It was very difficult to stick to cheat day today - I kept to Red Wine but the food wasn't doing me any favours so I decided that I'd might as well succumb to the inevitable and have some bread and a few potatoes and the fish was breaded etc.
So I decided to do my bloods as I was home and around 2 hours afterwards (it could be 1 1/2) I'm not certain when we stopped eating and I'm happy that they are just 6.1 mmol/L which is within tolerance and not bad for 1 1/2 or even 2 hours after eating especially the sort of Carb laden food we had this evening. Tomorrow is proper cheat day and I'll have some beers and stuff too - last week my blood glucose was 8.1 after a crazy carb filled fuelling of my body. That's a bit heavier than I expected but just goes to show how these things affect your blood glucose.
Friday, June 07, 2013
And so to bed
As Samuel Pepys was want to say at the end of his diary. It's a day where I've finally got my head around all the words I have to remember on Saturday and finally I feel comfortable with them. I know there are a few words that are twisted around and need a final polish off but I think that I've got my head around them sufficiently to do a good job.
I'd quite forgotten about going out on Friday night to another meeting as an Honoured Guest but of course that happened last year as well and then I feel we went to another meeting afterwards and then my Installation on the Saturday where I managed to be in the bar for a very long time indeed.
After Saturday I'm ready to get things progressing on the multiple jobs front and to start sorting out the next phase of my career (or that's what I call it). In fact I'm going to cobble together a plan where I can put my hand to just about anything and build a loose framework so that I can operate through some businesses and also as a self-employed person doing just about anything that will turn a buck. I'll reveal more as and when the plan takes more shape but I've sort of decided that I will sort out my genealogy business and get that running in the background along with looking at some short term projects of an import and sell on nature as well as some basic web based schemes. The main thing is to provide a wide variety of things that may all bring in revenue at different times and in different amounts and try to not be jack of all trades and master of none in the process. Keeping flexible options will be a priority so that I can follow opportunities as and when they arise and in many ways only have to commit to a few long term plans allowing seasonal and occasional work to intervene. That's the thinking now for the actual planning as I must make sure that I keep rooted to the ground on this and make sure that I put in place the plans and financial controls to make sure there is actually some return on investment. I have my retirement to think about don't you know! :-)
Off to bed then and dreams (gosh I've had some amazing ones this past few weeks) and prepared for this weekend and a new start on Monday.
I'd quite forgotten about going out on Friday night to another meeting as an Honoured Guest but of course that happened last year as well and then I feel we went to another meeting afterwards and then my Installation on the Saturday where I managed to be in the bar for a very long time indeed.
After Saturday I'm ready to get things progressing on the multiple jobs front and to start sorting out the next phase of my career (or that's what I call it). In fact I'm going to cobble together a plan where I can put my hand to just about anything and build a loose framework so that I can operate through some businesses and also as a self-employed person doing just about anything that will turn a buck. I'll reveal more as and when the plan takes more shape but I've sort of decided that I will sort out my genealogy business and get that running in the background along with looking at some short term projects of an import and sell on nature as well as some basic web based schemes. The main thing is to provide a wide variety of things that may all bring in revenue at different times and in different amounts and try to not be jack of all trades and master of none in the process. Keeping flexible options will be a priority so that I can follow opportunities as and when they arise and in many ways only have to commit to a few long term plans allowing seasonal and occasional work to intervene. That's the thinking now for the actual planning as I must make sure that I keep rooted to the ground on this and make sure that I put in place the plans and financial controls to make sure there is actually some return on investment. I have my retirement to think about don't you know! :-)
Off to bed then and dreams (gosh I've had some amazing ones this past few weeks) and prepared for this weekend and a new start on Monday.
Thursday, June 06, 2013
A Few More Bits of Debris
A few bits of debris whilst going to urinate this morning but that appears to be it now. Certainly things are looking a little clearer and hopefully that's the lot and things will be better.
I desperately want to get back into shape and do some exercise and to, in doing so, bring down my blood pressure and blood glucose and to move my weight loss on even further. I've got to about 15 and a half stone from 18 and a half so I'm 3 stone lighter than I was in January and it's June now. So 5 months have been really good in terms of just how good I feel and how much I've lost. With the operation I've slowed my weight loss and I think I now need to concentrate on working to being down the nest stone or two - I haven't settled on an "ideal weight" as I don't know what that should be. I will be working though on getting down to fit into my outfits from 6 or 7 years ago. It is funny that I've lost weight all over my body and once again my stomach looks fat again where it appeared to have gone altogether. My hips, waist, thigh and chest measurements have all taken a tumble and I'm pretty pleased with progress.
I desperately want to get back into shape and do some exercise and to, in doing so, bring down my blood pressure and blood glucose and to move my weight loss on even further. I've got to about 15 and a half stone from 18 and a half so I'm 3 stone lighter than I was in January and it's June now. So 5 months have been really good in terms of just how good I feel and how much I've lost. With the operation I've slowed my weight loss and I think I now need to concentrate on working to being down the nest stone or two - I haven't settled on an "ideal weight" as I don't know what that should be. I will be working though on getting down to fit into my outfits from 6 or 7 years ago. It is funny that I've lost weight all over my body and once again my stomach looks fat again where it appeared to have gone altogether. My hips, waist, thigh and chest measurements have all taken a tumble and I'm pretty pleased with progress.
