At least the race was on

After he disappointment of yesterday, at least the race was on today and I watched that at 7am and followed that up with the MotoGP race straight afterwards.

I decided to take it really easy and have had a couple of hour long snoozes in my favourite chair today mainly to catch up with the lack of sleep from last night - my goodness did I have some strange dreams and two early mornings and the whole week of work.

Last week was a strange old week and an emotional roller coaster - I found myself really troubled and emotionally drained come Tuesday evening and yet once I had got that off my chest the remainder of the week seemed to go better. I'm absolutely flying at work at the moment. After much research and planning at last things are coming together but in a far more uncontrolled way than I wished for. Both of us (my co-founder and I) remind ourselves that at the moment we are treading a lonely road and we produce just about everything for the business. For the 2nd week I have worked in the dining room rather than in my office as I find I can better discipline my working day. For another week I have managed just one serious bit of exercise despite the fact I have done walking and some heavy lifting down the week.

This week gets interesting indeed as we ramp up the work and meet someone who will potentially be our lawyer or will be our legal advisor. We should also, I hope, be in a position to move the description forward and I am aiming for the web site to be completed later this month. It is hard work to make it all happen but no one said it would be easy.

I still feel the best I have felt for years and years. I think because I am getting stuff sorted out. The trip to the dentist this Friday will also help me to commence getting my teeth back under control and I am also hoping to get even more progress on sorting myself out a bit. Last week there were a few occasions where I was out of control, by that I mean that I was unable to control my emotions, my time keeping and my logic and level headedness just disappeared. Very unlike me to get quite so excitable really. I hope that this week I can keep a lid on it.

The dreams are just amazing things - the one last night (featuring Michael Caine of all people) was all about secrecy and keeping what we are doing a bit of an enigma for a little longer. These things are playing on my mind and are manifesting themselves in the most bizarre ways. Last week was definitely not one I want to repeat and I certainly don't want my head to explode into a huge guilt trip again, I don't need to beat myself up, cancer already did that. I just need to take it a little easy and to use my excess energy in positive ways.

I suppose finding yet another person who I know - on top of the lad with Appendix Cancer who now has Lung Cancer just puts the mockers on things, a number of others aren't doing well either. I can't work out why I feel so bad about it, I have no idea if they felt bad about what I had. I don't suppose they did but I see no reason not to feel empathy for them and their relatives.