A Couple Of Hours To Go

I've eaten a late (very) late meal of scrambled eggs.  They suggest that it is worth doing and I'm still drinking water.  It is just gone 1am and I'm winding down for the night.  I'm going to get up at 6 and have a shower and then get ready to go - I have to leave at 7:15 to be there at 7:45.  I hate the fact that I have to sit in Planned Investigations - I've seen people sitting there at 9 in the morning and I don't find that a great place - it is ridiculously hot too and so I'll sit near the door and get some breeze as that opens and closes.  I'll also just wear a light tee shirt too.

I have enough music on two MP3 players and my Phone so that if I am in overnight I can entertain myself.  I really don't speak to anyone as I'm really not that interested in discovering what people have or not and the quality of patient small talk isn't ever great I've found.

Some good wishes emails have arrived which were thoughtful and thankfully received.  Nice to know people are thinking about you.  This time tomorrow it will all be over and I guess I'll know something of what has happened and also what the next steps are likely to be.  I then need to get my arse into gear and sort out my future.  However the week is also full of meetings - Thursday Night - postponed drink with the lads (from Tuesday).  Friday Night a  Lodge meeting then I have two meetings on Saturday one with lunch and one with dinner (thank goodness it is cheat day).

I just hope they haven't beaten me about too much in the meantime.  Best get off to bed now - it's going to be a busy morning as three of us will be getting ready and having showers - hence I need to be up first - even more so that I can have a final drink at 06:30....

More when I get back.

One Day To Go

It will most probably all be over by this time tomorrow - although the only other time I've been in early and didn't get seen until the late afternoon and was terribly dehydrated was probably the first or second time.  I can remember just waiting for ever and ever and eventually they took pity on me and let me rinse my mouth.  It didn't help we were waiting in a room with a water cooler!  Great :-)

I'm OK this morning - no jitters or nerves at the moment.  Had a good breakfast and continuing drinking water and I'm going to take it easy today.  I'll be reading up some more about Type 2 Diabetes but the more I read the remoter it is from how I am and how I feel but the proof will be when I do some blood work.  I haven't got a sharps bin yet so I will wait until I get that and after a day or so after I return from Hospital.  It will be interesting to get some readings and to record meals, weight, glucose and perhaps urine tests and my blood pressure over a period of time and then "have a conversation" with my GP.  I've just ordered my BP drugs online so let's see if that works again this time.  They haven't called me in for a review even though one is due and when I called they said to wait until there was an attachment on the prescription form.  

I've got my music and books (Kindle) ready to go in and my bag needs a final pack and that will be that.  I need to reread my notes from Wednesday's Pre-Assessment and make sure I eat and drink "up to the wire" ready for tomorrow.  They suggested, for the first time ever, not to take my Aspirin in the morning which is fine by me.  It's not as if I miss out on these - I think I have only ever missed one or two in all the time I've taken them and normally it would be a Statin on a late night back or falling asleep before taking it.

There's a Grand Prix on a little later so I will sit and watch that and study my books and see if I can make any sense at all of the Type 2 stuff.  The one thing I do know is that it is possible to reverse Type 2 and as I'm currently eating a low glycemic index, low insulin diet, albeit without the full exercise regime to go with it (I need to sort this out), I can't imagine I'm a Type 2 but there you go.  The tale of the tape - or blood monitor will tell and once I've got data to work with, then we can do something about it.  I certainly don't want to be in and out of the Hospital having loads of blood tests - I've enough to worry about with the "Tiny Recurrence" 

Let's hope that it is just that, tiny, insignificant and that I won't require treatment.  If I need to, then I need to but, let's see what happens.  With any luck my Alkali treatment will have kept things in check too.

Cheat Day - A Sort Of Non-Event

As if I hadn't had enough cheat days this week - but there you go.  I hardly did anything other than spike my system with some bread and beer.  Other than that - not much to report.

I am getting a bit of the jitters ahead of Monday but it looks like it will be a dry yet cold day and I'll probably walk to the Hospital.  I have my wife's number so I can call her at work (very rarely am I allowed to use that).  I have no idea how long I'll be there but I reckon that there won't be the pressure to get out I normally put on myself and so with a whole afternoon to leap through the hoops of things to be done to go home, it might be that I can come home as she comes home from work - that would be nice.

Feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself this evening but I suppose that I'm allowed to do that.  Getting a recurrence really is a nuisance and it throws up some long term concerns for me (us) too.  I was hoping to talk about some of those with Mrs. F. today but she was otherwise busy - maybe tomorrow :-)

Good News

An ex-colleague has been given the all clear after 5 years of treatment. Good for her!

I went out last night to my friend's party and it was worth it.  It was one of those interesting evenings - I did well for most of it sticking to red wine when some wag decided to bring something called a Jägerbomb so I had two of those rather reluctantly I hasten to add.  The "hit" if I can call it that was in the Red Bull I guess and so having destroyed my best efforts to stick to diet we then went to a Turkish restaurant and ended up having a small beer and some great food which was also way off diet.  Got home OK and then sat in front of the TV watching a concert (Rush).

Feeling sort of OK this morning but a little stressed - it's difficult to explain.  It's a sort of anxiety which you can feel right inside your stomach and throughout your core.  It's manageable and that's the main thing.  I've started to get things ready and my Blood glucose monitor has arrived together with the spare lancets and test strips.  I don't have the sharps box yet (to dispose of the lancets) and whilst I've set it up I may just do a practice shot and then wait until after the hospital and operation to set up and do this regularly.

To Go Or Not To Go

I was umming and arring what to do and finally after Flocky gave me a call I decided I ought to go up to London to meet my mate - it is his 60th Birthday and in many ways whilst I don't feel that great, perhaps this will take my mind off things.  I certainly knew I'd feel  a bit rough by now and so it proves - my whole core feels ill but perhaps this change of scenery and my friends will cheer me up?

I got good news this morning from another Masonic Order I am in - I've got an active office for next year and a pretty senior one at that - it is totally unexpected but nevertheless appreciated and it is a great honour.  

Right off to get ready and head off to London for the party.

Great Evening (and Afternoon for that matter)

I arrived at the station too early and found my travelling companion already there and so we jumped the early train and headed off to London - there was an almighty shower of rain as we got near but when we arrived it was quite pleasant and so we walked to Drury Lane and then popped into a pub and we had a couple of drinks prior to the meeting.  The meeting was really good as was the reception and meal afterwards - I do like Champagne and there was plenty of that to start with.  A number of us travelled home together and that was nice - we had quite a laugh on the train and I managed to get a laugh out of some of the travellers as I explained how my travelling companion had to change in another room to us but came in.  I suggested that we "give the old chap a few pence for a tea and send him on his way" :-)

Anyway, it was a very pleasant day and that's the great thing - finally we've gotten around to the fact that we are in this to enjoy it.  Some people don't get that.  It was nice to meet up with a number of the Masters and Secretaries - we all go to each other's meetings as honoured guests - affectionately known as the Mafia or the Red Apron Mafia.  I may even get to go out more next year as the chap taking over from me really isn't a travelling sort and so I may get to represent him during his year - who knows?

Chatting to a friend about the "diabetic" issue he was surprised that I'd not shown any symptoms considering the "masonic meals" I eat and also the drink and everything else.  I'm surprised too I have to say - I don't recollect having any Hypos but of course there is the day after cheat day when I do often feel rough and I would probably have eaten stuff that would spike my insulin - mind you this doesn't happen until the next day and so it's all a bit of a mystery.  At least all my stuff I notice has been dispatched and so I'll do some checking of my own on this.

Lots of people were wishing me well tonight and some who had heard were a bit distressed but others once I told them wished me well and I'm still pretty positive about all of this - it will be what it will be (of course) but the words used are "tiny recurrence" this is on the left wall of my bladder beyond the ureteric orifice.  I'm on the urgent list and so it obviously can't be left for too long but let's see what happens.

I'm certainly OK tonight about it - I feel fit and crazily I feel pretty healthy - losing the weight helped a lot of course and I hope that helps in recovery too.  

Another Day In London

I think I will make this the last thing I do before Monday - I need to go into my shell for a few days.  At least I'll be seen on Monday morning not have to wait until the afternoon.  They've told me to prepare for an overnight stay - not that I particularly want to do that but at least I have all afternoon to recover and see if I can get off home, whatever the terms and conditions are this time.  I've learnt not to pre guess them - they continue to change.

