Kind of OK

Well it was nice to get up to see my parents but I feel pretty flat afterwards. Their move to a smaller place has meant a lot of upheaval and change and I'm not sure that the change has done either of them a good turn. Dad looks a lot older than when I saw him last year and is more into his routines than ever.

He's OK in the morning but in the afternoon everything has to be "just so" done to a proscribed timetable and he gets fidgety if it isn't. We were obviously a huge disruption to the status quo and in some ways I got the distinct feeling that we weren't really wanted - and by that I mean - that we were disturbing his world and his way of doing things. I don't think he actually didn't want us there but I had to say I found it difficult competing with the TV all afternoon.

So in a way I was glad to go up and see them but also sad to see them too. I worry that I am sometimes similar to my dad but in many other ways I am a lot different to him and my family in many ways. I saw my kid brother - I probably haven't seen him for 18 months or more. He too is very different to me and they all live very different lives and are very different people.

Because my parents have moved into a tiny place now there was lots of things to fill my car up with when we came home and we have now gone through what we want to keep and the things we will give away. It feels very strange doing this as these things that meant something to them are now either in my house or going to the charity shop. That's the sort of thing that happens when you down size like that and probably adds to the levels of "depression" I felt when we were there. They've done the right thing in moving to a manageable house but of course the downside is the loss of possessions and loss of space - compared to the last place this feels claustrophobic and you can't get away to another room like you could in the last place so you are forced to be in the same room all the time and so that didn't help the situation.

I'm sort of glad that I have little attachment to things these days but I can see how the loss of familiar objects can be upsetting also the weather has meant that they are trapped indoors a lot.

It was nice to get away, even nicer to stay in a local B&B rather than in the same house - not sure I could have managed that this time.