You Look Well
It is always nice to hear that you look well. I have to say that I feel well and am beginning to enjoy life once again. I've still not heard back from the Hospital and that's my only 'back of my mind' concern.
I tend to think that you 'feel' ill or not quite yourself when you've got something although I'm not sure if you can put your finger on it. When I look back at my dad we took him to the seaside and he really wasn't his old self at all. He was a bit dodgy on his feet and didn't walk far. This was three years ago when Mrs. F & L were looking at Universities and A and I took my mum and dad out for a day. We have a nice photo of them eating ice creams which is one of my favourites - it's nice to have a photographer in the family.
I don't know if then dad could have gone to the Doctor and sorted something out - it was early days and I suppose the Pancreatic Cancer wasn't detectable but I feel that was the start of it. I remember not being quite myself but I couldn't put my finger on it even now looking back I'd have never had registered that it wasn't anything other than just stress and wanting to impress in my new job.
I guess these 'warning signs' would be useful but I guess you'd have to go and have tests and even then they may not know quite what is wrong with you. My dad never wanted to have blood tests or anything so in some ways perhaps if he had of gone maybe things might have been slightly different - I just don't know.
I tend to think that you 'feel' ill or not quite yourself when you've got something although I'm not sure if you can put your finger on it. When I look back at my dad we took him to the seaside and he really wasn't his old self at all. He was a bit dodgy on his feet and didn't walk far. This was three years ago when Mrs. F & L were looking at Universities and A and I took my mum and dad out for a day. We have a nice photo of them eating ice creams which is one of my favourites - it's nice to have a photographer in the family.
I don't know if then dad could have gone to the Doctor and sorted something out - it was early days and I suppose the Pancreatic Cancer wasn't detectable but I feel that was the start of it. I remember not being quite myself but I couldn't put my finger on it even now looking back I'd have never had registered that it wasn't anything other than just stress and wanting to impress in my new job.
I guess these 'warning signs' would be useful but I guess you'd have to go and have tests and even then they may not know quite what is wrong with you. My dad never wanted to have blood tests or anything so in some ways perhaps if he had of gone maybe things might have been slightly different - I just don't know.
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Funerals - Not My Favourite
My how I hate funerals and whilst I knew a few people there today I decided to hover at the doorway of the church - the place was rammed. I hadn't realised that the lady in question who was the landlady of the local pub had had cancer at the same time as I had but there you go and at just 9 years older than me - well - there you go - how lucky am I?
I decided to take my leave at the time that the funeral directors turned up and went to the pub and met my next door neighbour. Interestingly he and I got onto the subject of diet and it was an interesting conversation albeit that he wanted me to start having fruit juice and probiotic yoghurts which I'll never do :-)
I'm off out tonight to the Jazz night and I'm looking forward to that. I'm also looking forward to completing my year as Master of my Lodge this Saturday - I can then concentrate on work, income and making myself feel well!
Well Still Some Blood In There
Not everything is clear and I can still see blood in my urine on occasions, which is distressing but perfectly normal as the scabs come off and the bladder repairs itself. The bladder is a muscle and so I imagine as it is in constant states of expansion and contraction it can't be easy to heal the gaping wounds where the biopsies were taken.
Still heard nothing and so I'm hopeful that it isn't going to be bad news.
Been out to a funeral today but didn't set into the wake at the pub in the village - decided to go to the other pub which is still much nicer. Met my next door neighbour who had a lung removed (Lung Cancer) and we have a long chat about diet, cancer, drink and so on!
I'm off out again tonight to the Jazz night but need to load up on food as it is close to 4 p.m. and I ate at 9:30!!
Still heard nothing and so I'm hopeful that it isn't going to be bad news.
Been out to a funeral today but didn't set into the wake at the pub in the village - decided to go to the other pub which is still much nicer. Met my next door neighbour who had a lung removed (Lung Cancer) and we have a long chat about diet, cancer, drink and so on!
I'm off out again tonight to the Jazz night but need to load up on food as it is close to 4 p.m. and I ate at 9:30!!
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Looks to have cleared up
Nothing quite as distressing as seeing your urine come out like red wine or in the final part of urinating actually deep red. Yuk - but there's one thing to do at this point in time and that's to drink water, lots of water (and coffee in my case) to wash through the bladder as thoroughly as you can and to also not do too much else. After about 18 hours, things have settled down with a final expelling of clots and bits - definately a ewwww moment I'd say. I have now had two clear urinations and I hope that it the lot.
I will continue to drink water for the rest of the day and see how things go. I kind of remember something like this but it is some time ago since I had biopsies. The one thing I won't be doing quickly is getting back onto my exercise bike and power plate! I wouldn't mind but that activity brought down my Blood Pressure readings last night and this morning to acceptable levels. I know that it does this as when I was last doing this regularly I got some good readings and now I'm so much lighter it is easier to do as well. I just need to wait a short while before going back to the exercise!
Glad that things have cleared up a bit and that lots of debris and bits are now outside and no longer inside my bladder. Let's hope that this is the lot now.
