Bladder Cancer is just a memory now and I suppose I only think about things two or three times a year - normally around scope check up time (which must be due soon).
I'm just writing because someone I know is under the knife today for Bowel Cancer. He's lucky in that they've found it, it's operable and they've got him in very quickly which is great news. He wasn't looking forward to it, who does but at least they will be able to sort him out and he can move on.
I had a chat about the mind stuff and trying not to rush or push things too early on.
Life goes back to normal - it takes a while, it is all consuming at the beginning and then it all settles down and you get back to normal - whatever normal is :-)
Tuesday, May 08, 2018
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Goes the day well - another clean bill of health
Well that was good. A later appointment meant that I dosed myself up with Paracetamol and ibuprofen before heading off to the Hospital and used Arneka last night, this morning and just as I had the flexible cystoscope with another round of painkillers.
A little stinging and that's about all and an all clear again. 11 years or more now. Delighted with progress and hopefully a boost to all of those who might be starting out on the Bladder Cancer journey that there is life beyond it even though you have to carry on being checked out for the rest of your life. Very pleased with the result. Another 6 months until the next one.
A little stinging and that's about all and an all clear again. 11 years or more now. Delighted with progress and hopefully a boost to all of those who might be starting out on the Bladder Cancer journey that there is life beyond it even though you have to carry on being checked out for the rest of your life. Very pleased with the result. Another 6 months until the next one.
Friday, July 21, 2017
Sixty - Not Out
I had a few moments to myself this morning and realised that I'd not put anything on this blog for a while and I hadn't marked my "anniversary" of the 2nd July - when I first had the real presentation of my Bladder Cancer. That was 11 years ago and I turned 60 on the 4th July. July is always a bit weird anyway as the 1st in my mother's birthday, the 2nd, the day I knew something bad was happening to me, the 3rd was the day my father died (can that be 5 years ago?) and the 4th is my birthday.
I hardly even thought about it this year and that's the message of this blog post really, after a while other things will occupy your mind and you get back on with life and living. I'm really quite lucky, I've moved into a lovely house in the country and have fields all around me, sheep grazing in the field at the back. I've got my health back, I'm happy and whilst I still work, I don't have to knock myself out to do that either.
We went away for my birthday to somewhere I've always wanted to go. Here is a picture of the view from the Hotel we stayed at - and no, it's not Photoshopped or doctored in any way. It's in Wales and I could tell you whereabouts but afterwards, I'd have to shoot you :-)
I hardly even thought about it this year and that's the message of this blog post really, after a while other things will occupy your mind and you get back on with life and living. I'm really quite lucky, I've moved into a lovely house in the country and have fields all around me, sheep grazing in the field at the back. I've got my health back, I'm happy and whilst I still work, I don't have to knock myself out to do that either.
We went away for my birthday to somewhere I've always wanted to go. Here is a picture of the view from the Hotel we stayed at - and no, it's not Photoshopped or doctored in any way. It's in Wales and I could tell you whereabouts but afterwards, I'd have to shoot you :-)
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Clearly a Delay - but still ALL Clear
It's always great to hear your Consultant saying "good, good, that's good... Yes, All clear!" However the last time I heard that was, surprisingly, in January 2016.... That's the last time when I had to go in for a potential biopsy only to be told that after they'd knocked me out there was nothing there.
It was only a week or so ago that it dawned on me that I hadn't heard from the Hospital and so I rang them yesterday to firstly let them know that I was moving (at long last my partner and I are moving out to a semi rural house). I then just happened to mention that I'd not heard anything about having a flexible cystoscopy. They rang back within the hour and offered me an 8:15 a.m. appointment so I was a little shocked at that as believe me we are in chaos packing up the contents of two houses and trying to make them fit into one!
It was all very good, I got there early and parked, had lots of water - perhaps 2 pints by the time I walked in and was seen straight away with an apology for the delay.
My consultant wanted to know if I wanted to transfer away to a nearer hospital but I declined as I know and trust my Consultant.
The main thing is all is clear and I'll be seen again in 6 months.
It was only a week or so ago that it dawned on me that I hadn't heard from the Hospital and so I rang them yesterday to firstly let them know that I was moving (at long last my partner and I are moving out to a semi rural house). I then just happened to mention that I'd not heard anything about having a flexible cystoscopy. They rang back within the hour and offered me an 8:15 a.m. appointment so I was a little shocked at that as believe me we are in chaos packing up the contents of two houses and trying to make them fit into one!
