Dust absolutely everywhere and of course, it just goes with the territory when the whole room needs plastering and re-doing.
My mum and brother are spreading dad's ashes this morning. I suggested that they might like to do this without me as it is a long way to go to empty the urn onto the roses. Additionally, it is a bank holiday weekend and traffic will be pretty heavy with people taking the opportunity to head off for a long weekend, to the various festivals etc. I'm sure that mum and T will find a suitable place for dad to be. He loved gardening and I'm sure that the lovely gardens at the crematorium will be just fine. I wore dad's watch last night, I tend to "wear it out" on special occasions. I have a picture of him by my desk now just to remember him today.
I actually feel a little cut up about it writing this but in many ways it is a bit of closure. More so I think for my mum and brother than for me. I said my goodbye at the service and I'm building away from there. It is strange but I'm more affected by it now than I was then but I should of course realise this would be so if I just look at my Kubler Ross diagram and remember what is like to come to terms with losing someone.
I was somewhat annoyed to read in today's papers about Lance Armstrong, someone who's web site I have visited frequently. He has decided not to contest yet even more allegations brought by some US doping (and I use that word advisedly) agency. This despite the man never having tested positive for much more than the occasional pain killer. Seven times Tour de France champion and they are tested every day and he'd probably be the most tested athlete of them all. Despite that, they will attempt to strip him of his titles. We used to have problems like that in Europe. Luckily they no longer exist, they were Hitler, Mussolini and The Spanish Inquisition. It's like us going back and stripping Muhammed Ali of his World Boxing titles. You'd have thought that the US would have learnt through things like Joseph McCarthy but obviously not. I have no idea why we do this in the West. You get great people, role models, build them up, the press heap praise on them, we give them plaudits and honours and then someone comes along and pulls the whole things down. Surely there are other things to worry about rather than pursuing someone again and again. It's like me stating black is white all the time until eventually someone actually agrees with me.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Plaster Dust
Nothing quite like it for getting absolutely everywhere. Even with the doors locked it leaves a thin film of dust everywhere, computers, TVs, your body (not so funny when you haven't got a bath or a shower! Boy am I looking forward to getting that fixed into the house :-)
I am off out tonight for a curry. For the princely sum of £10 our local centre is doing a curry night and there are around 10 of us joining 20 or so others for an evening of beer, curry and humour :-) I shall have to rise to the occasion and be on my best form to entertain the troops tonight.
Plans continue for the Italian Grand Prix and the first venue Hotel is booked. that's good, we just need to sort out Milan now! Apparently the transport to and from the circuit is pretty good as they run trains between Milan and the circuit so that sounds cool. We aren't in a rush so that too is good and can perhaps take in the atmosphere and some beers at the same time. I am really beginning to look forward to it now, it has been so long since I've been to F1.
The room is looking a lot better now - the walls are covered in plaster and the ceiling is nicely done. The wall I can see clearest is nearing completion and that's great. It will need to dry out a bit of course and then be treated but that's fine as I'll be starting on the floor first and only go up to the walls a little later over the weekend. I hope the walls will be strong enough to take these enormous tiles that Mrs. F. has purchased :-) it is amazing the weight you put on the structure of your house, especially things like tiles and of course the water in a bath - incredible weight.
I am off out tonight for a curry. For the princely sum of £10 our local centre is doing a curry night and there are around 10 of us joining 20 or so others for an evening of beer, curry and humour :-) I shall have to rise to the occasion and be on my best form to entertain the troops tonight.
Plans continue for the Italian Grand Prix and the first venue Hotel is booked. that's good, we just need to sort out Milan now! Apparently the transport to and from the circuit is pretty good as they run trains between Milan and the circuit so that sounds cool. We aren't in a rush so that too is good and can perhaps take in the atmosphere and some beers at the same time. I am really beginning to look forward to it now, it has been so long since I've been to F1.
The room is looking a lot better now - the walls are covered in plaster and the ceiling is nicely done. The wall I can see clearest is nearing completion and that's great. It will need to dry out a bit of course and then be treated but that's fine as I'll be starting on the floor first and only go up to the walls a little later over the weekend. I hope the walls will be strong enough to take these enormous tiles that Mrs. F. has purchased :-) it is amazing the weight you put on the structure of your house, especially things like tiles and of course the water in a bath - incredible weight.
Right to die?
This case has once more raised the debate about assisted dying (suicide if you like) for terminally ill patients and I don't intend to take up the argument or set out the rights and wrongs. I remember looking at my dad and saying goodnight to him as he lay pretty much helpless in his bed in hospital certain in the knowledge that he hated that. He couldn't get up, he couldn't do anything much for himself. He had some movement in his arms and could do small things like turn a newspaper and drink and eat but he could not move himself. As I drove home I remember my mum and I saying that it would be better for him that he didn't wake up and that everything would be over and done with as much for him as for us too. No one wants to see this happen to their loved one.
But I also thought that neither could I be the one that would help him shuffle of this mortal coil. I'm afraid this bit gets a bit dark and a bit deep. I knew that I couldn't put a pillow over him or "hurt" him that way even though it would end what must have been to him a sort of realisation that things weren't going to get any better and everything was sliding away. I think, if it was an animal, perhaps I would have been able to do something - perhaps with a gun or something which detached me from the deed. There's something deep inside that pulls you up a long way short of this sort of behaviour and I would have been unable to pull the trigger, administer the poison, cut off their air. I'm not sure I want to go much further as I feel quite bad writing this but there is a trigger point that you just don't go beyond, there's a line of "acceptable behaviour" whether that's learnt or inherent I don't know but there you go. I couldn't do it or have it on my conscience. In the case above, you can see why the test case was brought and you can see why it was refused. It is a difficult area of the law and of our inherent morality.
I'm not sure if I could deliver the coup de grace but perhaps assist someone to take them to the Dignity Clinic or perhaps some other action like that shows humanity but to actually assist or to take the life of someone surely isn't right?
Anyway - it isn't a debate to be had but it is a thing to think about. How we deal with these things makes me think hard about those days where I wished something could be done but would never have been "Brave" enough to have done it. Maybe I would be happier having someone else do it? Messes with your head doesn't it?
Just added this which follows on a bit from the above.
But I also thought that neither could I be the one that would help him shuffle of this mortal coil. I'm afraid this bit gets a bit dark and a bit deep. I knew that I couldn't put a pillow over him or "hurt" him that way even though it would end what must have been to him a sort of realisation that things weren't going to get any better and everything was sliding away. I think, if it was an animal, perhaps I would have been able to do something - perhaps with a gun or something which detached me from the deed. There's something deep inside that pulls you up a long way short of this sort of behaviour and I would have been unable to pull the trigger, administer the poison, cut off their air. I'm not sure I want to go much further as I feel quite bad writing this but there is a trigger point that you just don't go beyond, there's a line of "acceptable behaviour" whether that's learnt or inherent I don't know but there you go. I couldn't do it or have it on my conscience. In the case above, you can see why the test case was brought and you can see why it was refused. It is a difficult area of the law and of our inherent morality.
I'm not sure if I could deliver the coup de grace but perhaps assist someone to take them to the Dignity Clinic or perhaps some other action like that shows humanity but to actually assist or to take the life of someone surely isn't right?
Anyway - it isn't a debate to be had but it is a thing to think about. How we deal with these things makes me think hard about those days where I wished something could be done but would never have been "Brave" enough to have done it. Maybe I would be happier having someone else do it? Messes with your head doesn't it?
Just added this which follows on a bit from the above.
Which got me to thinking
There was a documentary tonight about Melody Gardot and I have to confess that whilst I have heard one or two of her songs I never knew who they were by. Neither did I know about her accident and her recovery but it was an interesting 15 minutes where I pieced together some of what was said.
What was interesting was that her accident was a turning point but one that she had moved away from. It was a reference point and whilst it may have affected her direction etc. she didn't live in the past but had that moment in time there.
So what? Well it just got me thinking about that point in time, that reference point in myself. Things sure changed whenever it was now - 6 years ago or was it 7 (this is good I should be letting go of the numbers after 5!). But did they really start changing before then, is there a point in time when it all changed was there just that terrible day when the symptoms presented themselves? Could it have been the diagnosis or the operation or the subsequent operation that really eradicated it? Is it important? Did things change for the better or for the worse? Does survival mean a complete change in direction? I'm blowed if I've got any of the answers for you but it starts a conversation in my mind about where you go from here. I'm getting to a different place recently, one that kind of takes me away from lots of comfortable stuff, challenges what I do now and what I want to do in the future.
Melody appeared to be a real artist more painter or poet than musician, she painted words and I will have to explore her music some more as it sounded just wonderful. I have to admit that whilst I love music, I haven't spent a lot of time pursuing that these past years and yet it meant a lot to me. I have feelings that I gave many things up in the name of being ill. I'd rather not do something than do it and whilst I don't like crowds and that sort of thing, I really haven't gotten to many concerts or been to the theatre or other things. I've shunned the Olympics and the Paralympics (although the family are going) because of the crowds but I've made my mind up to go to Monza and see the F1 there and I know there are going to be lots of people there. I'm sort of OK with that as I will have someone there that I know and that will be OK.
So thinking time once again as I continue with this long process of reassessment, testing and measuring the water since being ill and finding that there is little that I enjoy doing and yet would re-engaging with the things I used to enjoy be a bad thing? Perhaps not, maybe I should re-discover them, I never know, I might actually enjoy them.
What was interesting was that her accident was a turning point but one that she had moved away from. It was a reference point and whilst it may have affected her direction etc. she didn't live in the past but had that moment in time there.
So what? Well it just got me thinking about that point in time, that reference point in myself. Things sure changed whenever it was now - 6 years ago or was it 7 (this is good I should be letting go of the numbers after 5!). But did they really start changing before then, is there a point in time when it all changed was there just that terrible day when the symptoms presented themselves? Could it have been the diagnosis or the operation or the subsequent operation that really eradicated it? Is it important? Did things change for the better or for the worse? Does survival mean a complete change in direction? I'm blowed if I've got any of the answers for you but it starts a conversation in my mind about where you go from here. I'm getting to a different place recently, one that kind of takes me away from lots of comfortable stuff, challenges what I do now and what I want to do in the future.
Melody appeared to be a real artist more painter or poet than musician, she painted words and I will have to explore her music some more as it sounded just wonderful. I have to admit that whilst I love music, I haven't spent a lot of time pursuing that these past years and yet it meant a lot to me. I have feelings that I gave many things up in the name of being ill. I'd rather not do something than do it and whilst I don't like crowds and that sort of thing, I really haven't gotten to many concerts or been to the theatre or other things. I've shunned the Olympics and the Paralympics (although the family are going) because of the crowds but I've made my mind up to go to Monza and see the F1 there and I know there are going to be lots of people there. I'm sort of OK with that as I will have someone there that I know and that will be OK.
So thinking time once again as I continue with this long process of reassessment, testing and measuring the water since being ill and finding that there is little that I enjoy doing and yet would re-engaging with the things I used to enjoy be a bad thing? Perhaps not, maybe I should re-discover them, I never know, I might actually enjoy them.
A little more work than envisaged
The plasterer stuck his head around the door and said I ought to come and look at the ceiling as there was a problem. Indeed there was a deflection of about 2 inches at the centre and about an inch all around showed that the ceiling had indeed, after 70 or more years service, finally had its day. This was unexpected and he had to take the old ceiling down and replace it. I assisted getting the sheets up and doing the electrics. It was some job but the new ceiling isn't going anywhere fast that's for sure!
I need to cut in the new lighting point and re cable the pull cord but other than that it does look to be taking shape but the problem is that this has added a whole day to the schedule and it couldn't have been foreseen.
So extra expense but also the ceiling and the other areas he has done look great. He is a superb craftsman and does a lovely job of plastering. It means that I can't start the flooring until Saturday and so probably the earliest I can get the bath in is Sunday if I manage to get the rest of the stuff sorted. As it is a bank holiday weekend I will have plenty of time and Mrs. F. who is a dab hand at DIY too will be able to assist me.
Let's hope that we can get this thing sorted soon as even I've begun to notice how awkward it is having lots of people around with just a downstairs cloakroom and the utility sink to work with!
