It was a strange chat I had with my Doctor - you see I hardly ever go to my doctor - I actually have to be ill and I have to have had a chance to get over it. So for around 30 years I really didn't go to the doctor as I wasn't really ill. My doctor told me that around 80% of the people they see are well, to put it bluntly, somewhat Hypochondriacs and that the see them a lot some every few weeks. Of course there are some who are ill ill.
Here's a damn good reason to go to the doctors HERE this is Chris Evans and his story is very typical of today's cancer stories and I like the way this is written. He's well known in the UK - not sure about elsewhere in the world but in a way this is the sort of story that makes people think and let's hope that he has saved a few lives with this particular story.
I'm reflecting on my father's choice of words about having treatment or an operation and saying he won't unless it isn't intrusive (the operation) - I have no idea what the specification is for treatment though. He finds out this Thursday and I hope that it is something he can cope with. I understand that treatment may be daunting but reading that article I'd also be aware of what not having treatment can do too.
My own treatment was challenging but I am sure that other treatments are far more challenging. I remember that I did put myself in a state of mind to receive them, that it was a positive step forward and that it was going to make me better. The side effects were not reflective of the efficacy of the effectiveness of the treatment (apparently) well you could have kidded me :-) Some of the reactions were bad and physically took a fair toll but I'm here and I lived to tell the tale. That's the result - if I hadn't of had the treatment or the operation - I'd be dead. That didn't fit my plans at all. No Sir, that wouldn't have done. I think myself quite a lucky guy really. I kind of wished I knew what I know now when I was in my late teens as perhaps I'd have not lived the life I did for many years. I didn't go the whole hog and do drugs or anything like that - neither was I a soak but I did enjoy a beer and a cigar and I worked like mad to build a certain lifestyle and it bloody near killed me!!!
Anyway - I find myself quite upset at the moment with my dad's status and his reaction to it. He just sounds negative and that's not what I expected really. The weekend with the family down for the party was also a bit of a hard time. They are great and turn up from afar and then ask where my mum and dad and my brother and his family are? I make excuses about not travelling well and all that, it's hard and I can see them looking slightly askew and wondering why that should be. I felt bad for not having been up to see my Dad but I'll arrange to pop in on the way to my cousin's birthday party next month which again they are not going to.
I'm not certain how all of that will go really. We don't really talk about me being ill. My mum and I talk a bit about it but I've tried not to overdo it and of course you can tell sometimes when you say too much or give away some of the "pain". In fact, it is strange that this blog has far more detail in it than even my close family know. I certainly wouldn't have made too much of a fuss but I know a couple of times after my BCG treatments they would have seen me not looking my best and some of the photos of me early on when I was ill look as if I've been photographed in black and white whilst everyone around me is in glorious technicolour.
In fact the one thing that I feel these days is sadness that I upset so many people around me through being ill. They must have also gone through some sort of worry about how ill I was. When I think of their feelings it really churns me up. I don't feel sorry for myself that much but I feel sorry for those whom I frightened with my illness. It seems a strange way of thinking but there you go.
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