It was all very good, I got there early and parked, had lots of water - perhaps 2 pints by the time I walked in and was seen straight away with an apology for the delay.
My consultant wanted to know if I wanted to transfer away to a nearer hospital but I declined as I know and trust my Consultant.
The main thing is all is clear and I'll be seen again in 6 months.
Saturday, July 02, 2016
Hard to Believe - TEN years today
Ten years ago today I presented with the classic symptoms of Bladder Cancer and my life changed forever.
Within weeks I had life saving surgery and within that first year I had been scanned and had a second duplicate operation. I didn't think that I'd make ten years but hoped for five. I was concerned that I'd not see my children grow up, Graduate and go on to live their life as adults. I hadn't really thought then that I'd lose my marriage but it gradually crept up on me and now I'm almost divorced.
However, I'm here, alive, living in a post Cancer world and I'm in pretty good health. I'd like to be slimmer and fitter than I am at the moment and I'm back on course to lose the weight I've piled on this past two or three years since I left the marital home and setup on my own.
To anyone who is newly diagnosed or perhaps in their first or second year of treatment - it gets better and the intrusion on your life gets less. I hardly think about having had Cancer these day unless a song, film or TV Programme remind me. I still have six monthly check ups and as recently as January this year have had to have an operation to investigate a red mark in my bladder - the third such false positive I've had. Of course, the main thing is that as upsetting as these things are, it is better to have the operation to remove all doubt than to suffer a relapse. I've forgotten how many operations I've had in ten years - I'm going to estimate it at around 12 or 14. I've had BCG treatments and think that they are around the 24 to 32 mark. With the other procedures we are talking a long time attending hospital and waiting around or just lying down recovering.
The fallout from the treatment was probably the worst of it all. Even today I'm still tired and can drop to sleep in an instant. There's no doubt that the treatment is exhausting but if you think that they were using the body's own defence mechanisms to fight the cancer it is perhaps understandable.
I finally feel that I'm mentally on the right track too these days. For the past three years I've been in a much better place. A lot of that is to do with my attitude to everything and I think after I read Eckhart Tolle's 'A New Earth' it helped me to get rid of the emotional and head baggage I carried around all the time. I don't have that weight on me anymore. It takes a little doing but I no longer carry around any of the 'problems' I used to have. I have a clear head which is great. There's nothing for my mind to chew over and get wound up about. I don't worry about the past or the future. The past is over, the future hasn't happened and the only place to live is here (in the Now).
I'm grateful to the medical professionals who treated me and to everyone who supported me. I' delighted that the blog might is some small way help. Here's to the next 10 years and lets hope continued health and well-being.
Regrets? Yes well my marriage - my Ex really looked after me and held it all together and all I did was walk out on her but there's more to that than I want to say here. It's all amicable (as these things can be) and after almost three years things get back to 'normal' whatever you perceive normal to be.
So ten years on, I'm here where some of my friends and my father are not, in their cases their cancers were aggressive and not operable or treatable. The advances in treatment though are impressive, let's hope that continues and more people recover or are cured altogether.
Life after cancer? You bet, things are great. I hope within the year to have moved from rented accommodation to owning a place somewhere semi-rural away from all the hustle and bustle where nature is right at your doorstep and I can enjoy the life I've now got back. What good is it if you survive and don't take full advantage of the life you've been given back?
There's hope, there's light at the end of the tunnel. You must do your bit too and work with your medical team. You'll have to sort your own head out - they don't do that. If anything over the ten years it was the head f*** that I had the problems with. In the UK there really isn't much to help you (or there wasn't ten years ago). It's a hell of a roller coaster ride and after ten years it's just about stopped apart from twice a year when I go to get checked out - these "judgement days" (Thanks for naming our flexible cystoscopies that Steve Kelley). It is the only time that I think about the possibility of recurrence which, given ten years after presenting with cancer is a remote possibility. The longer you go without a recurrence the better chance you have of full recovery.
Life's good....
Within weeks I had life saving surgery and within that first year I had been scanned and had a second duplicate operation. I didn't think that I'd make ten years but hoped for five. I was concerned that I'd not see my children grow up, Graduate and go on to live their life as adults. I hadn't really thought then that I'd lose my marriage but it gradually crept up on me and now I'm almost divorced.
