That's next on my list of things to do. Some time ago I wondered why I'd been spared and what I ought to do with this "borrowed" time and in some ways I've done something about it and made some changes and whilst I'm prone to over analysing everything I can tell you that there's something definitely wrong. Now I'm not sure that it's like the something that was wrong before I went down with Bladder Cancer although at times it does feel like it. I was prone to lethargy and just never felt like doing anything but forced myself to and actually got things to improve a bit up to the point of being diagnosed. It was 8 years ago yesterday that I was with my parents and got the call that my mum's brother had died and that wasn't a great day having to break the news to my mum that her younger brother had died. It was, though, about that time that I really started to notice that I wasn't up to my usual standard of mental and physical capacity but not enough to warrant going to the doctor etc.
It's similar to how I feel now but I don't feel quite the same and I'm sure it isn't ailing for something as I feel (despite my cold) very well indeed. I am though bogged down with something and it's deep and it's important and just needs to be sorted out one way or the other.
The crazy thing is that if I knew exactly what it was I could do something about it :-) I felt like writing a blog titled "The Meaning of Life" but that's not exactly it either. It's more about the ending of my previous age and the commencement of another. The changes that have to come about to enter this new age of late adulthood or early old age or something like that. I have no clear vision of what I want to do, what matters (if anything actually does anymore) and how to go about it. There's a definite want/need to draw a line under the past and to fix eyes on the horizon to go forward.
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