I will continue to drink water for the rest of the day and see how things go. I kind of remember something like this but it is some time ago since I had biopsies. The one thing I won't be doing quickly is getting back onto my exercise bike and power plate! I wouldn't mind but that activity brought down my Blood Pressure readings last night and this morning to acceptable levels. I know that it does this as when I was last doing this regularly I got some good readings and now I'm so much lighter it is easier to do as well. I just need to wait a short while before going back to the exercise!
Glad that things have cleared up a bit and that lots of debris and bits are now outside and no longer inside my bladder. Let's hope that this is the lot now.
Whoa... Claret Time
How soon you forget what it is like to be urinating blood! I had a rather large clot earlier today and noticed I had very high blood in my urine when I tested with the urine strips. I'd had some clots come out last week too. However I hadn't really expected this evening's episode.
I felt quite good today and decided to cut the grass using a hand mower and then I did 20 minutes cross trainer work with a few high impact bursts followed by 5 minutes on the power plate.
As the evening wore on I had a slight burning sensation and went to the toilet and had a stream of blood and bits firing out in the urine stream. I set about drinking lots of water to alleviate this and so far, I've been about 5 maybe 6 times and on each occasion have had blood and bits coming out :-( I'd totally forgotten about this part of the process although I guess I've probably shaken these loose through doing some heavy exercise. I just now need to keep hydrated and just be careful.
It is so annoying as I really wanted to get back to exercising in some sort of structured way and had just worked out that to do this I could do exercise at the end of a working day say three or four times as week. I really want to now concentrate on exercise and fitness and starting to bring my weight down even more so that I can also bring down my blood pressure and also to bring down my blood glucose levels too. These areas are the next step along the way to a healthier lifestyle and to getting myself under control. I realised that I need to move away from my existing habits as well and mowing the lawn was another step to breaking routines and starting to move my life forwards.
I'm sure that this urine problem will go away in a short space of time and will calm down. I just need to hold off the exercise - I've done this before with exactly the same outcome - I'd have thought that it would be OK by now but of course, I've no idea how big these cuts in my bladder were but I can see that I could easily have dislodged them. The amazing thing is how far a little blood actually goes - you don't need much to make things look pretty horrible and pretty disgusting. Because it is so unusual or unnatural it still takes my breath every time I urinate and it certainly makes me feel rough.
I felt quite good today and decided to cut the grass using a hand mower and then I did 20 minutes cross trainer work with a few high impact bursts followed by 5 minutes on the power plate.
As the evening wore on I had a slight burning sensation and went to the toilet and had a stream of blood and bits firing out in the urine stream. I set about drinking lots of water to alleviate this and so far, I've been about 5 maybe 6 times and on each occasion have had blood and bits coming out :-( I'd totally forgotten about this part of the process although I guess I've probably shaken these loose through doing some heavy exercise. I just now need to keep hydrated and just be careful.
It is so annoying as I really wanted to get back to exercising in some sort of structured way and had just worked out that to do this I could do exercise at the end of a working day say three or four times as week. I really want to now concentrate on exercise and fitness and starting to bring my weight down even more so that I can also bring down my blood pressure and also to bring down my blood glucose levels too. These areas are the next step along the way to a healthier lifestyle and to getting myself under control. I realised that I need to move away from my existing habits as well and mowing the lawn was another step to breaking routines and starting to move my life forwards.
I'm sure that this urine problem will go away in a short space of time and will calm down. I just need to hold off the exercise - I've done this before with exactly the same outcome - I'd have thought that it would be OK by now but of course, I've no idea how big these cuts in my bladder were but I can see that I could easily have dislodged them. The amazing thing is how far a little blood actually goes - you don't need much to make things look pretty horrible and pretty disgusting. Because it is so unusual or unnatural it still takes my breath every time I urinate and it certainly makes me feel rough.
Monday, June 03, 2013
Urine Tests
I've restarted testing today - after my mum was here and all the furore of the visit the last thing I wanted to do was to be leaping in and out doing too many tests and check. I was a bit shocked though to see that the blood scale was very high today, that was until I went to the toilet and passed a few large clots of blood which must be from some of the larger biopsies that they took. Hopefully I will have trace readings for a few days and then hopefully, once again, these will go away.
It is amazing that you can see the Ketones kick in when on the diet and these generally mean that the body is burning up some fat and that's good - you have to be careful though and make sure it isn't anything more disturbing. Interestingly, since I've been recording my Urine I've never had any glucose in my urine which is good news.
My blood readings were a little higher than I'd have like this morning but still way within boundaries for being non diabetic. Again I've had a couple of high readings and these tend to be associated with "cheat day" or "dieters gone wild" the one day a week that I can eat just about anything I want. Interestingly I have scaled this back as I don't like the rough feeling I get the next day. I also took a suggestion from Steve Kelley in which he suggested that the day after you could skip breakfast and make it like a fasting day. That seemed to work fine yesterday and I only felt hungry around 2 pm when I then had lunch.
It is amazing that you can see the Ketones kick in when on the diet and these generally mean that the body is burning up some fat and that's good - you have to be careful though and make sure it isn't anything more disturbing. Interestingly, since I've been recording my Urine I've never had any glucose in my urine which is good news.