However, I'm here, alive, living in a post Cancer world and I'm in pretty good health. I'd like to be slimmer and fitter than I am at the moment and I'm back on course to lose the weight I've piled on this past two or three years since I left the marital home and setup on my own.
To anyone who is newly diagnosed or perhaps in their first or second year of treatment - it gets better and the intrusion on your life gets less. I hardly think about having had Cancer these day unless a song, film or TV Programme remind me. I still have six monthly check ups and as recently as January this year have had to have an operation to investigate a red mark in my bladder - the third such false positive I've had. Of course, the main thing is that as upsetting as these things are, it is better to have the operation to remove all doubt than to suffer a relapse. I've forgotten how many operations I've had in ten years - I'm going to estimate it at around 12 or 14. I've had BCG treatments and think that they are around the 24 to 32 mark. With the other procedures we are talking a long time attending hospital and waiting around or just lying down recovering.
The fallout from the treatment was probably the worst of it all. Even today I'm still tired and can drop to sleep in an instant. There's no doubt that the treatment is exhausting but if you think that they were using the body's own defence mechanisms to fight the cancer it is perhaps understandable.
I finally feel that I'm mentally on the right track too these days. For the past three years I've been in a much better place. A lot of that is to do with my attitude to everything and I think after I read Eckhart Tolle's 'A New Earth' it helped me to get rid of the emotional and head baggage I carried around all the time. I don't have that weight on me anymore. It takes a little doing but I no longer carry around any of the 'problems' I used to have. I have a clear head which is great. There's nothing for my mind to chew over and get wound up about. I don't worry about the past or the future. The past is over, the future hasn't happened and the only place to live is here (in the Now).
I'm grateful to the medical professionals who treated me and to everyone who supported me. I' delighted that the blog might is some small way help. Here's to the next 10 years and lets hope continued health and well-being.
Regrets? Yes well my marriage - my Ex really looked after me and held it all together and all I did was walk out on her but there's more to that than I want to say here. It's all amicable (as these things can be) and after almost three years things get back to 'normal' whatever you perceive normal to be.
So ten years on, I'm here where some of my friends and my father are not, in their cases their cancers were aggressive and not operable or treatable. The advances in treatment though are impressive, let's hope that continues and more people recover or are cured altogether.
Life after cancer? You bet, things are great. I hope within the year to have moved from rented accommodation to owning a place somewhere semi-rural away from all the hustle and bustle where nature is right at your doorstep and I can enjoy the life I've now got back. What good is it if you survive and don't take full advantage of the life you've been given back?
There's hope, there's light at the end of the tunnel. You must do your bit too and work with your medical team. You'll have to sort your own head out - they don't do that. If anything over the ten years it was the head f*** that I had the problems with. In the UK there really isn't much to help you (or there wasn't ten years ago). It's a hell of a roller coaster ride and after ten years it's just about stopped apart from twice a year when I go to get checked out - these "judgement days" (Thanks for naming our flexible cystoscopies that Steve Kelley). It is the only time that I think about the possibility of recurrence which, given ten years after presenting with cancer is a remote possibility. The longer you go without a recurrence the better chance you have of full recovery.
Life's good....
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Cancer - Some interesting information
I know that Mercola isn't everyone's "cup of tea" but there are some real nuggets of information that come out and this one about Cancer really struck my eye today. There is a piece right at the bottom about what sugar does.
It's time we started taking the advice about sugar seriously. A recent report here in the UK looked at some of the sugar content of over the counter drinks - they were frightening with sometimes up to 20 teaspoons of sugar in a soft drink...
Could it be that carbohydrates really are the bad guys?
It's time we started taking the advice about sugar seriously. A recent report here in the UK looked at some of the sugar content of over the counter drinks - they were frightening with sometimes up to 20 teaspoons of sugar in a soft drink...
Could it be that carbohydrates really are the bad guys?
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
ALL CLEAR - Third False Positive - Blood Pressure Normal - What Can I Say?
Pleased but what a horrible couple of weeks. My Blood Pressure was truly off the scale even after medication but (not surprisingly) as they tested me post operation was back down to more reasonable and acceptable levels. The nurses were suitably impressed. I hope that stays like that so I can show my GP in a weeks time.
