I forgot to add

That is is also our Anniversary on Wednesday and I'm out.  I tend to have this problem every year as these meetings are all planned for the first week in May and sometimes it just falls like that.


At least I have bought a card which is already here!  


I've had to buy a new tie for tomorrow, my other one was captured as a trophy by some Scottish Masons during an "interesting" meeting some time ago.  As I'm "on parade" and working tomorrow I had better have one.  So another £15 spent.


Had some interesting conversation today about "the future" and what I want to do going forward.  It is interesting that people are still full of advice but a bit short on delivering the goods and that will be interesting when I meet them next week.  We will have a long and interesting discussion and maybe, just maybe I'll start to get some clarity on what I want to do.  It always seems to me that lots of people have good advice and ideas but I will be interested to see if I can do the Jerry Maguire - "Show me the money!" :-)  


I am beginning to form some key thoughts now around what I need to do in terms or what the outcomes probably need to be but there are some key questions which need answering and they aren't straight forward.  By that I mean that there may be some tough questions and there may be some divergence of ideologies :-)  The Bladder Cancer did some major shifting in my outlook and the last 6 years have all brought ideas and concepts, theories and practice, experimentation and results together to produce a different me.  I like that the lack of interest in what we are doing isn't a disappointment that requires a lot of mourning or navel gazing - the work we did, the attitude we have - the pragmatic approach means that it is what it is and it couldn't turn out much different given the time, circumstances and place (I sound a bit like Morpheus from the Matrix writing that!).  Damn I wish I'd taken the Blue Pill now!  :-)


But really what it comes down to is that I now have "an attitude" that reflects what I've learnt and what I've experienced, what I've read and how I've reacted to the disease.  My head is saying two things to me and the battle is between lifestyle and going back to how I was pre cancer - maybe a few years before then when I was at the peak of my powers and top of my game.  I'm probably strong enough physically and mentally to go back to that high powered, rather well paid but very demanding life.  Yet the other side of me is rebelling against it all, lifestyle, life, learning, low stress, doing what I want to do and enjoying that are the counterpoint.  Life just got interesting in another way and suddenly I have a relatively clean sheet of paper to work out what I want to do.


Or do I?


Lifestyle may actually mean giving up everything that went before and changing how things are and how they will be.  It may mean changing location and family and friends too will be impacted to greater and lesser extents.  Should you just go and do it for yourself and sod the consequences?  Many people do.  Do you stretch and strain friendships or do you rely on the strength of them to support the change.


It is going to be an interesting journey whatever happens.