stamina is the missing bit. I can attest to this as I can suddenly just lose my energy very quickly these days and can just feel myself switch down and slow up. This is par for the course and exercise and eating properly begin to recharge your batteries.
What the title is about is this - people can rob you of your energy and it is like someone just turns you to drain. Where before I could listen to people's troubles and woes - now - I find it just drains me and I can't do more than a short time now as I just wilt and can hardly manage more than a few tens of minutes.
At some point in time maybe your energy levels returns after cancer but I haven't seen it, in fact it just seems to get worse. I think I might just tell these people to leave me alone as talking to them (no listening to them) just drains the energy out of me.
What the title is about is this - people can rob you of your energy and it is like someone just turns you to drain. Where before I could listen to people's troubles and woes - now - I find it just drains me and I can't do more than a short time now as I just wilt and can hardly manage more than a few tens of minutes.
At some point in time maybe your energy levels returns after cancer but I haven't seen it, in fact it just seems to get worse. I think I might just tell these people to leave me alone as talking to them (no listening to them) just drains the energy out of me.
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