The cannula was put in at my wrist which means I can't actually wear my watch at the moment :-) The Day Unit was perhaps the best environment I've been to - you walk to Theatre and I kind of realised that all was OK as I was coming around quite fast. My Consultant told me that she couldn't see the red patch she had seen at the Flexible Cystoscopy in December.
That's the good news from all of this - it's still clear, has been clear for years despite now three of these false positives. Maybe we need to "manage" these better as the cost of an Operation must be more than of a Flexible Cystoscopy and perhaps if they see a red patch again they can follow up in a few weeks. Perhaps I need not empty my bladder so fully - I still believe the scope enters the bladder and hits the bladder wall making these red marks.
I can do without having Operations of course but - at least the outcome is positive. That's the main thing.
For now I'm continuing the Baking Soda/Bicarbonate of Soda once a day. I'm keeping away from Carbohydrates and I'm back on my no beer regime :-( well infrequent beer regime. It's quite interesting drinking water most of the time :-) I've also dropped off nearly all Carbohydrates in my food - the weight is beginning to fall off. So that's no potatoes, pasta, processed foods, no root vegetables, no cakes, pastries, sweets, beer, biscuits and so on. I am ashamed to say that in the last 2 years I've put back all of the weight I lost and so I need to start again and this time keep on it for good - my Blood Pressure and overall health are, after all, important to me and just tweaking my lifestyle isn't too much of "an ask".
Anyway, clear, phew, scary as shit to have thought it might have come back again but perhaps the shot across the bows I needed to halt my eating and drinking the wrong stuff?
The cannula was put in at my wrist which means I can't actually wear my watch at the moment :-) The Day Unit was perhaps the best environment I've been to - you walk to Theatre and I kind of realised that all was OK as I was coming around quite fast. My Consultant told me that she couldn't see the red patch she had seen at the Flexible Cystoscopy in December.
That's the good news from all of this - it's still clear, has been clear for years despite now three of these false positives. Maybe we need to "manage" these better as the cost of an Operation must be more than of a Flexible Cystoscopy and perhaps if they see a red patch again they can follow up in a few weeks. Perhaps I need not empty my bladder so fully - I still believe the scope enters the bladder and hits the bladder wall making these red marks.
I can do without having Operations of course but - at least the outcome is positive. That's the main thing.
For now I'm continuing the Baking Soda/Bicarbonate of Soda once a day. I'm keeping away from Carbohydrates and I'm back on my no beer regime :-( well infrequent beer regime. It's quite interesting drinking water most of the time :-) I've also dropped off nearly all Carbohydrates in my food - the weight is beginning to fall off. So that's no potatoes, pasta, processed foods, no root vegetables, no cakes, pastries, sweets, beer, biscuits and so on. I am ashamed to say that in the last 2 years I've put back all of the weight I lost and so I need to start again and this time keep on it for good - my Blood Pressure and overall health are, after all, important to me and just tweaking my lifestyle isn't too much of "an ask".
Anyway, clear, phew, scary as shit to have thought it might have come back again but perhaps the shot across the bows I needed to halt my eating and drinking the wrong stuff?
Monday, January 25, 2016
Ten Minutes to the Off
Ten minutes until we head off to Hospital. After the pre-assessment pointed out I had high Blood Pressure I had to arrange to get meds to sort that out and got a new Doctor in the process - one I actually like - he is serious and humorous at the same time if that is possible.
Anyway - here we go again - a Rigid Cystoscopy to see what the 'Re Mark' actually is - not long to wait to find out....
Anyway - here we go again - a Rigid Cystoscopy to see what the 'Re Mark' actually is - not long to wait to find out....
Tuesday, January 05, 2016
Assessment and Operation Days set
OK so I have to go to the Pre-assessment this Thursday at 3. Of course it is in the Hospital with no real Car Park! How can they have rebuilt it with less car parking? The operation is scheduled for the 25th January and a start time of 07:30 and you can bet that I'm going to get this checked this time as the last two times as well as on other occasions I've been there and not had the procedure until the late afternoon all under 'nil by mouth' conditions. I'm not having that again as it is just stupid to dehydrate someone who actually needs to get passing liquids through them as soon as possible after the procedure!
I'm glad that the Cytology is all clear - that bodes well for the operation and any biopsies they may take.
I'm glad that the Cytology is all clear - that bodes well for the operation and any biopsies they may take.
Friday, December 18, 2015
Mixed Results
Now this has happened before so I'm not overly concerned apart from the whole going back through the procedure all over again.