Curry night Thursday night so I am looking forward to a night out with Flocky Bicep and the lads. I fancy a few beers and a bit of fun and laughter. Mind you, not too much as I will need to be here to let the plasterer in again on Friday morning at the crack of sparrows.
I need to cut in the new lighting point and re cable the pull cord but other than that it does look to be taking shape but the problem is that this has added a whole day to the schedule and it couldn't have been foreseen.
So extra expense but also the ceiling and the other areas he has done look great. He is a superb craftsman and does a lovely job of plastering. It means that I can't start the flooring until Saturday and so probably the earliest I can get the bath in is Sunday if I manage to get the rest of the stuff sorted. As it is a bank holiday weekend I will have plenty of time and Mrs. F. who is a dab hand at DIY too will be able to assist me.
Let's hope that we can get this thing sorted soon as even I've begun to notice how awkward it is having lots of people around with just a downstairs cloakroom and the utility sink to work with!
Curry night Thursday night so I am looking forward to a night out with Flocky Bicep and the lads. I fancy a few beers and a bit of fun and laughter. Mind you, not too much as I will need to be here to let the plasterer in again on Friday morning at the crack of sparrows.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Early Start
The plasterer duly arrived early at 7:45 which was great as the work has started and we can get cracking once he is done. I don't ache quite as bad as I did last night but still find bending down a bit difficult. Note to self: more exercise is required as well as diet and getting back into trim. Silly really I have all the opportunity but have just been full of inaction really since dad got taken ill. I need to re-focus my efforts and that's the next thing after the bathroom and after my scope next week.
I have to say that the good thing about the bathroom is that it is holding my attention and keeping me busy. I've decided though not to go back into the Electrical or Plumbing business as I really can't hack it any more :-) Decorating, well there's a thought. Perhaps Odd Jobbing but would there be any jobs that were odd enough for me?
Anyway, plastering under way which is the main thing. as usual, I got downstairs to find total carnage where various girls and their boyfriends have left shoes, handbags and clutter right in the way of the plasterer. Luckily I managed (even with my back) to just dump it all out of the way so the plasterer could get up and down the stairs and get the water up from downstairs too.
So an early start to the day - I'm sort of searching around for something useful to do but can't really get going until after he has finished!
I have to say that the good thing about the bathroom is that it is holding my attention and keeping me busy. I've decided though not to go back into the Electrical or Plumbing business as I really can't hack it any more :-) Decorating, well there's a thought. Perhaps Odd Jobbing but would there be any jobs that were odd enough for me?
Anyway, plastering under way which is the main thing. as usual, I got downstairs to find total carnage where various girls and their boyfriends have left shoes, handbags and clutter right in the way of the plasterer. Luckily I managed (even with my back) to just dump it all out of the way so the plasterer could get up and down the stairs and get the water up from downstairs too.
So an early start to the day - I'm sort of searching around for something useful to do but can't really get going until after he has finished!
Oh gee do I ache
Wow - I haven't done that sort of physical work for many years and my back, legs and arms ache like hell tonight. Have to say that I knew it would come like that but ouch getting up and down is a real problem - hopefully tomorrow it will settle down when the plasterer is here. Typically no one is around Thursday afternoon when I want them to be to house sit whilst I go out so that's my trip to the Hospital scuppered and going out for my Curry will get interesting too. I was hoping to get to the Hospital and then onto the pub in good time but will just have to take it as it comes I suppose. What a nuisance!
Everywhere is covered with a fine layer of dust as we had to scrape the loose paint off the walls etc to allow the plasterer to work. I need to be up early so best dash off. I will sleep well tonight once I work out how to lower myself into bed without it hurting.
Everywhere is covered with a fine layer of dust as we had to scrape the loose paint off the walls etc to allow the plasterer to work. I need to be up early so best dash off. I will sleep well tonight once I work out how to lower myself into bed without it hurting.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
All ready for the plasterer
My goodness those last set of tiles were on like bullets and I eventually got them off bringing the old render and a bit of breeze block with me :-)
Mrs. F. is just vacuuming up the mess and the dust and bits so that the plasterer has a reasonably dust free environment to work in. I've secured the electrics and the water and everything is now ready for him to make an early start. I've even taken off the door to allow him to get to all the walls without messing around. The walls are a right mess though and so hopefully he will be able to make them nice and smooth for me ready to install the flooring and then the bath and other bits afterwards. It is a bank holiday weekend so we should be able to get a good run at installing everything and getting at least the basic functions sorted.
I'm covered in dust and bits of flaked paint and my hands are sore from hammering and the occasional graunch of hammer against knuckle - even with gloves on, there's some impressive wounds.... :-)
A day or two off whilst the plasterer does his thing than back to it on Friday morning.
Mrs. F. is just vacuuming up the mess and the dust and bits so that the plasterer has a reasonably dust free environment to work in. I've secured the electrics and the water and everything is now ready for him to make an early start. I've even taken off the door to allow him to get to all the walls without messing around. The walls are a right mess though and so hopefully he will be able to make them nice and smooth for me ready to install the flooring and then the bath and other bits afterwards. It is a bank holiday weekend so we should be able to get a good run at installing everything and getting at least the basic functions sorted.
I'm covered in dust and bits of flaked paint and my hands are sore from hammering and the occasional graunch of hammer against knuckle - even with gloves on, there's some impressive wounds.... :-)
A day or two off whilst the plasterer does his thing than back to it on Friday morning.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Aches in Places I didn't know I had
Got the call this morning that my plasterer can come and do the bathroom on Wednesday - which meant I had to start work today dismantling the old bathroom. Many things were sent to try me. The crap installation by previous chap, the stop cock that wouldn't turn off even with a 2Lb persuader and a proper stop cock gizmo twisty thingy (that's the technical term of course). Then the bath must have been installed by a midget as I couldn't get to the back taps on it at all! Eventually had to disassemble from the front back and then found the reason we've had all these leaks for years - the gasket under the taps wasn't there and had been pugged up with some sort of paste. The pipes were green where the water has been escaping and the wood was rotten.
I managed to do all of it myself and luckily Mrs. F. is off tomorrow and can help me down with what remains of the bath after I smashed it trying to get it out :-) The tiles have been put on with something a thousand times stronger than super glue and I had the awful job of having to free the air locks with some garden hose and a lot of wind power, blowing up the taps to get rid of the air lock caused where I've had to cap off the services. Can you believe that they hadn't even done that simple little step! Mrs. F. also stepped in getting an isolating valve on the way home which allowed me to solve the final problem I hit and get the water on to downstairs. We are now washing in the utility room sink which is a bit of a laugh I suppose. Hairdresser tomorrow so can wash hair in sink and then get on ready for the plasterer on Wednesday. He will take 2 days which means I can work on the floor on Friday and Saturday and Mrs. F can help me locate the bath on Sunday and we can work away from there. I have to say that I ache in all sorts of places. My arms were in spasm earlier as I tried to get some of these tiles off the wall. Luckily most came off fine above 3 foot off the floor as they were cemented onto gloss paint. The ones below are directly onto the render and so have variable depths of cement right back to the brick work in some places.
It was a hot and sticky day too so I probably lost a good few pounds in the process - a good thing as I've been gaining a little too much these past few weeks. Preparation for the Italian Grand Prix is under way and the flights are booked. I'm excited just thinking about it and it will be nice to go back to Milan and look around again. We actually fly to Bologna which I've passed through on the train. I am told it is very nice. Any how - must get some sleep and hope I don't seize up in the morning!
I managed to do all of it myself and luckily Mrs. F. is off tomorrow and can help me down with what remains of the bath after I smashed it trying to get it out :-) The tiles have been put on with something a thousand times stronger than super glue and I had the awful job of having to free the air locks with some garden hose and a lot of wind power, blowing up the taps to get rid of the air lock caused where I've had to cap off the services. Can you believe that they hadn't even done that simple little step! Mrs. F. also stepped in getting an isolating valve on the way home which allowed me to solve the final problem I hit and get the water on to downstairs. We are now washing in the utility room sink which is a bit of a laugh I suppose. Hairdresser tomorrow so can wash hair in sink and then get on ready for the plasterer on Wednesday. He will take 2 days which means I can work on the floor on Friday and Saturday and Mrs. F can help me locate the bath on Sunday and we can work away from there. I have to say that I ache in all sorts of places. My arms were in spasm earlier as I tried to get some of these tiles off the wall. Luckily most came off fine above 3 foot off the floor as they were cemented onto gloss paint. The ones below are directly onto the render and so have variable depths of cement right back to the brick work in some places.
It was a hot and sticky day too so I probably lost a good few pounds in the process - a good thing as I've been gaining a little too much these past few weeks. Preparation for the Italian Grand Prix is under way and the flights are booked. I'm excited just thinking about it and it will be nice to go back to Milan and look around again. We actually fly to Bologna which I've passed through on the train. I am told it is very nice. Any how - must get some sleep and hope I don't seize up in the morning!
Direction and Confidence
If you know me you'll know that I'm a pretty confident sort of person normally and I'm known to be self-assured and know where I'm going and what I want to achieve and where I want to get to. Well that is until about May of this year and in the 2 or 3 months I've been working out what to do with myself I'm not getting any closer to the reality.
Of course, dad dying was a big impact on my time and my thoughts and perhaps more so now as I reflect on that and also knowing that my dad was a healthy guy and I'm 6 years out on Cancer. Stuff that happened around that time doesn't cut the mustard and going back to see my old company was like going back to an old favourite seaside town and finding it a big disappointment as it just never is like you remember and dream it was. It was the time and the moment and you can't recapture that. I look back to the exciting years building a business in London around the time when the communication and computerisation was really taking off and realise that it was a moment in time, exciting, crazy and in all probability was what resulted in my diagnosis.
I'm working my way through a business idea and doing some research into it. I was about to do this before I went to the Charity 4 years ago but decided that I needed that particular bolt hole at that time.
For me, having cancer has completely thrown everything up in the air and made me question all sorts of things, it has messed (nearly used an Anglo Saxon word there) with my head in many ways. I find myself actually wanting to just chuck it all in and go somewhere - I've no idea what to do or where to go, it's just a random feeling. Some days I belong and others I don't, some days I'm up and some days I'm down, no rhyme nor reason for that either. Some days I'm fed up with things and the next day I'm fine with them.
There was a certain direction I was following before I got cancer. I had a reasonably successful business and had finally settled down into the "dream job" - something I had needed and where I could make a huge difference. Bang - gone.
Since then I've been in and out of jobs and schemes and businesses and the crazy thing is that I'm still no nearer answering the question now than I was then - what the hell am I going to do with myself?
I'm not convinced that this research is going to lead me anywhere either at the moment as I can't find the market trends and can't see through all the noise that's out there. If I get it right then it is a way to go but will I be happy? Will the life that transpires make me any happier?
I can't seem to work out what I want to do, what direction to go in and that's all to do with different drivers. By that I mean it isn't money and it isn't what I have now necessarily. It isn't even to do with the industries I used to work in it;s all to do with health, happiness and enjoyment and whilst I'm not saying I don't have those, I don't appear to have any sort of balance with any of them.
It was all very different 7 years ago :-)
Of course, dad dying was a big impact on my time and my thoughts and perhaps more so now as I reflect on that and also knowing that my dad was a healthy guy and I'm 6 years out on Cancer. Stuff that happened around that time doesn't cut the mustard and going back to see my old company was like going back to an old favourite seaside town and finding it a big disappointment as it just never is like you remember and dream it was. It was the time and the moment and you can't recapture that. I look back to the exciting years building a business in London around the time when the communication and computerisation was really taking off and realise that it was a moment in time, exciting, crazy and in all probability was what resulted in my diagnosis.
I'm working my way through a business idea and doing some research into it. I was about to do this before I went to the Charity 4 years ago but decided that I needed that particular bolt hole at that time.
For me, having cancer has completely thrown everything up in the air and made me question all sorts of things, it has messed (nearly used an Anglo Saxon word there) with my head in many ways. I find myself actually wanting to just chuck it all in and go somewhere - I've no idea what to do or where to go, it's just a random feeling. Some days I belong and others I don't, some days I'm up and some days I'm down, no rhyme nor reason for that either. Some days I'm fed up with things and the next day I'm fine with them.
