A MUCH better experience this time around

I feel so much better than I did last week. It must be something to do with the reaction you have to this stuff as the first week you hardly notice it at all, the second week you get absolutely flattened and the third week you can cope with it. If it follows the last lot of treatment then the next three will be the same as this one. It takes a little while to sort yourself out afterwards. You just get fit again and you get the next one for six weeks and after that, it takes a week or so to get back to (and settle down to) normal.

Coming up to the 1st Anniversary

It was about this time of year last year, before Wimbledon, that I first noticed that there was something wrong. It only happened once and I saw blood when I went for a pee. That is very disturbing but it happened once and I drank plenty of water and was very careful that I didn't over exert myself. I had just carried a very heavy and quite awkward sanding machine up and down the stairs and felt certain that I had done myself an injury.

Looking back, there was also a few small clots later in the week but I'd put those down to healing and they were minute dots and could almost be put down to an overactive imagination.

The key dates though will be 2nd July - the day it started bleeding and never stopped. 7th July - when I saw the Doctor. 21st July when I was diagnosed. Interestingly it is the same day (this year) that I will be celebrating my 50th Birthday which, last 21st July I wasn't sure I'd actually see.

Other dates would be 25th July - first operation. 15th May - all clear.

Shaken not Stirred

Thank goodness - nowhere near as bad as last week's treatment and remembering last year the same thing happened the 2nd treatment was the worst. The side effects were there but no where near as strong, the slight fever and aches were just in the background. I'm up at a decent hour in the morning not half way through the day and I'm feeling OK. Not great but OK.

Things ran a bit late and so I was 35 minutes late for the treatment. Next week I go to the head of the queue as the two other guys I started with are on a different maintenance schedule.

I felt quite strange about going for this treatment and yet there really isn't anything to fear or be worried about. A bit like my upcoming blood test later this week. Of course it isn't pleasant but these things have to be done. I was talking with the Urology Nurse and we were saying that it isn't so bad having this treatment it is actually the thought of what they do to get the treatment into your bladder that is the thing that frightens most men particularly. I'd rather have this than a blood test! Or any injection for that matter. Once you get over any embarrassment and once you realise that it isn't so bad - it is easy enough to live with.

All unecessary

How strange, I came over all sad about going to get the treatment in a short time. I don't think I've felt like that before almost fearful and tearful at the same time.

I'm OK now but something must have crossed my mind about it - how peculiar.

Goodbye

Mortgage.

Yes after 25 (well 26 years actually) we can finally say goodbye to the mortgage and the house is ours! A huge weight off of the family and me.

I'm relieved about that but not overjoyed curiously. Perhaps how I managed to pay it off rather than how is at play.

Right now I'm on the routine for my treatments. Stopped drinking and now I'll work my way around to getting ready and getting everything in place. Bleach, old towels, toilet paper, medical wipes, anti bacterial soaps, book and reading glasses (well you need to sit there for a while!). Get my meds sorted out too and I mustn't forget to take my late night pill - I only just remembered last time!

I have my notebook to jot down the timings of everything and any reactions - always useful if there should be something happen.

I'm lining myself up for a bad one again. I know that the first lot of treatments followed roughly the same pattern as these but you cannot take anything for granted.

So pleased with the mortgage situation and reasonably so with everything else - I just hope after the recovery I can get the rest of the work I need to get done completed this week!

That wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be

I managed to get the appointment over about an hour earlier than I planned which means I can eat and have a drink before treatment - I was begining to sweat on that one!

I have to stop drinking at 12. Eating - I suppose I could do that anytime but not sure if I could eat and not have a drink afterwards!

I'm going to be half way through the treatment after today. That really is a useful marker in these things. Some have said that the treatment is horrible and yet I can say that you really do put up with a lot if your health and indeed your life depends on it.

Anyway, must go and get ready now.

Busy Busy

Phew

I worked all day today - I have so much on this coming week that I don't know quite what to do first. Treatment tomorrow and I'm preparing myself for a bad one like last week. The trouble was that it took me out for most of Tuesday and I could do with doing some work on Tuesday- I have a load of targets to meet as three jobs are all going on at the same time.

These are jobs that need to be done and the end dates are this week and next week - of course that coincides with the new job's demands too.

Should be a fun week capped off by a blood test on Friday - I don't need that - well I suppose I do - or the Doc wouldn't have asked but it just wrecks another half a day.

That was good

Friday was an interesting day - I had my first Regional Director's Meeting - Mmm. Had the launch party very nice, good food and a lovely Hotel. Went over to see some old friends on the way home and now safely back - we drove through some pretty atrocious conditions. I think it was quite a turning point in the business - it has gone from an idea to a working service and now needs to be built as a business. No one person can do everything that is needed and so we need to lean on each other a bit. It should be fun.

Lots of things to do and little time to do them (as always).

US Grand Prix tomorrow so will sit back and watch that in the evening and get myself ready for Monday again. It comes around really quickly but I am so busy that the days are flying. Anyway that will be 1/2 way through which is a blessing. I also have the week from hell as all three jobs I am working on are claiming my time.

It was great to see my chums and their little daughter - about 8 weeks old and son about 3 1/2. I haven't seen them for a number of years and certainly not since I got the diagnosis.

Well today is the big day

We launch the service or rather we launch the business I think is more the case.

Lots to do and some heavy work this afternoon at the first Regional Director's Conference.

I can see I will be having some fun as we thrash out our strategy for the next three months.