The mixed results are that the Cytology shows all clear, yet the Cystoscopy shows a small red mark although everywhere else is clear. Upshot is an operation in the New Year for a biopsy to be taken. It has happened twice before when they operated they found nothing there so let's hope that is what they find this time. Still let's be upbeat about this they don't take chances and even though it is uncomfortable it is far better than the alternative.....
The mixed results are that the Cytology shows all clear, yet the Cystoscopy shows a small red mark although everywhere else is clear. Upshot is an operation in the New Year for a biopsy to be taken. It has happened twice before when they operated they found nothing there so let's hope that is what they find this time. Still let's be upbeat about this they don't take chances and even though it is uncomfortable it is far better than the alternative.....
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Judgement Day
That was nice, got a call to book the appointment although they then changed the date but an early one this time 08:15 and back at the Private Hospital as the equipment isn't working at Beckenham Beacon and so it is Shirley HIlls which means I can get parked and it is nicer so I feel a lot less stress there. I also know it will be my Consultant who will do the procedure so again, it all means that things will go smoothly.
18th December at 08:15 - here's hoping for a winning streak and another all clear.
18th December at 08:15 - here's hoping for a winning streak and another all clear.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Where's all the time gone?
It's been a long time since I wrote here. All is well, I feel good and I'm getting on with my life. Today, for the first time in a very long time, I felt all tearful for no reason whatsoever. It was very strange indeed and whilst I had a reminder about how ill I looked some years back :-) that was a few weeks ago. I don't think much about my past problems at all these days. It hasn't gone away, it's just that I don't dwell on it any more.
So I wandered back over to here to report the strange occurrence - which I have to say took me back somewhat as this hasn't happened for a couple of years. Of course then I realised that I'm away this weekend and it's around 2 years ago that I separated from Mrs. F. How time flies. Is it to do with that old life I finally broke away from I wonder?
So I wandered back over to here to report the strange occurrence - which I have to say took me back somewhat as this hasn't happened for a couple of years. Of course then I realised that I'm away this weekend and it's around 2 years ago that I separated from Mrs. F. How time flies. Is it to do with that old life I finally broke away from I wonder?
Tuesday, July 07, 2015
I missed that
For the first time in a long time I've realised that I'd forgotten the date that I first showed signs of Bladder Cancer (it was the 2nd July I remember that). I think that I'm now getting to that tipping point where current things are more important than the past and I am beginning to forget the past and leave it behind me.
I remember every now and then of course I do when I hear someone else talking about their own problems I remember mine for example but it isn't holding me back any longer and neither is it guiding my future like it did.
I suppose I could go and look it up and see what year it was or I could calculate it but frankly - I'm not bothered to do it - it isn't really important. What IS important is that I am still here, I survived and I am going forwards and I'm still in reasonable health I like to think.
Friday, May 29, 2015
All Clear Once Again - Delighted With Progress
It is amazing to think that It's been almost 9 years since I was diagnosed. I went back today to that same Hospital (the first time since) and I'm delighted to say that once again my flexible cystoscopy was all clear. That's just great news and must be 7 years since the last signs (despite the two false positives resulting in operations that found nothing).
So it's all continuing to look good and long may that continue.
So it's all continuing to look good and long may that continue.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Surprised that it's been so long
My word, it's been 3 months since my last posting here. To say I've been somewhat busy is an understatement but life's changed (again) and I'm fully occupied on a few projects and that's OK.
Within the next few weeks things should change once again and I can set course on a new direction. I'm perfectly healthy and feel great but losing a few friends this year has been difficult as it "wakes me up" to realise how lucky I've been myself and that I'm still here. They were not so lucky, if indeed luck has anything to do with it.....
Within the next few weeks things should change once again and I can set course on a new direction. I'm perfectly healthy and feel great but losing a few friends this year has been difficult as it "wakes me up" to realise how lucky I've been myself and that I'm still here. They were not so lucky, if indeed luck has anything to do with it.....
Friday, January 30, 2015
Is It Really That Long? Anniversary and a Sad Day
It is 1 year and 2 days since I moved out of the old house. I didn't think I'd be here for a year but here I am and there's little chance of moving on as the house fell through just before Christmas and we have to start all over again. With my stuff in storage my finances become stretched but there you go.
The business www.unlockmypast.com is now launched and I've been doing real work this week on Cine and VHS conversions plus some photo scanning so that's great.