There was a certain direction I was following before I got cancer. I had a reasonably successful business and had finally settled down into the "dream job" - something I had needed and where I could make a huge difference. Bang - gone.
Since then I've been in and out of jobs and schemes and businesses and the crazy thing is that I'm still no nearer answering the question now than I was then - what the hell am I going to do with myself?
I'm not convinced that this research is going to lead me anywhere either at the moment as I can't find the market trends and can't see through all the noise that's out there. If I get it right then it is a way to go but will I be happy? Will the life that transpires make me any happier?
I can't seem to work out what I want to do, what direction to go in and that's all to do with different drivers. By that I mean it isn't money and it isn't what I have now necessarily. It isn't even to do with the industries I used to work in it;s all to do with health, happiness and enjoyment and whilst I'm not saying I don't have those, I don't appear to have any sort of balance with any of them.
It was all very different 7 years ago :-)
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Up and Down, up and down
It's one of those things I suppose. I flit between euphoria and depression and it has a lot to do with me being unable to rationalise everything at the moment. Reflecting on my life, I actually have a pretty good situation. I can sit here wallowing in my own self indulgent thoughts in the knowledge that I don't actually need to "go to work" tomorrow. I need to go to work sometime and I need to work out what I want to do with myself.
I've spent a hot day doing research into the family history business and I can see an opportunity there but goodness me there are so many "amateurs" out there charging less than the national wage and giving their services away. I can imagine that it is "pin money" for the elderly but frankly so many of them are chancing their arm with this. I'd like to shake the industry up but once again realise that to innovate in this area you will just p*ss off a load of people. It appears that if you work really hard at this you can just about be "making a living."
What's the answer? I haven't got a clue - I flit between one and the other. Maybe I need to be on the 5:15?
I've spent a hot day doing research into the family history business and I can see an opportunity there but goodness me there are so many "amateurs" out there charging less than the national wage and giving their services away. I can imagine that it is "pin money" for the elderly but frankly so many of them are chancing their arm with this. I'd like to shake the industry up but once again realise that to innovate in this area you will just p*ss off a load of people. It appears that if you work really hard at this you can just about be "making a living."
What's the answer? I haven't got a clue - I flit between one and the other. Maybe I need to be on the 5:15?
Hot as you like
Humid and little breeze, amazingly warm up in the 30s and that's nice but makes doing any work difficult. I suppose I ought to be grateful that the plasterer didn't work this week or this weekend I'd be installing the bathroom and tiles etc! In a small room in this heat it wouldn't have been great.
As it is, I am working whilst listening to Test Match Special (TMS) which is on the radio in the Cricket Test between England and South Africa. It is an an intriguing moment in the match. Only we could invent a game that takes 5 days!
So, a nice weekend if a bit sticky. I watched one of my all time favourite films last night, now on DVD, "Same Time Next Year" in which an extra marital relationship develops on the same weekend every year over a long period of time. It is pretty tame I suppose in today's terms but I loved it when I saw it years ago and the second watching was just great - they don't tend to make simple, nice, believable films like this any more.
As I progress towards researching and documenting my business ideas, I'm also looking forward to going to Italy for the Grand Prix and later this week a meeting with the lads for our Curry Club organised by Flocky Bicep it should be interesting as it is only going to cost £10 plus beer. Hope that it is not as warm as today and I can wander down to the local pub prior to going for the meal.
I'm feeling a lot better today than earlier in the week. It's strange these mood swings - I've certainly had them a lot and when I remember what my dad was like, I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. Was also a little jealous as some friends of ours just text messaged that they'd left Southampton on a Mediterranean Cruise. Very nice and they get to Greece and Italy (Venice) so it sounds great.
As I write this we've just had a shower out of nowhere, huge drops of rain and it lasted all of 1 minute and now we are back to sunshine - strange...
As it is, I am working whilst listening to Test Match Special (TMS) which is on the radio in the Cricket Test between England and South Africa. It is an an intriguing moment in the match. Only we could invent a game that takes 5 days!
So, a nice weekend if a bit sticky. I watched one of my all time favourite films last night, now on DVD, "Same Time Next Year" in which an extra marital relationship develops on the same weekend every year over a long period of time. It is pretty tame I suppose in today's terms but I loved it when I saw it years ago and the second watching was just great - they don't tend to make simple, nice, believable films like this any more.
As I progress towards researching and documenting my business ideas, I'm also looking forward to going to Italy for the Grand Prix and later this week a meeting with the lads for our Curry Club organised by Flocky Bicep it should be interesting as it is only going to cost £10 plus beer. Hope that it is not as warm as today and I can wander down to the local pub prior to going for the meal.
I'm feeling a lot better today than earlier in the week. It's strange these mood swings - I've certainly had them a lot and when I remember what my dad was like, I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. Was also a little jealous as some friends of ours just text messaged that they'd left Southampton on a Mediterranean Cruise. Very nice and they get to Greece and Italy (Venice) so it sounds great.
As I write this we've just had a shower out of nowhere, huge drops of rain and it lasted all of 1 minute and now we are back to sunshine - strange...
Friday, August 17, 2012
And there you go - a lot better now
Mostly I get these "depressions" and they don't last a long time but they are destructive and not pleasant. Today I'm a lot better than I was yesterday and no doubt I'll build on this and get back to my normal self in a week or so.
I've started doing some more research now into running another business and that's going to help me focus on some serious work for a while. I've also been invited to go to Italy in a few weeks time and I really fancy going and although it clashes with a few long standing appointments, I think that I will take the opportunity to go for 4 or 5 days. I love Italy I have to say and the chance to go to Bologna and Milan and take in the Italian Grand Prix at the same time is too good to pass up I think.
I've started doing some more research now into running another business and that's going to help me focus on some serious work for a while. I've also been invited to go to Italy in a few weeks time and I really fancy going and although it clashes with a few long standing appointments, I think that I will take the opportunity to go for 4 or 5 days. I love Italy I have to say and the chance to go to Bologna and Milan and take in the Italian Grand Prix at the same time is too good to pass up I think.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Not quite so morose as yesterday
It's a strange thing, I'm not quite as down as I was yesterday but I'm still not in a great place right now. I feel that I'd like to get on an do something but my present activity gauge is one of procrastination and disinterest in things. I know I should get on and do some accounts but I'd rather watch paint dry. I feel that I should start to look at some business planning or at least some research and yet that doesn't interest me either.
At least today is a bit brighter in terms of my mood and I just need to build on this now and see where I can get to with it.
At least today is a bit brighter in terms of my mood and I just need to build on this now and see where I can get to with it.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A little better this morning
Finding yourself with nothing to do and in addition waiting for something to happen which is completely out of your control isn't a good place to be I've decided. As luck would have it, as I started this post, Flocky Bicep reminded me that Coffee at Costa was on the cards and I walked up to the local shop - missing the rain - and had a nice couple of coffees. Not sure I was the best of company - I'm not really great to be around at the moment - I'm sort of not my usual cheerful, funny self at all and I've gone into my Introvert side which I am prone to do at times like this.
I suppose it's that realisation that I'm not now suited to being back in Corporate life any more, I'm too difficult to handle and too much the Maverick to find suitable employment in an ordered and structured environment. Although I create order and structure as part of my job, I cannot live in a place where I'm doing "business as normal" the same thing day in and day out, I have to be building, troubleshooting or just doing something constructive.
Coming to terms with this is what's making me the brooding inward looking me at the moment. Not a great place to be for me or anyone else around me. I do lift myself out of it but for only very short periods of time before getting back to this mourning for a life that I can't have any more. Oh well, it's only temporary and I'll get over it eventually :-)
I suppose it's that realisation that I'm not now suited to being back in Corporate life any more, I'm too difficult to handle and too much the Maverick to find suitable employment in an ordered and structured environment. Although I create order and structure as part of my job, I cannot live in a place where I'm doing "business as normal" the same thing day in and day out, I have to be building, troubleshooting or just doing something constructive.
Coming to terms with this is what's making me the brooding inward looking me at the moment. Not a great place to be for me or anyone else around me. I do lift myself out of it but for only very short periods of time before getting back to this mourning for a life that I can't have any more. Oh well, it's only temporary and I'll get over it eventually :-)
Night out, an unexpected quiz night and some respite
Nice to meet your old school chums and one had driven for about 75 miles to get to us. Funny bit was he came into the pub and missed us, went to the other pub in the village and then to my house. I got a call from Mrs. F. saying he was there, where were we? We were sat, at the bar right next door to the entrance!!! Three fat geezers with grey hair :-) He found us on the way back, he had walked through the whole pub and missed the lot of us......
It was a surprise as we normally are just a few at the pub on the 2nd Tuesday but tonight was the local Church Quiz night and so it was rammed and with money going to the local Hospice we joined in and had, as we always due, a great fun evening. We cam joint 4th on 69 points a full 10 behind the winners but of course, we were all winners. It seems a very "British" thing to do, having a quiz (trivia) night at the pub. We enjoyed the laughs and the banter and just having fun with the people there. It's one of the things we are good at here. We can make our own entertainment and just have a bundle of laughs doing it. It's for fun and you can raise some money for charity at the same time, it's what puts the GREAT in to Great Britain.
I was pretty down when I went out but I'm a lot better now that my friends have cheered me up and that's just great. I'm entering a bad phase, cystoscope coming up, dad dying, me not being "up for" working normally and having to meet idiots all the time. I find that the stuffing is knocked out of me for no good reason. As usual when I get into this mood it is me that is the problem and of course it is "my fault" that I've "let everyone down". This is far from the truth of course and it's a fault of my personality that I can't easily change or do much about. I'll happily play at "being the victim" whether it is my fault or not. I lack the real self belief when it comes down to it - I always give the other person the "benefit of the doubt" and I always beat myself up. It has to be my fault that something didn't happen, my research, my lack of planning and so on. Of course, it isn't but that's a happy (maybe) place to be? Beat myself up for some one else's inadequacies? That's possible too.
At the moment, my dreams are back in beautiful colour and wonderful dialogue too. Last night I was in Rome and met a young lady who "only needed to count to 5 and know 20 words" to live and work there. The bizarre arrangements of the Hotel and Conference Centre (for I was there as a delegate) were so strange but then we met up and walked along the river and across the bridges of the Tiber, through to some place more like Brussels and to a Restaurant where, indeed, she needed just a few words to order food and drink. This was such a strange dream because it was so very real and I woke to still be able to see her blue eyes, freckled blotchy (almost) skin and pretty face.
I'm just in a strange place at the moment and I have no idea what the dream meant but there were hints of past business life there and perhaps some sort of subliminal message? I want things to be comfortable, low stress, low maintenance and to be special and meaningful, fulfilling perhaps. I wanted so much to accomplish great things in my life and to make a difference and maybe that still may happen. I felt that I'd done as much as I could to make this happen and yet I'm nowhere near that goal and have to perhaps look to accomplishments closer to home.
Those would be my daughters I think. I'm in absolute awe of them both. Here's today's awe moment and I'll blend in one more as I go. My dad saved up separately to provide his 4 grandchildren with some money when he died. It isn't a great deal but I'd term it significant for a 22 and (just turned yesterday) 19 year old. Neither of them were "happy" to get the money at all. I had to explain that I'd sat down with the Nan and checked the accounts and that she would be OK and that she had enough money for food, fuel and so on :-) To me, that meant SO much and yet it is perhaps not such a big deal. The same happened when my mum said that she wanted them to have a "little keepsake" to remember Granddad by. They didn't want anything as they didn't want Nan to spend any money on them at all. I could have cried when they said that. We are only talking about something small, a few tens of pounds. As Dad never really would have had anything that the girls would have wanted they were just being themselves.
So there you go a bit of a "Ramble on" tonight - too much happening in my life and I'm just not in a great place. Roll on some more nice dreams though even if I don't understand what they are about. I hope to start working on my attitude again tomorrow, I need to get out of this self doubt and low self esteem phase - I'm so much better than that.