C and I are going and we will pop into some friends who don't live too far away from where we are going. Hopefully it will be a nice few days.

So what about my health?

Well I am feeling very well if slightly over weight - I'm not actually overweight it is just that I haven't lost any these past two weeks and tomorrow with the launch party I'm not likely too either! The BCG has made me think twice about exercising too soon after it and frankly I didn't feel like it at all on Tuesday or Wednesday. I think that it was quite a shock to the system this week. Even so though I am feeling remarkably well and I think the job also has a big factor in these things. You feel valued and you have something to do.

I've got the new tablet PC all sorted out - what a beauty it is as well, handwriting recognition so I can use it like a note pad. I just need to get up to speed with that of course as it recognises most of my writing but it is speed and accuracy that I want so I can use it to take notes in meetings. I can type faster than I can write into it at the moment.

That was a bit of a digression from the subject wasn't it :-)

Anyway, feeling great and despite the pummeling I took on Monday and Tuesday - I'm OK. Next Monday - half way through the treatment. That is important to me as it will mean that it is all down hill from there.

Oh No

Next week is absolutely crammed full of stuff. I have a few other projects on the go and - typical - they have now turned urgent just as I am trying to get the new job on the go. What a nuisance. Oh well I am seeing the guys tomorrow - they will have to do without seeing me face to face next week and rely on me being on the phone.

All good fun. The trouble also is I need to get my blood done so that is hours out of my schedule too. Damn and blast.

Overcame that problem

And I managed to get a good night's sleep at last. Perhaps too charged up about the job? Who knows.

At least I am ready for today - I have a shed load to do before going to the launch party tomorrow.

Sleep - and the lack of it

I have no idea what is going on but I am still feeling really perky and feel as if I could go for another 24 hours. I am bgining to wonder if it is some sort of side effect or is caused by the very long time that I rest after the treatment. I tend to sleep for about 14 or more hours across Monday and Tuesday.

I really do want to get some sleep tonight and it appears to be as far away as ever.

Ho hum.

Ooh Nice New Shiny PC

I decided that to do this new job properly I ought to have a new PC. Well, I got a tablet PC, one you can write on with a special pen and that does handwriting recognition. That is great. I also was surprised to get a digital TV set up with it.

It is all shiny and new and taking ages to configure properly. The amazing thing is that this is probably the smallest PC I have ever owned yet it is more powerful than my other two combined!

Amazing

That's your insurance buggered too

Apparently - cannot cover me for bladder cancer or anything relating to it nor will it cover the rest of the household if they are affected by that either. In other words if something happens to me, they are not covered if it relates to the BC!

I thought that might happen.

Second Tuesday Night in a row

No sleep - not a wink. Last week I thought it must be adrenaline what with starting the job, needing to be up early and all that but not, last night I was wide awake all night. I finally got a few hours between 6 and 8 and I'm not particularly tired now.

I wonder if it the side effects of the treatment? Last week I probably only slept a few hours from Tuesday through to Thursday. I'll keep my eye on that as I don't feel particularly tired and perhaps my immune system is up at peak? who knows.

What is all that about

Sometimes you wonder. Can I make a meeting tomorrow. Well given about a few hours notice no not really. E-mail is no substitute for picking up the phone and talking.

It does drive me barmy that it is treated as if it is a done deal. If I e-mailed it will happen.

Many years ago I got all the way to my office - 75 miles away to be confronted with an e-mail sent on a Friday night to attend a meeting at 9 on the Monday in London. Which was pretty rich as I read the e-mail at 8 and was at least 2 hours drive from London. My subordinate learnt a few new words when I phoned him.

It looks like I might have to do some education here.

Still not quite right

I do tend to forget this - even now after what? Close to a year of having this.

These treatments aren't like taking an Aspirin - this is something beyond most people's comprehension (thank goodness) including my own most of the time. I have to remind myself that drastic diseases need drastic actions. So having side effects and all that go with the territory and I don't know why I expect that it will be plain sailing or easy or something like that.

I still haven't got it into my head some of the fundamental stuff. It is perhaps the way I have approached it and tackled it that does this.

Anyway, I'm OK now yet still a little bit aching and stinging but I can feel it improving. I haven't had any tablets today to control it - perhaps I should have?

I'm hoping that I will feel a lot better tomorrow as I have a lot to get through.

24 Hours later

And things are just slowly settling back to normal. It can really beat you up and every now and then you get a little stinger to remind you about things.

I don't recall this before but I've certainly had all of the side effects they suggested I would this time.

A friend phoned up last night and once I answered thought better of it and will phone tonight - you just can't tell how you will react with this stuff. I certainly sounded quite rough last night though.

That was challenging

Not painful but challenging. I'm only just about coming out of the aching and drained feeling I had last night.

It feels like Ive been punched around the stomach and lower back and my legs and shoulders ache - not a lot but enough to notice, I had the slightly feverish "flu like" symptoms last night and on top of that there was only a little blood this time but plenty of ooze (shall we call it) which is the bladder lining. The problem - as you may imagine - is that passing anything like that out of where you normally only pass liquids does lead to a few tears in your eyes as it does tend to sting. Hence drink lots of fluids to help get the stuff out as fast as possible. I took my tablets anyway and have also learnt not to go to the toilet too often as that really doesn't help either.

Sleep and rest are the only way to get through this so I've probably slept for 14 hours but do feel better for that. Through all of this you have to tell yourself that you are now a 1/3 of the way through the treatment and next week you will be 1/2 way through. Only 4 to go and I get the Summer off!