Yesterday was not so great as a friend lost his battle with Bile Duct Cancer. Just 48 years old and a lovely, beautiful man he was too. It's somehow unfair that the "good guys" tend to get ill and die.
In other news after a 6 year battle in one case and a 5 year battle in another and a 1 year battle - I finally got the bank to change all three accounts (and link them together). You cannot believe the utter utter nonsense I've gone through with this. I've one person left 6 years ago and they are still sending stuff to him. Another one died and "No, I'm sorry I can't get him to sign the mandate to change". I've been awfully patient as the call centre chap said to me. Of course, it makes me angry but it's no use getting all upset with these things any more. All I do now is take a breath and just keep it friendly and level tempered and finally I got the results needed.
My health is good and I would though rather have been looking to move to my own place soon. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen and renting is expensive so I could do with getting that sorted out.
I hope that I can attract some more business but as usual it is difficult to do sales and operate the equipment at the same time so life is busy for sure. It's nice to get some work under my belt though and I feel I've really achieved something this week.
I hope my next blog is a little sooner than a month like this one! :-)
The business www.unlockmypast.com is now launched and I've been doing real work this week on Cine and VHS conversions plus some photo scanning so that's great.
Yesterday was not so great as a friend lost his battle with Bile Duct Cancer. Just 48 years old and a lovely, beautiful man he was too. It's somehow unfair that the "good guys" tend to get ill and die.
In other news after a 6 year battle in one case and a 5 year battle in another and a 1 year battle - I finally got the bank to change all three accounts (and link them together). You cannot believe the utter utter nonsense I've gone through with this. I've one person left 6 years ago and they are still sending stuff to him. Another one died and "No, I'm sorry I can't get him to sign the mandate to change". I've been awfully patient as the call centre chap said to me. Of course, it makes me angry but it's no use getting all upset with these things any more. All I do now is take a breath and just keep it friendly and level tempered and finally I got the results needed.
My health is good and I would though rather have been looking to move to my own place soon. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen and renting is expensive so I could do with getting that sorted out.
I hope that I can attract some more business but as usual it is difficult to do sales and operate the equipment at the same time so life is busy for sure. It's nice to get some work under my belt though and I feel I've really achieved something this week.
I hope my next blog is a little sooner than a month like this one! :-)
Monday, December 22, 2014
Christmas In A Box
I think I've done my usual this year and got everything delivered to me. I don't get the "attraction" of pounding around crowded shops to buy your Christmas Gifts when someone has set up a business that allows me to see what I want from the comfort of my own home and allows me to have Christmas come to me, including all the food too.
Today, the food arrives and the last of the presents (I hope). I am looking forward to symbolically turning the corner and getting aligned for 2015. I've given over this year and rightly so. It's time to chill out and relax and then to be ready for 2015 and moving things onwards.
Of course the 1st January is a day just like any other day but you can use it to make changes I think and from that point of view it will help to get rid of the old and bring in the new.
I did find last year quite a strain and it was all a bit "put on" as I knew what was happening even if half the people didn't! New Year was horrible but this year it will be better even though I'm not "in my own home" as this place is a halfway house not a home.
So here it comes, Christmas in a box and we have a couple of things to do and then we can press on and tackle 2015.
Today, the food arrives and the last of the presents (I hope). I am looking forward to symbolically turning the corner and getting aligned for 2015. I've given over this year and rightly so. It's time to chill out and relax and then to be ready for 2015 and moving things onwards.
Of course the 1st January is a day just like any other day but you can use it to make changes I think and from that point of view it will help to get rid of the old and bring in the new.
I did find last year quite a strain and it was all a bit "put on" as I knew what was happening even if half the people didn't! New Year was horrible but this year it will be better even though I'm not "in my own home" as this place is a halfway house not a home.
So here it comes, Christmas in a box and we have a couple of things to do and then we can press on and tackle 2015.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Still Around
Well - that's over a month without posting here. I guess there isn't a lot to say as I'm busy launching the business. Other people are busy having their own fight against Cancer and me? I'm doing fine, getting on with life and things are happening but altogether slowly at the moment.
The house sale fell through and I ended up with all my stuff in storage and so I'm hemorrhaging cash at the moment until the house gets sold. I'll have been here a year next month and that doesn't seem quite possible but there you go - a year ago I was hunting for a flat.