Today I'm meeting someone and we are off early so I need to start to get ready this morning!  I have to leave just after I've had lunch we will be there in plenty of time so perhaps can have a leisurely drink.

At least I shouldn't be home too late.  I'm still annoyed about this type 2 diabetes thing but I'll sort that out after I've been in and recovered.  

All ordered

Glucose monitor, strips, lancets and sharps box, software downloaded and I will hopefully get all the stuff next week and can do some checking on blood glucose levels and see where it is all heading.  The software looks cool and you can do all sorts of averages and trend monitoring.  

It will give me some ammunition and give me enough data to discuss what needs to be done, if anything.  I'd be very surprised if I have any problems but there you go forearmed is forewarned etc.  It will also be interesting to see how the diet I am on is affecting my blood.

On the FOCC experiment - today I tried 3 cottage cheese to one Flax Seed Oil and then added some tomato puree to make it into a marie rose type sauce and whilst the tomato made a bit of difference it didn't make it much nicer.  I shall try various options until I get something that is palatable.  My pH remains at 7.5 and above although early this morning it was as acid as I've ever seen it but then again I had been out eating and drinking the day before.  Although I tried to keep to diet it was almost impossible.  I enjoyed the food and the company and the drink too and this Thursday is also another difficult day too.   Anyway the main thing is that I know enough to keep to diet or as near as possible the major thing is to have or continue to have low insulin and low glycemic index foods.  Well now I can check myself and that's the main thing - at least I will be able to determine what is going on with this body of mine. 

Thanks GP

Interesting pre-assessment - now done at the Out Patients area and by one of the senior staff on the Urology Ward who I've seen before.  It was very quick and of course my Blood Pressure was through the roof.  Sky High - it came down of course and once we'd had "the chat" well things got on fine until she queried my questionnaire form.  

She said I read that you were a diabetic and I said no I definitely wasn't a diabetic but that years ago I got a bollocking from my doctor for eating too much fruit and since then I'd changed my diet.  She then dug out a letter from my GP saying that I was a Type 2 Diabetic controlled by diet.  Well - hold on a minute, when were they going to tell me this news - rather important I'd have said?  Anyway, I shall bring this up the next time I have a review which must be due soon.  Maybe I'll do a few tests and get a handle on whether I do have a problem.  Certainly the urine tests aren't throwing up anything noticeable and I suppose I ought to get some glucose tests done but I hate blood work but perhaps in this instance it will be worth doing.

Anyway the upshot is she has me down as a diabetic type 2 controlled by diet.  Of course I'm on a low glycemic index diet anyway so I'm doing the right thing but  frankly, it would have been nice of them to tell me FFS.

I didn't need the ECG this time - I'm not that old and everything else was tickety boo so that's great.  In on Monday and let's see what they come up with.

Pre-Assessment Day

Indeed - pre-assessment day is here.  My second letter arrived and as I noted the words "tiny recurrence" are in it so that's OK.  Of course my original G3pTa and CIS aren't going to help matters in the longer run and so - well - you never know - they may need to do something a bit more radical dependent on how things move on from here.

For now - I'm doing all I can to make sure that I give myself the best chances and I'm certainly keeping to my diet and continuing to take my flax seed oil and keeping my alkali levels above 7.5 - let's see if that does anything.  

If I continue to have recurrences it will lead inevitably to something more radical and whilst that isn't particularly pleasant - I still need to be aware of it.  I suppose I just need to see what grad this recurrence (tiny as it is) may be and we go from there.

It's Late - It's Deep and Meaningful :-) To Me!

And so it is.  It IS late and I've had a drink.,  my words are a sober man's thoughts I suppose?  I had a few chats tonight about what I'd like to do now.  Of course, present surgical procedures and prognosis will determine some of this but it is nice to note that I have a tiny recurrence.  That is something for me to grasp onto.