My blood readings were a little higher than I'd have like this morning but still way within boundaries for being non diabetic. Again I've had a couple of high readings and these tend to be associated with "cheat day" or "dieters gone wild" the one day a week that I can eat just about anything I want. Interestingly I have scaled this back as I don't like the rough feeling I get the next day. I also took a suggestion from Steve Kelley in which he suggested that the day after you could skip breakfast and make it like a fasting day. That seemed to work fine yesterday and I only felt hungry around 2 pm when I then had lunch.
Monday
Quiet weekend after a hectic week last week - I re-read Friday night's blog and pulled it as it was a little too raw and to the bone. I took the weekend off and enjoyed a good cheat day that actually started on Friday night. Interestingly my Blood Glucose readings were a lot higher which I can only attribute to the sticky bun, bread and other goodies I had on Saturday. Interestingly they had been low during the week leading up to Saturday and so I can quite easily see the impact of these sugary, carbohydrate fuelled excesses.
In so many ways I'm starting to settle into a lifestyle which keeps my blood glucose low and the only concern I really have is that my blood pressure is a little higher than I'd like. Exercise will I am certain bring that down and start to help bring my weight down a lot more. I have managed to do well and I'm now 3 stone lighter than I was in January and boy do I feel good for that. I even managed to get up a ladder and do some DIY work at high level for my father-in-law on Sunday sorting out some soffit boards that needed rubbing down and painting. I need to do a bit more on that later this week.
I've made some more clarified butter which I tend to use to make scrambled eggs and cook things like Spinach and the like with. I am now getting to a point where commitments on my time are getting less and I can start to put effort into sorting out business and getting things turned around. Typically as soon as I find something to do there are three or four other things hovering around for me to do. Goodness knows why this always appears to happen? It is noise and distraction but I will just have to work my way through them to see if they have any substance. I somehow don't see that they have much relevance on my future but you never know.
Interestingly I haven't heard back from the Hospital as of yet. I guess that means good news and nothing to worry about? I do hope so. I'm still recovering a bit from the surgery - I still have the mark on the back of my hand from the cannula and it is still a little tender.
The sun is out, it is a little warmer (we've had one of the coldest winters in years - some Ski resorts are still open in Europe and it's June!) so that lifts spirits and makes me feel good. Time to see if I can stuff some Vitamin D into my body with a bit of sun exposure.
In so many ways I'm starting to settle into a lifestyle which keeps my blood glucose low and the only concern I really have is that my blood pressure is a little higher than I'd like. Exercise will I am certain bring that down and start to help bring my weight down a lot more. I have managed to do well and I'm now 3 stone lighter than I was in January and boy do I feel good for that. I even managed to get up a ladder and do some DIY work at high level for my father-in-law on Sunday sorting out some soffit boards that needed rubbing down and painting. I need to do a bit more on that later this week.
I've made some more clarified butter which I tend to use to make scrambled eggs and cook things like Spinach and the like with. I am now getting to a point where commitments on my time are getting less and I can start to put effort into sorting out business and getting things turned around. Typically as soon as I find something to do there are three or four other things hovering around for me to do. Goodness knows why this always appears to happen? It is noise and distraction but I will just have to work my way through them to see if they have any substance. I somehow don't see that they have much relevance on my future but you never know.
Interestingly I haven't heard back from the Hospital as of yet. I guess that means good news and nothing to worry about? I do hope so. I'm still recovering a bit from the surgery - I still have the mark on the back of my hand from the cannula and it is still a little tender.
The sun is out, it is a little warmer (we've had one of the coldest winters in years - some Ski resorts are still open in Europe and it's June!) so that lifts spirits and makes me feel good. Time to see if I can stuff some Vitamin D into my body with a bit of sun exposure.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Another Day Up In Town
It is amazing how many people think about me for projects they are working on but nothing comes of them. Two in the past two days and both "may" come off. Of course the problem is with these things that invariably they don't actually materialise and I get involved only to find that the work goes away or just doesn't appear at all.
Both these jobs sound great, right up my street but I'm uncertain whether I want to get involved anyway as I've only just got the other business under way - although it will take some months I believe to be ready to trade.
I'm back up to London for the second day in a row - I certainly hope I'm not catching the 00:56 train back again like I did last night. Goodness knows where all the time went last night we were having a good old natter as I guess we hadn't met for 10 years or more! I certainly don't want to drink as much as I did as well - goodness knows I like Red Wine but could have done without bottle three appearing at dinner.... No after effects thank goodness although goodness knows I should at least have had a sore head but somehow I don't. Tonight it should be a little less boozy.
Both these jobs sound great, right up my street but I'm uncertain whether I want to get involved anyway as I've only just got the other business under way - although it will take some months I believe to be ready to trade.
I'm back up to London for the second day in a row - I certainly hope I'm not catching the 00:56 train back again like I did last night. Goodness knows where all the time went last night we were having a good old natter as I guess we hadn't met for 10 years or more! I certainly don't want to drink as much as I did as well - goodness knows I like Red Wine but could have done without bottle three appearing at dinner.... No after effects thank goodness although goodness knows I should at least have had a sore head but somehow I don't. Tonight it should be a little less boozy.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Tragic news from a fellow BC survivor
Steve Kelley is a fellow Bladder Cancer survivor and blogger and we are bonded together through our diagnosis and experiences and the Internet through our blogs. We share messages of support and advice and we are good friends that have never actually spoken on a phone or met in real life. I pop into see his site regularly but today was the tragic news that his parents had perished in a car crash on the 28th May.
