Still under an embargo here but I'm doing a stock take of my life and resisting the part where you go back and wonder why you did something and also apportioning no blame to any of the decisions that were made and indeed any of the outcomes. I'm not sure if I "blame" myself for getting Cancer or not - the jury is still out. I think it was unfortunate and like many of my generation, we were the last heavy smokers who still lived in a time when smoking in teh workplace was OK. It is only as recently as 2007 that it was banned in public places and in Restaurants and Pubs etc.
In very many ways I'm at a point in my life now of great change and big significance. The Government have just informed me that my pension will now commence when I am 66 not 65 so I have just under 10 years to run until I am retired and drawing that.
10 years. I hope to live for 20 or 25 years, I know that whilst I'm pretty healthy at the moment, I may not get a long retirement and so I plan to do something about that.
So at the moment, the blackout continues but I'm fine in myself, I have a new freedom of thought and outlook on life, I'm healthy and feel well, I look good in the new slimmer body and I'm out of the malaise of the past 7 years (post cancer years) and indeed the past 10 or more years too which is also good. The big cloud of depression is lifting away and a new optimistic attitude is growing. It's fighting with my inner self but the can be no omlette without breaking eggs as they say.
In a good place at last although the odd day here and there screaming in my head "What do you think you are doing??!!" I can live with that.
More later.
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