Last week. He was diagnosed with Lung Cancer last September I think because it was when I was in for the second time.
It hardly seems fair, he was a lovely guy, we all got on great with him, a real gentleman and someone who had led an interesting life, had so many stories you wouldn't believe and who will be sorely missed. I don't think I ever met his wife, perhaps once, and now he is gone. 10 months was all he got. That is the other side of the coin. I don't think any of us realised when we saw him in February that it would be the last time we saw him.
Life's like that - it can be damn cruel.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Deadline Met
Oh my goodness
I just finished - I have been at it all day and my computer must have been groaning under the size of the document - phew - a real marathon but I have completed it now.
I am up to London tomorrow to meet with some potential partners in the morning and another in the afternoon so I am going to be busy as you like.
I shall have the day at home on Friday and I have another deadline to keep for that day as well.
Roll on the weekend and a bit of respite!
I just finished - I have been at it all day and my computer must have been groaning under the size of the document - phew - a real marathon but I have completed it now.
I am up to London tomorrow to meet with some potential partners in the morning and another in the afternoon so I am going to be busy as you like.
I shall have the day at home on Friday and I have another deadline to keep for that day as well.
Roll on the weekend and a bit of respite!
The pressure is on
I have a deadline to get a document out by tonight, it is just gone 10 and I am just about to get started on it. That is cutting it tight but that is the way things are at the moment. I need to do a few more days work on this project and get it wrapped so I can concentrate on other things.
My folks are coming over this Saturday so come what may I am not working on Saturday at all. I've worked the last three weekends and as it is my Mum's 70th Birthday and followed by my 50th a few days later I will get strung up if I do. It will be nice to see my folks again, I haven't seen them since Christmas I think? Maybe we did go this year - I can't remember (Hey 50 year Mind meltdown has arrived).
As you can see I will soon be catching up to my Mum's age
When I was born I was a 20th of her age, when she was 30 I was a 1/3rd of her age, when she was 40 I was 1/2 her age, when she was 60 I was 2/3rds of her age and now I am 5/7ths of her age. So if we both hang around long enough I should eventually catch up and be the same age?
Maths wasn't my strong point at school.
My folks are coming over this Saturday so come what may I am not working on Saturday at all. I've worked the last three weekends and as it is my Mum's 70th Birthday and followed by my 50th a few days later I will get strung up if I do. It will be nice to see my folks again, I haven't seen them since Christmas I think? Maybe we did go this year - I can't remember (Hey 50 year Mind meltdown has arrived).
As you can see I will soon be catching up to my Mum's age
When I was born I was a 20th of her age, when she was 30 I was a 1/3rd of her age, when she was 40 I was 1/2 her age, when she was 60 I was 2/3rds of her age and now I am 5/7ths of her age. So if we both hang around long enough I should eventually catch up and be the same age?
Maths wasn't my strong point at school.
Putting the brakes on
I find myself working all sorts of hours and at the strangest times, I have no real timetable except the regular eating, drinking, taking drugs (no not the mind bending ones) and just burning energy and enthusiasm.
I'm a right little dynamo. I guess that might all change next week when the BIG FIVE O hits. I worry that like my children's Hamsters, I will have this last three or four days of crazy activity before slumping knackered in my wheel at the end of the week, being wrapped in Kleenex - stuck in a shoe box and buried with my predecessors at the end of the Garden. Life is tough in Hamster town. You get a nice cross made out of lollipop sticks and they struggle to remember what actual day you were bought from the Pet Shop but you did well if you lasted over two years.
Perhaps I think too much. Perhaps I ought to go to bed? Good idea.
I'm a right little dynamo. I guess that might all change next week when the BIG FIVE O hits. I worry that like my children's Hamsters, I will have this last three or four days of crazy activity before slumping knackered in my wheel at the end of the week, being wrapped in Kleenex - stuck in a shoe box and buried with my predecessors at the end of the Garden. Life is tough in Hamster town. You get a nice cross made out of lollipop sticks and they struggle to remember what actual day you were bought from the Pet Shop but you did well if you lasted over two years.
Perhaps I think too much. Perhaps I ought to go to bed? Good idea.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Title Deeds
A Nice package arrived this morning. Confirms that mortgage is paid off and additionally the title deeds to the house were enclosed.
Cool - we actually own our house. We've been here 19 years this Sunday!! :-)
This is another one of those things that I can now tick off my list and say it is done, I no longer need to worry about that. There have been a few this year. I suppose I could put last year down as the worst in my life and that this year started off as being perhaps the next worst one :-). In fact, in a very strange way, I'm beginning to get my life back and things are coming under some form of control (I am saying this before speaking to the Doc after my blood test - perhaps I ought not to tempt fate).
