It feels strange that I would now, after all this time, look to change my Consultant. It has everything to do with distance now that I've moved away from the area. It was relatively easy to get to when I lived nearer but now it is about an hour and a bit away and I have to park away from the Hospital and walk-in adding a further 15 minutes I guess. In the rush hour heading towards London, it is stressful enough without of course having the procedure which, even though I've had so many, is still a bit worrying - about what they will find and a little uncomfortable although I wouldn't say painful it can be a bit stingy!
The last time I drove back and as your "wedding tackle" shall we call it comes back to life, it can make driving home a little uncomfortable.
After having done it for the last 5 years I decided to drop my GP a line to see if I can transfer to the local Hospital. It is only 15 to 20 minutes away and generally (although not always) has good parking available.
It is strange as there is a feeling that you are letting your Consultant down but to be realistic I should have changed some years ago as it just makes sense to go somewhere that is local and that I can get to easily.
Friday, August 23, 2019
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Double Clear
Somewhere along the line, I missed that I had a scope last year....
Well, it must have been the late summer and the old problem reared its ugly head again. When they insert the scope I'm certain that it hits the inside of my bladder leaving a small pink mark. Anyway, this time even I had a look at the screen and we couldn't determine what it was. It could have been the old scar but it was "just a mark" and so we decided that we would do a review in three months!
Somehow we both missed it and I had another scope on the 11th March 2019 and this time, with two other Consultants I've never met before. They were pretty good, the scope took a little longer than usual as I think one was learning and the other wanted a quick check. However, no mark and perhaps being later in the day rather than first thing also meant that I was more hydrated than usual? Arnica and paracetamol/ibuprofen taken as before and very little stinging or anything this time.
Anyway, ALL CLEAR!!! Great news and now easily 12 years clear. Two past the magic 10-year marker and they'll see me in 6 months. My Consultant was on holiday which is nice - she deserves it!
Well, it must have been the late summer and the old problem reared its ugly head again. When they insert the scope I'm certain that it hits the inside of my bladder leaving a small pink mark. Anyway, this time even I had a look at the screen and we couldn't determine what it was. It could have been the old scar but it was "just a mark" and so we decided that we would do a review in three months!
Somehow we both missed it and I had another scope on the 11th March 2019 and this time, with two other Consultants I've never met before. They were pretty good, the scope took a little longer than usual as I think one was learning and the other wanted a quick check. However, no mark and perhaps being later in the day rather than first thing also meant that I was more hydrated than usual? Arnica and paracetamol/ibuprofen taken as before and very little stinging or anything this time.
Anyway, ALL CLEAR!!! Great news and now easily 12 years clear. Two past the magic 10-year marker and they'll see me in 6 months. My Consultant was on holiday which is nice - she deserves it!
Friday, January 18, 2019
Bringing It All Back
How strange it is that I decided to get rid of all my old paperwork and notes about my illness. Well, I say get rid of, what I mean is that I archived most of the correspondence by scanning/digitising them, then shredding and destroying everything.
Of course, the only issue I had then was bringing it all back to mind again and I actually felt nauseous as I did it. Every now and then a tear filled my eye as I remembered the particular read and pain I felt, the anxiety and distress and the great debt I owe to my ex and my children and to the professionals and my Consultant without whose skill, I would not be here.
The mind is great because it blots out those black dreadful days and I'm glad it does. Reliving the horrors of those days didn't make me feel great - I doubt it ever would. It does, however, remind me that those dark days are behind me and that the days I have now and before me are much much better.
Of course, I still have regular inspections and when they come about there is a little niggling doubt that it may come back but live your life and forget about the past is the way forward without a doubt. It happened and that's all that can be said. Now, some 12 almost 13 years on, it is but a dim memory and I hope to keep it that way by removing all trace of it from my Office - another file is gone and another less thing to get dusty or to worry about.
Of course, the only issue I had then was bringing it all back to mind again and I actually felt nauseous as I did it. Every now and then a tear filled my eye as I remembered the particular read and pain I felt, the anxiety and distress and the great debt I owe to my ex and my children and to the professionals and my Consultant without whose skill, I would not be here.
The mind is great because it blots out those black dreadful days and I'm glad it does. Reliving the horrors of those days didn't make me feel great - I doubt it ever would. It does, however, remind me that those dark days are behind me and that the days I have now and before me are much much better.