These are Steve's words:
"TRAGIC PERSONAL EVENT
My parents both perished in a single-vehicle automobile crash this evening. They were in relatively good health for a couple near 80 years old. The entire family is in shock. It will be some time before the blog is updated again."
I hope you will join with me in offering prayers and thoughts for Steve, his wife and their wider family as words completely fail me at the moment. I remember how I felt when I lost my dad but I had almost a year to prepare for that and so I really cannot imagine how this feels. I am comforted by the fact that Steve's church and faith are strong and I am certain they will help them come to terms with and deal with this terrible tragedy.
These are Steve's words:
"TRAGIC PERSONAL EVENT
My parents both perished in a single-vehicle automobile crash this evening. They were in relatively good health for a couple near 80 years old. The entire family is in shock. It will be some time before the blog is updated again."
I hope you will join with me in offering prayers and thoughts for Steve, his wife and their wider family as words completely fail me at the moment. I remember how I felt when I lost my dad but I had almost a year to prepare for that and so I really cannot imagine how this feels. I am comforted by the fact that Steve's church and faith are strong and I am certain they will help them come to terms with and deal with this terrible tragedy.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Exercise - Two Four Letter Words Joined Together :-)
No one actually likes exercise do they? I certainly don't but I got back onto the Cross Trainer today and did a 20 minute workout. Interestingly it didn't feel too bad I guess because I'm probably lighter than I've been for years. I actually fit back into stuff from when I was first diagnosed - well almost - a few pairs of trousers are a little tighter than I remember them but at least the jackets and shirts now fit and half of my pairs of trousers.
I now need to work in a routine of at least 3 exercise drills a week and also I will aim to get my vibration plate workout in as well giving me aerobic exercise on the Cross Trainer and Anaerobic on the plate.
I did my blood sugars from yesterday and they are all pretty good in and around 5.1 or 5.2 before and after meals (2 hours after) and I'm happy with that sort of level. I'd be happier with 4 or so but they aren't as frequently recorded. It is surprising how quickly you get used to stabbing your finger and taking readings.
I now need to work in a routine of at least 3 exercise drills a week and also I will aim to get my vibration plate workout in as well giving me aerobic exercise on the Cross Trainer and Anaerobic on the plate.
I did my blood sugars from yesterday and they are all pretty good in and around 5.1 or 5.2 before and after meals (2 hours after) and I'm happy with that sort of level. I'd be happier with 4 or so but they aren't as frequently recorded. It is surprising how quickly you get used to stabbing your finger and taking readings.
A Quick Replanning Exercise
With the 3 months freelance working going away I am back to the drawing board this morning. I need to advance my efforts by three months which I was hoping to use as thinking, planning and building time. Oh well, these things happen. It was a nuisance though.
I was planning to start in two weeks once I've got all that is currently on my plate out of the way. I think that I'll make that date the beginning of my new direction and see where I go from there. What I can start to do is clear the decks and get ready to organise my office. I can get rid of lots of old junk and stuff I no longer need.
In some ways I'm lucky having undertaken some research last year - I can reuse that. I've now purchased the company name and I already have the web sites and so just need to build the business plan an hone it to allow me to launch the business and hopefully have it up and running by around September or October. A steep ask but I think it is doable.
I can also aim to build the changes to my routine and build exercise into that too.
I was planning to start in two weeks once I've got all that is currently on my plate out of the way. I think that I'll make that date the beginning of my new direction and see where I go from there. What I can start to do is clear the decks and get ready to organise my office. I can get rid of lots of old junk and stuff I no longer need.
In some ways I'm lucky having undertaken some research last year - I can reuse that. I've now purchased the company name and I already have the web sites and so just need to build the business plan an hone it to allow me to launch the business and hopefully have it up and running by around September or October. A steep ask but I think it is doable.
I can also aim to build the changes to my routine and build exercise into that too.
Turn Again
My goodness - it's gone 2 in the morning and I've just got back from a really great evening. Just seen for the 2nd time the Zombies and for the 5th or 6th time Colin Bluntstone. All a bit last minute and I'd already been for a "few wines" at lunchtime.
It was a great evening and even better we then went on for some more drinks and had a great time ranting on about the bands of the 70s and 80s.
The downside and bummer is that the potential contract I had for 3 months has subsided into nothingness :-( Not a good end to a great evening.
It was a great evening and even better we then went on for some more drinks and had a great time ranting on about the bands of the 70s and 80s.
The downside and bummer is that the potential contract I had for 3 months has subsided into nothingness :-( Not a good end to a great evening.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Interesting Comment
I dropped my mum off and she got home safely after a good weekend. She seemed to have enjoyed herself and so that's good. I got a call from my business partner and we went to the local pub for a few drinks and to have a spot of lunch. I was able to ask for a salad and that was great - very enjoyable. Chef asked if I was on a diet as he did reckon I'd lost a lot of weight. I then realised that I'd actually lost close to 3 stone so far since January which is pretty good. I've still got about that to go I think to be really around the weight I'd like. Nice of him to notice and also nice of him to fix me a salad for my lunch.