Things that are beginning to go right:
House - finished that
Insurance - sorted out
Job - new exciting and demanding job
Health - cancer free, fitter, losing weight, blood pressure and other heart stuff under control
Holiday - after 2 years we get a break together
Head - Not nearly as angst ridden and tortured - back being an optimist
Family - everything seems to be much happier - the oppressive atmosphere (caused by the illness I reckon) gone
Treatment - Challenging stuff - stops recurrence - could totally eradicate this over time
Luck - the depth of this line ____ any deeper and it would have been so different.
So there you go - how to change your outlook and you way of thinking, putting it all together, counting your luck and blessings and valuing the days. The change in my demeanour in the past few months is amazing.
Cool - we actually own our house. We've been here 19 years this Sunday!! :-)
This is another one of those things that I can now tick off my list and say it is done, I no longer need to worry about that. There have been a few this year. I suppose I could put last year down as the worst in my life and that this year started off as being perhaps the next worst one :-). In fact, in a very strange way, I'm beginning to get my life back and things are coming under some form of control (I am saying this before speaking to the Doc after my blood test - perhaps I ought not to tempt fate).
Things that are beginning to go right:
House - finished that
Insurance - sorted out
Job - new exciting and demanding job
Health - cancer free, fitter, losing weight, blood pressure and other heart stuff under control
Holiday - after 2 years we get a break together
Head - Not nearly as angst ridden and tortured - back being an optimist
Family - everything seems to be much happier - the oppressive atmosphere (caused by the illness I reckon) gone
Treatment - Challenging stuff - stops recurrence - could totally eradicate this over time
Luck - the depth of this line ____ any deeper and it would have been so different.
So there you go - how to change your outlook and you way of thinking, putting it all together, counting your luck and blessings and valuing the days. The change in my demeanour in the past few months is amazing.
That was different
You never know with these treatments. At one point in time I felt really bad last night. It was just after I had eaten and it felt for all the world as if I desperately wanted to go to the toilet. Yet I knew that I had been a few minutes before. This sort of reaction I remember from my first flexible cystoscopy and from my first lot of treatment. It is a warning sign that you are about to get very sore indeed.
That wasn't wrong and I did start to feel most uncomfortable. The trick is to try and not go to the toilet as there isn't much to get out of your system and you really need to have something in your bladder to wash out the debris. I managed to get past this by going to bed and lying down and also by having some tablets.
I suppose for about an hour I was lying around - pain is probably too hard a word for this - constant stinging would probably be right. Again, it is uncomfortable but painful? Probably not.
I finally felt full enough to go and lo and behold there was a fair amount of debris that needed to come out. I was glad I had the experience to wait to achieve that. In the past it has been agony passing these bits without sufficient pressure to do it properly. It sounds awful but it isn't so bad.
I feel OK this morning - after the episode above I hung on until about 11 pm to go again and just laid in bed (this is a good ploy - I still tend to want to move around too much). That was fine, very little stinging but everything looked a little swollen and beaten up. This morning - well it isn't normal but I don't feel too bad and I'm up at a half reasonable hour of the day.
I'm in two minds whether to start having some pain killers when I stop drinking - two hours before treatment (or perhaps three) just to get myself ready. I'll see how next week goes. I have a feeling that I had this sort of reaction last time. I just need to go back over my notes and see if I am right. Certainly the second treatment of each course was the worst and yet I remember another one like this last time as well.
That wasn't wrong and I did start to feel most uncomfortable. The trick is to try and not go to the toilet as there isn't much to get out of your system and you really need to have something in your bladder to wash out the debris. I managed to get past this by going to bed and lying down and also by having some tablets.
I suppose for about an hour I was lying around - pain is probably too hard a word for this - constant stinging would probably be right. Again, it is uncomfortable but painful? Probably not.
I finally felt full enough to go and lo and behold there was a fair amount of debris that needed to come out. I was glad I had the experience to wait to achieve that. In the past it has been agony passing these bits without sufficient pressure to do it properly. It sounds awful but it isn't so bad.
I feel OK this morning - after the episode above I hung on until about 11 pm to go again and just laid in bed (this is a good ploy - I still tend to want to move around too much). That was fine, very little stinging but everything looked a little swollen and beaten up. This morning - well it isn't normal but I don't feel too bad and I'm up at a half reasonable hour of the day.
I'm in two minds whether to start having some pain killers when I stop drinking - two hours before treatment (or perhaps three) just to get myself ready. I'll see how next week goes. I have a feeling that I had this sort of reaction last time. I just need to go back over my notes and see if I am right. Certainly the second treatment of each course was the worst and yet I remember another one like this last time as well.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Kick the Bucket and other gems from the treatment room
Despite being a bad one we did have a bit of fun.