Of course, I still have regular inspections and when they come about there is a little niggling doubt that it may come back but live your life and forget about the past is the way forward without a doubt. It happened and that's all that can be said. Now, some 12 almost 13 years on, it is but a dim memory and I hope to keep it that way by removing all trace of it from my Office - another file is gone and another less thing to get dusty or to worry about.
Tuesday, July 03, 2018
Twelve Years Ago Today
Yes, it's been twelve eventful years since that day that I arrived at my Hotel and went to the toilet, only to discover that I was urinating a stream of blood. The World Cup was on as I recall and I think we were beaten by Portugal. I spent the next few days in disbelief as I continued to show signs which heaven knows were distressing enough and yet, I didn't feel unwell at that point.
This blog is a testimony to the NHS who sorted me out, the good, bad, ugly and indifferent, the highs and the lows, those who helped and those who shied away, those who came on the journey with me and those who did not.
It's a journey of love, hope and charity. Amazing lows and extreme highs. Looking back, I had one hell of a ride and much of it not caused by Cancer directly. Sure the treatment was a challenge and dealing with mortality and other consequences but I didn't expect my head to have to go through all of that nonsense and of course, there were consequences of my marriage ending (not direct) and the realisation that I had to dig myself out of the "hopeless" space I was in. I say hopeless but it lies in each of us to be able to get out of that blackest of spaces.
Today, I'm a little down in the mouth, it's the day after 2nd July that it all kicked off. It's the 3rd July today and the anniversary of my father's death through Pancreatic Cancer and tomorrow, it's my birthday.
The overwhelming message is that it is great to be alive, you can cure Bladder Cancer although you do tend to live with the threat a lot more as I get checked every 6 months for recurrence.
If you've just been diagnosed, I hope that you will be encouraged that things get better and the main thing is don't think it is going to get fixed in a day, it takes a while longer than that and you have to bear with it whilst they sort you out. Get your head into a good space if you can, relax and remember that you can help yourself as much as your team helps you through good diet, precautionary measures and keeping your head in gear too.
This blog is a testimony to the NHS who sorted me out, the good, bad, ugly and indifferent, the highs and the lows, those who helped and those who shied away, those who came on the journey with me and those who did not.
It's a journey of love, hope and charity. Amazing lows and extreme highs. Looking back, I had one hell of a ride and much of it not caused by Cancer directly. Sure the treatment was a challenge and dealing with mortality and other consequences but I didn't expect my head to have to go through all of that nonsense and of course, there were consequences of my marriage ending (not direct) and the realisation that I had to dig myself out of the "hopeless" space I was in. I say hopeless but it lies in each of us to be able to get out of that blackest of spaces.
Today, I'm a little down in the mouth, it's the day after 2nd July that it all kicked off. It's the 3rd July today and the anniversary of my father's death through Pancreatic Cancer and tomorrow, it's my birthday.
The overwhelming message is that it is great to be alive, you can cure Bladder Cancer although you do tend to live with the threat a lot more as I get checked every 6 months for recurrence.
If you've just been diagnosed, I hope that you will be encouraged that things get better and the main thing is don't think it is going to get fixed in a day, it takes a while longer than that and you have to bear with it whilst they sort you out. Get your head into a good space if you can, relax and remember that you can help yourself as much as your team helps you through good diet, precautionary measures and keeping your head in gear too.
Thursday, June 07, 2018
A Qualified All Clear
I have to say that hydrating for a few days beforehand and using arnica seems to work in lessening the after effects of the flexible cystoscopyy. I also use yoga breathing and just before i have the procedure, 2 paracetamol and 2 ibuprofen which kick in about 10 minutes afterwards.
The procedure took longer and I did sneak a look at the monitor because my consultant saw what she felt was most probably an old biopsy scar. It didn't "look like a tumour" and so we agreed that rather than an operation to investigate, we would reconvene in 3 months to check it out.
I'm ok with that. It's been almost 12 years since original diagnosis. I'm still happy to be here and although those these scopes are challenging, they keep a good eye on me.
The procedure took longer and I did sneak a look at the monitor because my consultant saw what she felt was most probably an old biopsy scar. It didn't "look like a tumour" and so we agreed that rather than an operation to investigate, we would reconvene in 3 months to check it out.
I'm ok with that. It's been almost 12 years since original diagnosis. I'm still happy to be here and although those these scopes are challenging, they keep a good eye on me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)