Christmas will be with P and her family which will be nice. Looking forward to that and New Year we are off to a Hootenanny which once again I'm seriously looking forward to.
Next year is going to be different, I can feel it in my bones. I just need to get my head around the business and move on - it's not difficult to do that it is however fragmented as the odds and ends that need tidying up get sorted out. The segways they take you on sometimes hardly seem worth the immense effort expended (yes I'm talking to you HMRC).
The house sale fell through and I ended up with all my stuff in storage and so I'm hemorrhaging cash at the moment until the house gets sold. I'll have been here a year next month and that doesn't seem quite possible but there you go - a year ago I was hunting for a flat.
Christmas will be with P and her family which will be nice. Looking forward to that and New Year we are off to a Hootenanny which once again I'm seriously looking forward to.
Next year is going to be different, I can feel it in my bones. I just need to get my head around the business and move on - it's not difficult to do that it is however fragmented as the odds and ends that need tidying up get sorted out. The segways they take you on sometimes hardly seem worth the immense effort expended (yes I'm talking to you HMRC).
Thursday, November 13, 2014
And Another
It seems to be a bad year as another friend has Cancer and this time it's Prostate and needs an operation. I wonder if that's why P was worried about me - I was sitting down and in my own little world and flashing back to everything that happened to me and then trying to imagine what my friends will have to go through.
You so quickly forget what it was like and I think the mind/brain is very good at locking this stuff out but when you go back and dip in you remember the frightening bits, the worry, the discomfort (for they have stuff for pain), the re-living of all those whom you've known have Cancer and the good and bad bits of course. You can't actually be human if you don't actually know someone who has suffered from, is being treated for or has died of Cancer.
So this week's been very strange for me as I've remembered things (no doubt recorded in the early parts of this blog) that I'd suppressed and hidden. Having been through (I think) it is 11 or 12 operations with Bladder Cancer and about the same number with my ear problems when I was a kid it I can relate to what is going to happen to my friend and my other friend having Chemo I can understand his dilemma too, I think I had 36 Immunotherapy treatments. I can't now recall how I felt at the time as my head has destroyed it. I can read about it but I don't actually relive the experience and that's so strange.
Operations and treatments are intensely personal experiences and you live through them and sometimes they aren't what you were expecting and whilst I was pretty grossed out to have tubes in and out of my body and all sorts of strange things shoved into me it was necessary and my medical team were there to heal me and get rid of the Cancer. The treatments I recall were in many ways worse than the operation to remove the tumours.
The operation is over and done with and you wake up with the work done whilst you weren't awake. Sure you feel groggy as hell and you have sufficient pain killers to make sure you don't feel bad and you can always ask for more etc. Treatments tend to be done whilst awake and come one after the other meaning just as you recover from one, you feel great for a day before they treat you again and you go back to feeling rough again. I likened it being kicked in the balls once a week for six weeks. Just as you got over one you went back and started all over again.
Yes it's been a strange week remembering my history of operations and treatments but having said that it was uncomfortable and if you've read some of the earlier stuff you'll know that it's no easy ride and it isn't for wimps. I was a wimp to start with but I wanted to be cured and I wanted to live. I was determined to see the treatment through and trusted in my consultant and the team (with a few documented exceptions).
Overridingly though, I'm still here and it's got to be 8 years and around 6 years clear. Every minute, hour and day takes me into longer being clear, less likelihood of recurrence and a fitter healthier life.
I've now a new lady in my life and life is really exciting again. It's a little rocky as we've both got baggage but who wouldn't have after 50 years on the Earth :-) I can see a life ahead of me that I wouldn't have had had it not been for the dedication of my health team and the care I was given.
It's a rocky road and your head interferes and messes with your senses and the little voice in your head tries to depress you but don't listen to all that. Today's techniques and drugs and more of us living through Cancer should be encouragement.
I was re-reading a book the other day and it reminded me that Cancer cannot survive in alkaline and sugar free environments. I do need to go "eat my own dog food" though as I haven't been adhering to my diet for the past 6 months and I must get back to it.
Good luck to my friends in their treatment though. The big lesson from being under the NHS was that it is a wonderful organisation but it moves at its own speed you cannot rush it. Likewise it takes longer than you think to recover and get "back to normal" so don't try to rush it and don't do what I did by rushing back to exercise and putting myself back weeks.