It was a surprise as we normally are just a few at the pub on the 2nd Tuesday but tonight was the local Church Quiz night and so it was rammed and with money going to the local Hospice we joined in and had, as we always due, a great fun evening. We cam joint 4th on 69 points a full 10 behind the winners but of course, we were all winners. It seems a very "British" thing to do, having a quiz (trivia) night at the pub. We enjoyed the laughs and the banter and just having fun with the people there. It's one of the things we are good at here. We can make our own entertainment and just have a bundle of laughs doing it. It's for fun and you can raise some money for charity at the same time, it's what puts the GREAT in to Great Britain.
I was pretty down when I went out but I'm a lot better now that my friends have cheered me up and that's just great. I'm entering a bad phase, cystoscope coming up, dad dying, me not being "up for" working normally and having to meet idiots all the time. I find that the stuffing is knocked out of me for no good reason. As usual when I get into this mood it is me that is the problem and of course it is "my fault" that I've "let everyone down". This is far from the truth of course and it's a fault of my personality that I can't easily change or do much about. I'll happily play at "being the victim" whether it is my fault or not. I lack the real self belief when it comes down to it - I always give the other person the "benefit of the doubt" and I always beat myself up. It has to be my fault that something didn't happen, my research, my lack of planning and so on. Of course, it isn't but that's a happy (maybe) place to be? Beat myself up for some one else's inadequacies? That's possible too.
At the moment, my dreams are back in beautiful colour and wonderful dialogue too. Last night I was in Rome and met a young lady who "only needed to count to 5 and know 20 words" to live and work there. The bizarre arrangements of the Hotel and Conference Centre (for I was there as a delegate) were so strange but then we met up and walked along the river and across the bridges of the Tiber, through to some place more like Brussels and to a Restaurant where, indeed, she needed just a few words to order food and drink. This was such a strange dream because it was so very real and I woke to still be able to see her blue eyes, freckled blotchy (almost) skin and pretty face.
I'm just in a strange place at the moment and I have no idea what the dream meant but there were hints of past business life there and perhaps some sort of subliminal message? I want things to be comfortable, low stress, low maintenance and to be special and meaningful, fulfilling perhaps. I wanted so much to accomplish great things in my life and to make a difference and maybe that still may happen. I felt that I'd done as much as I could to make this happen and yet I'm nowhere near that goal and have to perhaps look to accomplishments closer to home.
Those would be my daughters I think. I'm in absolute awe of them both. Here's today's awe moment and I'll blend in one more as I go. My dad saved up separately to provide his 4 grandchildren with some money when he died. It isn't a great deal but I'd term it significant for a 22 and (just turned yesterday) 19 year old. Neither of them were "happy" to get the money at all. I had to explain that I'd sat down with the Nan and checked the accounts and that she would be OK and that she had enough money for food, fuel and so on :-) To me, that meant SO much and yet it is perhaps not such a big deal. The same happened when my mum said that she wanted them to have a "little keepsake" to remember Granddad by. They didn't want anything as they didn't want Nan to spend any money on them at all. I could have cried when they said that. We are only talking about something small, a few tens of pounds. As Dad never really would have had anything that the girls would have wanted they were just being themselves.
So there you go a bit of a "Ramble on" tonight - too much happening in my life and I'm just not in a great place. Roll on some more nice dreams though even if I don't understand what they are about. I hope to start working on my attitude again tomorrow, I need to get out of this self doubt and low self esteem phase - I'm so much better than that.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Pah!
I used to have a small poster on my desk at work and it ran along the lines of "Each and Every Day I am Forced to Add Someone to this List of People Who P1ss Me OFF!!!" And there was a list that I could continue to add to and it went over one sheet.
Today, a chat with my business partner and we sort of agreed that we have to deal with a hell of a lot of idiots and "small" people. This is upsetting as it appears that 95% of the people I have to deal with are just parochial, small and narrow minded f*** wits. I thought Friday was a case in point where I'd developed a method for ensuring customer satisfaction and they still were having problems so I asked whether they were using my system. They were. So I was surprised that they were still having problems until another question weeded out the fact that they were only using half of it (that suited them) and that they were leaving out the customer satisfaction stuff. No - they didn't get the irony of that at all. They had read without understanding and cherry picked the bits that suited them ignoring the customer facing stuff. No doubt it was too difficult or didn't seem valuable and yet it was the constant in their current difficulties. Which was also Ironic as they told me they were having these problems and yet after 30 or 40 minutes they didn't have those problems at all.
Is it any wonder that I feel down when I spent a long time doing something to tackle a problem they had 6 or 7 years ago only for them to go back to the same mess they were in back then? Sometimes you can't believe the people at the top who run these organisations.
So I'm feeling a bit annoyed that so many people want to resolve their problems and you come up with a way of doing it and they don't want to do it! Many times this comes at the expense of the people who work there who lose their jobs over this management inaction or unwillingness to tackle the problems they have. On a similar note it was interesting to see one of the businesses we know quite well on TV last night demonstrating how good their stuff was for the Olympics. A colleague won them the business and his reward was to get shafted by the business who just saw the £s & $s in their eyes. They finished on time (a miracle) but, and here's the rub, they haven't got any business to speak of from here on. They put it all into delivering this and as they got rid of the sales guy, they have no pipeline. HELLO!!!! We all know where that's heading.
So I feel a bit angry and a bit down about this at the moment, I've all these strategic skills and planning etc are my forte but hell, why do I have to keep meeting and working with such people. They don't garner respect, they only listen to the bit they want to listen to, they are completely up themselves and have no real vision or interest. Arggghhh, sometimes you just despair!
It doesn't help my well-being or my self-esteem much and I'm just having to get to terms with this frustration at having to talk to these idiots all the time. Yes - of course it could be me :-) I thought it was amusing once again on Friday when the chap implied that as I hadn't done their sort of work for 6 years that the work I'd done running the business and also in the charity weren't relevant? I suggested to him that perhaps managing a company also meant that he couldn't do it either and that he would have forgotten how to do accounts as that's where he had come from beforehand? It's exactly because I have this level of experience that I can be parachuted into companies and sort them out. Oh what the heck.
I just need to get over the disappointment - Lord knows I had enough of it with the team for the last venture who didn't come along and commit? I should know by now, everyone for themselves.
Today, a chat with my business partner and we sort of agreed that we have to deal with a hell of a lot of idiots and "small" people. This is upsetting as it appears that 95% of the people I have to deal with are just parochial, small and narrow minded f*** wits. I thought Friday was a case in point where I'd developed a method for ensuring customer satisfaction and they still were having problems so I asked whether they were using my system. They were. So I was surprised that they were still having problems until another question weeded out the fact that they were only using half of it (that suited them) and that they were leaving out the customer satisfaction stuff. No - they didn't get the irony of that at all. They had read without understanding and cherry picked the bits that suited them ignoring the customer facing stuff. No doubt it was too difficult or didn't seem valuable and yet it was the constant in their current difficulties. Which was also Ironic as they told me they were having these problems and yet after 30 or 40 minutes they didn't have those problems at all.
Is it any wonder that I feel down when I spent a long time doing something to tackle a problem they had 6 or 7 years ago only for them to go back to the same mess they were in back then? Sometimes you can't believe the people at the top who run these organisations.
So I'm feeling a bit annoyed that so many people want to resolve their problems and you come up with a way of doing it and they don't want to do it! Many times this comes at the expense of the people who work there who lose their jobs over this management inaction or unwillingness to tackle the problems they have. On a similar note it was interesting to see one of the businesses we know quite well on TV last night demonstrating how good their stuff was for the Olympics. A colleague won them the business and his reward was to get shafted by the business who just saw the £s & $s in their eyes. They finished on time (a miracle) but, and here's the rub, they haven't got any business to speak of from here on. They put it all into delivering this and as they got rid of the sales guy, they have no pipeline. HELLO!!!! We all know where that's heading.
So I feel a bit angry and a bit down about this at the moment, I've all these strategic skills and planning etc are my forte but hell, why do I have to keep meeting and working with such people. They don't garner respect, they only listen to the bit they want to listen to, they are completely up themselves and have no real vision or interest. Arggghhh, sometimes you just despair!
It doesn't help my well-being or my self-esteem much and I'm just having to get to terms with this frustration at having to talk to these idiots all the time. Yes - of course it could be me :-) I thought it was amusing once again on Friday when the chap implied that as I hadn't done their sort of work for 6 years that the work I'd done running the business and also in the charity weren't relevant? I suggested to him that perhaps managing a company also meant that he couldn't do it either and that he would have forgotten how to do accounts as that's where he had come from beforehand? It's exactly because I have this level of experience that I can be parachuted into companies and sort them out. Oh what the heck.
I just need to get over the disappointment - Lord knows I had enough of it with the team for the last venture who didn't come along and commit? I should know by now, everyone for themselves.
Monday, August 13, 2012
The Dog - that frightened whoever or
whatever was outside - I tell you it frightened me and I was resting quite nicely in my office when the dog, here on a 3 day visit - an ex guard dog, Clyde the Rottweiler is actually a bit of a cutey pie and a little bit shy but whatever drifted past the front door got a bit of a shock :-)
L and her friends are out "clubbing" in London tonight - not sure what time they'll get home but I imagine the dog might make a sound on that one too.
I'm not feeling great again today I was all wound up ready to do the bathroom but that's on hold and I'm trying to get myself motivated to do some accounts and to sort out my plans for a new business or to go work somewhere but once again I just find myself battling with these demons and whether I really want to go back into full time employment, run my business or start a new one or to perhaps do something a bit different. I'll have another think tomorrow and see if I get anywhere.
L and her friends are out "clubbing" in London tonight - not sure what time they'll get home but I imagine the dog might make a sound on that one too.
I'm not feeling great again today I was all wound up ready to do the bathroom but that's on hold and I'm trying to get myself motivated to do some accounts and to sort out my plans for a new business or to go work somewhere but once again I just find myself battling with these demons and whether I really want to go back into full time employment, run my business or start a new one or to perhaps do something a bit different. I'll have another think tomorrow and see if I get anywhere.
False start - totally messed up week
The best laid plans and all that. It was good that the Plasterer called and halted me ripping out the bathroom but as you might imagine the house is ready to go, I have two rooms full up with tiles, bathroom hardware, wood, screws, drills, diamond saws and so on. I'm sitting here after having a listen to my Isles of Wonder CD, wonderful memories. But then I'm really stuffed and I had my days all planned out.
Now as a Project Manager I should have had a contingency plan(s) worked out and indeed I did have if it was a one or two day delay but now it could be longer and everything is up in the air. It's a pain but can't be helped I suppose. I'm working out what I can get tucked into and know that I may start something only to drop that when the bathroom comes back into being again.
With any idea of working with my old company dashed on Friday, I find myself wondering what I might do from here on in. It is difficult to analyse it all at the moment and I was at one time convinced that I'd be able to get back into the special area that I'd developed with my old company, especially having "written the book" for them. It was amusing, looking back, that they couldn't get customer "buy in" but then they quite gleefully showed me that they were only using the first three steps in the 6 step process I had championed. Needless to say, the last 3 steps are all about the customer experience, "buy in" and follow on work, the areas they struggle with :-) You can't make it up sometimes!
I've got my cystoscope to come in a few weeks time and the results of my CT Scan and so that will be a milestone of some significance I hope. I'm back to questioning it all again and that's because I've lost my focus today - just when I was ready to go and get stuck into renovating my bathroom. Now that's not going to start for sometime, I'm sort of drifting along again. I've found something I can do, not exciting but nevertheless it should occupy me for a day or so. I've only one more set of accounts to complete and I've done most of the Donkey work but now need to sort out the balance sheet which isn't looking great. I can't quite see why it doesn't balance but just need to knuckle down to it and spend some time double checking it. I can then get the auditors in. I also need to get my other auditors in for the other accounts. With the dining room table groaning under all my tools and equipment it will be interesting to find a flat spot to sit down and review them :-)
Now as a Project Manager I should have had a contingency plan(s) worked out and indeed I did have if it was a one or two day delay but now it could be longer and everything is up in the air. It's a pain but can't be helped I suppose. I'm working out what I can get tucked into and know that I may start something only to drop that when the bathroom comes back into being again.
