God I feel bad, I hate upsetting Mrs. F. she is a diamond lass and does everything for her children and more. That's both the good and the bad as I've largely been ignored for the "children years". Not that I minded that, it was my job to hoover up the big bucks and provide the house, funds for the school, trips, dancing etc., whatever was needed and whilst I was away grafting my arse off, the mortgage got paid, the bills were covered and everything worked fine.
In fact all was well until a year or two before I got ill when suddenly I wasn't quite "me" any more and in fact I was ailing. Since then I've struggled mentally and physically - and as regular readers know - I've gone through the mill every which way possible. That's my outcome from cancer, not everyones of course. I'm changed and I'm no longer who I was and my value system has changed possibly diametrically so if I really level with myself, I'm no longer the person she knew and the change is marked.
But I feel really bad to bring this all to a head now. In reality I feel that I must have definitely left the signal on the browser consciously so Mrs. F. could find it. It had to be done, it needs to be said and glory knows we haven't spoken to each other properly in years. She works her butt off and is always tired, can't spend time to talk to me, is in some sort of mood and so on. The kids always come before me (and I don't begrudge that) but that's just where it is.
Anyway - I feel really bad because I've upset her tonight and she is taking it really badly. All I want to do is discuss it but I'm a professional consultant type with all the questions and all the answers. I need to tread on eggshells when we do talk. I feel like a sh1t but I know I have to do this :-(
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