Over the weekend I finally got to fit back into my posh shirts and Mrs. F. has brought out some old clothes that I might now be able to fit into! Who knows :-)
My business partner was telling me his story of the job he started not too long ago and the idiot he had to work for who it appears lied to him about having a full time role. It is shocking that these sorts of people hold office in big companies. So my mate is now out of contract - although I smell that there is more to come from my understanding of the contract and the agreements that were made. He was feeling that something was wrong from day one. Now he is fully aware that there is. Good thing that he's pretty much tuned in to what was happening from early on. Frankly I'd have smashed ten bells of sh1t out of the guy :-) But then that's me I have a very low tolerance level for dickheads.
Over the weekend I finally got to fit back into my posh shirts and Mrs. F. has brought out some old clothes that I might now be able to fit into! Who knows :-)
My business partner was telling me his story of the job he started not too long ago and the idiot he had to work for who it appears lied to him about having a full time role. It is shocking that these sorts of people hold office in big companies. So my mate is now out of contract - although I smell that there is more to come from my understanding of the contract and the agreements that were made. He was feeling that something was wrong from day one. Now he is fully aware that there is. Good thing that he's pretty much tuned in to what was happening from early on. Frankly I'd have smashed ten bells of sh1t out of the guy :-) But then that's me I have a very low tolerance level for dickheads.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Preparing for normality
I have to say that the last 7 years have been incredibly up and down and I've managed to hit the highs and lows emotionally and it doesn't help when there is an inherent lack of stability in your life and in addition, it isn't the only thing that's destabilizing things. Cancer is one huge iceberg to hit and the blow it delivers to your self-confidence is amazing.
I sat down and watched the HBO series 'Pacific' which was a present (of my request) for Christmas - it is equally as harrowing as Band of Brothers and Saving Private Ryan (all made by the same people). The last episode features one of the "heroes" returned from the war who just wasn't ready to return to civilian life. These men had been through an unimaginable hell only glimpsed at in the film and you can only begin to start to appreciate the Post Traumatic Stress they were going through. In one breath I cannot compare myself to them but in another perhaps I can for the stress of having Cancer does wear you down emotionally and physically. It isn't until after the event, when you rest, when your breathing comes back to normal, when the irrational fears subside and when you can apply some cold logic to your situation and spend quiet time that the enormity of it all hits you.
The Tsunami of depression or perhaps it may be a complete lack of energy and a leaning to be introverted and silent and uncommunicative. It can be the opposite making up for things by exploding into extrovert behaviour for the benefit of your friends and family over compensating for how crap you actually feel by doing the opposite. All of these and many, many more are part of the journey and not everyone will be the same. Not everyone will "think" about it or even
consider it. Not everyone will look to fight and change their lives and some will succumb and lay over and die.
For something like 5 years now I've been clear of Cancer and apart from these two false positives life's been sort of OK with working at the Charity and then on our Venture (now sadly closed through lack of imaginative funding). Now I've got to work out where to go and what to do and like the soldier, I've spent some time just not wanting to do anything at all. I can't seem to get my head around returning to civilian life and drudgery and wage slave status as it all seems somewhat pointless having come through a life changing event I wanted to do something worthwhile. In many ways I could still be at the Charity and settled in a 9-5 but that isn't me.
Once this weekend is out of the way and I have something I must sort out in early June then I need to prepare to be normal again - it's a big step though and the last thing I am any more is normal.
I sat down and watched the HBO series 'Pacific' which was a present (of my request) for Christmas - it is equally as harrowing as Band of Brothers and Saving Private Ryan (all made by the same people). The last episode features one of the "heroes" returned from the war who just wasn't ready to return to civilian life. These men had been through an unimaginable hell only glimpsed at in the film and you can only begin to start to appreciate the Post Traumatic Stress they were going through. In one breath I cannot compare myself to them but in another perhaps I can for the stress of having Cancer does wear you down emotionally and physically. It isn't until after the event, when you rest, when your breathing comes back to normal, when the irrational fears subside and when you can apply some cold logic to your situation and spend quiet time that the enormity of it all hits you.
The Tsunami of depression or perhaps it may be a complete lack of energy and a leaning to be introverted and silent and uncommunicative. It can be the opposite making up for things by exploding into extrovert behaviour for the benefit of your friends and family over compensating for how crap you actually feel by doing the opposite. All of these and many, many more are part of the journey and not everyone will be the same. Not everyone will "think" about it or even
consider it. Not everyone will look to fight and change their lives and some will succumb and lay over and die.
For something like 5 years now I've been clear of Cancer and apart from these two false positives life's been sort of OK with working at the Charity and then on our Venture (now sadly closed through lack of imaginative funding). Now I've got to work out where to go and what to do and like the soldier, I've spent some time just not wanting to do anything at all. I can't seem to get my head around returning to civilian life and drudgery and wage slave status as it all seems somewhat pointless having come through a life changing event I wanted to do something worthwhile. In many ways I could still be at the Charity and settled in a 9-5 but that isn't me.