I do, however, still have a problem.  That is what am I to do with myself from here on in?  I feel great, I've now dipped below 16 stone and I'm getting back to my stable pre cancerous weight :-) So many people are on my side and are helping me - it really is so nice.  I really have to wait until next Monday to sort out what will happen to but I am assured that I will have people in place should I need to.  That really is reassuring to me but I hope that I will be able to do all of this myself. I suppose next Monday's outcome will tell.

It is so nice that people have stepped up to the plate though.

A Great Day Out

I was very pleased with today - Breakfast at Simpsons and then to get promoted to a Past Provincial Grand Junior Warden and then a nice meal with great friends and a taxi ride to another friend and a late train journey home and it is gone 1 in the morning now!  What  great day I've had.  I was one of the first called up to the top step as a Past Provincial Officer - third in line and it sort of shows how long I've been around - just a few months over 30 years!

When I got home I had a letter from the Hospital.  The gist is "This has shown a tiny recurrence on the left wall of the bladder beyond the ureteric orifice"  The plan is to have a biopsy and diathermy - basically a TURBT as far as I can tell.  Anyway - I'll find out a little later today at my pre-assessment.

I take heed in the fact that it is a tiny recurrence and let's hope it is just that and it can be contained through management.

I've had a great day and that's the important thing - the last time I had a day like this would be 6 years ago when I had the active office as Sword Bearer.  Here is my picture in the Lodge carrying the sword - one of the most memorable days of my life!  That's me in the middle of Grand Lodge holding the sword.  I suppose - unless you are in Masonry - you won't understand what this means but there I am, in front of the Provincial Grand Master, in front of 1,200 or more people.  One of the proudest days of my Masonic Career.  There aren't many who can say they've done this for sure.

Looking Forward To Tomorrow

Whilst I have to be up and moving early - it will be fun as we are off to meet for breakfast at Simpsons in the Strand - a bit extravagant but hey this may be my last time to be promoted, I'm about as far up the tree as I can be (only one possible promotion without becoming a member of the Executive).  So breakfast will really push the boat out to start our day, then I can grab a drink or two before I need to be on duty at around 1 pm.  Then the meeting starts at 2:30 (for me) and then we will dine in the Grand Connaught Rooms in the evening before going on for a few evening drinks and heading our way homeward.

I've been going to this for around 23 years (I think) and only ever missed a few although I've often been to the meeting and not dined.  I like the idea of getting a coach up there from the local centre but as I'm inevitably working on the day as a Steward (a type of usher) I don't get the chance to do that - it is meant to be good fun.

Anyway - I'm looking forward to this as I have the pre-assessment on Wednesday and it just takes my mind off of that.

It is meant to be warm and sunny today and as is to be expected, the clouds rolled over mid morning and have stayed rolled over - so much for the "heat wave" promised.  Mind you they say heat wave and it was going to be 19 degrees - they also say we have an epidemic when only 1000 people are infected - what school of journalism did these people go to?  Makes you wonder.  I particularly like the fact that they can't get the weather right a day in advance but can predict the climate way into the future using the same modelling computer.  Yea - right!  

A glimmer of hope - a gap in the cloud and the sun has just peaked out.  Like all good Englishmen, with a possibility of sun it's on with the barbecue - three pullovers and just go and enjoy ourselves :-)

FOCC Experimentation

I used to have my FOCC (Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese) with breakfast cereal or with probiotic yoghurt which made it quite palatable and I also used to make my own sort of muesli type arrangement with dried fruit, berries and grains.  However, all of these food stuffs are off the menu as they contain in varying quantities of carbohydrates and or other sugars that I just don't eat day to day.  So I've been trying to use the FOCC more like a mayonnaise that I can have with salads etc.  The trouble is, it is very salty and it just doesn't appear to work well with prawns, tuna, egg etc.  

I've realised that I've been making up a reasonably large batch of it anyway - 4 Tbsp Cottage Cheese to 2 of Flax Seed Oil blended.  So today I made 2 Tbsp to 1 which meant that I didn't have to work through as much as I normally have.  I then added tomato puree - be careful some have strange ingredients but the one I got just has Citric Acid in it so that's fine.  I had a mixture of Avocado and some left over prawns and tuna and some crab sticks which seemed to go down OK with the FOCC and Tomato Puree making a sort of sour marie rose sauce.  I'm still experimenting to get this right - I might try some mustard powder and lemon juice to try and mask the Flax Seed taste.