You so quickly forget what it was like and I think the mind/brain is very good at locking this stuff out but when you go back and dip in you remember the frightening bits, the worry, the discomfort (for they have stuff for pain), the re-living of all those whom you've known have Cancer and the good and bad bits of course. You can't actually be human if you don't actually know someone who has suffered from, is being treated for or has died of Cancer.
So this week's been very strange for me as I've remembered things (no doubt recorded in the early parts of this blog) that I'd suppressed and hidden. Having been through (I think) it is 11 or 12 operations with Bladder Cancer and about the same number with my ear problems when I was a kid it I can relate to what is going to happen to my friend and my other friend having Chemo I can understand his dilemma too, I think I had 36 Immunotherapy treatments. I can't now recall how I felt at the time as my head has destroyed it. I can read about it but I don't actually relive the experience and that's so strange.
Operations and treatments are intensely personal experiences and you live through them and sometimes they aren't what you were expecting and whilst I was pretty grossed out to have tubes in and out of my body and all sorts of strange things shoved into me it was necessary and my medical team were there to heal me and get rid of the Cancer. The treatments I recall were in many ways worse than the operation to remove the tumours.
The operation is over and done with and you wake up with the work done whilst you weren't awake. Sure you feel groggy as hell and you have sufficient pain killers to make sure you don't feel bad and you can always ask for more etc. Treatments tend to be done whilst awake and come one after the other meaning just as you recover from one, you feel great for a day before they treat you again and you go back to feeling rough again. I likened it being kicked in the balls once a week for six weeks. Just as you got over one you went back and started all over again.
Yes it's been a strange week remembering my history of operations and treatments but having said that it was uncomfortable and if you've read some of the earlier stuff you'll know that it's no easy ride and it isn't for wimps. I was a wimp to start with but I wanted to be cured and I wanted to live. I was determined to see the treatment through and trusted in my consultant and the team (with a few documented exceptions).
Overridingly though, I'm still here and it's got to be 8 years and around 6 years clear. Every minute, hour and day takes me into longer being clear, less likelihood of recurrence and a fitter healthier life.
I've now a new lady in my life and life is really exciting again. It's a little rocky as we've both got baggage but who wouldn't have after 50 years on the Earth :-) I can see a life ahead of me that I wouldn't have had had it not been for the dedication of my health team and the care I was given.
It's a rocky road and your head interferes and messes with your senses and the little voice in your head tries to depress you but don't listen to all that. Today's techniques and drugs and more of us living through Cancer should be encouragement.
I was re-reading a book the other day and it reminded me that Cancer cannot survive in alkaline and sugar free environments. I do need to go "eat my own dog food" though as I haven't been adhering to my diet for the past 6 months and I must get back to it.
Good luck to my friends in their treatment though. The big lesson from being under the NHS was that it is a wonderful organisation but it moves at its own speed you cannot rush it. Likewise it takes longer than you think to recover and get "back to normal" so don't try to rush it and don't do what I did by rushing back to exercise and putting myself back weeks.
Friday, November 07, 2014
Then a Friend Gets Cancer
And it all comes flooding back and no matter how hard you try it affects you. My friend has Bile Duct Cancer and needs chemotherapy before they can do anything. It's not a great situation especially as they told him he didn't have cancer and then changed their minds....
He's a lot younger than I was when I got Bladder Cancer. I had a chat with him earlier in the week and he's in good spirits and we chatted generally about treatment, time taken to get things done and his pain management. I was suggesting that he might like to get some soups and the like in as may not actually feel like eating after treatment. Let's hope he does OK and everything works out. As he is young they (the professionals) are throwing the book at him.
It's made me feel quite strange this week. Bile Duct is quite a rare Cancer and so let's hope that they sort him out. The worst part is his brother died just a month or two back of a brain tumour. He had to go tell his dad that he had cancer. How awful.
He's a lot younger than I was when I got Bladder Cancer. I had a chat with him earlier in the week and he's in good spirits and we chatted generally about treatment, time taken to get things done and his pain management. I was suggesting that he might like to get some soups and the like in as may not actually feel like eating after treatment. Let's hope he does OK and everything works out. As he is young they (the professionals) are throwing the book at him.
It's made me feel quite strange this week. Bile Duct is quite a rare Cancer and so let's hope that they sort him out. The worst part is his brother died just a month or two back of a brain tumour. He had to go tell his dad that he had cancer. How awful.
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