With any idea of working with my old company dashed on Friday, I find myself wondering what I might do from here on in. It is difficult to analyse it all at the moment and I was at one time convinced that I'd be able to get back into the special area that I'd developed with my old company, especially having "written the book" for them. It was amusing, looking back, that they couldn't get customer "buy in" but then they quite gleefully showed me that they were only using the first three steps in the 6 step process I had championed. Needless to say, the last 3 steps are all about the customer experience, "buy in" and follow on work, the areas they struggle with :-) You can't make it up sometimes!
I've got my cystoscope to come in a few weeks time and the results of my CT Scan and so that will be a milestone of some significance I hope. I'm back to questioning it all again and that's because I've lost my focus today - just when I was ready to go and get stuck into renovating my bathroom. Now that's not going to start for sometime, I'm sort of drifting along again. I've found something I can do, not exciting but nevertheless it should occupy me for a day or so. I've only one more set of accounts to complete and I've done most of the Donkey work but now need to sort out the balance sheet which isn't looking great. I can't quite see why it doesn't balance but just need to knuckle down to it and spend some time double checking it. I can then get the auditors in. I also need to get my other auditors in for the other accounts. With the dining room table groaning under all my tools and equipment it will be interesting to find a flat spot to sit down and review them :-)
Early morning call
Bad news is that Mr. Plasterer now isn't coming - he has some problems and his mother isn't at all well and a call overnight from the Hospital got him to call me early to make sure I didn't strip out the bathroom. Have to say whilst I'm disappointed about that at least it wasn't a call once I had stripped everything out! I'm getting minor grief about that already and it hasn't happened yet!
I was hoping to do that this week as a bit of a distraction.
I was hoping to do that this week as a bit of a distraction.
Yay - Olympics
Mr. Bean in the opening ceremony, Eric Idle in the closing - who'd have thought it....
Well, what can I say? A few dissenters wanted a lot more music at the end but then again we had plenty in the beginning - a good games and full houses and lots of support for all the athletes.
Got the call that Mr. Plasterer is coming in on Wednesday morning to do the bathroom so delivered the bad news to the family. After showers tomorrow morning it's no more home comforts until at least Saturday if not Sunday depending on how well I can remember waht I used to do 30 years ago :-)
Feeling OK about this - I need an "outlet" for myself for a short while.
Well, what can I say? A few dissenters wanted a lot more music at the end but then again we had plenty in the beginning - a good games and full houses and lots of support for all the athletes.
Got the call that Mr. Plasterer is coming in on Wednesday morning to do the bathroom so delivered the bad news to the family. After showers tomorrow morning it's no more home comforts until at least Saturday if not Sunday depending on how well I can remember waht I used to do 30 years ago :-)
Feeling OK about this - I need an "outlet" for myself for a short while.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Am I unemployable?
Sounds strange but I realised that yesterday was one of those days where someone who had a title and ran a business (good for him) did not match up to the respect that I gave them on first meeting them. By that I mean that I have a healthy respect for authority and I always start by demonstrating that. Some people mistake that side of me as weakness and yesterday, listening to this chap rattling on I realised that this wasn't the meeting of two like minded individuals. In fact this was that typical "British" and sometimes "French" 1970s industrial revolution type Us and Them attitude.
I find that way of dealing with people totally out of my orbit. I do find myself doing it but only after I've got to the end of my patience with someone. You have to go out of your way to do that.
So this guy was never wrong and had no problems and the issues we talked about weren't happening. Which is a bit strange as I know they are and that was why I was there so once I started to stretch my legs a bit and demonstrate my bona fides it was quite amusing. All that happened was it became an entrenched discussion, no matter what I tried to do, there was no space to do anything so I just went on the attack and replayed the issues that had got the company into trouble in the first place (the growth issues that they are having now) and of course I also reversed out as who would want to work with people who don't understand the value you bring to the table.
This threw up a worrying trend in the way that I deal with this sort of stuff. I don't actually care. I didn't care whether I got this gig or not. If I had, I would have done well for them, as it is, they don't feel they need to do anything and that's OK too. In fact I left them saying it was nice to meet them and that I was glad that they were able to manage on their own (not exactly those words). Whilst I might get upset at the way people deal with me, it underlines a bigger problem - one that I've always had - and that is people need someone like me to get things done but they really don't like the way I get things done. Not that I'm difficult to work with but I do get my own way and I do get jobs done and obstacles are removed and if that's people, well so be it. Everyone wants a "Strong" manager until that is they actually get one - suddenly they find that the medicine is too bitter. I am almost sure that I'm "unemployable" these days mainly because the interviewer soon finds themselves out of their depth or digging themselves into a hole. If they did 5 minutes preparation it would help. I suppose though no one likes to meet someone (like me) who is brandishing a copy of their latest accounts and share holder details and starts to ask difficult questions.
Oh well, back to the drawing board (do they still use them?) and onwards and upwards.
I find that way of dealing with people totally out of my orbit. I do find myself doing it but only after I've got to the end of my patience with someone. You have to go out of your way to do that.
So this guy was never wrong and had no problems and the issues we talked about weren't happening. Which is a bit strange as I know they are and that was why I was there so once I started to stretch my legs a bit and demonstrate my bona fides it was quite amusing. All that happened was it became an entrenched discussion, no matter what I tried to do, there was no space to do anything so I just went on the attack and replayed the issues that had got the company into trouble in the first place (the growth issues that they are having now) and of course I also reversed out as who would want to work with people who don't understand the value you bring to the table.
This threw up a worrying trend in the way that I deal with this sort of stuff. I don't actually care. I didn't care whether I got this gig or not. If I had, I would have done well for them, as it is, they don't feel they need to do anything and that's OK too. In fact I left them saying it was nice to meet them and that I was glad that they were able to manage on their own (not exactly those words). Whilst I might get upset at the way people deal with me, it underlines a bigger problem - one that I've always had - and that is people need someone like me to get things done but they really don't like the way I get things done. Not that I'm difficult to work with but I do get my own way and I do get jobs done and obstacles are removed and if that's people, well so be it. Everyone wants a "Strong" manager until that is they actually get one - suddenly they find that the medicine is too bitter. I am almost sure that I'm "unemployable" these days mainly because the interviewer soon finds themselves out of their depth or digging themselves into a hole. If they did 5 minutes preparation it would help. I suppose though no one likes to meet someone (like me) who is brandishing a copy of their latest accounts and share holder details and starts to ask difficult questions.
Oh well, back to the drawing board (do they still use them?) and onwards and upwards.
Bitterly Disappointed but not Unexpected
I could see that one of the guys needed me to come back and sort out the problems. The other guy didn't know me, hadn't done his homework and played a series of - well - how shall I say this? Stupid cards. Some crass questions were asked, they hadn't read what I'd told them to and they told me all the reasons that they were doing well and at the same time all of the reasons that they'd never be a great business.
Suddenly it dawned on me that this lovely company I knew and loved hadn't really made the massive industry jump they'd predicted because they'd dumbed down when they needed to step up and understood the value of what they had. This made for an interesting "difference of opinion" about the value proposition and why they'd asked me in, in the first place!
To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, I was very down about it for a while until I realised that this IS the way it is going to be from now on. I'm hoping not to sound too vain but I think I've been around enough major businesses and programs to know a thing or two. I thought it was funny that this "young guy" started questioning my credentials and within a few moments I'd blown him away with the global work I'd done and the major businesses I'd worked for.
I did though, after a few minutes, go for the jugular and it was obvious he had no job available, that he wanted "something for nothing" and hadn't bothered to check me out. He was a bit disturbed when I suggested that the way they had allocated the shareholding would make it a bit difficult for major businesses to deal with them especially as there was £2 of called up....
So I came home, grabbed a six pack of beers and spent the afternoon and evening feeling very down. I really wanted to go and make a difference to these guys, I have good karma with them (or did have). I'd always warned them that they were a tiny technology business tucked down the end of a country lane in the wilds of Yorkshire. Today, they proved that they still are stuck in that rut they were in 6 years ago. Of course I wish them well but they showed no signs of wanting to go and tackle the big boys. What a waste.
As for me - well - that's taken out another avenue for me but I'll bounce back over the weekend. I'm disappointed but not surprised by this. I really have come a very long way in 6 years..
Suddenly it dawned on me that this lovely company I knew and loved hadn't really made the massive industry jump they'd predicted because they'd dumbed down when they needed to step up and understood the value of what they had. This made for an interesting "difference of opinion" about the value proposition and why they'd asked me in, in the first place!
To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, I was very down about it for a while until I realised that this IS the way it is going to be from now on. I'm hoping not to sound too vain but I think I've been around enough major businesses and programs to know a thing or two. I thought it was funny that this "young guy" started questioning my credentials and within a few moments I'd blown him away with the global work I'd done and the major businesses I'd worked for.
I did though, after a few minutes, go for the jugular and it was obvious he had no job available, that he wanted "something for nothing" and hadn't bothered to check me out. He was a bit disturbed when I suggested that the way they had allocated the shareholding would make it a bit difficult for major businesses to deal with them especially as there was £2 of called up....
So I came home, grabbed a six pack of beers and spent the afternoon and evening feeling very down. I really wanted to go and make a difference to these guys, I have good karma with them (or did have). I'd always warned them that they were a tiny technology business tucked down the end of a country lane in the wilds of Yorkshire. Today, they proved that they still are stuck in that rut they were in 6 years ago. Of course I wish them well but they showed no signs of wanting to go and tackle the big boys. What a waste.
As for me - well - that's taken out another avenue for me but I'll bounce back over the weekend. I'm disappointed but not surprised by this. I really have come a very long way in 6 years..
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Excited maybe
I'm looking forward to meeting up tomorrow with these guys from my old company which has now transformed a fair bit since I was last there. It's an interesting time going back to where I was quite happy albeit where I also had some insight into what was coming down the line. It's one of those jobs where they get you in for your experience and background and for your strong management skills and then don't actually listen to you properly or consciously ignore your advice.
That said, I departed on good terms and did a fair amount of work but it appears that the work I did do wasn't implemented or perhaps because not one of the original team remain, it has gotten lost in the system and is gathering dust on some hard drive somewhere. This is an opportunity to resurrect that work and to get involved again with them.
I'm certain that it will be a good discussion anyway as I know exactly what problems these guys will be having which was why I was brought into the business in the first place and then, having got there, I got bladder cancer. Unbelievably that was 6 years ago! By the time I was back to working again I was a bit of a mess and had lost my confidence and had lost control of my place on the greasy pole that was the "politics" of the job. It appears though that the new management and owners have put in some sensible people and that they now have a stable organisation that needs some decent people back into build it. I sense an opportunity to get back to what I really enjoyed and what I did really well and I always did describe it as my dream job as I was able to bring all my experience to bear. Sounds familiar to an earlier post about what to do next? It sure does.
Strange how the disappointment from one situation led to me asking a question which led back to a position that I was in 6 years ago. Life can be pretty surreal sometimes..
That said, I departed on good terms and did a fair amount of work but it appears that the work I did do wasn't implemented or perhaps because not one of the original team remain, it has gotten lost in the system and is gathering dust on some hard drive somewhere. This is an opportunity to resurrect that work and to get involved again with them.
I'm certain that it will be a good discussion anyway as I know exactly what problems these guys will be having which was why I was brought into the business in the first place and then, having got there, I got bladder cancer. Unbelievably that was 6 years ago! By the time I was back to working again I was a bit of a mess and had lost my confidence and had lost control of my place on the greasy pole that was the "politics" of the job. It appears though that the new management and owners have put in some sensible people and that they now have a stable organisation that needs some decent people back into build it. I sense an opportunity to get back to what I really enjoyed and what I did really well and I always did describe it as my dream job as I was able to bring all my experience to bear. Sounds familiar to an earlier post about what to do next? It sure does.
Strange how the disappointment from one situation led to me asking a question which led back to a position that I was in 6 years ago. Life can be pretty surreal sometimes..