I'm continuing the Bicarbonate of Soda twice or three times a day and let's see what happens after my operation and the results of that.  I'm pretty keen to make sure that I give myself every chance of beating this recurrence and I'm doing whatever it takes to do so.

A Better Day After Cheat Day

Must have been tired out as I slept in and dozed until around midday (yes I know but I must have been really tired).  This got over the having to force breakfast down and I felt fine when I got up.  I had some scrambled eggs and mushrooms and my pint of cold water, half teaspoon of Bicarb and a coffee and feel fine no queasy feelings at all.  

There's plenty of activity going on in the house as it is a Bank Holiday tomorrow A and her friends are around making stuff for a picnic tomorrow which is meant to be a nice day.  We are awaiting L's boyfriend to arrive through the holiday traffic and other than that - it is a quiet Sunday.

I'm looking forward to an interesting week - I'm out twice on Masonic business this week - I get a promotion Tuesday and so I'm spending a day out with friends doing that. On Wednesday it is pre-assessment day so I just need to get that out of the way and then on Thursday back up to London for another Masonic meeting where I'm a guest of honour.  It should be interesting as that's the one I went to last year when the heavens opened and everyone got soaked.  It should be a fun day out.

I'm not sure now if I want to go to my mate's 60th on the Friday and also a further meeting on the Saturday.  I think I might just duck those as I'll be getting cranky and when I get cranky I tend to overdo things.

Cheat Day

Yay - cheat day has arrived and I'm looking forward to a day of not being too tied to my diet.  I have continued with the bicarbonate of soda (in water) three times a day just after meals - this I hope will continue to keep my body Alkali and I'll do a few more tests later - I tend to do mid morning and mid afternoon.  I find that I'm keeping to a pH of 7.5 or a little above.  I can see the test result for a little trace blood in my urine but that's to be expected with a small tumour in the bladder.  At least I see no haematuria (blood in the urine) which is pretty awful and spooks you out.  I haven't seen any tissue being passed either since some weeks before the procedure.

I'm reminded that on Monday it is the 35th running of the 1066 motorbike jamboree - some information here. A lot (thousands I reckon) assemble up the road from us and all you can hear are bikes going up and down the main road for a hours until about 9:30 when all you can hear are the roar of motorbikes and they seem to keep coming past the end of the road for well over an hour.  More information here.  It cause quite a bit of congestion for perhaps 3 or 4 hours in the morning but after that it all quietens down.  It's certainly not a day to go down to Hastings unless you have a bike I guess.

It should be a nice day for it - I can't imagine we will want to venture out although I may go and have a look at the bikes this year.  I used to take the girls along to watch the bikes.  Some pop wheelies and do short burn outs to entertain the "crowds" which turn out to watch.

Working on whether to go to the pub at lunchtime or not - I suppose it depends if Mrs. F. brings back beer from the supermarket! :-)

Feeling sort of OK today as I intend to try and make the best of cheat day and the long weekend.  

Nice morning out

It's a lovely day out there, blue sky, not too hot and good old Flocky suggested a meet for a coffee - which was just what the doctor ordered - or he would have done if I'd spoken to him I guess! :-)  A quick trip to the supermarket and got my lunch and dinner - some prawns to go with my FOCC and some Mussels for tonight - I also bought some celery and mushrooms to go with the Mussels - nice!  I made a sort of prawn cocktail with lettuce, tomato, cucumber and the FOCC mixture.  There's still something missing - I think it tastes far too savoury and salty and I thought about making a marie rose sauce until I looked at the contents of the Tomato sauce (Ketchup)  loaded with Fructose - how awful that everything appears to have corn syrup, fructose, sugar etc in it.  I'm going to see if I can try something else like perhaps Red Pesto to change the taste.  I never used to notice it before but of course I had it with cereals and yoghurt both notorious for bucket loads of "sugar" however disguised in it.