Once this weekend is out of the way and I have something I must sort out in early June then I need to prepare to be normal again - it's a big step though and the last thing I am any more is normal.
Stand By - Mum's Coming Over
This time last year I was up to see my dad on and off and of course, it was the end of the business too and all very distressing. We went to the Hotel for the meal and I think I may have gone off just after that. It is coming up a year in July when Dad passed away and I'm really very pleased that mum has got on with things and she is getting out and about and tomorrow she comes down to stay with us for a few days and will come with me to the dinner at the Spa Hotel. Needless to say, it will be her first experience of anything like this and I've been in Freemasonry for 30 years. My dad never travelled well and wasn't a great socialiser and didn't particularly enjoy dressing for dinner or any of that fuss.
It will be nice to have mum for a few days and we have the Bank Holiday too so it will make a nice weekend which is just long enough (for both of us). I pick her up tomorrow from the Ebbslfeet International Station - it is great as she can get off at Kings Cross and walk to the next station and get on a train that takes a less time than it does for me to drive there from London. Amazing High Speed 1 Javelin Trains.
I may write less with her around as her room is opposite my office :-) I'm feeling a little sore today around my middle - I guess internal bruising and readjustments going on. At least it isn't painful more uncomfortable I guess. I printed off the first week's blood glucose tests and will probably do a few more over the coming days. They appear to be in the right order. My Blood pressure is a different matter altogether as it isn't as low as it has been but it still isn't bad. It compares to last year's readings and things haven't got worse but I was expecting a lowering with this diet I'm on. Perhaps I just need to bring in some more exercise. If I get this job I'll certainly be able to do plenty of exercise in walking to and from the stations and the work and home locations - around 3 to 4 miles a day I think.
It will be nice to have mum for a few days and we have the Bank Holiday too so it will make a nice weekend which is just long enough (for both of us). I pick her up tomorrow from the Ebbslfeet International Station - it is great as she can get off at Kings Cross and walk to the next station and get on a train that takes a less time than it does for me to drive there from London. Amazing High Speed 1 Javelin Trains.
I may write less with her around as her room is opposite my office :-) I'm feeling a little sore today around my middle - I guess internal bruising and readjustments going on. At least it isn't painful more uncomfortable I guess. I printed off the first week's blood glucose tests and will probably do a few more over the coming days. They appear to be in the right order. My Blood pressure is a different matter altogether as it isn't as low as it has been but it still isn't bad. It compares to last year's readings and things haven't got worse but I was expecting a lowering with this diet I'm on. Perhaps I just need to bring in some more exercise. If I get this job I'll certainly be able to do plenty of exercise in walking to and from the stations and the work and home locations - around 3 to 4 miles a day I think.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Blood Testing
6 or more years ago you'd have found me not ever wanting to give up my blood willingly or without a fight :-) These days I take measurements myself and don't think much of it at all.
I'm taking a series of measurements so that I can "discuss" with my GP whether or not they'd like to get around to telling me something that the Hospital know and that I've only just found out through them at my last pre-assessment. That is that they wrote to the Hospital very early on in my treatment so around about 6 or 7 years ago telling the Hospital that I was a Type 2 diabetic controlled by diet. In many ways this came as a shock because all they told me to do was to lay off the very high amounts of fruit I was consuming at the time. I'd regularly have Grapefruit, Oranges, Apples, Grapes, Apricots and Pears daily and the hit it was giving me would give my body problems. I hadn't been eating that way for long but had been told to eat healthily and up my fruit and vegetable intake. Knowing what I know now, how wrong was that?!
So after I was told not to eat excessive fruit or I "MIGHT" end up Diabetic I duly went home and changed my diet accordingly. Of course, it still wasn't anything like I am on these days but even so it was a major shift. Quite what made my GP write to the Hospital and not tell me is beyond me. I also know that I'm not in denial or some other process blanking this out because Mrs. F. came along with me that day and we spoke to the Doctor together. In fact I do miss him as he was very nice and seemed to be genuinely concerned about how we were coping mentally as well as physically but I digress.
However, the dangerous thing here is that for a further 5 or 6 years I've happily gone on in the belief that I had a scrape with being Diabetic based on some unhealthy healthy eating kick and yet if I was truly Diabetic then I should have been being careful with what I ate for all that time.
So far, the measurements I have taken all bear out that my blood glucose is in the normal range and whilst I've had one marginal reading it was the morning after cheat day where I had two meals and plenty of drink during the day all normally off my 6 days a week diet. I haven't done every meal - that's complete overkill but I do switch it around to say do breakfast and evening meal or fasting overnight and lunchtime. The process to get a drop of blood is pretty straightforward and the machine is simple to use. I log everything down on a spreadsheet and let it go from there.
I'm still monitoring my Urine pH levels and have been fascinated with seeing the trace blood count in that. There is no Glucose whatsoever which is good. My blood pressure isn't exactly where I want it but it is within tolerance. I'd like it to be lower and perhaps when I get a bit more active next week it will be.