Fine line between happiness and being down
I pulled a blog earlier on this week as it was very glum and downbeat and was full of doubt and was one of those written in the depths of feeling very down and at that point where you don't see a way out and you feel that everything is stacked against you.
Today I'm totally on the other end of the scale, I'm going to be talking to some people whom I can make a huge difference to their business and I'll be able to re-do (by the sounds of it) the stuff I originally started to do for them. That will be a challenge but a good one.
Of course this too could go wrong but let's see what happens. I have the opportunity to have a good discussion with them tomorrow and see where we go from there.
This is typical of the swings of mood I get (or have had since Bladder Cancer) and it's just one of the things I have to deal with constantly. At least this time, I know the people, understand the problems they have and know how to deal with it.
Today I'm totally on the other end of the scale, I'm going to be talking to some people whom I can make a huge difference to their business and I'll be able to re-do (by the sounds of it) the stuff I originally started to do for them. That will be a challenge but a good one.
Of course this too could go wrong but let's see what happens. I have the opportunity to have a good discussion with them tomorrow and see where we go from there.
This is typical of the swings of mood I get (or have had since Bladder Cancer) and it's just one of the things I have to deal with constantly. At least this time, I know the people, understand the problems they have and know how to deal with it.
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Good a meeting on Friday
It's going to be a bit bizarre if you think about it. In May 2006 I got the job I'd always wanted in a company that I'd always wanted to work for and then a month or two later - BANG - along came Mr. Bladder Cancer to knock the wind out of my sails and ultimately it, together with some people who I did warn had over-estimated the business pipeline, served to make me redundant. It was an obvious thing to do and I held no grudge about it as it did mean that others kept their jobs - you may have to look at blogs from January 2007 onwards to see this.
Well, it looks as if things have turned around fully and I find myself back in discussions with them once again and having the same conversations I had in April 2006 about how the products and the services could be improved. This will be interesting as I did a hell of a lot of work on this at the time and it appears that the problems we discussed then are now coming home to roost as the business picks up. Unfortunately of those who used to be there that I know of, many are abroad, retired and one superb chap died of Brain tumour - so sad, he was a remarkable person. Others have set up other businesses and so I'm probably one of the only people left around who has the background to do this.
It's funny how stuff like this comes around as I was pretty upset, if I'm being frank here, about the awful way my application was dealt with for the other job, especially given who they were and their supposed professionalism. This came about from a flippant email I sent which just asked whether they were interested in discussing me getting involved again - they did say they were but not much had happened so I thought I'd ask the question.
Nice to see I've got an interview / meeting on Friday and managed to get middle of the day to miss the Olympic rush. At least I'll see if there is anything concrete in this. It would be good if there was as I enjoyed the challenge last time and it was mainly my illness that stopped things happening and me not being able to identify some of the silly stuff that was going on whilst I was away from the office.
I delivered my urine sample to the Hospital and had a look in to the blood samples area but it was hot and full of people so I decided I can do that another day and had a few coffees with Flocky Bicep which was, as always, quite pleasant. It makes my mum laugh as she thinks I am going out for "Girlie Coffees". I suppose that is quite a strange thing to do to many older people.
Well, it looks as if things have turned around fully and I find myself back in discussions with them once again and having the same conversations I had in April 2006 about how the products and the services could be improved. This will be interesting as I did a hell of a lot of work on this at the time and it appears that the problems we discussed then are now coming home to roost as the business picks up. Unfortunately of those who used to be there that I know of, many are abroad, retired and one superb chap died of Brain tumour - so sad, he was a remarkable person. Others have set up other businesses and so I'm probably one of the only people left around who has the background to do this.
It's funny how stuff like this comes around as I was pretty upset, if I'm being frank here, about the awful way my application was dealt with for the other job, especially given who they were and their supposed professionalism. This came about from a flippant email I sent which just asked whether they were interested in discussing me getting involved again - they did say they were but not much had happened so I thought I'd ask the question.
Nice to see I've got an interview / meeting on Friday and managed to get middle of the day to miss the Olympic rush. At least I'll see if there is anything concrete in this. It would be good if there was as I enjoyed the challenge last time and it was mainly my illness that stopped things happening and me not being able to identify some of the silly stuff that was going on whilst I was away from the office.
I delivered my urine sample to the Hospital and had a look in to the blood samples area but it was hot and full of people so I decided I can do that another day and had a few coffees with Flocky Bicep which was, as always, quite pleasant. It makes my mum laugh as she thinks I am going out for "Girlie Coffees". I suppose that is quite a strange thing to do to many older people.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
DInk - the game changes once again
I thought this morning, what the hell, I'll just fire off a speculative email about a job that someone suggested to me a month or two back that I thought had gone. It's part time, it pays reasonably well and it is something I enjoy doing. I got an email straight back and a meeting on Friday. The trouble was that I was expecting the plasterer on Thursday and Friday but he luckily cannot attend until next week which means that I can have the chat on Friday after all.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained so to speak. I know that there will be bits of the job I won't like but, if it is anything like I used to have, there was enough flexibility to arrange suitable meeting dates, ability to work from home and many other things. In fact, it was my dream job, the one I had when I got Bladder Cancer. Except that this time, I can probably do part time, freelance work which will suit them and me.
So that pleased me and frightened me all at the same time. I imagine Friday will be a bit hectic up in town but I've suggested late morning which will keep me away from the crush.
I'm meeting up with Flocky tomorrow for a coffee and will go via the Hospital to drop in a urine sample and if the Phlebotomy department is open and there are no queues I shall have my bloods done at the same time. Mind you, only if there is time - at least I'm not on a fasting one which is a pain in the backside as you have to wait ages for a test first thing in the morning. Last time I did one I got in trouble for overdoing the fasting - so I complained about the amount of time you have to spend waiting around. It's easier to starve and go in lunchtime but it doesn't appear to do much good for your results which needed re-doing.
Anyhow, things look a little interesting with this possibility on the horizon. Looks like the bathroom may not be under way this week which is sort of OK excepting that L returns from holidays and so next week will be "interesting" as she is also bringing back a dog to stay for a while. When I say dog, it is a Rottweiler which fits large mammal in my book. I don't like dogs, or cats for that matter and so I'm keeping well out of the way.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained so to speak. I know that there will be bits of the job I won't like but, if it is anything like I used to have, there was enough flexibility to arrange suitable meeting dates, ability to work from home and many other things. In fact, it was my dream job, the one I had when I got Bladder Cancer. Except that this time, I can probably do part time, freelance work which will suit them and me.
So that pleased me and frightened me all at the same time. I imagine Friday will be a bit hectic up in town but I've suggested late morning which will keep me away from the crush.
I'm meeting up with Flocky tomorrow for a coffee and will go via the Hospital to drop in a urine sample and if the Phlebotomy department is open and there are no queues I shall have my bloods done at the same time. Mind you, only if there is time - at least I'm not on a fasting one which is a pain in the backside as you have to wait ages for a test first thing in the morning. Last time I did one I got in trouble for overdoing the fasting - so I complained about the amount of time you have to spend waiting around. It's easier to starve and go in lunchtime but it doesn't appear to do much good for your results which needed re-doing.
Anyhow, things look a little interesting with this possibility on the horizon. Looks like the bathroom may not be under way this week which is sort of OK excepting that L returns from holidays and so next week will be "interesting" as she is also bringing back a dog to stay for a while. When I say dog, it is a Rottweiler which fits large mammal in my book. I don't like dogs, or cats for that matter and so I'm keeping well out of the way.
Square One
It's a strange thing but I'm right back to the beginning again. I wasn't successful in the job I went for but you tend to know when it wasn't a "real" job as the reply was disrespectful and they obviously hadn't read through the CV etc. properly as they hadn't referenced it (like you would).
That's now brought me back to where I was before and that's hating the idea of working for anyone other than myself ever again. I just find that the people you have to deal with are sh1t and no one really deals with people in a nice way any more.
The trouble is that I'm dithering about what to do. There's lots of fanciful ideas and the chance to go do something that's more "lifestyle" than working like a "slave". I need to consider the options or should I say reconsider them as I did start off doing this and got distracted by the possibility of a job elsewhere. That has soured my outlook or in reality just brought it back to me how much I abhor working for people who don't really care about you.
That's now brought me back to where I was before and that's hating the idea of working for anyone other than myself ever again. I just find that the people you have to deal with are sh1t and no one really deals with people in a nice way any more.
The trouble is that I'm dithering about what to do. There's lots of fanciful ideas and the chance to go do something that's more "lifestyle" than working like a "slave". I need to consider the options or should I say reconsider them as I did start off doing this and got distracted by the possibility of a job elsewhere. That has soured my outlook or in reality just brought it back to me how much I abhor working for people who don't really care about you.
Monday, August 06, 2012
Doing some work
I sorted out the downstairs WC door lock - it's been needed to be sorted for a couple of years. I took me a little while as it was slightly larger than the old imperial one that was fitted and I also needed to do one for the bathroom I'm refurbishing. I'm going to wait until the room is almost finished though and I might need to remove the door to take off a little to get over the new tiles I'm putting in.
So that's the morning sorted and I'm trying to work out whether there's anything left I can do before I get the nod from the plasterer. Then, and only then, can I get cracking and take out the bath/shower, WC and Basin and cap off the services.
So that's the morning sorted and I'm trying to work out whether there's anything left I can do before I get the nod from the plasterer. Then, and only then, can I get cracking and take out the bath/shower, WC and Basin and cap off the services.
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Goodness me
Well - another crazy day at the Olympics and more to cheer again today.
Not for me though, I'm getting quite tetchy and somewhat annoyed with explaining why - if I'm renovating the bathroom I need to take everything out to allow the Plasterer to do his thing and that will take 2 days. It will mean that they wont have a shower/bath available for around 5 days (I reckon) as I need to put in a new floor and that needs to settle and dry and then put in the bath. Even then it wont have tiles sorted out either. I suppose these days people are used to things just happening. The best bit was asking me to delay it which is impossible as it's taken me months to arrange the plasterer and everything revolves around his commitments not mine.
The trouble is that I'm getting annoyed by all this and perhaps I just ought to rise above it but certainly I seem to be having a sense of humour failure - not sure if that is about not getting the job (or even an interview) or maybe it is the upcoming scope. Maybe it is something else. I pulled a blog post last night about how I'm feeling and it's not a great place.
Not for me though, I'm getting quite tetchy and somewhat annoyed with explaining why - if I'm renovating the bathroom I need to take everything out to allow the Plasterer to do his thing and that will take 2 days. It will mean that they wont have a shower/bath available for around 5 days (I reckon) as I need to put in a new floor and that needs to settle and dry and then put in the bath. Even then it wont have tiles sorted out either. I suppose these days people are used to things just happening. The best bit was asking me to delay it which is impossible as it's taken me months to arrange the plasterer and everything revolves around his commitments not mine.
The trouble is that I'm getting annoyed by all this and perhaps I just ought to rise above it but certainly I seem to be having a sense of humour failure - not sure if that is about not getting the job (or even an interview) or maybe it is the upcoming scope. Maybe it is something else. I pulled a blog post last night about how I'm feeling and it's not a great place.
Saturday, August 04, 2012
What a Day
The Olympics - what a day - 6 Golds but what an advert for the UK and London. I don't think I've felt quite so emotional as watching today's athletes. Mind you I do hate this sticking microphones under people's noses when they haven't performed well or asking crass questions.
However, it has been a brilliant success so far and it promises to get better tomorrow too. Yes we ought to be rightly proud of the achievements and it is just great to see things coming together. Let's hope the rest of the world thinks that the games really are excellent. I have to say the "style" and "design" must be admired alongside the volunteers.
So good was the opening ceremony that I ordered the CD today - it hasn't got all the tunes on but it has the tunes by Underworld and others....
Very pleased with the Games so far...
However, it has been a brilliant success so far and it promises to get better tomorrow too. Yes we ought to be rightly proud of the achievements and it is just great to see things coming together. Let's hope the rest of the world thinks that the games really are excellent. I have to say the "style" and "design" must be admired alongside the volunteers.
So good was the opening ceremony that I ordered the CD today - it hasn't got all the tunes on but it has the tunes by Underworld and others....
Very pleased with the Games so far...