Whilst I was trying to get comfortable on the table the sharps bucket was nearly dislodged by my rather large trainers. I was still trying to get comfortable and told the nurse that I was having great difficulty getting set for her and that I didn't want to kick the bucket*.
She laughed and then suggested that I lie back and squeeze my balls! I hasten to add - these are my stress balls. The two nurses are really good at making you feel relaxed - let's face it you don't want any sudden moves when they are armed with a catheter now do you?
* UK slang for dying
Whilst I was trying to get comfortable on the table the sharps bucket was nearly dislodged by my rather large trainers. I was still trying to get comfortable and told the nurse that I was having great difficulty getting set for her and that I didn't want to kick the bucket*.
She laughed and then suggested that I lie back and squeeze my balls! I hasten to add - these are my stress balls. The two nurses are really good at making you feel relaxed - let's face it you don't want any sudden moves when they are armed with a catheter now do you?
* UK slang for dying
Watney's Red Barrel
You must remember that - in the UK Watneys Red Barrel was a beer that was weak but you seemed to find it everywhere and it was pretty grim stuff to drink. Obviously somebody did as it was a best seller.
a bit of graffiti:
"If you think the bottom is falling out of your world, drink Watneys and watch the world fall out of your bottom!"
Which is exactly how I can describe tonight's episodes :-)
a bit of graffiti:
"If you think the bottom is falling out of your world, drink Watneys and watch the world fall out of your bottom!"
Which is exactly how I can describe tonight's episodes :-)
Whack - ouch - Whack Whack!! Ouch :-)
Oh boy - is this treatment ever beating me up. I'm just going to go to bed now but no major side effects (like the flu and the aching) but it really is stinging and being downright uncomftable.
No pain no gain I suppose. I know I'm going to be low tomorrow :-)
No pain no gain I suppose. I know I'm going to be low tomorrow :-)
Here we go - treatment No.4
I am just about to go into my ritual for this lot of treatment. I've had an early lunch and stopped drinking at midday. Treatment is due at 2 - so far it hasn't happened on time except for week 1 when it was near enough. This week I should be first in the queue as the other two guys were on three shot maintenance. If all goes well then that is what I should be on I hope in November of this year.
This lot marks the beginning of the downhill stretch. 2/3rds of the way through the treatment and it will be 4 down and 2 to go. It is a funny old thing really. The next 24 hours are bizarre if you were to be a fly on the wall. I get the treatment get home and my wife has a kitchen timer she puts around her neck. I lie down on one side and after 15 minutes the timer goes and I hear "Turn over" which I do and so on for a hour. The timer brrring away every 15 minutes. At the end of that hour I have a piece of toast and I drink a glass of cranberry or some such stuff, some water and have two paracetamol and two ibuprofen. I then have a further hour lying around (roughly) and can then go to the toilet.
There the bizarre ritual of putting bleach in the toilet and keeping everything else scrupulously clean goes on for about 6 hours. Luckily we have a toilet downstairs as I try and keep this one off limits because the BCG is pretty nasty stuff by all accounts.
With that - I must go and get ready now.
This lot marks the beginning of the downhill stretch. 2/3rds of the way through the treatment and it will be 4 down and 2 to go. It is a funny old thing really. The next 24 hours are bizarre if you were to be a fly on the wall. I get the treatment get home and my wife has a kitchen timer she puts around her neck. I lie down on one side and after 15 minutes the timer goes and I hear "Turn over" which I do and so on for a hour. The timer brrring away every 15 minutes. At the end of that hour I have a piece of toast and I drink a glass of cranberry or some such stuff, some water and have two paracetamol and two ibuprofen. I then have a further hour lying around (roughly) and can then go to the toilet.
There the bizarre ritual of putting bleach in the toilet and keeping everything else scrupulously clean goes on for about 6 hours. Luckily we have a toilet downstairs as I try and keep this one off limits because the BCG is pretty nasty stuff by all accounts.
With that - I must go and get ready now.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Why drug companies do it?
I just noticed that one of my box of pills comes in 30 days supplies and the other in 28 days worth.
What is the point in that? Why can't they standardise on a particular amount - it completely throws trying to get everything synchronized - I suppose it helps those poor hard up drug companies by ensuring that I have to go to the pharmacy more often....
What is the point in that? Why can't they standardise on a particular amount - it completely throws trying to get everything synchronized - I suppose it helps those poor hard up drug companies by ensuring that I have to go to the pharmacy more often....