Cheat day tomorrow and if it is really nice - I might suggest a lunchtime trip up to my local - I haven't been there for ages and I feel like having a few beers and lighten up a bit.  I need to regain my sense of humour and do some pragmatic working out of my situation.  I think the recurrence is a body blow although it's not the end of the world by any means it adds to a complicated mish mash of things going on which are all about life, the universe and all that good stuff.  I don't trust myself to make any long term decisions at the moment - I feel that I'm thinking straight and yet somehow don't feel comfortable with what I'm coming up with - being an intuitive sort - this mistrust defies the logic that I put into reviewing the situation and coming up with a plan of action.  

Anyway - nice to get out and lighten things up this morning and the walk was very pleasant indeed as well as good company and a couple of decent black Americano coffees went down just fine.  Here's to a good weekend and fingers crossed the sun will continue to shine.

It's Not Surprising I'm A Bit Down

Mrs. F. - bless her!  Gets back from work and she doesn't really want to go out for our anniversary even though I'd asked a number of times during the week etc.  So that's fine by me, I thought it might cheer me up and perhaps be different from a night in.  I was ready to go out but there you go it got into a circular death spiral of british understatement and pleasantries and niceties dancing around the fact and being overly polite and so we ended up doing nothing.

I made myself some food and then Mrs. F. sort of realised half way through the evening that I was a bit quieter than normal.  I guess I was looking forward to even an hour out of the house but there you go it wasn't to be.  I think that the disappointment is all the more as I'd been doing some planning and ideas stuff during the day and need to spend some time discussing this with Mrs. F. before I go any further - it's no use me going off and doing my thing if it's the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and doesn't add up to where I or we need to go.

We have the long weekend coming up and next week I've got a pretty full time being out Tuesday and Thursday in London and Pre-Assessment on Wednesday.  

A Long Hot Summer Would Be Nice

The sun is out today and indeed yesterday I enjoyed a walk to the centre in glorious warm sunshine.  We certainly could do with a good summer especially after last year's wash out.  I saw something amusing this morning from one of our national newspapers - they suggest that May will be so dry that we will have water shortages.  Where do they get these people from - it hasn't stopped raining here for about a year when they last predicted a drought.  

In fact I recall a huge storm over London around this time last year as I went to a meeting and many people came in soaked from head to foot.  I was lucky I got in the door as the first lightning flashed and the thunder rattled the windows - it was amazing hail turned the roads white in seconds.  

The sun is shining brightly and things are OK - I've just called on my neighbour to tell him a number of things but mainly about a mutual acquaintance - the chap I met in the pub last year who was showing signs of dementia.  He's now in a home and they are looking to put him in another home but unfortunately he's turned a little violent which is so sad.  I've also just told him about my little tumour.  He had a lung removed suffering from Lung Cancer and so between the two of us we've been in the wars a bit :-)

I really do fancy just going away after my commitments are over this year and just having a lingering month or more in a Villa in France or perhaps Portugal or Spain and just chilling out.  we used to stay at a nice place in the Tarn area of France and enjoyed that.  It had a series of terraces at each wing of the old farmhouse, a lovely swimming pool and various garden areas.  There was enough space for 11 of us and yet we never tripped over each other and you could always find somewhere to be alone if you wanted.  That would do nicely right now just a place to chill out and recharge the batteries so that I could come back gird my loins and make a decision about what I want to do with the 10 or more years of working life I have and also more importantly to have a series of plan B scenarios in place should I need them.

Mrs. F. and I have been married for 32 years today - it doesn't feel that long ago which I suppose is a bonus.

Run Away And Hide

Tempting isn't it?  Just run away and leave it all behind and get a new life and just go and disappear off the face of the earth.  Well that's much what I'd like to do right now.  I've a mind to just melt away into the background.  I've got another opportunity to go for a job but you know what?  I'm not sure I want the stress or grief of it at all.  I just want to go and become a recluse somewhere and just drop off the radar for a year or so.  That would suit me.

I have so many things I could do, so many avenues I could pursue but I just don't know what I want to actually do at the moment.  In some ways - I suppose - the upcoming operation and the outcome of the tests will determine where next I could go.  In my mind I'd like to just disappear off abroad to some idyllic spot and just chill with some local wine and food and of course sun and perhaps sea or similar surroundings.

I'm not thinking straight  and I don't know what my prognosis actually is so in some ways the dreaming is for nothing at the moment.