I know what it is
It is disrespectful to send out a standard letter that doesn't even have your name on it or referencing the effort made and so on. I wouldn't do it and I find it disrespectful that someone else considers this is acceptable.
I've now received all the materials I need now to do the bathroom so I'm double checking my lists and materials and making sure that everything is in order for me to start.
I've now received all the materials I need now to do the bathroom so I'm double checking my lists and materials and making sure that everything is in order for me to start.
Thursday, August 02, 2012
That Figures then
Got a non committal response to the job application a thanks but no thanks one and it sort of suggests to me that once again it was a bit of a fix up but they had to go through the process. I sort of guessed that it might be so and that is fine as it will allow me to get on and do some more stuff now. I can at least get on with home improvements without worrying about whether the job comes along or not and I also got my appointment through for the end of August, a nice early 9 am appointment which is great for me.
I'm beginning to address other issues too including whether I want to continue working on my own business or do something else and if I do, what I'd do for a living. I know my price now (or the one that I was happy to settle for for the last job). I wonder then if I can work out a way of moving on that. I'm not completely settled on what I want to do though as I can't seem to work out what is going on here at present. By that I mean that with Mrs. F. and A working full time it sort of puts some pressure on (whether perceived or otherwise) and Monday to Friday around here is pretty miserable - sure I'll have 2 weeks work ahead of me to do the bathroom and that will be nice but at the same time it's the "we're tired, we've been out to work" shit that I find annoying. I mean for most of their lives what the hell was I doing? No one wants to talk and I'm getting the arsey answers to standard questions. However, knowing how precise I like to be I do correct the answer. Here's one. I go to find the family calendar. It isn't there. "Where is the calendar?" I then listen to 5 minutes of bollocks about why it isn't there, how something has happened and eventually I find out that it is in the living room. So I gently suggest that the original question was where is the calendar? And that the answer is, in the living room. It's simple really. However, every question, every courtesy query (how are you) is met with a story so long that isn't even on subject that it is beginning to really piss me off.
I find this level of drivel pretty difficult to live with. I ask a question about something and I get an answer about whether I want the car tomorrow???? WHAT? I only asked whether I could phone up the local builders merchant and how had they found them. This sort of obfuscation really doesn't suit my temperament at all well. The problem is that it just makes me worse and I can play this game until the cows come home. However, I've tried on two no make that three occasions tonight to sort this out and no one has the will to do it. When they want to get bloody minded, they do. It's a full moon so maybe that's it? It's like another simple thing - I need to get some ironmongery sorted out for the doors and you'd have thought I was going to demolish the house and re-build it. It really is simple - what door handle do you like? By the time we'd finished we'd discussed everything but the bloody door handle.
Anyway - a bad night and we are out tomorrow so I just hope that things get a little better. I need to finish off my ordering and get the wood from the merchants (No I don't need a car to make a telephone call!!!!!) and just get it sorted. At least I know what I am doing this next few weeks.
I'm beginning to address other issues too including whether I want to continue working on my own business or do something else and if I do, what I'd do for a living. I know my price now (or the one that I was happy to settle for for the last job). I wonder then if I can work out a way of moving on that. I'm not completely settled on what I want to do though as I can't seem to work out what is going on here at present. By that I mean that with Mrs. F. and A working full time it sort of puts some pressure on (whether perceived or otherwise) and Monday to Friday around here is pretty miserable - sure I'll have 2 weeks work ahead of me to do the bathroom and that will be nice but at the same time it's the "we're tired, we've been out to work" shit that I find annoying. I mean for most of their lives what the hell was I doing? No one wants to talk and I'm getting the arsey answers to standard questions. However, knowing how precise I like to be I do correct the answer. Here's one. I go to find the family calendar. It isn't there. "Where is the calendar?" I then listen to 5 minutes of bollocks about why it isn't there, how something has happened and eventually I find out that it is in the living room. So I gently suggest that the original question was where is the calendar? And that the answer is, in the living room. It's simple really. However, every question, every courtesy query (how are you) is met with a story so long that isn't even on subject that it is beginning to really piss me off.
I find this level of drivel pretty difficult to live with. I ask a question about something and I get an answer about whether I want the car tomorrow???? WHAT? I only asked whether I could phone up the local builders merchant and how had they found them. This sort of obfuscation really doesn't suit my temperament at all well. The problem is that it just makes me worse and I can play this game until the cows come home. However, I've tried on two no make that three occasions tonight to sort this out and no one has the will to do it. When they want to get bloody minded, they do. It's a full moon so maybe that's it? It's like another simple thing - I need to get some ironmongery sorted out for the doors and you'd have thought I was going to demolish the house and re-build it. It really is simple - what door handle do you like? By the time we'd finished we'd discussed everything but the bloody door handle.
Anyway - a bad night and we are out tomorrow so I just hope that things get a little better. I need to finish off my ordering and get the wood from the merchants (No I don't need a car to make a telephone call!!!!!) and just get it sorted. At least I know what I am doing this next few weeks.
You have to laugh
It's a strange thing. For 7 years we've been told that the Olympic games would cause travel chaos and that we should stay away from London. Businesses have heeded the warning of impending Armageddon and have allowed staff to work from home. Anyone with any sense has heeded the dire warnings and gone away on holiday or taken holiday and with all the warnings of travel chaos people are staying away.
Now, after a few days, London is like a ghost town (they'd have us believe) and unsurprisingly most of the tourists are at the Olympic venues and not in Oxford Street spending their cash. Hotels haven't sold enough rooms as business trips are down. So apparently businesses that rely on workers and also for tourists are suffering - amazing considering they've only had a few days of Olympic trading :-) You can't make it up can you?
And another thing - the news. It appears that for 2 weeks every 4 years, nothing happens in the rest of the world. So after being maxed out with 4 hours of Olympics, the news comes on and they - repeat word for word the closing phrases of the Olympics. they then do 20 minutes of, yes, you've guessed it, Olympics and then the rest of the world's news is crammed into the next 5 minutes..... :-) It is a joke.
On the personal front I have to say I'm struggling with stuff at the moment - I'd like to get going with the bathroom to get some attention on a project. Without a job I'm still considering my options, still no news from the job I've applied for - almost 2 weeks now. I've spoken about another project I could get on and do in the interim, that's a possible but I'm just struggling with what to do next.
Now, after a few days, London is like a ghost town (they'd have us believe) and unsurprisingly most of the tourists are at the Olympic venues and not in Oxford Street spending their cash. Hotels haven't sold enough rooms as business trips are down. So apparently businesses that rely on workers and also for tourists are suffering - amazing considering they've only had a few days of Olympic trading :-) You can't make it up can you?
And another thing - the news. It appears that for 2 weeks every 4 years, nothing happens in the rest of the world. So after being maxed out with 4 hours of Olympics, the news comes on and they - repeat word for word the closing phrases of the Olympics. they then do 20 minutes of, yes, you've guessed it, Olympics and then the rest of the world's news is crammed into the next 5 minutes..... :-) It is a joke.
On the personal front I have to say I'm struggling with stuff at the moment - I'd like to get going with the bathroom to get some attention on a project. Without a job I'm still considering my options, still no news from the job I've applied for - almost 2 weeks now. I've spoken about another project I could get on and do in the interim, that's a possible but I'm just struggling with what to do next.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Stuff Arriving
For my bathroom project. The flexible pipes have arrived this morning and I have all the taps, bath, shower kit, WC and basin etc. I have yet to build the units but I will do that when the Plasterer is here which will give me something to concentrate on. I have a lot of work to do as the bathroom wasn't really installed to a high quality and has leaked regularly and I've only been able to patch it up in the past. The floor needs fixing down, the whole room needs plastering and the ceiling needs redoing too.
It's been a few years since I tackled a bathroom but I used to do these for people in a weekend as a job on top of my day job. As an electrician I was trained in plumbing and carpentry and strangely enough you pick up lots of tips and tricks with other tradesmen on site. I'm looking forward to getting stuck into it though and the tiles, bathroom furniture etc look great as separates and I reckon it will look great when finished.
I've had to splash out on some tools to do the job as I've no idea where my old ones have got to. I've probably lent them to someone and never got them back or they just never made it to this house from the old one. Whatever, I have new tools to do the job and I'm glad that I'll have the right tools to do it as trying to force the wrong tool to do the job would just mess things up. SO I have a nice tile cutter and a circular saw for the work I need to do to the worktops and cupboards.
It's been a few years since I tackled a bathroom but I used to do these for people in a weekend as a job on top of my day job. As an electrician I was trained in plumbing and carpentry and strangely enough you pick up lots of tips and tricks with other tradesmen on site. I'm looking forward to getting stuck into it though and the tiles, bathroom furniture etc look great as separates and I reckon it will look great when finished.
I've had to splash out on some tools to do the job as I've no idea where my old ones have got to. I've probably lent them to someone and never got them back or they just never made it to this house from the old one. Whatever, I have new tools to do the job and I'm glad that I'll have the right tools to do it as trying to force the wrong tool to do the job would just mess things up. SO I have a nice tile cutter and a circular saw for the work I need to do to the worktops and cupboards.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Where's my appointment?
The sort of thing that only I could think about as I walked back from my meeting earlier. Where is my next appointment for my flexible cystoscopy check? I'm sure it should have been in July although I had the CT Scan a little later (I can't remember when). I suppose if I've not heard soon I ought to chase that up. Not that it is the sort of thing you'd actually want to go and do regularly but needs must, I need them for the rest of my life but I suppose that it isn't so bad a thing that I'm being checked up like this and regularly so that, in case there is a recurrence, they can sort it out pronto.
I realise that I'm back into a bit of a low again. Not surprising I suppose after all the happenings of the past month or more. Life is sort of settled but I'm still not sure what I want to do with myself. The job I've gone for has all gone quiet. The thing I was doing at lunch time really needs some other people to do the hard bit - talking to people on the phone which I do find difficult in certain circumstances.
Jazz night tomorrow - first one for a while and a chance to wind down. I'll probably cheer up afterwards but I'm now recognising this pattern of feeling down more often than I have for a while. Maybe I need to get focussed and sort stuff out or hear about the job or anything. It's a bit disconcerting but I'm sure I'll work my way through it or out of it.
I realise that I'm back into a bit of a low again. Not surprising I suppose after all the happenings of the past month or more. Life is sort of settled but I'm still not sure what I want to do with myself. The job I've gone for has all gone quiet. The thing I was doing at lunch time really needs some other people to do the hard bit - talking to people on the phone which I do find difficult in certain circumstances.
Jazz night tomorrow - first one for a while and a chance to wind down. I'll probably cheer up afterwards but I'm now recognising this pattern of feeling down more often than I have for a while. Maybe I need to get focussed and sort stuff out or hear about the job or anything. It's a bit disconcerting but I'm sure I'll work my way through it or out of it.
Lunch Meeting
Having a chat about the work I did for my friend's business. I did this before dad died so at least 6 weeks ago. It has all gone a bit quiet now but we need to pick up on the plans I wrote up and where to go from here. It is a bit difficult to quantify because there are other considerations for me. It isn't my sort of job - or at least part of it isn't.
It will be good to get out of the house and have a few hours thinking about work and where it can go from here. The trouble is that it isn't for me but the management and planning are so that's the interesting conundrum to unpick.
It would be nice to get a few £s into the business though but I'm not sure that it will be a life changing event :-)
It will be good to get out of the house and have a few hours thinking about work and where it can go from here. The trouble is that it isn't for me but the management and planning are so that's the interesting conundrum to unpick.
It would be nice to get a few £s into the business though but I'm not sure that it will be a life changing event :-)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Letting Go
Dad was very explicit about not wanting a gravestone, plaque or any other thing or memorial. He didn't want people coming to lay flowers on birthdays and anniversaries or having a marked spot. He just wanted us to get on with it, no sentimentality and for us to move on. That's fine by me, it is how I think (unsurprisingly) and of course, as you may have guessed I'm pretty much like him in many ways.
It always surprises me how people will go and sit for hours by a grave talking to someone who isn't there, celebrating birthdays many years afterwards. I suppose it is OK to mark them or think of them but find it a little disturbing to publish stuff in newspapers, stick a posting on Facebook etc. I'm one for getting on with my life and don't get it. It always seems a strange thing to do to me.
