Cancer Robbed Me!

I've been recording loads of my old music and listening to it - stuff from the late 1970s and the 80s - you know when we had so much great music around.  

I was listening to a track just a moment ago and it struck me how much I've been looking back to those days - carefree and exciting, days of my youth, free and just enjoying everything - or is that just how I remember it?

I then thought back on the last 7 years and thought - when in the last 7 years did I spend time enjoying myself, relaxing, enjoying life and being free and finding things exciting?  Well i don't recall my life being like that at all these past 7 years.  I feel that a huge lump of my life was ripped up and thrown away and everything went "on hold" and now I feel very bitter about that and another reason that I'm not overly using the blog is that resentment that anger that frustration and just hatred is all boiling up and much has been released (I'm glad to say) but I just felt maybe I ought to put this on the blog today.

7 years....  Makes you angry and want to do something about it and that's what is happening.  

I am nostalgically looking back at the 70s and 80s and realising I can't go there and the music I listen to isn't actually making me feel uplifted it's rubbing my nose in it - and yet I'm drawn back to the soundtrack of my life.  All the music seems to do is pull at my emotions good and bad and I've got to snap out of that and into the present.  I've had enough of my time stolen from me and I've got to get up, move on and start to rebuild my life that was torn down and left in rubble on the floor.  I have to accept that when I rebuild it, it won't look the same or work the same as it did 8 years ago before all this kicked off.  I hope that Mark II version of me is better, happier and can walk away and leave the last 7 years behind me and get on with my life, cancer and it's pernicious claws have had their hold of me far too long, life is yelling at me to come and get it and I have a foot in each camp unable to let one go and not quite in reach to grasp the new.

Well there we are - part of what's going on inside this crazy orb I call my head :-)