I'm taking a series of measurements so that I can "discuss" with my GP whether or not they'd like to get around to telling me something that the Hospital know and that I've only just found out through them at my last pre-assessment. That is that they wrote to the Hospital very early on in my treatment so around about 6 or 7 years ago telling the Hospital that I was a Type 2 diabetic controlled by diet. In many ways this came as a shock because all they told me to do was to lay off the very high amounts of fruit I was consuming at the time. I'd regularly have Grapefruit, Oranges, Apples, Grapes, Apricots and Pears daily and the hit it was giving me would give my body problems. I hadn't been eating that way for long but had been told to eat healthily and up my fruit and vegetable intake. Knowing what I know now, how wrong was that?!
So after I was told not to eat excessive fruit or I "MIGHT" end up Diabetic I duly went home and changed my diet accordingly. Of course, it still wasn't anything like I am on these days but even so it was a major shift. Quite what made my GP write to the Hospital and not tell me is beyond me. I also know that I'm not in denial or some other process blanking this out because Mrs. F. came along with me that day and we spoke to the Doctor together. In fact I do miss him as he was very nice and seemed to be genuinely concerned about how we were coping mentally as well as physically but I digress.
However, the dangerous thing here is that for a further 5 or 6 years I've happily gone on in the belief that I had a scrape with being Diabetic based on some unhealthy healthy eating kick and yet if I was truly Diabetic then I should have been being careful with what I ate for all that time.
So far, the measurements I have taken all bear out that my blood glucose is in the normal range and whilst I've had one marginal reading it was the morning after cheat day where I had two meals and plenty of drink during the day all normally off my 6 days a week diet. I haven't done every meal - that's complete overkill but I do switch it around to say do breakfast and evening meal or fasting overnight and lunchtime. The process to get a drop of blood is pretty straightforward and the machine is simple to use. I log everything down on a spreadsheet and let it go from there.
I'm still monitoring my Urine pH levels and have been fascinated with seeing the trace blood count in that. There is no Glucose whatsoever which is good. My blood pressure isn't exactly where I want it but it is within tolerance. I'd like it to be lower and perhaps when I get a bit more active next week it will be.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Bit Of A Wordy Last Post
I hadn't intended it to be quite as long a tome as that :-) I got a bit carried away with all the stuff going around in my head.
Of course what "does my head in" as they say colloquially here is that on the two occasions when I've had a false positive I've actually reacted to each by assuming that I did have a recurrence and it's been quite destabilising for me on both episodes. I remember stepping up my Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese regime from once or twice a week to every day. I noticed that I looked seriously at my current diet to see whether I'd do something stupid in that department and on this most recent repeat decided that Bacon was the bad guy although, of course, if there is no recurrence, then that's a conclusion that I shouldn't have made. Mind you, I did review the evidence and have made it sufficiently worrying so that I don't have it regularly any more. I will certainly just have it occasionally and sparingly there are plenty of other things to eat. Although let's face it the taste of Bacon is great.
I've had a few flecks of the biopsy scabs fire out today so expect a few more tomorrow and hopefully that will be the end of it. I'd forgotten how long it takes for everything to "rearrange" itself after the operation, it still feels tender and slightly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, this is still looked on with the Silver Lining that I'm 99% certain that there was no cancer there. The thing that threw me this time was definitely the drawing of a tumour on the bladder diagram they use here. It might be more useful if they'd use a TV and take a photo you'd have thought? Perhaps a conversation I can have with my Consultant?
My mum is arriving on Thursday for the long weekend and she is coming to my final fling as Master of my Lodge when we will be hosting a lunch for around 120 or more people at the Spa Hotel in Tunbridge Wells. It is a lovely venue and I am looking forward to it greatly as we will have the girls with us as well as some very good friends. I think I might end up having a bit of a wobbly cheat day on Sunday and perhaps on the Saturday - it depends who is home and what we end up doing.
Of course what "does my head in" as they say colloquially here is that on the two occasions when I've had a false positive I've actually reacted to each by assuming that I did have a recurrence and it's been quite destabilising for me on both episodes. I remember stepping up my Flax Seed Oil and Cottage Cheese regime from once or twice a week to every day. I noticed that I looked seriously at my current diet to see whether I'd do something stupid in that department and on this most recent repeat decided that Bacon was the bad guy although, of course, if there is no recurrence, then that's a conclusion that I shouldn't have made. Mind you, I did review the evidence and have made it sufficiently worrying so that I don't have it regularly any more. I will certainly just have it occasionally and sparingly there are plenty of other things to eat. Although let's face it the taste of Bacon is great.
I've had a few flecks of the biopsy scabs fire out today so expect a few more tomorrow and hopefully that will be the end of it. I'd forgotten how long it takes for everything to "rearrange" itself after the operation, it still feels tender and slightly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, this is still looked on with the Silver Lining that I'm 99% certain that there was no cancer there. The thing that threw me this time was definitely the drawing of a tumour on the bladder diagram they use here. It might be more useful if they'd use a TV and take a photo you'd have thought? Perhaps a conversation I can have with my Consultant?
My mum is arriving on Thursday for the long weekend and she is coming to my final fling as Master of my Lodge when we will be hosting a lunch for around 120 or more people at the Spa Hotel in Tunbridge Wells. It is a lovely venue and I am looking forward to it greatly as we will have the girls with us as well as some very good friends. I think I might end up having a bit of a wobbly cheat day on Sunday and perhaps on the Saturday - it depends who is home and what we end up doing.
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