I'm not being disrespectful rather more that you probably need to get on with your own life. I understand that there is a process to go through and that it may never be completely healed but it shows a certain amount of insecurity surely that you wouldn't want to move on?
It always surprises me how people will go and sit for hours by a grave talking to someone who isn't there, celebrating birthdays many years afterwards. I suppose it is OK to mark them or think of them but find it a little disturbing to publish stuff in newspapers, stick a posting on Facebook etc. I'm one for getting on with my life and don't get it. It always seems a strange thing to do to me.
I'm not being disrespectful rather more that you probably need to get on with your own life. I understand that there is a process to go through and that it may never be completely healed but it shows a certain amount of insecurity surely that you wouldn't want to move on?
Motivation
It is pretty hard to get started this morning, I've opened up some accounts I need to sort out and they look as dry as sawdust. I will just have to work my way through it and tackle the drudgery of it all. I am normally OK about doing things but procrastination is a problem especially when I have time on my hands. When I'm pressured I find that I work a lot better as I make good use of my time. When I have time to fill I use Parkinson's Law, which sort of states that "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."
I'm itching to get under way with the bathroom an I'm waiting to hear if I have an interview. I'm trying with that to put it behind me in a way to suggest that it wont happen. Knowing my luck it will all kick off together. That would be Murphy's Law :-)
I'm itching to get under way with the bathroom an I'm waiting to hear if I have an interview. I'm trying with that to put it behind me in a way to suggest that it wont happen. Knowing my luck it will all kick off together. That would be Murphy's Law :-)
A Nice Sunday
Today was a good day and it was nice to just sort some bits out and then take a lazy afternoon of sport as there were some pretty heavy thunderstorms overhead. I've got almost everything I need to do the bathroom now apart from a start date from the Plumber. I have ordered just about everything needed to dismantle, make safe and install the new stuff.
I hope to hear, one way or the other, about the job this week. It would be nice to know whether there is a job or not. That will help me sort out the chores (or not) too. I've taken a neutral view this time about it. I'd like to get an opportunity for the job and it would be great but if it isn't there it will make me go and think about something else to do. Either way I'm cool about it.
I hope to hear, one way or the other, about the job this week. It would be nice to know whether there is a job or not. That will help me sort out the chores (or not) too. I've taken a neutral view this time about it. I'd like to get an opportunity for the job and it would be great but if it isn't there it will make me go and think about something else to do. Either way I'm cool about it.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Journalists are they the lowest form of life?
I've said it before but I do find this dumbed down reporting annoying. Of course an Athlete is going to be disappointed but please be nice to them and stop asking the bleeding obvious. How about letting the poor people actually get their breath before asking them why they didn't win a gold medal? How about a little sensitivity and asking them for their evaluation not telling them what, in your jaundiced, self-centred, win everything at an cost, childish and downright disrespectful attitude YOU thought was wrong. Mark Cavendish should have smashed one of these leeches on society in the face for the way they spoke to him and for the disrespect they showed. Most journalists only exercise is lifting a glass of Merlot to their lips, swallowing it and hoping their stomachs use enough calories digesting it to keep them active! Pratts the lot of them, there's not one who has earned the right to talk to the Athletes they way they do they should be ashamed of themselves but are too soak fuelled and full and too full of their own self importance to bring the games to life.
HELLO - it isn't about you, presenters, has beens, B class people of notoriety, journalists, you are there to link and present the greatest athletes in the world to the audience. It's about them and it will never be about you and your stupid, anal, attention seeking camera hogging.
So thought I'd start Sunday with a rant :-) Either I'm turning into someone slightly to the Right of Attila the Hun, or I'm speaking sense. Whatever it is, I find myself fuming at the inane standards that we have these days. There are so many things we do well in this country but this dumbing down and treating people disrespectfully has got to stop. One Journo, at midday on the first day was moaning that we hadn't got on the medal table yet? Another was slagging off the Cyclists who buried themselves on the race and the thing they don't get is that on the day, the best man won. It may not have been to your script but that's what happened and that's the way it is. Slagging the whole of Team GB off because we haven't got a medal yet is just disgusting and not in the spirit of the games and when sports people have been working for 4 years to get to this pinnacle of their chosen sport, how dare they belittle those achievements and that's just wrong. These Journos have been p1ss1ng it up down the pub and engorging their Livers but they haven't had to train for hours every day for four years (and more).
Yes - it makes me very annoyed indeed that they dismiss the efforts of our athletes, I don't suppose they'd like it if we picked holes in their grammar and choice of words, what they wear and how they look. It's fair game to them, they think it is OK to do it to other people. I believe an amoeba could do a better job.
HELLO - it isn't about you, presenters, has beens, B class people of notoriety, journalists, you are there to link and present the greatest athletes in the world to the audience. It's about them and it will never be about you and your stupid, anal, attention seeking camera hogging.
So thought I'd start Sunday with a rant :-) Either I'm turning into someone slightly to the Right of Attila the Hun, or I'm speaking sense. Whatever it is, I find myself fuming at the inane standards that we have these days. There are so many things we do well in this country but this dumbing down and treating people disrespectfully has got to stop. One Journo, at midday on the first day was moaning that we hadn't got on the medal table yet? Another was slagging off the Cyclists who buried themselves on the race and the thing they don't get is that on the day, the best man won. It may not have been to your script but that's what happened and that's the way it is. Slagging the whole of Team GB off because we haven't got a medal yet is just disgusting and not in the spirit of the games and when sports people have been working for 4 years to get to this pinnacle of their chosen sport, how dare they belittle those achievements and that's just wrong. These Journos have been p1ss1ng it up down the pub and engorging their Livers but they haven't had to train for hours every day for four years (and more).
Yes - it makes me very annoyed indeed that they dismiss the efforts of our athletes, I don't suppose they'd like it if we picked holes in their grammar and choice of words, what they wear and how they look. It's fair game to them, they think it is OK to do it to other people. I believe an amoeba could do a better job.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
What? Still Cynical?
Apart from one bit last night, a small little cock up and we are all allowed to make those, I thought the opening ceremony was amazing and a logistical tour de force. The small cock up would be a certain musician missing their cue and who perhaps should have retired a while ago but we all make mistakes. There are people whinging about it didn't show our history this, our culture that and so on. Can you believe that? They didn't ask them to put on the show and welcome the world they asked someone who is world recognised for doing it (with Oscars, BAFTAs to provie it) and what can possibly be wrong with what was done in the time available. Had comments from from too long (and in the same gasp not enough content) to moaning about speaking French and English (it's always been done - get used to it). Basically everyone of them are allowed to have their own opinion (of course) and I defend their right to it but it's about time these people did something else other than moan and bitch the whole time. Nothing will ever be right for them.
Funnily enough a guy who I know to be a strong supporter of the NHS (he was in it all his life) didn't like that tribute being paid to them - what an utter arse. It said something quite profound about us I thought and wasn't just about children bouncing aorund but there you go.
It was a very British affair and the James Bond moment must have drawn laughs all across the world. Mr. Bean's sketch was just right and who cannot have marvelled at turning our green and pleasant land into the Dark Satanic Mills. No, it was just about right and did some amazing moral boosting for this poor little country that's had the crap beaten out of it and all its savings spent by a cynical laissez faire bunch of downright dishonest, self serving politicians. Labour, Gordon Brown and Bliar lost me tens of thousands of pounds off my pensions and savings that I'm not getting back any time soon if ever and want to tell me its good for me. No, we've been punched and kicked to the ground by their total mismanagement but yesterday, we wiped off the blood from our wounds and showed what we can actually do. It's a shame that a certain cynical element of our populace didn't get that or didn't care about it. They like to think they are saving our country and yet they miss the irony that they are part of the reason we are where we are. I like to say my friend's phrase a lot. "The biggest rut you've got to get out of is the rut you're in." Some of these people who claim to be the true Brits are just right wing, self serving bully boys and whilst they go on about free speech and all don't really mean it.
We have 2 weeks to deliver a games that will inspire the world not just for our own prim satisfaction. With all the disquiet in the world, it would be nice to think that relationships can be forged, friendships garnered and that we might start to get somewhere through sport where diplomacy may have failed. Even if it is a small start it must be worth the hope that this might come about.
As for those sad citizens, men and women, who prize intolerance, bigotry, bile and selfishness as their particular "code of morality" may the games prove you utterly and wholly wrong and like every argument you've ever held in your inadequate lives, may it thrust another dagger of right into your poisoned bodies and minds.
Let's hope we have a good games and that we shop window what we are good at and those core moral tendencies we have especially fairness, integrity and honesty. Let us cheer on the athletes who triumph as loudly as we cheer those who come in last, dropping a tear of sympathy over their failures but celebrating with those who win too. It's about time we started to feel good about ourselves once again and cast off the cynical, sarcastic and downright nasty way we live together and treat each other. Let the games begin.
Funnily enough a guy who I know to be a strong supporter of the NHS (he was in it all his life) didn't like that tribute being paid to them - what an utter arse. It said something quite profound about us I thought and wasn't just about children bouncing aorund but there you go.
It was a very British affair and the James Bond moment must have drawn laughs all across the world. Mr. Bean's sketch was just right and who cannot have marvelled at turning our green and pleasant land into the Dark Satanic Mills. No, it was just about right and did some amazing moral boosting for this poor little country that's had the crap beaten out of it and all its savings spent by a cynical laissez faire bunch of downright dishonest, self serving politicians. Labour, Gordon Brown and Bliar lost me tens of thousands of pounds off my pensions and savings that I'm not getting back any time soon if ever and want to tell me its good for me. No, we've been punched and kicked to the ground by their total mismanagement but yesterday, we wiped off the blood from our wounds and showed what we can actually do. It's a shame that a certain cynical element of our populace didn't get that or didn't care about it. They like to think they are saving our country and yet they miss the irony that they are part of the reason we are where we are. I like to say my friend's phrase a lot. "The biggest rut you've got to get out of is the rut you're in." Some of these people who claim to be the true Brits are just right wing, self serving bully boys and whilst they go on about free speech and all don't really mean it.
We have 2 weeks to deliver a games that will inspire the world not just for our own prim satisfaction. With all the disquiet in the world, it would be nice to think that relationships can be forged, friendships garnered and that we might start to get somewhere through sport where diplomacy may have failed. Even if it is a small start it must be worth the hope that this might come about.
As for those sad citizens, men and women, who prize intolerance, bigotry, bile and selfishness as their particular "code of morality" may the games prove you utterly and wholly wrong and like every argument you've ever held in your inadequate lives, may it thrust another dagger of right into your poisoned bodies and minds.
Let's hope we have a good games and that we shop window what we are good at and those core moral tendencies we have especially fairness, integrity and honesty. Let us cheer on the athletes who triumph as loudly as we cheer those who come in last, dropping a tear of sympathy over their failures but celebrating with those who win too. It's about time we started to feel good about ourselves once again and cast off the cynical, sarcastic and downright nasty way we live together and treat each other. Let the games begin.
Friday, July 27, 2012
So let's get ready to party
I think it is very British thing to do and that's knock our efforts and make light of them and be cynical and sarcastic - it is a national trait but now's the time to put all that away and to get behind the games, welcome all our guests and just go out and have a blast. It's just crazy to keep knocking things. There are bound to be a few things go wrong, they always do but it is sorting it out and making it work and getting behind the spirit that needs to happen now.
I'm looking forward to the games but you can imagine that the travel disruption is going to be a problem and lets face it we are one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world so it will have its own dynamic. Let's hope that it all goes off well and that we can all enjoy these celebrations - goodness knows we need something to lift us after the recession and all the bad news.
Still heard nothing from the job so have reset my expectations to 25%.
I'm looking forward to the games but you can imagine that the travel disruption is going to be a problem and lets face it we are one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world so it will have its own dynamic. Let's hope that it all goes off well and that we can all enjoy these celebrations - goodness knows we need something to lift us after the recession and all the bad news.
Still heard nothing from the job so have reset my expectations to 25%.
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