Another long day
I'm still excited with this job and all but wow what a long day today has been - I have a stack load of work to do and next to no time to do it,.
I'm enjoying the challenge of this new job - particularly I'm enjoying the idiots that you always get when you have a new and quite novel service and they just don't get it. Someone even fired off a major broadside about whether we had done our homework on the service. I don't mind but it was a totally unsubstantiated pile of smelly stuff and had no basis in fact. I did write back and explain the error of his thinking but it does annoy me that people who don't understand find that the best way to deal with it is to tell me that I haven't thought it through.
Most people who know me would tell you that it is the one thing I actually do. Ho hum, people no longer amaze me by how unbelievably stupid and thoughtless they can be. Better than that I really don't give a toss these days what anyone thinks - that is totally their business. Just don't expect me to be diplomatic anymore :-)
Either it is a sign of getting old or I really have had a shift in the way I deal with this. In the past I'd probably got wound up about it - now - it doesn't matter but I do like to fight my corner and do that no holds barred.
I'm enjoying the challenge of this new job - particularly I'm enjoying the idiots that you always get when you have a new and quite novel service and they just don't get it. Someone even fired off a major broadside about whether we had done our homework on the service. I don't mind but it was a totally unsubstantiated pile of smelly stuff and had no basis in fact. I did write back and explain the error of his thinking but it does annoy me that people who don't understand find that the best way to deal with it is to tell me that I haven't thought it through.
Most people who know me would tell you that it is the one thing I actually do. Ho hum, people no longer amaze me by how unbelievably stupid and thoughtless they can be. Better than that I really don't give a toss these days what anyone thinks - that is totally their business. Just don't expect me to be diplomatic anymore :-)
Either it is a sign of getting old or I really have had a shift in the way I deal with this. In the past I'd probably got wound up about it - now - it doesn't matter but I do like to fight my corner and do that no holds barred.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Feeling Good
I really am feeling well these days.
A combination of job, immunotherapy, lifestyle and feeling good about myself these days too. I'm amazed how well I've picked up the job and been able to run that in parallel with the treatment and the other stuff - with a bit of luck I'll be able to complete that work by the end of this week and leave myself free to do some other stuff.
I'm off to the boss's place in Kent now - more work to pick up and do for next week but better that than being quiet.
A combination of job, immunotherapy, lifestyle and feeling good about myself these days too. I'm amazed how well I've picked up the job and been able to run that in parallel with the treatment and the other stuff - with a bit of luck I'll be able to complete that work by the end of this week and leave myself free to do some other stuff.
I'm off to the boss's place in Kent now - more work to pick up and do for next week but better that than being quiet.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Another Blood Test
Out of the way. Indeed what they told me about getting there around 2 pm was spot on. I arrived picked up a number, took my jacket off and my number was called!
Now that is great. If I have to do the fasting one ever again (frankly I hope never to have to do one again) I shall remember that and whilst I might be hungry come 2 pm at least I won't have the waiting around.
I've got a great bruise - not where they took the blood but from where the bandage came off!
I was also quite pleased as it rained on the way back and so I had to pop into the pub and a pint was only £1.55! I queried it but no that was the right price. So I had three - well it was cheaper than two pints of normal beer at £2.70 a pint. It was like - buy one get one free almost and the more you spent the more you saved :-)
Some people save so much they fall over afterwards - remarkable.
Now that is great. If I have to do the fasting one ever again (frankly I hope never to have to do one again) I shall remember that and whilst I might be hungry come 2 pm at least I won't have the waiting around.
I've got a great bruise - not where they took the blood but from where the bandage came off!
I was also quite pleased as it rained on the way back and so I had to pop into the pub and a pint was only £1.55! I queried it but no that was the right price. So I had three - well it was cheaper than two pints of normal beer at £2.70 a pint. It was like - buy one get one free almost and the more you spent the more you saved :-)
Some people save so much they fall over afterwards - remarkable.
Phew what a night
Got back home about 00:45 after waiting ages to speak to the person who will run our bar at the birthday party. Anyway that is all sorted out now. At least we have "real" beer for the evening - when you get to my age, you kind of like warm real ale not this deep frozen near absolute zero frozen urine resembling stuff they pump out these days. It is so bad that they have to put an artificial head of froth on the beer as well. Yuk.
Today is going to be interesting as I will be doing my presentation for the first time to a "live" partner.
Mind you they've just phoned and postponed for an hour! Oh well, it may be that sort of day :-)
Today is going to be interesting as I will be doing my presentation for the first time to a "live" partner.
Mind you they've just phoned and postponed for an hour! Oh well, it may be that sort of day :-)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Another Full Day
And I'm off out again this evening - I have to go and sort my party out with my co-host. We need to get the bar arranged and the food and all the logistics sorted.
