Powerless to help

My friend who drains me of energy turned up tonight and was once again in gloomy mood. He has finally worked out that he can't afford a number of things and this weekend's Ladies' Festival is one of them, his wife said enough is enough and so it is. I hadn't realised that he had given up the couple of jobs he was doing when the last one came along so he could concentrate on that which wasn't a good idea as it went pear shaped. This new job isn't doing a lot for him either and the steady income he did has is no longer available.

You can't make this stuff up and he is a troubled, tortured soul but what can I do? I can listen, I can advise (not that he has ever taken any of my advice in all the years I've known him). I could give him some money, pay for him to come along at the weekend but he wouldn't like that, he and I both know that - he is too proud - yet I've made him admit he would do it for me if he could!!!

I know I whinge on about how this guy saps my strength but I can only feel sorry for him in his present predicament, however brought about, these days it is so difficult to get out of the rut you are in and even thinking straight will not work as he isn't thinking straight. I feel utterly powerless to do anything. Whatever I do will be misconstrued and I am in my own battle to make ends meet - not as deep as he is of course - but I need to be mindful about it.

I remember the conversation around me paying off my mortgage and him saying that he had more debts than when he bought his house. I won't go into the details but it is a serious case of heart ruling head. I sometimes used to look at him taking his family away to the Maldives or Florida or some far off sunny locale and wonder how they could afford it. The difference is that we did foundation work and didn't spend what we didn't have.

I wonder if I would have preferred to have that sort of lifestyle then and be paying for it now (he is 5 - 6 years older than me) but have to work right up to and beyond retirement. I'm a little more circumspect and have been pretty much checked by the financially astute Mrs. F. over the years. We will push out the boat when necessary but everything has been centred on making a family home, making sure we had what was needed and we even made sure that things would be OK before embarking on having a family. Interestingly, the last of our long-term investments come out next year and the year after. We put things in place 25 or more years ago so that we knew that we would have something available at this point in time. The difference is striking but should I be feeling this bad because I put this stuff in place?

It is so difficult to maintain objectivity when it is a friend. As a friend he is pushing it to the very edge of the envelope but perhaps, now that the realisation is hitting home he will at last take a long hard look at his situation and will remember all the sage advice I've given him over the years.

Then again - maybe not. Life's like that sometimes.