I'm still juggling with the two jobs at the moment and the third one - thank goodness - has disappeared off into the distance.
Suddenly it is just one month to the party, less than 5 weeks to my holiday and time is pressing on. I have to get this project finished next Friday or I can stop worrying about what they might do to me in the Hospital as I won't have any wedding tackle left to work on anyway :-)
As usual it is the job that pays the least amount of money that is the most important, nit picking and time consuming. That's life.
But not as we know it Jim!
I'm still juggling with the two jobs at the moment and the third one - thank goodness - has disappeared off into the distance.
Suddenly it is just one month to the party, less than 5 weeks to my holiday and time is pressing on. I have to get this project finished next Friday or I can stop worrying about what they might do to me in the Hospital as I won't have any wedding tackle left to work on anyway :-)
As usual it is the job that pays the least amount of money that is the most important, nit picking and time consuming. That's life.
But not as we know it Jim!
Another full day
I'm going to be busy as you like again today. I'm ramping up my efforts and beginning to get to see some results from all the effort I'm putting in. The pile of paper appears to be shrinking, mind you I am back to having three PCs on my desk which is a bit limiting space wise too.
The new PC is tiny and it suits me fine to have it separate from the rest as I can then keep all the new business stuff on there and just get on with the other stuff. It also means that I can actually carry it around - as the other one needed you to have been doing bench presses.
Well I'd better get back to it.
The new PC is tiny and it suits me fine to have it separate from the rest as I can then keep all the new business stuff on there and just get on with the other stuff. It also means that I can actually carry it around - as the other one needed you to have been doing bench presses.
Well I'd better get back to it.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Been a funny old day
I have worked my butt off today and managed to get a lot done on all three job fronts. I had a visit which took up some of my time but I still managed to get things sorted out and done.
The trouble I do find is after you have put a bag load of effort into to something and I mean many hours, to get someone slag off what you have done is a bit rich - especially when they ain't paying for it! Anyway, enough said about that.
I had some interesting e-mail exchanges, telephone calls and other things going on as well so a full and busy day - lots done, still lots to do and it probably won't stop there either.
Must go and get some sleep so I can be ready for tomorrow.
The trouble I do find is after you have put a bag load of effort into to something and I mean many hours, to get someone slag off what you have done is a bit rich - especially when they ain't paying for it! Anyway, enough said about that.
I had some interesting e-mail exchanges, telephone calls and other things going on as well so a full and busy day - lots done, still lots to do and it probably won't stop there either.
Must go and get some sleep so I can be ready for tomorrow.
Crikey where did the morning go to?
Good grief, I have been banging away on the keyboard all morning and I've just looked up and seen the time. I have a stack of work I need to get done and it is taking far longer than I though it would as I am finding problems with the information and am having to go back and do some research.
Despite that I am feeling rather good and I feel well. I have a feeling that the immunotherapy is making me feel this way and I guess it is doing me good all around as my immune system builds up to overdrive.
The strangest thing about it is that my skin feels warm and smooth (in a bloke sort of way!). Again, I can only attribute that to the treatment not anything else before I get the advertising agency on to me for some revitalising skin cream!
Despite that I am feeling rather good and I feel well. I have a feeling that the immunotherapy is making me feel this way and I guess it is doing me good all around as my immune system builds up to overdrive.
The strangest thing about it is that my skin feels warm and smooth (in a bloke sort of way!). Again, I can only attribute that to the treatment not anything else before I get the advertising agency on to me for some revitalising skin cream!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Selfish or Shellfish
Either way one can be inward looking and the other not come out of its shell.
I only say this because sitting downstairs on the kitchen counter is a note for my Wife to attend screening tomorrow and I didn't know until I saw it and suddenly I realised that perhaps I should ask whether she wants to be driven there and back and for me to sit in the waiting room whilst she gets the screening test.
She hasn't told me that she is going. No one has.
I feel bad about it but perhaps they don't want me to be bothered?
I, on the other hand, feel that I should know and at least offer (which I have done on a Post It Note) to drive there and back. It is the very least I can do.
I only say this because sitting downstairs on the kitchen counter is a note for my Wife to attend screening tomorrow and I didn't know until I saw it and suddenly I realised that perhaps I should ask whether she wants to be driven there and back and for me to sit in the waiting room whilst she gets the screening test.
She hasn't told me that she is going. No one has.
I feel bad about it but perhaps they don't want me to be bothered?
I, on the other hand, feel that I should know and at least offer (which I have done on a Post It Note) to drive there and back. It is the very least I can do.
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